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Close of Service

During our first month of training in Ukraine, us new volunteers were taken to the Peace Corps Ukraine headquarters office in Kyiv. It was our first time in the capital city, and everything was still very new and shiny to us. I will never forget seeing the COS (Close of Service) bell for the first time. It hangs in the stairwell of the Peace Corps office, and is to be rung only by a COS-ing volunteer at the end of their 27-month service.

I remember at certain points during my service wondering if I’d ever even ring the COS bell. I’m not a quitter and I always believed in myself, but I think at some points, most volunteers have moments of doubt or hard times where the COS bell seems like it is out of reach. Some people ask if you can quit Peace Corps, and the answer is yes, it’s called Early Termination, or ET-ing. There are a number of reasons that volunteers ET (nothing bad on them, everyone’s lives take different paths), but those who ET never get to ring the bell.

I also remember having dreams during the beginning of my service that my two years flew by so fast, that I was back home and didn’t even remember them happening. These dreams gave me a lot of anxiety, and I think that at the time I was having them, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to absorb all of the opportunities and moments being granted to me at that point in my life.

One more memory-- the day I got my acceptance e-mail from Peace Corps. I was in the car with a friend, and as soon as I opened the e-mail, I cried big fat tears of joy. I was ecstatic. I was having a Sally Fields moment of “They liked me! They really liked me!” I called my mom, my siblings, my best friends, my manager at the time, and anybody I could think of to share my excitement.

On my refrigerator in my apartment, I had a piece of paper where I wrote down the days I had left before leaving to Ukraine, and every day I would cross one off.

On the flipside, there were times during my service where I counted down the days until I would go home, and see my family again. At times the number was huge, and its size went down so slowly. Then, as the number grew smaller, it felt more bittersweet. As much as I wanted to be in my own country again, I knew I was ending the journey of a lifetime, and concluding one of my greatest dreams. It’s a big feeling.

Most people give a nice, eloquent, and well thought out speech right before ringing the COS bell. I swear, I DID have a nice and well thought out speech that I planned to give, in which I thanked everyone who helped me and expressed my feelings, but when it came to that moment, all I could do was cry tears of joy. It was pretty embarrassing. But also, I feel like anybody who knows me knows that I was just overwhelmed with all the love, and they knew that it was for them, and they know what’s in my heart anyway, even if I couldn’t say it.

Now, it’s been just over two months since I COS-ed, and I felt the need to kind of finish up this blog. Not quite sure where to start or end, but some common questions I get about this experience are:

What was it like?

What do you miss most?

What did you learn?

and, my personal favorite...

What’s next?

A lot of times when these questions are asked, I give the shortest answer I can muster up at the moment, because to be honest it’s a lot, and even if you love me, you’d get bored if I told you all of it. Also, I feel like I’m still digesting. SO here it is, here’s the best that I can give you.

If you’ve been keeping up with this blog, you kind of know what it was like. Peace Corps was started in 1961 by President John F. Kennedy, so that educated and experienced Americans could travel to developing countries in order to spread friendship and good will, help those countries meet their need for trained men and women, help build an understanding of Americans by those being served, and to bring back understandings of other countries and cultures to Americans. For me, this meant three months of intensive language training, living with two Ukrainian host families for a total of nine months, and working with youth in the fields of emotional health, physical health, and human rights. It’s really hard to sum up “what it was like.” I made lifelong friends, both with American volunteers and Ukrainians who embraced me with open hearts. I fell in love, really in love, with another volunteer who happened to be my neighbor during training. I learned two languages, Ukrainian and Russian. I fell A LOT on frozen ice, but also figuratively to my feet and knees, at times where I felt disappointed in my efforts, or alone, or frustrated. I learned how to be independent, and how to ask for help when I needed it. I lead in a way that I never felt was possible for myself. I watched others lead with grace and courage. I found a Ukrainian kitten during my first month of service, and took her home with me to America (she’s laying next to me as I write this). Hopefully, along the way, I actually helped some people. I met students who were incredibly bright and driven, and I tried my best to help them see their potential and spread their light. I think in the end, without question, I was helped more than I could have helped, but I do feel confident in the fact that I planted seeds and encouraged some waves of change in the lives of others.

I miss my Ukrainian host families. I was so lucky. Both of my host families helped to build the foundation for a “successful” time in Ukraine. I say that in quotations because “success” for a Peace Corps Volunteer can mean so many things, but for me it meant being able to be at home with people who were strangers, speak their language, and even without language, reach a shared understanding and give love. I will forever be thankful to both of them.

I miss being able to practice Ukrainian and Russian everyday. I worked hard to try to master these languages. They are very intricate and confusing, but that made them even more challenging and fun to learn. Sometimes I still look at an American letter and read it as its cyrillic counterpart, and every now and then a Ukrainian word slips out instead of an English one, but mostly, all of my thoughts and words are back to being in English. During service there were times where the lack of English felt so limiting and frustrating, and don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have it back, but even though sometimes it was a struggle to communicate in Ukrainian or Russian, I miss them.

What did I learn? фуууууууу. Too much to write in a blog post. This question is the hardest because I still don’t fully know the answer. I can’t even think of a good analogy to try and explain it. Maybe, it’s like I ate a giant plate of spaghetti because I have a marathon to run tomorrow (maybe this isn’t the best meal for a marathon, I’m not a runner, I’m just trying to make an analogy so bare with me), and instead of sleeping and digesting the food to turn it into energy for the next morning, I try to head out the door and start running immediately after eating it. The energy isn’t there because it’s still working its way through my body and nourishing me. I think trying to sum up what I learned during my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer comes to me in small realizations rather than big ones, and that these small things will keep appearing to me in many many years to come. I’ve learned to better appreciate myself and others, and to see the potential in every individual. I’ve learned that there are endless solutions to a problem. I’ve learned that creative thinking and personal freedom are a beautiful privilege to have and to spread. I’ve learned that perseverance is key, and many other cliches that you think you know until you’re forced to REALLY learn them. What I do know for sure is that I’m still incredibly grateful for the opportunity I had, and I’m going to do my best to utilize what I’ve learned in order to keep giving my best to those around me.

So what’s next? Well, Bobby (that neighbor) and I rang the Close of Service bell together, and traveled back to America with my Ukrainian kitten Ollie. Yes, she has all her papers and is legal and official (and I guess she’s a cat now, not a kitten).

We visited Washington D.C. to soak up some America upon returning, and then went to my home state of Florida to spend a month with my family. I celebrated my mom’s birthday with her, and my niece’s birthday with her, too. I also got to see some friends that I hadn’t seen in a while, and celebrate my 25th birthday at home. Of course I also visited Disney World. All of it was a great gift. After Florida, we stopped in Tennessee to visit an uncle of mine and some family there, too. Ollie loved it, Bobby loved it, and so did I. Now, I’m living in Southern California with Bobby and his family. I was thrilled to celebrate the 4th of July in the U.S. again, and am also very grateful to Bobby and his family for making me feel so welcomed here. We are both working hard to land on what our next career moves will be. For the time being, I try to spend every day being grateful for what I have and continuing to do my best to love those in my life. Thanks for keeping up with this blog, and for supporting me along the way. If you ever have any questions about Peace Corps or my experience, feel free to reach out! удачі тобі.

Full Circle

The last time I wrote on this blog was somewhere around fall of 2017. It’s now the beginning of spring, and I have about 3 weeks left of my service. I can tell you right now that the following post will of course have all the updates, but also lots of feelings & personal reflections. I’m already kind of tearing up just having written “3 weeks left of service.”

