This is the story, of how I learned my lesson. I have always known that there is a God out there. I have heard and read of how He acts in mysterious ways. But have never been moved by such stories or testimonies. Mine is a rare case. I was born in the rainny days of late summer, Twenty-Nine years ago. This the account of the previous Twenty-Seven years. When I was born, my father told me that my mother dumped me in their mining offices on a cold July morning. And was never to be seen ever again. So I have no idea who my biological mother is. Sources tell me that there was a valid reason for her to dump me that morning. They say during the time my mom was raising me, my father was running-around with the woman I'd later know as my mother. I still don't see how that justifies abandoning an infant. I guess the point is that she has her side of the story to tell. The woman I knew as my mother died when I was about Six years old, and I was taken in by her sister. God would struck me dead as I relate this story if I were to say this woman did not go out of her way to love me as her own. Sadly she also passed on Ten years after she had taken me in. And as with many teenagers, I missed many paramount lessons she tried to teach me. But she rests in peace knowing for certain that she drove home the need to respect my elders. I guess it is from those drilling that I am unable to retort when someone older spreads lies about me. She went to the grave with the secret that she was not my mother, but descended to sixteen-feet knowing that she gave me all that a mother could hope for. And for that, I am most grateful. As they say, things fall-apart. After her death, things fell apart. I did not see it then, at least not as vivid as I do now as I look back in time. This was brought to my attention, many years later by my father's wife. She asked a question I did not see its significance at the time. She said: 'What do you think your siblings are going to do now that your mother is no more? Are you not scared that they will turn on you and chase you out?' At the time I had been given the opportunity to serve as a substitute-teacher for one of the schools in my neighbourhood at the recommendation of the School Governing Body. So when she said that, I felt it was one of her tricks to try and lure me under her wing once again. I did not see a dramatic like that ever happening. But I did notice subtle changes in the family. There were murmurs in the corridors and through phone calls, about how our father would not be allowed to bring his concubine in the family or take a new wife. These utterances troubled me, as this was a man I looked up to. A man who impressed upon me the importance of reading. And how one should always see things in neutrality and make decisions based on facts. This was the man who made me fall in love with debate. These murmurs made me want to understand the logic behind the presumptions that he did not deserve to mourn for his wife. Because our father decided to spend his last days close to his late life's partner, he went to the land of his ancestors where he had built his first home and where our mother is buried. Since he had moved there and being alone, this led to one of the youngsters of the village to feel the need to help him with household chores and cook for him on occasions. The murmurs turned this act of kindness to one of promiscuity. They alleged that our father was having sexual-relations with this young woman. I knew their allegations were unfounded as this was one of the kids I grew up with and she had the same respect I have for our father. I learned that their allegations were based on our father's wayward ways of the 70s and early 80s. I rejected them with the contempt they deserve. That was the beginning of my step-mom's predictions. What happened was that my father fell off grace with our sister Seganana, I was told to return his clothing to where he was. As coincident would have it, that was not long after my step-mom had made her prediction. My father went to our father to find out as to what had gotten in our sister to chase him out of the house of the sister (our mom) whom he had nothing but respect for. Our father simply responded by saying that is what grieve does to a person. There came a time for me where it was my turn to fall off grace with our sister. I was in Mahikeng when a cousin of mine asked me wether Seganana still treats me like garbage. Because too many people had asked me that same question over the course of the previous year, I asked her what she means by that because she was not the first person to ask me that. She said, does Seganana still speak with you like you're not a person or send you aimlessly around just to prove that she is your elder? I just smiled and asked her how she got to know that? She said everybody in the neighbourhood could see. A little over a year since my encounter with my cousin. She came to visit our home, Seganana's response was that I should take the maize-meal and hide it in her bedroom. But to her disappointment Matshidiso had only come to see her father and she wasn't going to spend a night with us. But had only come to greet the people she grew up under. She asked me to acompany her to go to her father's place. She did not find him so she decided to go back to her home. On our way I let her in on what happened earlier on, just to confirm her sayings of the previous year. It was not long, that I would square off with Seganana on a verbal tag-of-war, which made me decide that it was best I went to cool off in the coast. So I took that which was mine and went to the Eastern Cape for those festive holidays. As I was that side, there were murmurs about me and my disrespectfulness and how ungrateful I am. When I got that side I did not go to our father's house but to my father's. So when I got to our father's house, news of my having left home had reached him. And he was hurt by what had happened, because it was related to him that I had taken all that was mine and left for my biological home. I told him what had happened and that I would never leave home unless he was to say I should leave. The January of the following year I came back. And met a hostile Seganana. I told her she does not deserve an explanation over what happend last December. Then she suggested that we speak with the elders. And the only elders around were Sis Ntombiyekhaya and her husband Stonecold. A date was set. And on the said date they arrived. We laid our complaints to them. They heard each of our grievances. Which were nothing more than the carling of insults and my crime in it was simply saying 'Nawe' which means, you too. We were both reprimanded. But Stonecold made a remark, that if something of this nature where to happen again he'd have no choice but to be political in dealing with it. I understood him very clearly. The significance of what my step-mom said those years ago, took form. That very year a friend told me that there was an organization which was looking for facilitators to run their programmes in schools, he was wondering if I'd be interested. I told him I would be. So he arranged that I would be part of that organization. There I learned a whole lot about self-sufficience and selfless serving. That