โ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. that's all i could bring myself to say... gratitude. regret. i put everything i felt into that blade. like i was channeling my soul. with every fiber of my being, i thanked him... with my ๐๐๐๐ ๐. โ
coming to terms with that you are always someone's avatar in a game, and your life isn't even your own save file. you never had one, you're a piece to be moved with strategy, a weapon. you've always been at war with the world that never loved you, that let you down, that never wanted what you were in the first place. and as hard as you fight to become a somebody, and how close it all was to your trembling fingertips... they had other plans. and once again, the future was never yours, and you always were a joke... to think someone like you, got happy endings.
it was always going to end like this.
๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. . . โฑโฑ @saburaito + all, @dallaches, @chaoskalo + all, @heartrites / @brokenfist, @egosthrall / @vantehae, @blasphematic , @byanyan + all, @queenrumi, @coastercruushed + all, @goresyard + all, @d3athwaltz + all, @biskael + all, @neomsabyeok + all, @herorank + all, @hwansaeng + all, @trixsajas + all, @florietiae, @timebastard. ๐ @hiimbo ๐
ย ย ใ #aoikiri ใ โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ก. ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ก๐. ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐. oc && crossover friendly
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ โ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐กโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐ข๐.
โงหโ๊ท๊ฆ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๊ท๊ฆ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๏ธถ๊ฆ๊ทโงโหโน
canon compliant + head canons. anime, manga, and movie canon.
please READ CARRD ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
๐๐ ๐ก๐๐๐๐๐ โ๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐ธ๐ถ๐ท๐ป
currently very low/random activity !!
blogroll: candyl0v3, horiiibe, yoobiins, tokkiroars. quanguaii
ใ คthe week had felt impossibly long, a whirlwind of creeping dread and panic that couldn't be soothed. fear for the safety of their friend had kept byan from attending school, from engaging in any of their usual activitiesโ save from going out a couple times to take their frustration and anxiety out on the faces of some shitty drunks. truly distracting themself from everything had been near impossible, and it felt wrong. nagisa wouldn't be able to block out the world and pretend nothing was happening, so it felt unfair to do so themself.
they only caught glimpses of the news. only had the vaguest idea of what was going on and what had happened. all they knew was that none of their texts or calls were getting through, and that someone was dead.
when their phone finally buzzed too many days later with a message from nagisa, they'd almost thrown up from the strange combination of relief and alarm. hurriedly, they'd grabbed their bag, shoved their phone into their pocket, and raced out the door. hadn't even bothered with doing their makeup or changing out of their sweats, just took off.
out of breath from running the whole way, the sight of nagisa's form in the distance was enough to have them maintaining their speed despite the exhaustion. the block whizzed past, and byan's eyes remained locked on the friend they felt they hadn't seen in a month.
ใ คใ ค" nagiโ "ใ คscreeching to a halt only once they reached his side, the teen proceeded to double over, trying to catch their breath. his name was all they could manage for several long moments, hands on their knees, hair hanging down over their face.ใ ค" holy... shit... โare y'... 're ya okay? "
well... what does he really say to byan about that ?? okay. he... felt okay, despite holding kayano's lifeless body. despite taking life from koro-sensei. despite..,. yanagisawa and the reaper ruining... well. everything. he loved the year, really. it was one of the most important years to his life, really gave him a reason to be around again, motivated him to be the best version of himself. a backbone. he was able to stick up to his bullies, met byan and became a lot more secure in the way he held himself too. in some ways, byan saved him a lot too.
but he was trying to avoid the obvious. no. no he wasn't okay. he was just sobbing his eyes out till his throat was raw and he felt sick nearly three days of no sleep due their infiltration, and being detained for a week before that. a whole year almost for nothing when they wanted to cut them out of the deal, practically rob them at point blank. then what would it all be for, huh ?? they lied, and the kids found out, so the tried to cut them out.