My second winter was much easier than my first for a few reasons. The weather was much more mild this year, for one. Coming from Florida and having never experienced winter before, experiencing it here for the first time, without any comforts from home and in a new language, on top of the lack of sunshine and freezing conditions, really knocked me on my ass. This year, I was a little more prepared for what was to come. I started regularly going to the gym around October in order to give myself a hobby and something to stick to once winter hit hard and I didn’t want to leave the house. I thought that it would be a good way to ward off winter blues & depression, and keep myself busy when life slows down because of all the snow & ice. Exercising on a strict & consistent schedule not only helped to make winter much more bearable, but has changed my life in many ways-- but that’s for another kind of blog. As a side note though, I don’t know why I didn’t take care of myself like this before and it is definitely a habit I will take home with me. I’ll also really miss all of the staff and friends at the gym!

Also, this winter, I had a much more reliable work schedule. Working with an NGO and working in Peace Corps doesn’t come with as much structure as I am used to at home, nor was I as busy as I expected to be, so this winter I made sure to have more of a set schedule for myself as far as work went, and that also helped to keep me busy. I go to different schools throughout the week to teach about healthy lifestyles and practice English, hold weekly English speaking clubs in the community, and plan other small projects. Throughout my service here I’ve worked with students from the Pedagogical Academy regularly, and it has always been one of the best parts of my weeks for me to work with such bright and passionate students, some of them pictured below. I will miss our weekly meetings, but I know that these students will go on to do great things and make their country a better place!

“Life as a Peace Corps Volunteer” varies so much depending on where you’re placed and what sector you’re in (Youth Development, Community Development, TEFL), but that old cliche about “it is what you make of it” holds true. In Peace Corps, you really cannot rely on anybody else to define your service-- you need to go out there and make it your own. That means that it’s up to YOU (not your counterpart, not Peace Corps Staff, not anybody else!) to find your place in the community. I have worked very hard to carve my place here, which is why it’s that much more bittersweet to leave it. The places that I primarily work at now are not the original place I was assigned-- we refer to these as “secondary projects.” I think I’ve mentioned this before, but sometimes it’s hard to feel like you know what you’re doing in Peace Corps, or like you’re actually helping anybody. You spend a lot of time trying to simply understand daily routines, the language, and how to fit in here that you’re not always “working” like we’re used to in the U.S. A lot of people join Peace Corps with big ideas about changing the world, but the reality is, it takes around 6 months to a year for most volunteers to even feel like they know what’s going on or what their “job” is. Knowing “what’s going on” and having these set routines helped to make my second year feel much more successful than the first. So for any volunteers that aren’t quite at the finish line yet, know that you’re doing good work even if it doesn’t feel like it, and it really does get better!

Another highlight this winter has definitely been my weekly English Speaking Club in the library. I have been working on this club since my first month here in June 2016. Each week, we get together to discuss some topic in English. It is good practice and encouragement for people to learn and use English, and to do so with a native speaker. It also is a good way to share about American and Ukrainian culture in a non-formal, casual setting. Topics range from things like Movies, Music, and Food, to more complex ideas like Conformity, Waste, Gratitude, or Gender Equality. We’ve also celebrated holidays together with little parties, like Halloween and Christmas. Each week, we also listen to some popular American song and analyze its lyrics, as well as talk about its cultural significance. I usually choose some kind of classic rock song, or a song that I think pretty much every American would know. We’ve discussed songs from Tom Petty, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bowie, Billy Joel, and even Drake. We also play games to discuss our topic of the week in fun ways. It’s grown from maybe 3-5 people each week to at least 25-35 every week, and some of these people have become my best friends in my community. There are both men and women and boys and girls from all ages and professions. Aside from larger projects like camps, this is what I’m most proud of here. I feel confident in this club’s sustainability, and the fact that it’s actually helping people somehow. I see members becoming more confident, more fluent in English, and discussing important and relevant topics in their lives together, as well as making friends. I love being in the library with everybody and I am going to really miss it.

During winter we also had our Close of Service Conference. This happens three months before a group’s COS date, so ours was in February. This was the first time since swearing in (two years ago) that our whole group of around 70 volunteers that arrived here together got to be all together once again. It was like a high school reunion almost. Of course there were the sessions informing us about the procedures of closing service and reintegration back to life in the U.S., but overall it was a chance for us to catch up, share stories, and have fun together. On our last night, we all had a big nice dinner and sang karaoke for hours. I got to talk to and see people that I haven’t had the chance of getting to know too well before this, and I felt a lot of love for my Group 49. It was also fun to watch everybody cut loose on the dance floor, and see people who I’ve never even heard speak before get up and sing karaoke!

Springtime has finally rolled around, and the sun is out again in what feels like forever. Now, I’m wrapping up my meetings at schools and in the library, and saying my goodbyes to friends and host families.

Last weekend, I spent my third and last Easter in Ukraine back in my host village with my host family that I lived with during training. That felt like a serious full-circle moment. I remember being with them during my very first week in Ukraine, and all of us sitting around the dinner table struggling to communicate but smiling through it. Now, there I was giving a toast to them (in Ukrainian!) thanking them for their generosity and love, and catching up on life events and future plans. My little host sister has lost her two front teeth and grown in her adult teeth since I’ve been here, and my little host brother has gotten his first cell phone. We spent this Easter like we did my first, by going to church at 3 AM and then sleeping and eating Easter bread and eggs all day. After saying goodbye, I cried the whole bus ride home. I cried because I’ll miss them, but also because I was very overwhelmed with the love I’ve been afforded here. They were complete strangers. We did not speak the same language. They took me into their home, fed me, and helped me to belong here. They’ve been a constant source of support throughout this whole time. At one point on the day that I said goodbye, I walked to the church with my little host sister and Bobby (a fellow volunteer who was my neighbor during training, now my boyfriend), and each of them were on either side of me holding my hands. I remember feeling utterly loved and grateful, and two years ago, these people were strangers and I didn’t even know this place existed. Now, it is my home, and these people are a huge part of my life. That was all built on the basis of strangers wanting to help others and a love for humankind. It sounds cheesy, but it hit me real hard on that last day in that village that I love so much.

Those were just the first of my goodbyes. Soon I’ll say goodbye to my English Clubs, my students, friends, coworkers, and my host family here in Khmelnytskyi. Sometimes I think that it’s harder to leave here than it was to leave home in order to come here. Of course, before joining Peace Corps I was scared and sad to leave home, but I knew I’d come back. I knew that if I forgot a goodbye to someone, it was okay, because I’d most likely see them again. Here, as much as I hate to say this, that’s not the case. I can’t say for certain that I’ll ever be back (as much as I hope to come visit again one day) or that I will see anyone again. Also, I worked so hard to live here. I spent months learning this language and trying to understand what it means to live in a post-soviet society. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it-- there have been times where I have hated living here simply because I just don’t get it, and there was a lot of struggle in adjusting. As volunteers we feel the need to put on this facade of just absolutely loving Peace Corps every second and being a superstar volunteer who adores their host country, but I think that those feelings of frustration are just an honest part of living in another country and society for two years, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Now, I have my daily routines, converse freely in the language, have family and friends, and favorite places. It’s very bittersweet to just leave all of that behind. But I know that the friendships will last, even if I’m far away, and I hope that I will see some of these faces again. I will carry all of the lessons that I’ve learned with me, and this time spent in Ukraine will live in my heart forever. I also deeply cherish the friendships I’ve made with fellow volunteers. Some of these people have lifted me up when I couldn’t do it myself and have helped me to become a better leader and person through their own examples and love. We have laughed together, cried together, and become different people together, and for the rest of our lives we will share this unique experience.

Two years for Peace Corps sounds like a long time, but it’s necessary in order to be an asset, and all of the little things in between the “bigger projects” and “work” are where a lot of the real work is happening, even if you don’t notice it until your two years have flown by. At the end of the day, John F. Kennedy established Peace Corps to spread peace, goodwill, and friendship. Yes, building organizational capacity and writing grants for projects help in that, but building friendships and sharing kindness are done in everyday actions.

