SHSL Spirit Medium

DR OC Blog for Matthew Wanderlust. Currently in Despairvania, very much not dead! Follows with @violentlydefending! Icon by @rangersna

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Tired of this Ire || Chapter 6 || Open

Things were... a lot, for Matthew, at the moment. They always were, really, and Matthew, quite frankly, couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t feeling ridiculously overwhelmed. It almost felt as if every single murder and death and execution just sent the entire situation spiralling into something worse, like there was no way to just de-escalate. 

It’d be too easy, Matthew figured. Hell, the entire last trial proved that it could never really be that easy, and that just made it worse, and things would probably never get better, and oh God now he was crying again.

Pathetically, alone in the 13th street bakery, just... crying. Not that that was any different than usual, but... 

Ugh. Ugh! Why did he have to be like this? That was a question he asked himself near every day, but today of all days, it felt as if it grew in impact. For a second, he almost felt as if he were actually getting better, but all his friends just kept dying and killing and maybe it was just easier to stay the same. After all, he could die at any moment, so why bother with improvement?

So, yeah. Hiding out in a bakery and crying seemed pretty reasonable. But, beyond that... Matthew was frustrated. Angry. Infuriated. 

Unsure of how to quell and quash this emotion, Matthew grabbed a chair and threw it at a wall. When he didn’t feel any better, he simply sat, leaning against a wall, and hid his face in his hands.

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Clouded Minds || Chapter 4 || OPEN

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

of-incredible-beauty:

Kimi did not mind comforting Matthew, or anyone really. If she had not been able to prevent any deaths, this was the best she could do. All she could do, maybe. Who knew. Her facial expression remained the same, however. Come on Kimi, you can do better than that.

“It is no problem, Wanderlust-san. It is only natural to feel distressed in… such a situation. If you are in need of any support, I am here.”

That could have probably been worded better, but it’s all she has right now. How was she? Well, Kimi certainly had had better days. Days where she wasn’t stuck in a castle where half the people had died. She would like to go back to then.

“How am I faring? In all honesty, not as well as I would like to. Though, considering the circumstances, I would say the feeling is mutual among all of us.”

They didn’t even have beds this time. Kimi liked having a bed. She liked having an actual room, not a tent. It was safe to say that this version of the castle was certainly not a place Kimi would want to visit again.

Matthew wasn’t exactly a fan of how Kimi’s expression remained so neutral, but he tried to push away any thoughts regarding how that probably meant she secretly hated him. Her unchanging expression honestly made him even more embarrassed, thinking how the contrast between their two faces must’ve looked ridiculous. 

“Um, th-thank you...” He rubbed at his eyes. There were so many nice people here, so it was even more distressing to think about how they were all probably going to die. “I-I’m here, too! F-for you!” He attempted reciprocation. “A-ah, but, m-maybe you’d want to find support from someone who... who’s actually good at support, haha...”

“O-oh, I’m... I’m sorry to hear that...” But he had to agree. There was no way anybody here could possibly he happy with the circumstances. Nobody that was still alive, at least. “I-I hope you’ll feel better, s-soon...?” He offered, before realizing that was a stupid thing to say. Complete placating nonsense that wouldn’t help anyone. 

He couldn’t think of anything else to say, though, so he just changed the subject. “Um! S-so! H-hey, these tents... Th-they’re super uncomfortable, aren’t they? R-really suck! They do! A-and this wh-whole freaky painting thing... s-sucks. Um. Yeah.”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Clouded Minds || Chapter 4 || OPEN

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

of-incredible-beauty:

Ever since the trial, Kimi had been… off. How long had it been since they had been trapped in this castle? How long since… Kaoru died? Since they had first set foot in that trial room? Since Kimi had begun her failure to stop any killing? At this point, with 8 dead, Kimi knew that Luna was right. She didn’t want to acknowledge what the swing singer had said, after she murdered both Dareka and Alice. But she knew that Luna was right. Kimi’s words were meaningless. Her promises were empty. She had failed.

After the trial had ended, Kimi hadn’t been feeling… anything. All she wanted to do was wait for the castle to reform. She wanted to lie down, to just not make any promises anymore. So she did. But Kimi knew what she had to do.

Maybe, just to prove Luna wrong, to help herself, she’d make her promises have meaning. She could help. She could try.

Kimi sat up from where she was lying to see her Matthew crying. It had been 3 castles since she had first started rooming with the spirit medium. That long, huh? She slowly moved towards him, and put a hand on his shoulder. She patted him lightly a few times, but said nothing.

Matthew started at the contact, but when he saw that it was Kimi, he knew he could relax. Kimi was nice. She even offered him a few comforting touches. Of course, he felt gratitude, but embarrassment suddenly flooded him. 

He knew he probably had a bit of a reputation as an over-emotional crying idiot, but whenever others explicitly acknowledged that he was upset, it would only ever make him more upset. He hated that he was like that.