โย uhm. i'm- yeah. it's... not too bad. โ
not too bad. yeah. it was... okay ?? it was a bittersweet end, but they still made it happen on his terms. ten billion yen bumped up to thirty billion yen payout. one point one billion yen per student, nearly seven million dollars, about ten trillion and five hundred million korean won. whether he was with his cousins, stayed in japan, or went to the states... he was set for life, really. but how does he get into that, how does he just... dig it all up when it all just came to a car crash of a stop for him.
โย they paid us pretty well for the whole thing, you... wanna come inside and order some annoyingly expensive food ?? i- i'll tell you about it all. we're probably going to move from here not too long after this, think the news reporters know where we are, nowadays. โ
i need to work on things rn.... im gonna take my carrd down and edit it today, my wonderful friend @dokitm is making graphics for nagisa (you should commission pluto.... pluto is fucking wild talented)
his first instinct : that was strange . he'd never heard any sayings of wisdom like that before , but maybe it was just another difference between assassins and phantom thieves ? ever since he could remember his own family had drilled in their own various rules and commandants into his upbringing , after all : prioritize pacifism and preserve yourself above all else .
the value of a life , just as much as what various things he stole , should have been considered precious and irreplaceable . but did that mean everything had its sure place ? although he listens with wonder , h e still feels his own heart's faint hollow pang .
' that's amazing , nagisa-kun ! i'm sure you can do it ... you'd make a great teacher ! ' and he means it , he really does . it was just himself , when it came to trying to tell and choose what he wanted --- where he wished to be after a life of being a loser ... ' i don't want my life to be for nothing either ... it's just --- whenever i keep trying to think and think about what i want to do , nothing really seems possible ... '
a life as himself . a life as dark . ' maybe if i had a teacher like yours , i could ask him what to do . though , does that mean you want to be like him , too ? '
ย โ i think the most important takeaway is... uh- no. we shouldn't really be like him... he's shared with us his life too at this point and. well. he's made a lot of really bad mistakes, too. he's done a lot of things we are to learn from and... i think that's what i want to be. i want to be the person that took something from everything he set out to teach us. and be the best person i can from that knowledge. make sure what i learn this year... is worth it. โ
ย a smile settling onto his features as he spoke so fondly of the year so far, it's been a rough one with excursions that were less than savory, and people trying to take the money from under them. but it... it was nice. nice to have a calm despite the madness around them. sure they were killers, but they were killers that were getting treated better here than any adult in their lives ever cared to give them more than a side glance and a scoff.
ย โ if you ever get to meet him by chance... i think the two of you would get along, and he'd see just what i see from you, for sure. โ
ย what he saw in daisuke... he saw a really close friend to him now, someone that was able to crack his shell when he tried to keep himself shut. that... got it despite it all. and that was hard, last time he opened up to someone it was karma, and well... karma ditched on him after getting too close. too scared to give any of himself to the friends that cherished him most. but he didn't feel that here... he felt- warm...
@aoikiriย asked:โค๏ธย ย toย ย giveย ย myย ย museย ย aย ย boxย ย ofย ย chocolates.... : ) he care he. they friend.
โ LOVE IS IN THE AIR!
ย "are these for me?" tone betrays the slight shock he felt upon receiving the box of chocolates held out for him by the younger. admittedlyโธบhe didn't expect nagisa to be one for the more sappier kinds of holidays like this one. though, he supposes he doesn't know much about his little cousin. they've only recently reconnected, and even then [ ... ] he was always a quiet, shy one from what seonghwa has seen and can vaguely remember when he was much younger and they've crossed paths at family gatherings.
besides, he wasn't very good with dealing with teenagersโธบhe's never been around any, after all. it wasn't his expertise. sure, he could entertain his nephew, but a 10 year old was very different from a 16 year old. though he must be doing something right. he takes the box with a warm smile on his lips, looking it over for a moment with an approving nod. "i like chocolates, thank you, nagisa. that's very nice of you."
it's already being worked open because seonghwa is shameless and has an insatiable sweet tooth [ ... ] pulling one of the chocolates out and popping it into his mouth with eager, happy chews, enjoying the taste on his tongue. eventually, he holds the open box out for nagisa. "here, you have one too. these are so good, you have to try them yourself!"
there was always a great effort from the younger to be polite to people older than him, traditions and social norms no matter how poorly he was treated. the teachers yelled at him up and down and well, now he was in rougher situations than that at class. but seonghwa... is someone he wanted to treat with respect, someone that he cared about and meant honestly... a lot. the winter break being spent at his house since their target was also not in the area was... nice.
