[stares at blog with my just now fully developed prefrontal cortex] ya i should really delete this blog
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Kaledo Art

if i look back, i am lost
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d e v o n

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@applesluts
[stares at blog with my just now fully developed prefrontal cortex] ya i should really delete this blog
april 16 2020
highkey depressed so im back on tumblr. i don’t know what to say? i guess i came back to trigger myself more.
after weeks of mandatory lockdown here, my boyfriend doing all the groceries, i’ve accepted being house-bound. it took drinking almost everyday but now i’m trying to do every other day because i’m done trying to not think about it and i want to go back to having a feeling of total control by micromanaging what i eat
i work in health research but i’m really a junior in the field, with a qualitative edge, so not much of an edge. sometimes i work on documents for medical organizations and government stuff but it goes through my boss and for that illogical reason i feel like i dont do shit
i was supposed to graduate this year, finishing my college life, 2 degrees, 2 minors, a specialization. i also had a feeling that i would’ve gotten best thesis. i was so sure.
i guess im 23 and i cant process my feelings but i’ve gotten so good at knowing how to work that i have to do it 100% and without work im crumbling without structure
i wish i could sleep for 24 hours straight for 5 days straight but then i can’t, because i have to whiplash between literature searches for health research projects im overjoyed about bc pandemic didnt stop it, guilty because i’m not doing enough for this shit hole ungrateful country and the wretched disease, and then back to life where nobody talks to me i just sit here and make elaborate food to busy myself with. i’ve totally lost respect for myself lmao! good morning nobody!
Котенок на гигантской кувшинке. Филиппины, 1935 г….
“kitten on a gigantic lilypad, Philippines, 1935….”
time for beauté sleep
RATATOUILLE just makes me want to eat GRAPES WITH CHEESE so i can see COLORS and SPARKS
taken at the graduation for minors thingy
i made it! i cant believe it but here i am so hooray (i am still disappointed in myself) for the major in social sciences (sociology and anthropology) w a specialization in cultural heritage, minor in history
i still have 2 years cos in typical richelle fashion Things Just Happen, so im looking for jobs or other shit to do while i finish up a second degree in interdisciplinary studies (communication n psychology track) and maybe a minor in health and dev???, before i jump in a masters degree in health social sciences or maybe something from UPM, i dont know!! im contemplating taking up a masters degree in the states to study the health systems there (in terms of communication, discourse, health care, policies, etc)
4 years ago i was this stupid idiot girl with so much passion but not a lot of brain or heart, 4 years later its still me but fatter and older now but just trust me im gonna change the health care system here somehow
without my boyfriend i sure as shit would be dead, last sem i tried and failed, then he also came over every day, we’d eat dinner, all that, encourage each other to run and work out, drink water, keep a healthy weight, excel, get therapy, all that
this fucking website makes me want to kill myself
find me on twitter @ amorphousgirl where we be talking bout staying hydrated and shit
new concept: tumblr jail
if a post gains more than 20 notes it goes on trial to determine whether it’s problematic or not. then the op is given the death penalty
I like how this seems to imply that op gets the death penalty regardless of whether their post is deemed problematic.
that’s exactly what happens
Time’s up, punk
well sh
Mothers and Fuckers of the jury–
anyway i want to be so heart achingly stunning and skinny and brilliant and then i want to destroy something beautiful by destroying it and leaving no trace except some bastardized amorphous legacy, or even better, obscurity
i want to be dirt
im older im turning 22 this year but i still wanna b fucking dirt
im like really tired of the faux feminism moment in pop music like if i hear another girl group singing about female empowerment via male sexual fantasies i’m going to develop an arterial embolism
myspace but pronounced like versace
The thing is you have to fight the whole time. You can’t stop. Otherwise you just end up somewhere, bobbing in the middle of a life you never wanted.
Alexander Maksik, You Deserve Nothing (via wordsnquotes)
i dunno whats up with this narrative bronies are trying to push where they keep insisting that they were “never actually that bad”
yes you were. yes you fucking were. five years ago i couldn’t go a single day without seeing mlp content shoved in my face. no matter where i went or who i unfollowed, it made its way to my computer screen every single day. i would consider it a lucky day if the content was SFW. it often was not.
cropped porn avatars. MLP dolls modded to have fleshlights in them. little girls attending “brony cons” only to be met with grown men discussing the asses of MLP characters. screencaps of the show highlighting the horses asses with the captions “THEY KNOW WE’RE CLOPPING AND THEY LIKE IT”
i remember it all. we all remember. you can insist that you were never “that bad” but we all remember.
there will never be “the new bronies.” people can get stabbed over mcdonalds sauce. steven universe fans can send death threats over fanart being too skinny. voltron fans can harass each other for bad headcanons. at least i can avoid seeing it if i want to. i could never avoid bronies, they were far too pervasive. far too enthusiastic. they were ever-present, inescapable, and they were always horny. horny for child cartoon horses.
there was a time when you couldn’t google a mlp character’s name without getting porn, even with the strictest safesearch on. it’s different now, thank god, but there was that time. that time a bunch of horny grown men stole something away from children and turned it in to something that children simply could not have.
i’m not going to forget that. i wish i could, but i can’t. and i won’t. i will never forgive bronies for making me know what “clopping” is. don’t @ me, motherfucker.
I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you’re welcome.
@mrozna
on my bed exactly like that crying seal pic, lowkey having a 6 hour long panic attack over my weight
happy fucking new year
yall coping ?
no