I am a happily married man, fortunate to have discovered years ago that I have a preference for panties. I start each day by slipping on a pair of ‘women’s’ underwear, that I find to be more comfortable than nearly any made for men.
My preference developed quite naturally, without any of the kinkiness or perversions some might imagine. As a teen in the mid-1970′s, I preferred men’s bikini underwear styles, in nylon fabric, and a range of colors including pink and red, that some would have viewed as too feminine for a boy. The underwear I chose to wear back then were an alternative to the unattractive, ill-fitting white ‘jockey’ underwear, with the useless fly front that were considered more socially acceptable. I was teased by other boys who saw what I was wearing in the high school locker room, and some bullied me with gay epithets (a word, phrase, or expression used invectively as a term of abuse or contempt). A person’s choice of any clothing – including undergarments of course – have nothing to do with sexual orientation.
During my college years, I only wore what were considered ‘fashion’ men’s underwear; typically styles and fabrics that others would have disapproved of because they often didn’t “look manly, or what men’s underwear, where supposed to look like.” What they didn’t know, and never had a chance to appreciate was my girlfriends, and later my wife seemed to like what I wore, and complimented me on my choices.
Fashion men’s underwear, and panties for men (sometimes called ‘manties’) that many still consider to be racy styles and fabrics too feminine-looking for a man, or worse, gay, now available on sites like BodyAware and XDress are a nice alternative, but they can be expensive. (XDress does have a very thoughtful, well written blog for men who wear panties and their products; recommended reading.)
I purchased and wore various ‘girly’ men’s underwear for years. Then one day while on a business trip in 2003, as I bravely ventured into the intimates section of a Target store by myself, I discovered that the seamless, black Gilligan O’Malley bikini panties (a Target brand) were nearly identical to the men’s underwear I preferred. I made my first panty purchase that day.
Wearing them at home, in the presence of my wife, I was a bit self-conscious at first. But my first panties were so unisex in their design, I don’t know that my wife even noticed. For a while, I only wore women’s panties occasionally, embarrassed in my own mind I suppose, that I was wearing something men weren’t supposed to wear. Eventually, I became more daring in the selections of women’s underwear I wore. It was a gradual process, and for a long time I shied away from panties that were too sheer, or had bows or lace trim, staying with designs that I thought might pass for the bikini style men’s underwear my wife was used to seeing me in. At first, more feminine-looking styles made me self-conscious, even though I was the only one who knew what I was wearing under my ‘gender-appropriate’ attire.
When I started to wear panties that could not be mistaken for men’s underwear, ones that were prettier and more feminine, by wife did once comment that, “men don’t wear panties.” But since that clearly was not the case with me, she simply accepted my choice, and seemed to come to terms with me affinity, or if you like, fetish.
Some think of wearing panties as a fetish – there, I said it – although the definition of the word doesn’t really fit. Predilection: a tendency to think favorably of something in particular; partiality; preference, is really a more accurate definition in my mind. Some also get my predilection confused with crossdressing, but that’s wrong. Tri-Ess, is an educational, social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their partners, the spouses of married crossdressers and their families. You can of course visit the site for more information about what crossdressing means to the society, but in a nutshell, crossdressers dress to emulate femininity, clothed in dresses, stockings and bras, wearing wigs and make-up. Some really strive to pass as a woman; some are pretty attractive and convincing.
It is not my ambition or goal to emulate femininity by wearing panties, and I have no desire to wear dresses or wigs, or to otherwise make myself look like a woman. I am a very masculine man, healthy and fit. Most of the time, I’m the only one who knows what I am wearing underneath my trousers or shorts. Getting comfortable with wearing panties everyday has broadened my interest – and lessened my anxiety – about wearing other nondescript women’s clothing, and I occasionally wear shorts, tights or leggings, bathing suit bottoms or other outer garments made for women, provided such attire is otherwise appropriate in public. I own several camisoles and wear them like any other undershirt; a bit of lace trim the only thing that, if anyone caught a glimpse, might give me away. I’ve purchased a couple matching bra and panty sets from XDress, but since I don’t have breasts, wearing a bra seems genuinely odd and unnecessary to me; though it’s fine for those men who like them.