โ seonghwa-san... do you have a favorite flavor of chocolate ?? โ
a small bow of his head and a thank you as he offered him a bit of the gift, not wanting to be rude and turn it down. a once over of the dark chocolate piece that he grabbed, smiling and popping it into his mouth before a wider smile plastered over his features.
โ oh, this one is vannilla butter cream filled... that tastes really good . โ
warmth between the two after so long, having a connection outside of his daily roughness of his classroom was... refreshing. sure, irina was getting better to be around, and having people come in and out of helping them all was nice. but it wasn't that. it was a regular person... and a regular holiday away. a kid for this fleeting moment.
โ i- i'm not... keeping you from work, right ?? i know the holidays get really busy. i... don't mind coming with you if you need to work . โ
something changed in the fourteen year old as the government detained them for the week after they posted the news broadcast. gone. no phone, no service, their messages weren't even getting delivered to the younger. that they were held hostage, that... they were forced to fight their way to freedom, to... that it was awful. dirt under his nails with a bit of cake frosting as well... the birthday cake they tried to get up to their teacher, only for yanagisawa and the reaper to try and cut them down.
he told byan to come for his graduation, and that he was excited for it, when he said that he... didn't know what was going to trickle into a living nightmare. he almost told byan once but... backed out of it, scared karasuma would just get rid of his memories of it, and he didn't want byan in danger from any assassins either, didn't want to.. risk anything. a breath in, a breath out.
the paprazzi were crowding the school after the graduation ended, forcing their way in the doors, cameras and microphones invading the space of them all. he had texted byan for them to meet him back at his house, since they had to have a private bus take them back home so they couldn't be harassed.
sitting on the curb outside of his apartment, he was holding one of the green knives that they were equipped with, and one of the ones he used to bluff out @byanyan the first time they met. heh. he heard footsteps, knowing what byan's sounded like by now. but... he didn't look up. bending the rubber blade a bit back and forth as he was... trying to figure out where to start.
@aoikiri asked: [ ย TXT ย ] ย : ย why ย are ย you ย still ย awake? + goten
said over text!
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] new fortnite chapter and battle pass dropped so trunks wanted to play!!
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] we're still on spring break so like
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] as long as we're reaaalllyyy quiet and dont wake up bulma and vegeta we can stay up as long as we want
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] we've got all the snacks we could want!! >:)
[๐ฒ MSG: GOTEN ] well, i can't say i'm any better...
[๐ฒ MSG: GOTEN ] me and isogai have been up all night playing monster hunter world
[๐ฒ MSG: GOTEN ] we're doing the furious rajang quest and it is going... a little rocky.
[๐ฒ MSG: GOTEN ] it's our third run trying to get it done tonight... i really hope it doesn't take too much longer.
[๐ฒ MSG: GOTEN ] how much of the battle pass did you get to today ??
themes for: killing koro-sensei, the loss of a father figure in him and his abandonment of his birth father. the struggle with his own depression and suicide attempt, and his continued struggle with needing help, and murder.
i will be deleting hums, and repeat lines !!
i can't take them on my own, my own
pa, i'm not the one you know, you know
well, nagisa knew from the start he wasn't going to be able to help, so he thought, and we see in the end half of episode one that he tries to blow himself up due to cohesion from his classmates terasaka, muramatsu, and yoshida.
and at this point, he feels like he is no help to the cause, terasaka told him everyone expected him to be a murder and a killer thug anyway. that's what e-class was. and nagisa was worried about his grades, and terasaka told him that it was, 'no guts no glory', and to kill himself for the cause.
along with this, his own dad only saw him once a year for his birthday, for conveyer belt sushi. we see closer to a festival for new years that nagisa's dad was also being abused by nagisa's mom. and that he left nagisa behind with her, admitting he knew that she was hard to deal with. koro-sensei hid behind his dad to ask nagisa to go to the festival. and honestly... he was a totally different kid than his dad knew anymore. at this point, he'd known bloodlust. he'd had the run in with takaoka by now.