This has been the most unorganized and sloppily written blog post I’ve made, but I guess that’s kind of reflective of how I feel right now. I don’t care so much about making it perfect anymore, I’m just grateful as hell for what’s been. I also don’t know how to fully wrap this up, but again, that’s reflective of life and this moment. As sad as I am to say goodbye, I’m excited for what’s to come.

A Brownie Story

My favorite place in my town is our local produce bazaar. To Ukrainians, maybe the bazaar isn’t anything special, seeing as there’s one in just about every village or city, but to me it’s a pretty unique place and a huge change of how we buy groceries at home in the U.S. You can find anything here, from live chickens and their eggs, homemade pickles and jams, fresh produce, and everything in between. I love walking around looking at all of the colors, trying the fresh honey and cheeses, watching the selection of produce changing with the seasons, smelling all of the fresh herbs and fruits, and practicing Ukrainian or Russian with the vendors. It makes me happy that a lot of them recognize me and ask where I’ve been if I haven’t been there in over a week. They’re also patient with me while I try to figure out how much of something I need – here things are bought in kilograms, and I couldn’t tell you how many tomatoes make up one kilogram, so I don’t know how many kilograms I need! Most of them are okay with me just buying a few potatoes instead of buying in bulk. I have my trusty salad lady, my apple lady, my honey guy, my baker, and people that I buy nothing from but still ask me how I’m doing. This bazaar is a little treasure to me and definitely something I’ll miss when I go back home.

Another reason that I love the bazaar is because I love food. For as long as I remember I’ve loved being in the kitchen, watching the Food Network and even going grocery shopping. Cooking and baking are my favorite ways to spend my spare time. The only problem is, it is just me here in my apartment! The other night I made a pot of borscht and it was enough to feed a family of six, so I ate borscht for maybe four days. Sometimes I make a batch of cookies, then contemplate what to do with 30 cookies other than eat them all. So I often bring my baked goods to my office, my host family or our local library. This is also fun because many Ukrainians haven’t had traditional American baked goods like chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, or brownies before, so it’s a neat way to exchange our cultures and recipes. Last week, I made a pan of brownies and brought a platter to my office. I still had about five brownies at home and I thought maybe I could bring them to my salad lady and my apple lady and my potato lady… but I also thought that would be kind of weird. These people work from maybe 6 a.m. to 5 p.m. selling produce and handling money, and I talk to them for a total of five minutes each a week. It’s not really customary to bring near-strangers homemade baked goods.

My brownie dilemma also happened to fall on the nine-year anniversary of my father’s suicide. Sometimes I tell myself that this is just a date and doesn’t mean anything, and to be honest in general I try to push this event in my life and this part of me as far back in my memory as I can. Being in a foreign country, speaking a new language and being surrounded by people who you didn’t even know one year ago forces you to evaluate who you are and who you were. It forces you to really examine your own identity and maybe deal with wounds that you left open. I think this past year more than any year, my father’s death has weighed heavy on my heart because I have had so much free time to think about my life before being here, my family back home, and the person that I am becoming without him here to see it. As much as I hate to accept it, this day, especially this year, meant something to me.

So I remembered my father, and how he was embarrassingly kind. He was never shy in being nice to people, even if they were strangers. He often went out of his way to make others smile. My father’s death also taught me the value of never wasting a single second hesitating to show somebody love. Suicide leaves those left behind with so many questions of “what if” and “what could I have done.” More than anything, my experience with it has made me value showing love at any time possible through any means. You will never regret doing something kind, or giving somebody an extra hug, or making somebody smile. You will regret feeling like somebody didn’t know their worth. I know that my dad wouldn’t have thought it was weird to bring brownies to the bazaar. So I wrapped individual brownies with foil and brought them to my vendors at the bazaar. Through my broken and nervous Ukrainian I explained that this is my favorite place in a town that’s so far from home, and how I know how hard they work everyday, and that I appreciate them. They know that I’m a volunteer and that I live here alone, and I explained how much I like to bake and that I hope that the brownies give them some energy and that they have a nice day. The three women that I brought the brownies to were all surprised and all of them were smiling. The one who I was most nervous to bring the brownie to, because she is seemingly the most grumpy of them all, was the happiest, and I saw her smile for the first time since I’ve been living here, over a year.

Today, a week later, I went back to the bazaar for my weekly haul. The “grumpiest” women immediately brightened up when she saw me, and she told me that she cried last week when I brought her the brownie. A brownie!!!! It reaffirmed what I had thought about never hesitating to be extra kind, and always letting somebody know how appreciated they are. This bazaar is commonplace for everybody living here. Maybe nobody is ever thanked. As a Peace Corps Volunteer, sometimes it’s hard to feel like I’m actually successful. We join with the idea of changing the world, but when we get here we realize that we won’t necessarily see the change that we’re creating. It’s like planting seeds for trees that we might not see grow. Seeing how much the ladies at the bazaar appreciated such a small act gave me more inspiration and made me feel like I can make a difference, and helped me to remember that even the small things can be big memories sometimes.

#Peace Corps #Peace Corps Ukraine

Summer Number два

Summer has come and gone in the blink of an eye, and it was surely one to remember. I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t be able to record all of the feelings, moments, and memories from this experience, which makes me feel like if I can’t do it justice, why write about it at all? Today something happened that makes me want to write another post, and I realize that if I want to write about today, I should at least try to summarize the gap of time between when I last wrote and now. Summer was amazing and magical and all of those things, but I will try to write about the biggest highlights because this post is already going to be pretty long.

I will start with Camp GLOW. In the summer of 2016, I was lucky enough to be chosen as a counselor at Camp GLOW. Camp GLOW is a worldwide Peace Corps Project that started in Romania in 1991, and since then has been happening in Peace Corps countries all over the world. It stands for Girls Leading Our World, and focuses on gender equality and leadership. This year, I directed Camp GLOW. Directing this camp was something that I dreamt about, but thought that I could never do. I’ve always been in assistant type leadership roles, or very close to the top, but never the person in charge. I really remember thinking, “wow, that would be amazing, but there’s no way I could ever pull something like that off.” Lo and behold, last year’s director believed in me enough to think that I could do it, and the task was mine. This camp was funded by a Let Girls Learn grant, and took months and months of planning and preparation with a team of very dedicated people, for whom I am very thankful. When it all came together, it went off better than I could have hoped for. About 50 girls from all over Ukraine, ages 13-18, spent a week at a sleep-away camp lead by Peace Corps Volunteers and Ukrainian counselors. We had lessons about gender equality, self esteem, safe and healthy sex and relationships, human trafficking, HIV/AIDs, leadership, project design and management, multiculturalism and tolerance, and so much more. Camp GLOW paired up with Camp TOBE (Teaching Our Boys Excellence) to further the conversations on gender equality and tolerance. Some lessons were together, and the more sensitive topics were covered separately. We played American sports like football and baseball, and they even got to try s’mores for the first time. There were pajama party discussions, dance parties, lots of hugs, and happy tears. I was surrounded by passionate, hard-working people who all believed in a shared vision of giving these girls a summer to remember and life skills to help them develop and grow, and together we made many dreams come true. Again, words can’t sum up this experience, but it was one that I will cherish for the rest of my life, and is one of the biggest highlights and achievements of my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Later that month, I helped to organize a small baseball camp for people of all ages at my site. Together with the local university and a few other Peace Corps Volunteers who came to my site to help, we spent a week practicing English, teaching baseball, and really just having fun with about 50 participants. There were people as young as 6 and as old as maybe 45, some of them who had been playing for years, and some of them who had never held a bat before. Baseball is not a common sport in Ukraine, but there are small leagues throughout the country, and we happen to have one in our city. Bobby received a donation of equipment from an organization in America, so he brought the equipment from his site (about 8 hours away), and the university also had some gloves and balls and bats. It was a blast, and I am really sad that I won’t be here to help with this camp again next summer.