is where I was groomed for the fight against HIV and to help reduce new infections in teenagers which was endemic at the time. Because of my traveling a lot I felt at ease as though the tension had died out completely. I was delusioned. Because at the end of my contract with the said organization, I told Seganana that my contract had come to an end and that I'll have trouble in contributing as I had been to the running of the household. Not long after the beginning of the New Year, Seganana came to me and said: 'Why does it seem I am no longer interested in buying the grocery?' I asked her whether I did not tell her that my contract had come to an end? She said I should call Zanele our sister who was in Durban at the time. And tell her that, as she doesn't believe Zanele would appreciate feeding a grown man like me. I was at odds as I was not that close with Zanele and I wondered as to whether she could feel like that. I did not call her, because I have been under the impression that we were surviving on our father's pension as we were both no longer working. Sometime after that, our brother Andile come through. He had been tired of driving cabs and wanted a better job. Around that time, as I was someone who buzied himself by making beats on the computer. Something strange sarted to happen. It began when Seganana said she was getting tired of having to shout my name out in order for me to come eat. The shouts became scarce so did the dishing out for me. But the cleaning of dishes was not. They were still there for me to clean. Like any guy in my township, I began to look for ways I could get something to eat, as there was nobody hiring - I had to find alternative ways. So I wandered around my township, I would visit friends, I'd eat with them when they do. I'd go to friends as early as ten in the morning and I'd leave as late as eight in the evening. One day our friend who was staying at Potch at the time came to visit us. So he took us out for a braai. As we where there my siblings came to the same butchery to buy some meat. I was less concerned as I knew I was never gonna eat that meat. This is happening when I was looking for employment. So this other organization called me to help them out as they wanted to get funding. I helped them on strictly a volunteering basis. But during that time, my brother came to me to find out as to why I was not contributing to the running of the house. I asked him whether he implied I should go to a loan shark to sell my soul? With which he did not reapond. But because he was troubled by the developments of late. Which were stirred by the fact that he had brought a girlfriend in the house. He lamented 'Seganana had stayed with a man in the house for years and even dealt in gold which led to his arrest; no one had a problem. But because it was him it is a mortal sin to have brought a girlfriend in the house. Or when Zanele was impregnated by someone your age nothing was said.' I just listened. There was nothing for me to say. Around that time my daughter was born. Her mother gave me her cards so that I could get her baby essentials. So I would go do that shopping for her. In the spring of that year I was surmoned to the court of the elders again. This time our father would preside the proceedings. In the court I presented the sayings of Seganana about Zanele's alleged sayings. In her defence, she said I was being political about the whole thing and she never said that. She made the charges that I have money which I do braais with friends and I go do groceries for other people but not in the house. The verdict was that I should contribute to the running of the household. I challenged the verdict with the same question I had posed to my brother. The final word was that I should find a way. I had never been so disappointed to a man who has taught me the importance of neutrality than I was that day. The settlement was that I would eat and would contribute in the cleaning of the yard and help with the cooking. By March the following year, the settlement was broken as I could not cook that which is hidden in the bedrooms and locked in. It was back to square one. But now I was liberated, I had read a line in the Bible which said: If you did not sweat for it, you don't have a right to complain about it. And amidst all that I found my salvation. A friend recommended a church for me and I fellowship with those brethren over the remainder of that year. During that time I witness things which science would rubbish off as mere coincidences. I believe it broke Seganana inside to see a rejuvinating me. She probably was wondering as to how I would get so happy but still not eating at the house. She would rejoice too if she had experience the improvement of weekly diet from an average of zero meals a week from May of that year to about a meal a week. And by August of that year someone saw my worth in the social transformation space and they gave me a call. I maintained the status quo as I felt that peace determined by the size of my wallet was no peace I wanted in my life. I startwd traveling again. That decision probably made things worse. In February of the following year. I met an old friend, someone I had not seen in about Twelve years. We arrange to meet and catch up. He came through one Thursday afternoon, in his uncle's Venture and we discussed at length what we had been up to in the past Twelve years or so. I also told him about my plight and how I hadn't gotten to get a degree or a diploma. So he invtied me to come stay with him and his uncle. I declined the offer as I felt there was no honor in running away from my problems. Not long after that, in fact it was no more than Three days that our father came from the Eastern Cape. Upon his arrival, he witnessed that the settlement had been broken, and that things had become worse. It was no more than Two days he had arrived that one Tuesday morning when Seganana had gone to one of those mayoral projects as she was employed by the council, he called me. He told me how things had reached unacceptable levels for a conducive living conditions, that he had set with the elders from my family and had come to the conclusion that I should leave to find a place where I'd build a shack or rent in. As he fearwd that if we continued to live the way we did, one would end up poisoning the other. So the best thing was for me to leave. And that was the only reason he had come all the way from the Eastern Cape. That he was under pressure, the kids are saying he is the one who gives me the permission to do what I have been doing. I told him, I had a fewling that this day would come. But I appreciate all that he has done for me over the years. An he told me not to hate my sister as she does not know that we are having thia talk. How diplomatic of him, I thought - but told him I don't have a problem with her so long as she doesn't have one with me. I called my friend, to find out whether his offer still stands. He said he'd pick me up on Thursady the 18th of February. On the said day he came through and we took my belongings and I left that place. Its been Two years since I had set foot in that place. And it all has been the grace of God. I know He is out there looking out for me. And this has been my lesson.