So he cried just a little bit harder for just a little bit longer, before he could finally calm down. 

“U-um.” He looked at Kimi with red eyes and flushed cheeks, but at least now, he could speak without excessive incomprehensibility of any kind. “S-sorry, I...” As his voice trailed off, Matthew looked away for a moment, before shaking his head with an almost uncharacteristic resoluteness. Then, he turned back. “...Th-thank you, for, um.... c-comforting me.” A pause. “Th-thank you!!”

Matthew rubbed at his eyes, and settled back into slumping over. “...U-um, s-so, are...” He took a breath. “...H-how are... y-you faring? Y-you can p-probably tell how I am, h-haha, but...” He was never very good at reading people, always assuming the worst, but, hey, he may as well just ask, instead of floundering in doubt. 

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Clouded Minds || Chapter 4 || OPEN

Matthew simply sat by one of the tents. He moved to cover up as much of his face as he could with his scarf, as if trying to silence his sobs. It had always been rough in this absolutely garbage castle, but...

Well, it just felt like it was only ever getting worse. Things had started out bad enough, but then two people were murdered, and Luna...

The thought of her made him retreat even further into his scarf. Maybe he should just crawl into the tent and curl up against nothing, let the gaping loneliness really just fill up his disheartened being.

He had never really known Luna very well. Clearly not, really, since apparently Luna wasn’t even her real name. But whatever. He thought she was terrible, and it turns out, yeah, she really was! And everything still sucks, so, great. Really. Just, great. 

Matthew sighed into his scarf, the wetness of the cloth not really bothering him that much. But, following another sigh, he finally lowered the fabric, allowing it to bunch up properly around his neck. 

Sure, he hated Luna, and now she was gone! He would never see her again, and he could just block her on titter if he really hated her that much, but... Matthew still felt bad. He didn’t want to bother with any feelings of remorse or guilt regarding the latest murderer, but... he had gotten a bit heated at the trial; more than he was used to.

And, well, Matthew wasn’t exactly the best at dealing with his emotions.

All it took was just a few more minutes of ruminating and tears rolling down his cheek before he had exclaimed, to no one in particular, “This sucks!!”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Seeking Warmth || Chapter 3 || Closed for Kouki

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

Kouki raised an eyebrow when Matthew apologised needlessly again, but comparative with her previous reactions it was subdued. “No problem…” She said, returning a halfhearted thumbs up. She didn’t want him to feel to uptight around her. Perhaps under normal circumstances she would have just told him to toughen up, but the situation they were stuck in was anything but “normal circumstances”. He’d probably cry, or something. Then Kouki would really have no idea what to do.

Kouki nodded in understanding. If Matthew wanted to hang out, that was fine with her. She turned back to the heart she had offered up to the statue, and saw that it had been replaced with…

a flower in a terracotta pot.

Kouki grabbed it and chucked it over her shoulder, causing it to shatter upon the wall. “What the FUCK am I supposed to do with a fucking flower?!” She shouted. So much for being subdued. She stared of into the distance dejectedly for what seemed like an eternity, before eventually saying “I guess I can’t return that now…”

Matthew raised his head, sparing a passing glance at Kouki, before looking away yet again. Barely catching the thumbs up that was offered to him, he put up one of his own for a brief moment, before going back to playing with his scarf. It’s not that he was particularly scared of Kouki or anything like that, but he still thought she was really cool, and he felt almost embarrassed just being around her, due to how silly he felt that he was. 

As the heart was placed by the satue, Matthew took a few more steps closer, to get a closer look. Sure, there was that one time he got a cup of dirt, but usually, the rewards from the save room were never really terrible or anything.

In fact, the flower that apparated looked quite lovely!

But when Kouki very well assaulted it, he jumped up and yelped, before cowering under his own arms. “U-um,” he started, still hiding under his own arms, “K-Kouki?” He peeked at her, between the crevices of his arms. “K-Kouki, are...” He swallowed. “...Are you...” A pause. “U-um, I’m s-sorry! I-I can leave, now! I-I’m sorry!”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Seeking Warmth || Chapter 3 || Closed for Kouki

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

Kouki had come to the newly revamped save room to exchange a couple of hearts for, hopefully, something useful. Hopefully this time, it would involve less throwing stuff at people. She recalled the last time she’d been here, making her smirk a little. It as almost enough to forget that a quarter of them had been brutally killed, but panicking and getting all sad about it wasn’t going to do ass…

Trying to put that thought aside for a moment, she pulled one of the hearts she collected out of her pocket, and was about to lay it in front of the statue, before she heard someone come inside. Kouki turned her head and saw that it was Matthew. She didn’t even have time to react before he started rambling. “What? No, it’s all good, dude.” She said monotonously. Hey, at least he didn’t say sorry this time. Turning back to the statue, she lay the heart down before it. 

“So uh, you here to trade some hearts too?” She asked. She tried to sound casual, but she was trying to avoid talking about the ever increasing body count. For his sake, not hers. 