Last summer, my cluster (the group that I learned Ukrainian with during training) and I went camping in Jesus’ village, and made plans that this summer, we’d do it again. So, together with our language instructor and a few other Peace Corps Volunteers and Ukrainians, our cluster met up to hike the highest mountain in Ukraine and go camping for three days. We started with another mountain, Pip Ivan, and then hiked along a ridge to the highest mountain, Hoverla. I have never been hiking before, nor have I climbed a mountain. It was hard, and I completely underestimated the amount of vulnerability it takes to let other people see you struggling physically and saying that you need help or to slow down. Many of them have climbed mountains before (they’re from California), or are just in better shape than I am, but I was always at the last of the pack. It literally brought me to tears when my friends came back for me and patiently waited for me to catch my breath and keep going. At the time I thought “this is horrible why does anybody climb mountains?” But reflecting back on the trip I realized how important it is to remind yourself that you’re not invincible, and maybe not everything will come easy to you, but if you keep going you’ll make it, and you’ll make it there a lot happier and easier with the help of friends. It was a humbling experience. Not to mention the mountains were breathtakingly gorgeous. At one point while crossing the ridge, we came upon a group of sheep and their herder, and there had to be hundreds of them running past us. The sound of just the wind blowing, the bells around their necks ringing, and the sheep baaing is one that I won’t forget. I also deeply treasure the time that I get to spend with my cluster. It’s not lost on me how lucky I was to be put with a group of people that I love so much. They have helped me get out of my lows and have celebrated my highs with me. They motivate me, and we support and understand each other on a level that only somebody else sharing this experience can, so this trip with them filled my heart and gave me the push I needed to work hard during these last months of service.

Now fall has made its arrival clear with the changing of the leaves and the surprisingly cold weather. It seems like it almost changed overnight from short-weather to heavy-coat-weather. I am back working at the pedagogical academy, and holding some weekly clubs in our local library. I have made the transition from learning Ukrainian, which I now feel comfortable speaking, to learning Russian, in which I apparently have a heavy Ukrainian accent. Both languages are complicated and beautiful, and I’m happy to spend my time learning them. I’ve always been more of a language person than I am a math or science person, so it gives my brain some good and enjoyable exercise. There are some people who have strong opinions about speaking Russian in Ukraine, but at the end of the day, I appreciate both languages, and I know that coming home with two languages on my resume will be more valuable than just one. If I can understand more people and speak with more people in the world, why wouldn’t I take that opportunity to learn a language from native speakers while I can? I also spend my time going to the local bazaar, hanging out with my friends, and cooking and baking. Last winter was rough-- enduring a harsh winter for the first time after living in the sunshine state my whole life, missing home, and still not completely knowing what to do here. Going into this winter knowing it’s my last, and having a more clear idea of how life in winter here is, makes me confident that this one will be much better.

I realize I haven't posted on this blog in over six months... I'm sorry!!! Right now I am in a beautiful village in Western Ukraine helping out another volunteer at her camp for kids about health and fitness. Lots has changed and I have learned more than I could have ever imagine. And today is a special day!! One year ago today I was sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer! I have been welcomed graciously into two loving families, made wonderful friends, and adopted an angel baby cat named Ollie. Fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and Ukrainians have both inspired and uplifted me on countless occasions, and I feel lucky to have met them, as well as to have explored so much of this beautiful country. I never thought I'd develop such strong friendships or language skills. I've eaten more deruny, varenyky, and сметана than I thought possible. I've fallen flat on my butt plenty of times, and not just from slipping on the ice. I would maybe compare this experience to learning how to swim by jumping straight into the ocean-- it's exciting and scary and beautiful and hard all at the same time. Every day that I miss home and curse the never-ending winter and fail at even the simplest tasks is all made worth it in big ways and small ways. In a smile from my fruit lady at the bazaar who is happy to see me again, or a new word I've learned in Russian or Ukrainian from my amazing tutor who has become a wonderful friend, or in having the privilege of planning a summer camp for young girls from all over the country that I hope they'll remember for the rest of their lives (I know I will). I've learned that among many other things, like sunshine and water fountains, I've taken phone calls for granted. I used to hate talking on the phone, but now the idea of being able to hear my mom's voice whenever I want with the touch of a few buttons sounds amazing. This weekend, I am going back to my first host family's village, the ones that I lived with during training, to celebrate my 24th birthday with them and Bobby. My host mom shares the same birthday as I do! In a year from now, I'll be closing service and returning to America, where I will eat an unhealthy amount of tacos and run around Disney like a five year old upon arrival. I have no idea what lies ahead of me during my second year here, but if it's anything like the first, I am already eternally grateful, and still just as excited and slightly nervous as I was when I boarded the plane. Але я знаю що, все буде добре. Thank you for all of the love and support you've given me. Слава Україні!

Merry Christmas та з Новим Роком!

Well, it’s gotten to the point where I haven’t journaled in so long that I feel too daunted by the task of trying to record all happenings and feelings-- so the next best thing? Trying to blog about them!

This year is almost over. Somebody wrote to me before I left, “look in the mirror the day that you leave, and say goodbye to the woman that you are today.” Wow, do those words now ring true. As I say goodbye to 2016, I am also saying goodbye to a version of myself that feels so different than who I am now. It all happened gradually (I guess?) but my life has changed so much while I’ve been here, that when I stop to think about just how much it has, I’m surprised that it’s only been ten months. I have made new friends, learned a new language, adapted to being a foreigner and living in a new country, found new families, fallen in love (in many ways), and have had my views about what is important in life drastically shift. It’s almost a little bittersweet, because maybe it’s kind of scary getting old (shoutout to Lorde & my little ), but more than anything it’s humbling. Are these blog posts redundant in me always saying that? Oh well. I’ve learned patience with myself, others, and life in general. I’ve learned, in a sense so great that it is comical, that you can ALWAYS be learning more, and that no matter, it will always always be alright. You can get lost in a city of millions and barely know the language, but you’ll still find the right metro, you’ll still be able to get a hot cup of tea from somebody who cares about your warmth, and there is always somebody who is happy to see you. Okay, enough feelings!! Here’s what I’ve been up to:

Last week I attended a training hosted by Peace Corps about PEPFAR (the President’s Emergency Plan For Aids Relief). It was so. long. It was five days, working from around 8:30 AM to around 8 or 9 PM. I was very tired. BUT it was extremely eye-opening and inspiring. Ukraine is Europe’s top country in terms of HIV infections and deaths, and learning about the biology, transmission, and other general information about HIV made me feel more empowered to do something about it. Here in Ukraine, there are several Peace Corps camps dedicated to HIV awareness and ending stigma, and camps for children living with HIV (passed on at birth by parents), and I definitely plan on attending some of them as a counselor, or even hosting a mini-camp in my own city! I also got to spend time with other volunteers and get back together with my cluster and language teacher again, which always fills my heart.

After that, Bobby and I visited our host families that we lived with during training, in Kozelets, Chernihiv. It was a short visit, but they were so happy to see us! It happened to be my little host sister’s 6th birthday (and Christmas Eve!) so everybody was celebrating. Within five minutes of walking in the door, I was showered with hugs, asked why I’m not eating enough, and sat down in front of a plate of potatoes and a shot of vodka. It was warming to be back there and feel everybody’s love, especially because I wasn’t at home with my own family for Christmas. In Ukraine, Christmas is celebrated in January, but they still knew that it was a holiday for me, and when I woke up the next day, there was snow falling outside and my babusya wished me a Merry Christmas. After some tight hugs and goodbyes, and some salo for the road (for Bobby, not me!), Bobby and I headed to Kyiv where we had a few hours to hang out before heading back to our sites.

We walked around Kyiv together and actually found a delicious Mexican restaurant! I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but you try going without tacos for almost a year and tell me that it wouldn’t make your day to finally have a good one! The wait staff also gave us free cheesecake! I think they knew that we were Americans and that it was Christmas, but either way, it was so sweet. We sat there for a while enjoying chips and salsa and people-watching through the window. It was beautiful to see the snowy streets outside and a plate of guacamole in front of me.

