moron @aperfectcrisis - Tumblr Blog

girlie help im becoming parasocial

My love language? Kiezdeutsch

#What do you want me to say #pHySiCaL aFfEcTioN?#I say this because I'm oblivious to everything #And i won't understand you #Tough luck if you like me I'm so sorry

Life hack: if someone proposes to you, you can just... take the ring and go. Their diamonds are their offering and you are their god. Grow your jewels exhibit and take your throne. What is gifted to you does not need to be compensated.

#life hacks #power move propose to someone else with their ring #this is good advice okay #don't be tricked into marriage #take the ring and run

It's always falling in love with the ceo and never about the cfo... what did chief financial officers ever do to you romance writers

#ceo or cfo?#writers take notes #i sense a tragic backstory #this is cfo exclusion

So I got this ad and—

What am I supposed to do? Sleep with the soap? Make vivacious love to the soap? Passionately bite the soap? What am I? Who am I? I don't know what I'm doing! I feel like I know nothing; am I a soap lover? A soap vampire? HOW DOES THE SOAP TASTE?!

Am I supposed to find out??

#help i am so confused #this ad is ridiculous #i must impose this monstrosity upon those who may stumble across this #what do i need to do with the soap #soap ad confusion #i fear this #this is life's greatest mystery

I'd like to bring back randomly passive aggressively insulting people and their things like "Emma darling what a lovely heirloom gown you have there... oh it's new? Well it could definitely pass for vintage, darling"

#i could be so mean if i wanted to be #i wasn't meant for this era #can you imagine just like passing by your frenemy in your glorious carriage like #what a nice shack you've scrounged up #i realize this seems a wee bit mean

Among Us, but the imposters don't know who else are the imposters until they try to kill them

#among us #concept #haha jk... unless?#all i want is some wanton killing please #I swear I'm not a serial killer

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