Matthew lowered his hand, and looked to the ground sheepishly. “Haha, um...” He rubs the back of his neck with one hand, and fiddles with his scarf using the other. “O-okay, sorry--” Matthew stopped himself with a sudden look up. “Or, I mean, um, thank you... For being o-okay with it...!” He puts up a bit of a cheesy smile on his face, and tries for a thumbs up, but he immediately goes back to hunching over and looking a bit dejected. 

She said it so monotone, he couldn’t help but to think that maybe she was just, like, faking it or something. Ugh, what an idiot! He shouldn’t have tried being better about his constant apologies, because now he probably just looked and seemed foolish.

Eyeing Kouki’s hearts, he took a few careful steps closer. “O-oh, right, yeah, s-save room, and a-all that...” He mumbled, moving his gaze up towards the statue. “...A-actually, I... I don’t have any hearts, haha...” He looked back down to the floor, avoiding any lingering gaze directed towards Kouki. “Th-this is gonna sound stupid, but! Um, I just came here to, like, um, hang out..? B-but, don’t mind me! Y-you should g-go ahead and make those offerings...!”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Seeking Warmth || Chapter 3 || Closed for Kouki

@akuma-bass

Things were... upsetting, to say the least. Matthew definitely wasn’t having it, that was for sure. He just didn’t feel up to doing much of anything, really, other than wandering around the castle, periodically knocking on walls and avoiding monsters. Hey, mindlessly walking around is one thing; getting into fights was another.

Checking his phone, he decided to make for the save room. He didn’t have any hearts, not anymore, but... It’d probably be just as nice as the other save rooms, right? Just to hang out in.

Pleasantly surprised to see the statue upholding a warm fire, he went ahead and decided to get closer, only to spot a familiar face. “H-huh? Oh!” He flimsily held up a hand in a motion akin to that of a greeting, even if it possibly came off as more of a show of passiveness and peace. “K-Kouki, I... um, only j-just got here, so... if! You wanted the space t-to yourself, I-I can leave...!”

[akuma-bass]

Condolences | Chapter 2 | Closed for Matthew

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

Yeah, no. Matthew was clearly not okay. But if faking his own okayness was the bet way for him to deal with this, fine. Better than being an incoherent mess, I guess. 

At first Kouki thought she’d respond like she always had. Just say “I’m fine.” and move on. She’d sort of… closed herself off from the others a bit since it happened, but she had a feeling she didn’t have to fear Matthew. There couldn’t be any danger in just being honest with him.

“Eurgh, I’ve just been feeling angry and frustrated and fucked up in the head all the goddamn time lately. Fucking Rikyou…” She was clearly getting worked up just talking about it. “Still stuck in this motherfucking castle and still no closer to finding a goddamn way out other than going along with this perverse murder game bullshit. Jesus Christ, when I get my hands on this Dracula dude, they’re going straight ‘round his neck.” 

Kouki was… giving off a bit of a threatening aura now. Maybe it would have been better to just say she was fine and leave it at that.

Angry and frustrated made sense. A lot of sense, Matthew thought. First, someone gets murdered, and it turns out the perpetrator was someone lying about their identity. Matthew would’ve been angry and frustrated, too, he thought, if he weren’t so busy feeling hurt, guilty, and distressed.

He awkwardly fiddled with the ends of his scarf as he listened to Kouki... vent? Was that the right word? She was talking about her negative feelings and stuff, so... yeah. Vent. The sounded right. Matthew wanted to vent, too, but he didn’t want to come off as even more annoying and whiny, especially not after he pretty firmly established himself as such pretty much every time he met with Kouki.

But, well, in any case, Matthew could relate to what Kouki was saying. Still stuck in the castle, and, yeah, that sucked. A Dracula dude, making all this happen, even worse. Matthew did want it all to just be over, but Kouki’s more... violent plans wasn’t anything he could quite relate to. The ideal would to just escape without any more deaths and no more altercations of any kind, but... Matthew couldn’t bring himself to hope for that. 

And, if Matthew was going to be honest with himself, he was definitely starting to get a bit intimidated by Kouki’s growing aggression. He understood where it was coming from, but... still.

“I-I’m sorry you’re, um, like, feeling that way..!” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, fighting back the fear that was about to begin welling up. “B-but, I mean, um, it’s understandable, I think...” Matthew looked down to the floor, still rubbing his neck. “Rikyou being... um... like that was...” He paused. “U-upsetting, for sure..! I-it was terrible... I-I felt like m-my heart was getting, like, r-ripped out, haha...” Oof. So much for not being even more of a whiny idiot. 

“A-and, um, yeah, haha... Murder game... Th-that’s a nicely fitting name..!” He placated, although, in truth, he wasn’t sure how he felt about the term himself. It was a bit too morbid of a reminder of the situation they were all facing. “A-and, um, I-I dunno if you should, like, try a-and attack whoever Dracula is, th-though. I-I don’t want you t-to get hurt...!” If any of them even get the chance to find Dracula before they all die, that is. 