Later, we walked to the Sofia Cathedral to see the Christmas tree! It was huge and glorious and I squealed with excitement several times. Even though I do miss my family and was sad to not be able to make cookies with my nieces or watch A Christmas Story all day with my sister or hug my brother and mom, my Christmas was still full of love and warmth. My first Christmas in Ukraine was much better than I expected. I am a lucky duck.

It feels good to be back at site after a few weeks of traveling. Crap-- I forgot to mention that I went to Paris two weeks ago! Allison and I (a volunteer that I had training with who is now a valued friend) visited Paris for four days where we ate lots of crepes and melty cheese and saw Disneyland and the Louvre and did other Paris-y stuff! Although we didn’t plan anything ahead of time, it was a wonderful trip because we both have very laid-back attitudes about traveling and realized how comfortable we feel roaming around foreign cities without any language skills (lolz). Again, life is fun and unpredictable and I am the luckiest girl in the world.

ANYWAY, I’m back in my apartment with my Ollie cat, makin’ nalysnyky and livin’ my Ukrainian life. Today, I helped celebrate American Christmas with a presentation and snacks in the local library, and tomorrow my girls club and I are having a yoga meeting to welcome the new year. Bobby will be here in a few days to celebrate the new year with me, too, and as always, I am excited for the future and oh so grateful for all of the past and present. and my Ollie cat.

P.S. I love sending mail and I think I’ve sent like 2-3 letters/postcards to just about everybody on my list already, so if you HAVEN’T gotten any and would like some, hit me up, fam! : )

#peace corps #my peace corps

Fall/Winter Update

Hello friends and family! I believe that the last time I wrote was right around the beginning of fall. These past 9 months in country have seemed to fly by, and the last 3-4 months have been no different. Lots of changes have happened! I am feeling more at home and productive with each week that passes, and I am always learning more about my city, country, new language, and peers every day.

In October, I was able to visit Odessa with Bobby during some of the last warm days of the year! So far, it is my favorite city in Ukraine that I have been to. Maybe I’m a little biased because it’s on the Black Sea, and there’s just something about seeing the ocean meeting the horizon that makes me feel extra at home. In Odessa, Russian is spoken more commonly than Ukrainian. I re-took a language proficiency interview in mid-October, and my level has improved greatly since the end of training! I feel mostly proficient in Ukrainian, and still have weekly tutoring, so I am still improving. I don’t think it will ever be perfect, but I am at a pretty high level of comfort and confidence with Ukrainian now, which means... time to learn Russian! I understand the basics, and if somebody is speaking to me in Russian, I can mostly communicate with them, but it is my goal to be comfortable in both languages before I leave here at the end of 27 months.

I was also able to go home and visit family and friends for my brother’s wedding in October! It was beyond beautiful, and I cried the entire time. My brother’s wife, Melissa, looked like a princess, and both of them were overflowing with joy. Being at home surrounded by friends and family and love was surely needed, and more refreshing than I thought possible. I am so grateful that I was able to spend time with everyone, and see my ocean again for the first time in what was the longest time I had been away from it. When I got back to Ukraine, I was able to visit Lutsk and see all of my friends from training, too! Allison was holding an international youth forum (go Allison!) so we were all able to catch up and see her city while helping out at the event.

I came back in early November, and I feel like that month was gone in the blink of an eye. I have still been doing my weekly English clubs, my I AM THAT GIRL club (a club for young girls and women to discuss topics like equality, self-esteem, friendship, etc.) , and helping with local English schools in between. when I can. I’ve gotten into the groove of a (somewhat) consistent schedule, and my clubs now have a solid base of participants that range in age, gender, and skill levels. People are more open with me than before and it feels good to be working most of the time! I remember in the beginning of service, Peace Corps staff told us that it can take up to six months to feel adjusted at site, and I thought that seemed like so long. Now I understand that integration really isn’t something you can rush, and it’s worth the wait. Sometimes it still feels like I’m not doing enough, and other times I feel extremely lucky to have the opportunity to be working with everybody at all. I think people join Peace Corps expecting to “change the world,” so it’s sometimes frustrating feeling like we aren’t doing much, by doing weekly clubs and small events. I like to think that it’s making a difference though, helping people learn English and feeling more comfortable communicating with people from different cultures. My favorite project is still my girls club. These young women have so many amazing ideas for their future and the future of Ukraine, and so much drive! They inspire me to work harder. There are also many people who are eager to help me help others, by planning events, inviting me to speak, helping me find venues to hold meetings, and other things-- so that’s wonderful, too. I’m excited for the summer to come, to start planning another baseball camp and Camp GLOW 2017! As more time passes, the more productive I am because the more I understand how to live and work in a different country and language. I feel like I’m close to hitting my “mid-service stride,” where things are finally getting easier and working out more often than not, with less language/cultural blunders and less miscommunications. One can only hope! Overall, when I remember what I’m doing, I’m filled with gratitude. I remember dreaming about being a Peace Corps Volunteer for so long, and never thinking I’d be able to master this language, so at the end of the day, most days, I feel happy and fulfilled.

I spent Thanksgiving with my host family here in Khmelnytskyi. It wasn’t the most traditional, but it was still a day of gratitude and family! I brought back ingredients from America to make green bean casserole and magic cookie bars, and we ate that with their homemade pickles and homemade vodka. The holidays are weird without my family and friends, and it’s strange to not be working at Lush for the holidays for the first time in four years! But I will be spending Christmas with my host family in Kozelets (where I stayed during training) and another volunteer, Bobby, so I think it will still be warm and nice. It IS cool however to finally have an all-white holiday season! Everything is covered in snow! I moved to my own apartment last weekend. After six months at site, volunteers are allowed to move out from their host families. I could not have done it without LOTS of help from my Ukrainian friends. They made sure I had plates to eat on, blankets to sleep with, and a teapot to make tea with (among many other things!). I’m currently here making some chocolate chip cookies to say thank you, and hanging out with my cat. So, that’s where I’m at now! It feels like a short update for all that’s been happening, but all in all, life is good : )

#peace corps #peace corps ukraine

I’m sorry it’s been forever and a day since I’ve updated my blog! Really it’s only been about 2-3 months, but a lot has happened since then! I’m bad at even keeping a journal for myself because sometimes I feel like there’s too much to write and I can’t get it all down so then I don’t write at all. BUT here is my attempt at an update:

Camp GLOW happened in mid-August, and so far it has been my favorite thing that I have done in Peace Corps. It reminded me of why I wanted to be a Peace Corps Volunteer in the first place. There were about 45 campers, 10 Peace Corps Volunteers that were counselors and teachers, and 10 Ukrainians that were our co-counselors & teachers. It was a week long camp that focused on subjects like gender equality, women around the world, self-esteem, sexual health, leadership, human trafficking, and much more in between. There were very informative lessons, lots of dance parties, camp chants, and bonfires. I became closer with other Peace Corps Volunteers and was happy to watch friendships blossom between all of the young women and girls that were there as campers. I am already counting down the days until Camp GLOW 2017!

I’ve been able to do lots of traveling around my oblast and around this beautiful country in the six (!!!!) months since I’ve been living here. I have been to Lviv, which felt very European and is rich with history, and got lost for a few hours in Kyiv trying to find the Lush there... but it was fun (and I got my Lush fix)! My favorite trip so far though was one that I took at beginning of this month to the Carpathians with my friends that I had training with. We all stayed with Jesus, who lives there, and his host family. There was so much hospitality and good food, and gorgeous views of his village and the surrounding mountains. We climbed up one of them and spent the night there. It was the first mountain I ever climbed! It was tough at times but absolutely breath taking and beautiful. The memories that I made on that trip with my friends are ones that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

The school year has started and fall weather is rolling in, too. This means that I’m able to start working with local schools now! I am starting up some more English speaking clubs, and finally got to work with kids again for the first time since training. I’m not going to lie, it was a little bit of a mess because my Ukrainian and classroom management skills are a little rusty, but it was still so much fun and I’m looking forward to our weekly meetings. I’m still working on growing my I AM THAT GIRL club in our community, and can hopefully start up some mini camp GLOWS as well. I’m still trying to find my place in my city a little bit, because there are still some cultural adjustments that need to be made and some language barriers that I’m working on, but this place definitely feels like home. My host family is wonderful, and I actually know my way around most of the city now (I think).