don't wanna call you in the nighttime
don't wanna give you all my pieces
don't wanna hand you all my trouble
don't wanna give you all my demons
you'll have to watch me struggle
from several rooms away
he didn't want to ask for help in the hard nights, he didn't want to give anyone any part of him, he was already a burden. his mom beat him every time they stood up to her. he was trouble, she slaved away for him, and he was ungrateful. struggling. everyone knew his grades were in the gutter, but he never let anyone in. ever. he still won't in classroom verses he'd rather sink than let someone know what is happening. you're just going to watch from afar as you struggle to see why such a bright kid... is doing so rough.
i am up against the wall, the wall
pa, i hear them coming down the hall
i have killed a man and all i know is
i am on the run and go
towards the end, the kids were fighting special forces government military agents to get to the closed off area where they were containing koro-sensei. a light force that would keep only him in, after their beam failed to kill him before the force field was set up. to keep him in place as the next shot took a week to charge. and government to keep the kids out.
they fought their way up the mountain, they were chased and cornered often, but the kids had their own plans. stunning the agents and disabling them to stop them. the only one to hold a real knife on-screen in the class was nagisa, twice. and the only ones to hold real guns, were chiba and hayami. only three students held weapons. chiba and hayami shot to distract gastro from shooting everyone. nagisa the first time held the gun as a challenge from takaoka to fight, and he slighted him to avoid it. the second time, nagisa held with intent to kill. for blood.
in the end. nagisa did kill koro-sensei in a scream into the night with regret being backed into the corner, and had to avoid the crowds and news from stalking him. even into his school.
cold nights under siege from accusations
cerebral thunder and one-way conversations
tonight, i'll need you to stay
pre going up to trapped koro-sensei, the news was tipped off by the government themselves to cover up their asses since their attempt failed, their own shot from the sky. cold spring nights and being stalked, questioned, and harassed till some of them even sobbed and cried. they didn't listen to hear what the kids were saying, they were talking to themselves, saying how bad it was for these kids, didn't listen. patting themselves on the back.
and continued to do so even after nagisa killed koro-sensei, stalking them to their graduation. it was all one way, they wanted to be left alone. or for them to hear the truth... but they didn't want that. stroking their egos for a story.
and more than anything... they were just kids, and they wanted him to stay more than anything. they... needed him to stay.
@aoikiriย asked:ย [TXT] : i love how you only respond when it's convenient. + hanako : )
said over text!
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGI ] you only ever text me when i'm busy.
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGI ] i have responsibilities too you know? or did you so easily forget that?
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGI ] that's rude of you, kid. almost breaks my heart... just kidding. it doesn't.ย
[๐ฒ MSG: BRAT. ] ... you wanted me to come around.
[๐ฒ MSG: BRAT. ] i'm just gonna go home.
[๐ฒ MSG: BRAT. ] you stress me out, i have work to do today anyway...
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] of course i can!
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] where are you? let me tell the girls where im going
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] are u ok??? anything you need me to do?
[๐ฒ MSG: NAGISA ] ... do i have to kick someone's butt for messing with you again?
[๐ฒ MSG: ZOEY ] oh. uhm... i thought.
[๐ฒ MSG: ZOEY ] you... didn't see the news ?? were you... traveling today and yesterday ??
[๐ฒ MSG: ZOEY ] i... want to say i'm okay. i don't think i'm doing too well.
[๐ฒ MSG: ZOEY ] i mean... i'm physically okay... enough ?? i just... i'm about to graduate but. uh, can... i hang out with you for a little for a bit ?? if it's not too much trouble...
please don't make me feel like a disaster, i'm learning how to put the pieces back together, and turn the aching to composure. i'm thinking with my head first; no more broken phones or swollen knuckles from putting holes in the booth by the back wall.
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: itona horibe from assassination classroom
ใ โธโธ.แโ written by: jelly / calico !!