Matthew kept that thought to himself.

[akuma-bass]

Condolences | Chapter 2 | Closed for Matthew

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

The door opened aggressively enough to make Kouki flinch a bit. She stared at Matthew in mild bemusement for a moment. It was clear he had been crying, and even now he seemed to be struggling to keep it together. Poor guy. 

“Hey.” She said, greeting him with a half raised hand. for a moment, she wasn’t really sure how to start. She knew why she was there, but hell, she wasn’t a goddamn counselor. She wasn’t used to talking about feeling’s ‘n’ shit. 

“I uhh, just wanted to check how you’re doin’ after… after all that shit happened…”

Matthew just barely noticed the flinch from Kouki, and a pang of guilt hit him. Stupid. He shouldn’t have been so excited. And his eyes were still red and puffy and he must’ve looked like a mess and oh god this was embarrassing. Still, an overenthusiastic smile plastered his face, and he was almost looking forward to this conversation. He could really go for some comfort after... everything.

He briefly raised a hand in response to her wave, running almost completely on nerves. Although, to be honest, Matthew was pretty much always completely running on nerves. And, in a situation like this, that was more true than ever.

“R-right!” Matthew had assumed (hoped) that she was arriving to, well, talk about all that stuff that happened, and he felt relief at hearing the confirmation. “I-I mean, um, that is, thank you! Th-that’s nice of you. I mean. Um. Thank you.” He bowed slightly, and said nothing for a moment, before he realized something. “O-oh! I-I, um, right! P-please, c-come in!” He gestured Kouki into the room, just as another realization struck him. 

“A-and! I-I’m doing! Um, okay!” He lied. “R-really, totally fine! Things just really suck and two people just died and we’re still all trapped here and...” Matthew stopped himself and shook his head. “...b-but, yeah! I-I’m fine!” Despite his desires for comfort, it seemed as if his typical overly-polite, not-wanting-to-be-a-bother attitude took over. 

“H-how about, um, you?”

[akuma-bass]

Condolences | Chapter 2 | Closed for Matthew

Kouki made her way through the labyrinth of corridors which had formed around the dorms after the castle had rebuilt itself. She was certain the castle was just trying to be an asshole by this point. Something that inconvenienced everyone but wasn’t really a threat. Just a little extra insult to an already horrible situation. These were trying times for everyone. Natural to feel just a little bit upset when someone commits murder and is subsequently brutally executed. 

Kouki was especially worried for Matthew. Poor guy must be a wreck right now… This was a lot for anyone to digest, but he was already anxious as hell before people started, ya know, killing each other. Even Kouki herself was still… a little fucked up in the head after what happened.

Thanks to the map on her phone, Kouki eventually found the dorm Matthew said he was staying in. She wasn’t sure if he was even in, or if he was, whether he’d open the door or not. Kouki raised her hand to knock on the door, but hesitated for a moment. What good could she possibly do? She wasn’t a goddamn counselor. This could easily just end up being a waste of her time…

She sighed, before knocking on the door. “Hey, it’s Kouki.” She said through the door…

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

If Kouki thought Matthew was a wreck, than she was absolutely correct. He’d been on and off crying ever since the trial, and, it just so happened that at that moment, his crying had been on. He may have cried just a little bit as he initially wandered through the strange labyrinth to get to his dorm room as well, and he was definitely crying right after the execution. To be honest, it was just a very emotional day for him. But, he was certain it was so for everyone. Just... the others were probably handling it better.

He knew he was probably just being a dumb crybaby, but... well, he wasn’t the type to bottle up his emotions. He was more the type to apologize for them. But, God, was Matthew ever annoying. Still sniffling and just sitting around being sad, instead of actually, y’know, doing something. 

Still, when he had gotten the titter message from Kouki, asking where he was, he decided not to move an inch, in case she was actually gonna come or something. Matthew’d never ask for someone to come over and comfort him (or, hopefully comfort him? he could really go for some comforting, to be honest), but if someone was offering, or even implying... well, he couldn’t possibly refuse.

So he sat and waited, and jumped at the knock. He wiped his eyes (at this point, Matthew was just barely sniffling) and nearly jumped for the door. “K-Kouki...! I--” He opened the door, perhaps a bit too aggressively, and laughed nervously. “Um, h-hey! I-it’s, uh, me. Matthew. Hi.”

[akuma-bass]

Late to the Party | Chapter 1 Motive | Open

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

Kouki let out an annoyed sigh. “Hey, remember what I said about apologizing too much?” She said, giving him a gentle nudge. Goddamn, this kid was one big ‘ol ball of anxiety, huh? But even if it irritated her a bit, she could relate to a degree. Believe it or not, she was no stranger to fear…

“But thanks dude.” It was nice to hear Matthew say he had her back too. Yeah, it was kinda hard to imagine him fending off much of anything, but the sentimental value was worth something. “I dunno what these motherfuckers have to say about me, but to be fuckin honest, I’m not that worried. I dunno ‘bout the others, though…” That was only half true. She was worried, definitely, but she found it hard to imagine killing anyone over it. Yet.