Sorry it’s brief, but that’s where I’m at now! Some days go by slowly and it feels like nothing is happening, and some days I’m so tired at the end of the day that I don’t even remember the morning. When I look back at everything that has changed and happened, it kind of blows my mind. Time really is flying by, and as always, I’m very grateful to be here and excited to see what the future holds!

#peace corps #peace corps Ukraine

The most common question I get from people back home is “so, what do you do there?” If I’m being completely honest, I ask myself the same question a lot of the time! My first month at site has been full of learning-- learning more Ukrainian, meeting new people, getting used to my schedule here, learning my way around the city, etc. The “Peace Corps Volunteer” answer of what I’ve been doing would include details about the English speaking club that I help with every week, the baseball camp that I’m a part of right now, or the festival that my organization put on last weekend for the Day of Youth. I love all of those things! It makes me very happy to feel like I’m maybe making a small difference in people’s lives by helping them to feel more comfortable speaking a foreign language, or helping people to find healthy ways to spend their free time. I’m also beyond excited to hopefully start up an Anthropology club in the next week to start conversations about the role that culture plays in our lives, and to create a space for people who are interested to learn about American culture and teach me about Ukrainian culture. Aside from that, I’m getting ready to be a counselor/teacher at camp GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) next month, and I’m thrilled for that and the rest of the experiences ahead this summer!

I spend most of my time here though just trying to integrate, and reflecting. The days where I’m not “working” as much and I’m just spending time with new friends or family exploring Ukraine little by little are when I feel like I’m getting the most done. I spend a lot of time thinking about how I will spend the next two years here and how I can make every bit of that time valuable for myself and for those around me, and so far I think it’s just been being present as much as possible and trying my hardest to return all of the love that I’ve been receiving.

Last night, I went camping with some of my friends/teammates from work, and we stayed up all night talking and watching stars, until we watched the sunrise together and then sleepily packed up and went home. I learned (more) Ukrainian toasts, saw constellations that I don’t think I’ve ever had the chance to see before (!!!), and was once again reminded of how lucky I am to be here by the company and conversations that were surrounding me. While we were laying around the fire, somebody told me how they recently went bungee jumping, and I asked if it’s something they think they’ll always remember. His answer was along the lines of maybe, because we don’t always remember things that happened, but we remember the feelings that were there. I thought about this on my crowded bus ride home, as a nearby babucya insisted on holding my sleeping mat for me and kept urging me to come sit (basically on top her) because everybody was so smooshed, and she didn’t want me standing in the aisle. This is not the first time that a stranger has offered me their kindness in exchange for my comfort, and I know it won’t be the last.

So when people ask me, “what are you doing there?” It’s kind of hard to sum up what I want to say. I know I spend my time doing things and helping people, but what I remember the most are these moments and feelings. The feeling of relief when the woman behind the counter at the store somehow understands my broken Ukrainian and helps me find the right cookies to bring to the picnic, or the feeling of gratitude when I’m running late in the morning and my host dad offers to drive me to where I need to be. I spend my time here feeling my way around, and trying to make sure that all of the learning and feelings are being reciprocated in the meantime.

#peace corps #peace corps ukraine

I've heard that in life, some years ask questions, and some years give answers. Lately I've been finding that that's the case with my days. I've also been finding that one of the most important question is one that I've been being asked for months and months about my decision to become a Peace Corps Volunteer: Why? I plan on answering that question probably everyday for the rest of my service, although not always with words. Of course, I plan on answering it in this blog post, too! But so much has happened in the last week, and first, I want to answer other questions; like what I've been doing, how I've been doing, and others. One of the most exciting pieces of information first: officially one week ago today, I was sworn in as a Peace Corps Volunteer!

The ceremony was filled with emotion and gratitude-- from all of the volunteers, Peace Corps staff, host families in attendance, and our Ukrainian counterparts. A counterpart is somebody who each volunteer will work with during their next two years of service. Of course, we will work with many people, but our counterpart is one of our first go-to persons in terms of work questions, cultural integration, etc. I am lucky to have a wonderfully helpful counterpart named Natalia! It did not take long for us to realize that we will work very well together for these years to come. There were lots of emotional goodbyes. I will miss my cluster and my friends and family that were made during PST so much, but I know I'll see them again in time. Thank you to everybody both here in Ukraine and back at home who supported me during PST. Your love and encouragement are always appreciated and cherished!

Shortly after the ceremony, I got on a train with my millions of pounds of baggage to head off to my new site in Khmelnytskyi. In the last week, I've been getting to know my new city, family, and coworkers. It's definitely an adjustment living in a city and I may or may not have already gotten lost once or twice, but it's all good! Soon (hopefully) I will know the streets and history or Khmelnytskyi better. I am also not worried because I am surrounded by people who have welcomed me without hesitation and are willing to help me feel at home here in any way possible. I turned 23 over the weekend, and I was surprised (probably partly because half of the time I still don't understand what's going on) with a get together in the woods with all of my new friends from work, and later my host family. I've caught myself lost in thought more than once when I'm spending time with people here because I go off on an internal reverie about how lucky I am to be in their company and have their help.

With that being said, this new adjustment is not without frustrations. The whole living in another country where you don't understand the language or customs or what was just said to you for the fourth time can be discouraging. It took me a bit, but I think I felt my first few waves of culture shock this past week. Some days I listen and absorb and I understand, but can't seem to find the words to respond, and I feel a little defeated or disappointed in myself. Then I go home and am greeted by Mike, my new dog, who's so happy to see me! Or I attend a meeting where I listen to my director and our organization's volunteers passionately talking about how we plan on making our community better. Or I'm given a jar of honey and a barrel of compot (juice) from a neighbor, because they were just so excited to have me over to visit. They remember the Peace Corps volunteer who lived in this community years ago-- where she came from, what she did, her name, and I realize what a golden opportunity I am presented with. I hope to leave a lasting impact on this community, too. Everyday I learn to be more patient with myself, and recognize that I have time to adjust, and so many people to learn from and grow with in my new home. Culture shock and language barriers are obstacles that I know I will overcome, and be thankful for. Again, I can't remember every little thing that's happened that's left me with all these warm feelings this week, but they heavily outweigh any of the worries or fears that I have. I think I'm starting to understand the description of Peace Corps being "the toughest job you'll ever love."

Which brings me back to the question of why. You should always ask yourself and others, why? Not just "why Peace Corps," but why to every decision you make. If you're ever lost on how you're going to accomplish something, or what you're going to do about a challenge, remember your why. For all of the times that I've been asked, here's mine: I became a Peace Corps volunteer because I think that at this time in my life, it is the best thing that I can be doing for myself and others. Among the things I've studied in school or learned throughout life, I've come to my own personal decision that love is a paramount to any problem, question, experience, goal, etc. For me, love blooms most when it is unconditional and unwavering. That has always equaled service to others in my eyes. I feel best when I can serve others, in whatever way possible. Maybe that means helping people to feel more confident in speaking to people from other countries in a foreign language, or teaching lessons on leadership, or simply being a light to someone by being a friend. Also, Peace Corps appealed to me as a chance to continue pursuing an education in anthropology, and to have an unpredictable adventure. With that in mind, I will spend the next two years in Khmelnytskyi answering "what" and "how," and keeping my “why” in mind with every day that passes between now and then.