Over the years, I have done most of my shopping for panties by myself, in department stores or at retail stores like TJMaxx and Ross. I prefer shopping in stores, to online, since it is easier to judge which panties will be a good fit. I have no reservation or apprehension about doing so, and am bolt enough to try them on if in doubt about the fit, just as any good female shopper would be. Most sales associates are polite and accommodating, and even helpful. My wife has shopped with and for me a few times, but now, I believe she thinks shopping for, or buying any more panties for me, is ridiculous.
It pleases me that we have some matching panties, identical except for the size, or color. Panties are a very affordable alternative to men’s underwear of any description. They are much more economical, especially for someone who has purchased as many as I have, and the number of choices available is endless. Really, endless. You can select from different colors, prints, fabrics, bikinis, thongs, briefs, boy shorts; the list goes on, and on. Early on, back when I hadn’t gotten as comfortable with this aspect of my personality, and non-conforming expression of my gender, I did have a couple episodes of purging…getting rid of all my panties. I wrongly believed that by doing so I would lose my interest in wearing them. It didn’t work for me, and I don’t believe it would work for anyone, any more than conversion therapy makes gay men straight.
Even though I have come to terms, so to speak, with being a man who wears panties, it remains something that very few others know about. Many men are secretive about their preference, and some, sadly, hide it from their wife. It is a topic that fills many men with anxiety, and there remains a lot hesitation to talk openly about it, or to disclose any personal details, even with other like-minded men online. That’s pretty odd when you think about it, especially when it’s now acceptable to share so many other details about our identity and personal preferences with others.
I have shared the fact that I wear women’s underwear with a few close friends, both male and female, and have met a couple other men online. Interestingly, my half-brother, who is four years older shares a fetish for panties, although his is manifested by a collection of brief, bikini bathing suits than undies. Others probably suspect, but have never mentioned it. Today, while I haven’t ‘come out’, and don’t disclose the fact that I wear panties to many, I don’t do much to hide the obvious fact either. Again, as part of a long transition, I used to keep a couple pair of men’s underwear on hand for when I had to go to the doctor. I’ve adapted, and now wear women’s panties, but wear some that aren’t obviously made for a woman – no lace, or bows! My wife remains more anxious about someone catching a glimpse of my panties, peeking out of my waistband than I am, and reminds me when they’re showing, to avoid being embarrassed.
According to Katie and Laura, owners of Fancy Satin Panties, a stranger, or my wife’s friends seeing my panties is like my friends seeing her bare breasts: if you both agree on it, then it is okay! But she should not be telling her friends without our agreement, and I shouldn’t be either. It’s just common mutual respect. I agree with what they have written in their guide to men wearing women’s panties. It is about the most honest look at the subject as anything I have read anywhere. Unfortunately, for men and women who are genuinely curious about why men would prefer to wear panties, are trying to reconcile with the practice for their own peace of mind, or who think it’s some sort of abnormality that needs psychotherapy to deal with it (which is absurd), there’s not much to go on. Very little research exists, and there’s not much in scientific or academic literature.
Is wearing panties my kink? Do I become physically aroused by merely wearing them? Is it naughty? The simple answer – maybe, sometimes. My favorite panties are my newest panties. I can’t wait to try them on, and wear them. One of my only regrets, is that I own so many, I don’t get to wear them all, as often as I would like. As mentioned before, the variety is never ending, and I remain fascinated all the choices. Some are very practical for men, styled and cut to, shall we say, accommodate a male’s anatomy quite well. Others, like any garment, aren’t a good match for my physique. Oddly, thongs seem to be a style that is viewed with some derision where male wearers are concerned, the implication being you must be, ‘a little gay’ to wear them. Men wore thongs before women, and it terms of how when they fit to, and accommodate our anatomy, they make more sense for a man than for a woman – think about it…!
Special, sexy panties? Well, just like women may have panties for every day, and for special occasions when they want to look and feel sexier, so do I. To an extent, looking good in anything I wear is what motivates me to stay fit, and not get fat. You’d have to ask my wife, but I think I look pretty good in panties. Naturally, it is apparent – sometimes obviously apparent – that what’s in my panties is different from what’s in hers, but that’s part of what makes wearing them so much fun. And, it’s what’s left to the imagination that is most arousing. I really appreciate when she notices I am wearing something new, or hearing her say mine are cute. Just as a women may like to tease their lover, or be teased by him while wearing pretty lingerie, I think that’s nice too. It kind of stands to reason, if lingerie is made for women because men like it, why wouldn’t men who like wearing it themselves find it playful and pleasurable for their lover to take notice, and lavish some attention on them?
[All photos in this post are of me]
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