Matthew winced at the sigh, and sniffled again. Then, he nodded, bowed his head, and did exactly what Kouki had just complained about. “R-right, um, sorry. Sorry, a-again, for saying sorry, and,” he jumped at the nudge, and sighed. “U-um, I-I’ll just stop talking, h-ha ha...!!” He paused, then mumbled under his breath, “s-sorry.” This kid would just never stop, would he? Normally, he’d be trying harder to comply, but, well, it was still a pretty stressful situation. 

“O-oh, um, n-no problem..!” He smiled softly, but the niceness of a smile was probably outweighed by how gross he looked from crying so much. “I-I dunno if I’ll, um, really, er, b-be a good... protector..?” Matthew shook his head. “B-but, I-I’ll do my best...!” He was finally starting to genuinely calm down, definitely feeling at least somewhat reassured by Kouki. 

He brought a hand to his mouth, and bit one of his nails. “Um, y-yeah, I-I dunno what they might say about me, either,” he lied. Matthew definitely had a pretty good idea as to what the ghosts may say about him, but, obviously, he couldn’t be certain. For some reason, it just felt right to agree. No need to stir up concern over himself potentially having a life-ruining secret, right? Matthew wasn’t a very good liar, though. He was avoiding eye contact, just a bit more than usual, and fidgeting just a little bit more. 

“I-I really, um, c-can’t imagine someone with a secret so dark th-that they’d,” he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat, “kill to keep it h-hidden... B-but, um, y-yeah, s-safety first, right...?” 

[akuma-bass]

Late to the Party | Chapter 1 Motive | Open

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

akuma-bass:

Visually, Kouki didn’t seem to react that much to the news. “Oh. Fucking, wow. That’s uhh…” Kouki was taking a moment to digest all this information. It didn’t help that she was still in a mild state of fatigue. “That’s not good.” Damn, I couldn’t have said it better myself, Kouki. 

As Kouki’s tired mind put the pieces of the puzzle together, she felt unease rising up within her. So, the ghosts knew everyone’s dirty little secrets now. Great. Fuck ghosts. Goddammit, what are they good for? She should’ve set the ones in the ballroom on fire when she had the chance. Her unease became anger, and she clenched her fists. She really wasn’t ok with the idea of these things getting inside her head. What did they know about her…?

So, the implications were clear. She didn’t want to believe someone would do it, but… she wasn’t too optimistic. She wasn’t used to assuming the best of people. Human beings often liked to think of themselves as above mere animals. But the reality was that we weren’t any better than them. We get scared, we lash out, and in fear, primal instinct can make people do less than honorable things. “…it might be a good idea to watch your back for now…”

She suddenly realized she had been a bit cruel. Matthew was, clearly, very upset about all of this, and she hadn’t done anything to help. She might have even made things worse with that last comment. “H-Hey, calm down.” She said, walking over to him and putting her hand on his shoulder. The poor guy was bawling, and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. What could she possibly say that would help? She wanted, deep down, to say that everything was going to be alright, that nobody was going to be hurt. 

But that would be a blatant lie. Everything was not alright. She knew it. Someone. Someone, was going to react to this. It was just a question of who, and when…

“D-Don’t worry. I… I’ll make sure to watch your back for you…”

That, at least, wasn’t an outright lie.

Matthew nodded vehemently, in very energetic agreement with Kouki. It wasn’t good! It really wasn’t good. “Y-yeah...! I-I’m glad you think so, too..!! It’s... it’s awful...” He wiped his eyes and started whimpering. “This is awful...”

He was... pretty certain he knew what the ghosts would end up revealing about him, when they got around to it. It was better to think of it as ‘when’ and not ‘if,’ right? An ‘if’ would imply that someone must’ve died... And, for all anyone knows, it could end up being him. He was a pretty easy target, wasn’t he? Weak, meek, feeble, stupid, annoying, pathetic...

Watch his back... Yeah. He was a target, now, right? Ideally, nobody here would be willing to kill over a secret that only, like, 15 other people would be learning anyway, but...

Matthew shook his head and wiped at his tears once more. It’d be nice if, maybe, just maybe, the ghosts would just give up eventually, before anyone would die, but... Matthew didn’t want to waste time being optimistic. He didn’t want to get his hopes up for anything, especially not in this hellish castle.

Ah, right. He needed to calm down. Matthew had started when a hand touched his shoulder, but he took in a shuddering breath in obedience. He was just being a nuisance as he was! Crying and sniffling and being stupid... He held his breath to try and stop his hiccuping and sobs, but, uh, it was failing. “S-sorry, I-I’m just... S-sorry...!!” He grimaced, more than he already was as a result of his crying.