#peace corps #peace corps Ukraine

From Kozelets to Khmelnytskyi

So much has happened during this last month of PST! Therefore, apologies to anybody who reads this and my future self for not describing it all in great detail, but I’ll try to record some important happenings. Together with my cluster, I helped to conduct a youth mini-camp for 100 3rd and 4th graders, where I taught about friendship. I watched lots more sunsets in Kozelets, and visited Chernihiv a few more times. My language skills have improved, and I’ve comfortably nestled myself into this new home and family... which I’m leaving tomorrow.

A few days ago, I finally found out where I’ll be going and what I’ll be doing for the next two years!! I was literally flailing with excitement the morning of site announcements, and I’m still pretty stoked about it! I will be living in Khmelnytskyi (which I’m still learning how to properly pronounce), and working with a Youth Development organization.

Khmelntyskyi is a fairly large city in Western Ukraine, and to be honest I don’t know much about it yet. I’m a little bit intimidated to be living in a big city, but I’m up for the challenge. Especially considering that it means I’ll be doing something I love with an organization that sounds better than I could have dreamed of. It’s a fairly new NGO (started in 2013) dedicated to improving the lives of the youth in Khmelntyskyi through personal development, environmental education, and civic engagement. Check out their website at http://molodemisto.in.ua/! I can’t wait to learn more about them-- like exactly how and why this organization was started, the people with the passion to keep it going, and what I can bring to the team. I am honored to soon be a part of this organization and city. Before I so eagerly jump towards this next opportunity though, I have to say goodbye to my friends and family here in Kozelets.

The love that I’ve felt here is humbling. A family who didn’t know me welcomed me into their home and helped me learn to speak their language, while feeding me and trying to help me to avoid committing any cultural faux-pas. I had a wonderful language teacher, Roman, who’s patience I can’t even begin to fathom and who has taught me so much in the past 11 weeks. Of course, I also have my cluster. The memories that I have made with them outweigh the amount of all of the sour cream and potatoes I’ve eaten during my time in Ukraine (lots and lots). I am beyond grateful for all of the people I have met and made friends with here.

I just made french toast and ate with my host family, and now I have to do what I’ve been putting off by writing this blog post-- pack. Tomorrow I head to Kyiv, where I will be sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer on Tuesday! If there are any other group 49ers reading this, or any other Peace Corps Volunteers for that matter, congratulations on making it past training. : ) Until next time, до побачення Kozelets, and see you soon Khmelnytskyi!

#peace corps #peace corps ukraine

On Stars & Expectations:

One of the things I was most excited about (and am still most excited about) since finding out I was accepted for the Peace Corps was seeing all of the stars. I knew that wherever I’d be, there’d be less light pollution and tall buildings than there had been in Tampa, meaning that hopefully, the blanket of sky would be a little more decorated than I was used to at home. I wasn’t wrong! Many nights I have walked out into the garden to see a sky so black with constellations strewn across it, and the feelings that those moments bring never fail to fill me with peace and gratitude.

Last night though takes the record for the most humbling night I’ve seen here. Today is Easter in Ukraine! Which means that last night, my family and I walked to the собор (cathedral) together at 3 AM with our baskets full of decorated eggs, Easter bread (паска), and salt to be blessed. Not only was the sky clear of any clouds and filled with stars, but the whole church was aglow as well. Just about every family in the town was there with their baskets, and there were enough candles to light the paths surrounding the church. I covered my head with a scarf and attended service inside, then stood outside afterwards to be blessed with holy water, as did everyone else. I wish that my words could do the experience justice. The beauty of the cathedral, the feeling of community (I mean it-- everybody in the town was there at 3 AM!), and the fact that I was lucky enough to be included in this special tradition won’t soon be an Easter that I forget. After we got home at around 5:30 AM, we drank some wine, ate some eggs and bread, and went to sleep until around noon. The rest of the day followed suit: alternating between eating together and napping. I do admit it was a little strange to celebrate a holiday like this without having my own family there... but it made me once again very grateful to have a circle of people here who readily welcome me into their home and to their dinner table despite the fact that I hardly ever know what’s going on (but that’s getting better with time, too).

I’m more than halfway done with pre-service training, and there’s nothing too new to report on. I’m still learning lots of Ukrainian, eating lots of potatoes, and fully enjoying the company of those around me. My family and I have started eating the vegetables that we planted in the garden a few weeks ago, and last weekend my бабуся (pronounced baboosya, meaning grandma) taught me how to make my favorite food here-- деруни (little potato pancakes)! Last Sunday I fried up a batch and went walking through the woods to have a picnic with my cluster mates, which is also a memory I’ll cherish once I’ve left here. Besides that, we’ve visited Kyiv again, where we saw a tulip exhibition! I think that these last few weeks in Kozelets are going to fly by. I’m already sad that I will have to leave this charming place and all of the people here, but there are many good things in the future as well.

Since my last post, I’ve also had my site placement interview. This 15-20 minute conversation with the Youth Development director and other Peace Corps staff helped to determine where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing for the next two years. It wasn’t nearly as nerve-wrecking as it had been built up to be, and I have full confidence that I will be placed wherever the Peace Corps staff believes that I can help the best. Between my group members and I we discussed the possibilities of living in a 500-person village or a large city, and I have feelings and expectations about what both of those would mean. At the end of the day though I’m just brimming with excitement, because wherever I will be, there will be a sky full of stars from a perspective that I haven’t yet seen.

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Ode to Week 5

I’ve passed the one month mark in Peace Corps! While that is very exciting, I can also say that this has been the toughest week for me thus far. It has also the most rewarding. Pre-service training really is a rollercoaster.

I remember last Sunday looking at the week ahead of me and feeling like it would be the longest, busiest week of my life. I wasn’t completely wrong, but it went by in the blink of an eye.

On Monday, I was able to teach a class of fourth graders with my cluster mate Cristina. Our subject was focused on one of our goals as Youth Development volunteers: preparing youth for the world of work. So for fourth graders, that meant talking about different professions, setting goals, and enforcing the idea that you can do whatever your heart desires if you set your mind to it and work hard. The memory of teaching this class will always stand out to me. We assigned them the task of setting goals, and I was expecting them to be akin to cleaning one’s room more often, helping their mother in the kitchen more, or maybe studying hard to get good grades. When they eagerly raised their hands to share, they unabashedly told us how they want to become doctors to help people, become designers, models, artists, photographers, and travel the world. I think it was the idea that I was standing in front of a classroom full of young students so full of hope and aspirations that filled my heart so much. It gave me a lot more confidence in teaching, as well, because that is a whole new field to me. The feeling of helping them spark new ideas and set goals for their future is one that I hope to remember throughout the duration of my service.

On Wednesday, our country director visited our cluster to hold individual interviews and get to know us a little better. He brought us Tostitos and salsa from the U.S., as well as Reese’s! We ate those along with a cake made by the woman who lets us use her house for lessons. Together with our LCF and TCF we talked about our families back at home in the U.S., and I remember feeling very at home and grateful to be sitting and eating with the people around me.

Learning a new language and leaving the security of a home and people that you know accept and support all of your oddities and hopes to go live in a foreign place can sometimes leave you feeling unsure of yourself. I find myself second-guessing my words or actions more than I normally would, and being a little more hesitant to jump into things unafraid like I used to. I think that that’s normal given this situation and I know that eventually I will know this place too, and feel free to come out of my shell more, but for now, I’m very happy to be surrounded by individuals who have yet to show me anything but support. They are full of so many ideas and they have knowledge and experience in things that I know nothing about. That day we also made plans for a summer camp we will put on and I am SO excited! We’ll be playing games and teaching lessons on subjects like emotional health, leadership, creativity, and English.