Then, Kouki went ahead and offered, or, more like outright stated she would watch his back. That was just placation, wasn’t it? To get him to worry less? Of course it was. It had to be. Still. He didn’t want to voice that thought aloud. And Kouki was still really cool and it was nice of her to even try and placate him in the first place. The best thing to do would be to reciprocate, right? 

“Th-thank you, I... I’ll w-watch, um, your back, too..?” Matthew was skinny, weak, and hesitant. He was not the person you’d want to be watching your back, and he knew it. “Um. S-sorry!!” 

[akuma-bass]

Late to the Party | Chapter 1 Motive | Open

The sudden change in the atmosphere of the castle was unsettling. Ever since Kaoru had that incident with the poltergeist, the whispering… oh god it never stops. Kouki knew she could probably block it out if she really tried, but it’s mere presence pissed her off far beyond rational levels. So yeah, most of that night involved being very not asleep and wanting to punch something but being way too tired to summon the willpower to do so.

Inevitably, Kouki awoke later than the others that day, and missed the most important thing already. In a haze of half consciousness, she heavily climbed out of bed, and picked up her flip phone, seeing the Titter post calling everyone to the library. She didn’t really know what was going on, but the whispering sure as hell wasn’t gone… “Eurgh, fucking Christ…” She muttered as she dragged herself out of the room.

By the time Kouki arrived, everyone else was already there, and Dominique seemed to be in the middle of something. She only heard the second half of what he had to say, but she got the implication that something was the fuck up. The atmosphere in the room was tense.

“Uhh, fuckin, what did I miss?” She said, scratching her head in sleep deprivation fueled confusion.

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Matthew was still crying, albeit much softer, now. He couldn’t help but to notice someone walking right into the middle of such a serious conversation. After all, this was the explanation of what some kids might call... a motive. When he realized it was Kouki, Matthew perked up somewhat. 

After all, even in the midst of all this, he could never not appreciate someone being so cool. Now that Matthew thought about it, maybe it was actually super cool of her to walk in late. Yeah, Matthew decided, it was cool. But, still, she would need to know what the hell was going on, right? 

Because, well, it was pretty important. Like, super important. If, by chance, Kouki’s secret got revealed, she’d probably at least want context. So, with an oddly aggressive trepidation, he approached Kouki, trying to subtly wipe away his tears with his scarf. 

It was no use. His eyes were still puffy and red, and even his cheeks were flushed. “U-um, K-Kouki,” he started, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself. “Y-you, you actually missed a lot. S-sorry.” He awkwardly choked on his own words, before wiping his mouth with his sleeve and continuing. “D-Dominique was, erm, explaining that...” 

He let out a sob. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried approaching anyone.

“Um, the castle, it’s... it’s revealing all our s-secrets, i-it seems. O-one by one, and... Dominique said the last time, i-it only stopped when a... a human died...” At that, Matthew immediately started violently crying once more, and entered complete whine mode. “Th-that sucks, right!? L-like, r-really sucks...! Wh-why the hell i-is it doing this, anyway!? Th-this sucks..!!”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Heart of the Cards || Chapter One || Closed for Juzo

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

pleasantpandemic:

The tarot card reader raised an eyebrow. He read the apology as more of the kind one gave to a passerby on the street that one accidentally bumps into. An apology for inconvenience, but Matthew wasn’t an inconvenience. Nobody here really was, to a notable extent. Sure, there were people that felt like minor bothers but nobody Juzo would go out of his way to avoid. 

“…Yeah, okay.” his eyes wandered off to the sides of the room, it felt like insincere acceptance, likely because that was, partially, the case.  He didn’t accept it because it didn’t mean anything to him, there was no need for it. But he still attempted to accept it to spare at least some of Matthew’s feelings. He wasn’t doing a good job of that, I’m sure. 

Ah. So the other felt the silence was awkward. Whoops. Juzo felt kind of bad for leaving so much silence, but that was just how he worked. Then he had to go off and cast that spell. It wasn’t as tiring as it could have been, thankfully, due to the small scale. He, himself was starting to feel a little embarrassed, having performed such a flashy affair over … well, simple sentence starters. 

There wasn’t exactly a pause where he could apologise, instead opting to just continue with the conversation, sliding his tome back into the hammerspace pockets of his coat. He nodded. “Magic is useful. Tiring, though.” You wouldn’t be able to tell he was embarrassed, just as flat as always. He’d be good in a game of poker. Maybe masks were against the rules in that, though…

Even though Juzo had cooled down the room, Matthew was still heating up. Flushing and still just as embarrassed as before, he lowered his head and laughed with a ridiculously sheepish edge. When Matthew heard the ‘yeah, okay,’ he just felt worse. It was definitely fake. Juzo definitely didn’t mean it. Matthew took off his glasses and rubbed away tears preemptively. Ugh! This sucked. He sucked. He was making everything suck. Juzo was definitely way too cool for him.

And, yeah. Silence was awkward. Way too much opportunity for Matthew to overthink and proceed to make an ever bigger fool of himself. And he could only ever think that the other was thinking the worst possible thing about him, because Matthew liked to make the worst possible assumptions. Maybe Juzo just preferred to say less, and he wasn’t actually thinking about how awful and annoying Matthew was, but, well, Matthew didn’t like to keep up such a positive mindset.

As he was putting his glasses back on, Juzo responded to his comments on magic. “O-oh, yeah, heh, I guess that makes, um, sense.” He paused, fiddled with his fingers, and continued. “I-I still haven’t gotten the chance to, um, try it out, b-but, it seems really cool.” 

Oh. Tiring? And he just went ahead and used some magic because of what Matthew had said, and... Oh god. Juzo really did waste energy because of some dumb nonsense Matthew let leave his brain and out his mouth. “I-I’m sorry...! I... I shouldn’t have said anything...! Y-you... S-sorry. M-maybe I-I should just leave... O-or, I dunno. I-I’m sorry.”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Word of Mouth || Matthew Wanderlust || Chapter 1 Motive

Okay, so, it was obvious that things were only getting worse and worse. It was like an exponential graph. One second, things go from bad to worse. Then, it goes from worse to horrible and terrible and it just keeps escalating. 

First, Kaoru... Matthew had wanted to go and comfort them, but... Well. He wasn’t quite suited for that, and it didn’t seem like Kaoru particularly wanted to be even seen at that moment, so... 

Then all those ghosts, and Marquette, and Dominique explaining everything and... Yeah. This sucked. Saying someone had to die to stop the ceaseless moaning and revelation... This seriously sucked.

Matthew just started crying, right then and there. Even if the remaining individuals without revealed secrets didn’t have anything to kill for, just the idea of it was still awful. Theoretically... Someone could kill themselves to stop it... But he doubted there would be anyone willing to do that. 

Willing to murder, though... To keep their own secret from getting out? That’d be pretty extreme, but, well, it’s always possible. The best case scenario would probably be the ghosts going through each of them one by one before anyone finds it in themselves to murder, but Matthew wasn’t exactly a firm believer in being optimistic.

And he didn’t exactly want his secret to be revealed, either. He could already see himself reacting about as well as Marquette or Kaoru, if not worse. Matthew did his best to suffocate the thought of ‘maybe someone else will die before my own secret is revealed.’

Matthew tried to stifle and hold back his sobs, as if trying to avoid notice. He was awful, he knew that. A terrible person, really. He knew that if his secret were to be revealed, everyone would definitely hate him. So he continued to cry.

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Heart of the Cards || Chapter One || Closed for Juzo

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

pleasantpandemic:

Complaining was normal, Juzo thought. Matthew’s form of complaining wasn’t bothersome, in fact, it was kind of welcomed in Juzo’s eyes. He was used to people getting… very heated when they complained. Crazy how mad people got over a card reading. He lifted his hand up slightly, above his waist, with a half-shrug. “You’re allowed to.” 

He’d be more surprised if people weren’t  complaining about the place. Even he had complaints, but he just wasn’t the kind of person to put them out there. His personal complaints didn’t really matter in the whole grand scheme of things, so it was easier to stay quiet. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. 

Oh… oops. Did he do something wrong? The kid was a complete mess. Juzo lowered his hand, just a little stunned,placing it on his hip. He wasn’t too sure how he should be feeling but at least the kid didn’t seem afraid, just very anxious. Though there’s a thin line between the two, admittedly. 

Was it hot in there? For whatever reason, Juzo picked up on that the most. Perhaps because it… well it wasn’t hot in there. Or well, at least he didn’t feel the heat. Maybe it was because he’d be touting an ice tome for a while. Would he figure out that it was just Matthew feeling that way, probably from embarrassment? Not soon enough. 

You see, Juzo thought maybe a good idea would be to bring some cold air in here. So he took out his tome, focusing his energy on the knife rack over head, lazily raising his hand and… casting a thin coat of ice on the rack, seeping down cold air. Now that’s what I call cool. And stupid. 

Mostly stupid.

Okay, sure, nobody was really stopping him from actually complaining. If anything, Matthew was only ever stopping himself. Certainly, Matthew was allowed to complain. He knew that, already. But being allowed to didn’t necessarily mean others wanted him to. He returned with a half-hearted shrug of his own. “S-sure, th-thanks, but... I-I dunno! I’m just, um, sorry...! Yeah!”

And, yeah, he dug himself into an even deeper pit of embarrassment with the incessant rambling and conversation starting, and... Ugh. Matthew wished he had just never said anything at all. He just made a total fool of himself.

It felt like he had a tendency to do that.

Still, honesty was key, so when the last unnecessary conversation starter left his mouth, he immediately went right to apologising and explaining himself. “Um! S-sorry, I-I just didn’t want to, um, stand around in awkward silence—!!”   