On Wednesday, we had our weekly Euroclub. Euroclub is meant to teach about different places, cultures, and ideas while also teaching the students English. We taught the students about U.S. holidays this week. I also taught a seventh grade English class on Thursday! Later in the week we had our mid-service assessment with Peace Corps staff, and I learned that our Site Placement Interviews are in less than two weeks! In other words, I will be speaking with our program director and Peace Corps staff, and this discussion will be instrumental in choosing where I will be stationed for the next two years. Much like most things make me feel... I am very excited! I’m a little bit nervous because it’s extremely important, but mostly just exhilarated by the idea that I’m that much closer to knowing where I’ll be working and what I’ll be doing for the bulk of my time here.

Learning Ukrainian is going well, but it’s getting harder, too. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing great because I can talk to students and my family on my own and usually communicate my needs, wants, interests, etc. as well as understanding theirs, but other times I’m reminded that I still have a lot to learn. I wrote a stack of letters to home this week (keep your eyes on your mailboxes, friends!) but have yet to send them because the woman at the post office speaks Russian and while she was very kind and helpful, I had no idea what she was saying. My host mom helped me to translate, and hopefully the letters will be on their way soon, but it was one of those times where I felt a little helpless or lost. It comes with the territory, and I’m learning more everyday! Right now, we’re learning about prefixes. Simultaneously, my head is spinning and everything is falling into place and making sense.

Spring is in full swing, and the weather has been absolutely beautiful. It’s my first time experiencing such a vivid change in seasons, so I’m surprised every day by the new tulips blooming on the side of the road or the bees buzzing around all things growing.

Somehow, amidst all of the language learning and lesson planning, we made it to the weekend. This morning we had a visit from a foreign service officer from the U.S. embassy, and the volunteers from the nearby village of Oster came to meet with him, too. He told us a lot about the current economic and political state of Ukraine. I left his conversation feeling very humbled to be in this country at such a pivotal moment in history, and also inspired by all of the possibilities for continued service/work after Peace Corps.

Later, some fellow volunteers and I ate at the pizzeria, walked around the cathedral, and played a soccer game. On my way to watch the game (I don’t like playing soccer), I walked through a schoolyard and three little girls ran to greet me, shouting “hello!” Somehow, they can spot Americans a mile away, and they’re always excited to practice some English and make new friends. They accompanied me to the game and while we watched they told me about their families, what they like to do, and taught me some Ukrainian hand games that they play. Together with other volunteers we played games like Duck Duck Goose or telephone, and even though we couldn’t communicate to the greatest extent, it was clear that we were all equally curious and happy to learn about each other.

For dinner, my host sister made sushi! My host mom told me how this is an unusual food to eat in Ukraine, and my host father thought it was missing something… So he unrolled his sushi and put сало (pronounced “sal-o”) in it! Salo is a very popular and culturally important food here. It’s essentially raw pork fat, and it’s eaten very often in a multitude of ways: sliced thinly and eaten alone, smeared with garlic on bread, or snacked on with thin slices of onion. Watching my host dad eat сало with chopsticks was funny for everyone at the table, and we decided that some day, a restaurant with сало sushi on the menu could become very popular.

This week was full of stressing out about lesson plans, loving each class that I taught, laughter, both struggling and succeeding in language, and many important interviews. This is just the beginning though! There will only be more lessons, clubs, camps, and important meetings in the future. But if a week like this can end with a day full of walking around cathedrals while the bells ring and birds sing, making new friends and spending time with other volunteers, and laughing over sushi and homemade wine with my host family, then I’m more than ready and excited for all else that is to come. So, here’s to week five, and the next 26 months ahead of me!

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Visiting Kyiv

Friday was a day full of exploring. We walked all over Kyiv and saw lots of things. First stop was the Peace Corps office, where we saw a lot of the staff that we’ve already met and met some new people, as well as touring the different offices and the volunteer lounge. My favorite part of the office (aside from seeing everybody-- I love our staff) was seeing the Close of Service Bell. It’s a bell reserved only for those who have finished their service, and it made me that much more excited to be able to ring it in two years! I can’t imagine how different my life will be by then, seeing as I’ve only been here for a month and it feels like so much has changed.

Later, we toured St. Sophia’s Cathedral, saw Mother Motherland, St. Michael’s Cathedral, the WWII museum, the Holodomor memorial, a park that overlooks the city, and Maidan Nezalezhnosti (Independence Square). I was probably most excited to see Maidan because of all of the history that has happened there, like the Orange Revolution or the Revolution of Dignity, but I didn’t anticipate all of the sadness that I would feel there, too. There were memorials lining one of the streets for all of those who died during the Revolution of Dignity, and I couldn’t bare to keep looking at it for the whole walk. There were people from cities all over the country. Some were older, in their late 30′s or 50′s, and could have been teachers or parents. Some were younger, like 17 years old, or early 20′s. It makes me feel honored to be in a country where people from all different places and walks of life are willing to fight for their growth and independence, and made me stop and think about what an important time in history this is for Ukraine.

My favorite part of the day was touring St. Sophia’s Cathedral. Another one of my cluster mates and I made it inside and were able to explore. It was built in the 11th century! It was extremely old, quiet, and beautiful. There were ceiling high paintings and in one room, a mosaic made completely out of painted eggs.

My feet hurt by the end of the day and I was ready and happy to come home to my host family. We had a celebration this weekend for my host cousin’s birthday, and we sat around the table talking and eating for hours. Everybody did their best to include me in the conversation and kept asking if I understood. Even though most of the time my answer was no, it was still nice to laugh and eat and share with everyone.

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(almost) One Month Later:

I really wish that had the energy and time to write more on here! Every day is full of so many thoughts, feelings, and experiences that I don’t think writing about them could do them any justice. Since my last entry, I have:

- Taught my first class in Ukrainian! It was a fifth grade class and the subject was healthy eating. If you would have told me a month ago that I would be teaching a classroom in 90% Ukrainian I would not have believed you. But I did it! It was lots of fun, but also very challenging. I am looking forward to improving and learning more about teaching and helping the children learn. I was also very proud of all of my cluster mates because they did AMAZING! For most, if not all of us, it was our first time teaching a classroom of children.

- Rode in my first marshrutka (a very small bus!), and it was just as cramped as I had heard. Personal space was thrown out the window, but it was actually kind of funny.

- Visited Chernihiv and laughed until I cried in a varenyky restaurant.

- Attended a fitness class with my host mom. It was surreal looking around the room realizing that I was surrounded by strangers in a foreign country, doing something that I don’t even often do at home (physical fitness in the company of others is not my favorite hobby). I didn’t understand what was going on most of the time because of course it was all in Ukrainian too, but I followed along and finished! The walk home with my host mom was almost completely dark and she lead me around all of the potholes. She also insisted that I tie my towel around my head like a babucya because it was so cold out. I felt like a small child, but one that is cared for!

- Learned that the ability to laugh at yourself could probably make any stressful situation at least a little bit easier.

- Watched the sunset with my cluster mate Allison and felt, once again, humbled and lucky to realize that I’m surrounded by individuals who all share a similar purpose in life, and the same feelings of occasional confusion.

Again, I’m sorry that I am not great at recording all of this! I hope to remember all of the details and faces and hugs and stories shared, but in case I don’t, here are some pictures to help:

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Today was a perfect Sunday. I slept in a little late, and then decided to take a run. I ran around our little town and ended up at the cathedral, of course. I feel like I gravitate to it like a magnet. It is always the picturesque backdrop of any outside activity and to be up close to it never fails to leave me in awe. Later, I made crepes with my family! We had a plethora of options to fill them with: mushrooms & onions, homemade cheese (sort of like ricotta), Nutella, and peanut butter. My favorite combo was the homemade cheese with peanut butter, and then fresh sauce made with raspberries from our garden on top. Delicious! Then, later, as the sun begin to set, I helped my host mom plant radishes in the garden for about an hour. A day fill of simplistic beauty.

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Today we made (and ate!) lots and lots of varenyky. : )

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