His mouth gaped open when Juzo started using ice magic. S-sure, Matthew was feeling hot, but that’s only because of all the sweating and flushing he was doing as a result of the many botched social interactions that have happened recently. And now Juzo was expending energy or mana or hearts or whatever because of Matthew blurting things out completely arbitrarily. 

“O-oh.” He was feeling even more embarrassed, but, at this point, the only polite thing to do would be to thank the helpful individual, right? He bowed his head. “Um! Th-thank you!! I-I guess! I, um, i-it sure is feeling much cooler, n-now!” Matthew raised his head swiftly and took to fiddling with his scarf. “Th-that was cool..! Y-you g-got, um, an ice tome, h-huh? F-from Dominique? Th-that’s cool! H-haha,” he choked on his own forced laughter. As he recovered from being a spluttering mess, he smiled self-deprecatingly. “Um, l-literally. H-haha...”

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

Heart of the Cards || Chapter One || Closed for Juzo

[apprehensiveghostwhispering]

pleasantpandemic:

In Matthew’s defence, that kind of feeling was probably pretty easy to get off of Juzo, dead lookin’ eyes, blunt and flat way of speaking, being almost completely unreadable at any time, it was enough to drive the best of people away. Apart from the people it didn’t, which always came as a pleasant surprise when that was the case. Although back to the matter at hand, Juzo’s eyebrows curved down, unsure of what to say or do, really, And as such, didn’t say or do anything. 

Sometimes the best option is silence, and while it was certainly not the best option, it was the only viable one for him.

He nodded. “It’s… bad.” his eyes drifted off and locked on the crumbled wall. This really sucked big time. But it also wasn’t terrible so far, it was a weird fantasy getaway that was, just, actually real. He wasn’t convinced that it’d go away quickly, but it couldn’t get much worse than a giant skeleton trying to maul a group of five teens. Which was kind of bad but really, could be worse. Could be two giant skeletons. 

The bandages were pretty fresh, nice and tightly wound around his hand, but he was still able to move his fingers alright. He was pretty thankful for them, because otherwise there would’ve been… a substantial amount of blood on his clothes. In the end, he was feeling fine, if not a little wiped. It’d probably hurt worse in the morning, like the day after a pretty brutal gym class. He hummed softly, as he reflected on the fight. Yeah. He was fine. 

Juzo was almost zoned out before Matthew spoke up again, immediately snapping back into it and lookin’ right back at the spirit medium. That was… very endearing. After a pause, his hand reached up, forefinger resting just above his mask, and the rest on top of it. He was stifling laughter. However a brief, deep but surprisingly soft chuckle still escaped. Not a ‘haha’ more like an internal ‘heh heh’ where you don’t actually open your mouth, but still close your eyes because you’re smiling on the inside. By the inside I mean inside that mask, maybe. He slowly opened his eyes, hand not moving from his face. “…thanks.” 

Matthew was definitely the type of person to get the Absolute Wrong impression from stoic individuals, and, well, Juzo almost felt like the epitome of ‘scary and intimidating unfeeling individual.’ Still, even if he hated the long silences, Matthew definitely didn’t want to be the rude one and end the conversation. Not that it was necessarily rude to end conversations, but, well, Matthew had a lot of ideas in his head about social interactions that were less than correct. So he fidgeted in place as he waited for a response from Juzo.

Still... An older individual, wearing a cool mask, seemingly unfazed by everything... That was definitely super cool, even if he was still very much intimidated. There... seemed to be a lot of people Matthew found himself admiring in this castle.

The castle itself, though? There was nothing he liked about it. So, he was quite glad to hear that Juzo agreed with him. “I-I’m happy to hear that you think s-so, too!” He really was, since if someone as cool and imperturbable also thought that this whole situation was bad, maybe he wasn’t overreacting! 

But... Maybe he was still being a little unnecessary. Like, he was whining and complaining about how gross it was that the only food was in the walls, but at least there was food. And Juzo wasn’t complaining about his wound or the food (at least, not specifically), and... Matthew sighed and pouted. “Sorry, m-maybe I shouldn’t be complaining so much...” 

Then he went ahead and did something so embarrassing... He was just pointing out the obvious when he said that Juzo looked cool! When he noticed that Juzo was bringing a hand up to his face, Matthew immediately thought he was going for a facepalm, and opened his mouth to apologize, but then he heard... what was it? A laugh? The shock Matthew felt was palpable. 

Ah. So he still ended up embarrassing himself, anyway. Matthew wanted to melt away into a garbage puddle. Despite that, he couldn’t help but to feel relief. That probably at least meant Juzo didn’t hate him, right? He even ended up saying ‘thanks’! Matthew took this as an invite to unload a bunch of random sentence starters on him, which was definitely embarrassing.

“S-so! Um! The weather’s nice, today! A-and have you heard about that red skeleton? J-just won’t die, ha ha! Um! And, boy oh boy, erm, sure is hot in here...!”