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one big love poem ; 22 lesbian ; poc

[aprincesslonging4luv]

hiii i feel like i need an intro post :3

♡ you can call me marc! 21, taurus, mega mega mega gay, single

♡ i have lots of interests, though this normally seems to be my lesbian longing side of the internet :,) i do write sometimes though! i’ve been in writers block recently. i enjoy painting, crochet, reading, fashion, and cooking! i loove billie eilish, jazz and classical music, literally all kinds of music. i’ve been obsessed with rupauls drag race recently, but my fav shows are sex and the city, killing eve, adventure time, bojack horseman, & the l word! my blog isn’t primarily nsfw, but it can be! no promises! ;))

♡ i can be quite shy, but my dms are open and down to make friends! <3

men and minors dni

[butch-ramblings]

(flirting) I could worship you in ways that would make churches look useless.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

MY ALBUM : UNTITLED KAI PROJECT

i released this album in may, but i really love it. some of it. its very lesbian longing. its an album all about my past relationship(s). it'd be amazing of you'd listen :). but im gonna do. run-through of all the songs i made, read along as you listen!

UNTITLED KAI PROJECT BY KAI MAYES MCCLAIN

on all platforms :)

KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE EXIT: a song i made incredibly drunk about my ex, my first true relationship. it's the worst song on my album, but i love it because of how raw it is. it just shows how raw my pain was at the time. i made this song in one single take, and given what my album is about, i just felt i had to include it. my whole album tells a story. my story. Knowledge About The Exit spells out my ex's name, and i just thought i should start with one of my darkest periods.

GOODBYE HELLO: another song about my ex, but how i coped with everything that happened. feeling alone. comforting myself. but also explains what happened.

BOOTH BITCH: completely inspired by sex and the city. except i was aiden and my ex was carrie LOL. i love this song. its really just about like finally discovering myself after the breakup and that I deserve better. its me in my queen energy.

HOBVIES: so this a torsional song in my album where i stop talking about my ex and talk about myself. hence before like i was finally discovering myself after the breakup. my worth.

FUNZIES : literally same concept. i just wanted a few songs about me and how much i love myself after starting with a sad story.

FUUUN DAY : okay theres gonna be a theme here with a couple songs talking about myself- or singing about myself for a few songs LOL. i think theres one more before i dive deeper. but this one also talks about my accident, when i was hit by a car. its just a big part of my life so of course i would include it.

FWB : okay this one is finally something not inherently about myself, but i was dating someone at the time who was looking for a friends with benefits, hence the song title. but its also about how mistreated i felt by the girl i was dating but also the people i thought were my friends at the time. but also marc hype.

FWB (EXTENDED) : i had a separate beat for FWB that i created, so i made a song with it hence the EXTENDED title LOL. but this is more singing about FWB then the other song is lolzzz. but also hyping my ego again LOLLLL.

BAD DATE : okay so this moves onto a new girl who i had a bad date with (see my previous posts) but i still liked her even if it was a bad first date so i wrote a song about it LOL. a song about seeing if said girl is worth the effort

GUHOST: okay so the bad date girl literally ghosted me so i wrote a song about it LOLLL only cuz i was offended like i was considering breaking it off but i dint so i guess i was mad she broke it off before i had the chance? but i also hate ghosting its so immature imo lol. but i low-key manifested something better with this song

REJECTION : another song about being ghosted but with a different title lolz. but i also have a sex and the city cameo in here that i love

SECRET SONG : ok i love this song. so much. i wasnt going to release this song on my album but i had too which is why its called secret song LOL. i had technical difficulties the day of release so i had to swap my song "WANT A LOVE" with secret song lolz. but its still good imo. but still another song about fumbling me and me being ghosted

DAYDREAM : another song about not being sure if the girl that ghosted me was for me. lol. but more intentional with what i say

BLISS : okay this is another transition in my album from dealing with girls that dont deserve me to finally finding the one for me or whatever. i just wanted my album to end on a happy note. lol.

CHAUFFEUR : LOVE THIS ONE ! yeah. same idea as before, except i have a chauffeur which is a common topic of mine with people IRL lol so i had to make a song related to it. it also references big and carrie in bigs car, and blair and chuck in gossip girl lolllll real tbh

LESBIAN LOVE SONG : THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM. IDC. i am so proud of this song. this is one of the first songs i made when i was getting into making music. this song is so underrated. big and natasha reference LOL.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

the dinner was great!

i got super drunk it was fantastic, i had a killer hangover though lolz. most importantly i had a great time with her. im so down bad guys. and ive been down bad for a year but now im like REALLY down bad. im so incredibly sure i said something to her when she was bringing me home, but i dont remember and its killing me. but it couldn't have been bad because she did send me the pictures she took of me after.. idk. i could just feel her eyes on me in my peripheral , and we were looking at the pics i took and she was like "you look cute :)" and i was like AH. am i blushing. LOL. god. im pretty sure i told her we've literally never hung out together, like one on one. if only i could remember what her response was. ill survive, i dont know. this whole thing is so,,, interesting. i really haven't like crushed this hard in this way in sooo long. sure ive dated and talked to other girls but none of them make me feel the way she makes me feel. and how much i admire her. i don't know. thats all for now.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

ah its actually so funny that everytime i hop on tumblr its to vent about a girl....

well i went and made an album and about 4 songs on that album are about the girl in the last post,,, LOL. im very incredibly over her tho we've both unfollowed each other :)

but thats not who im here to vent about. cue WILDFLOWER by billie eilish

ive had a crush on one of my friends ever since i met her. she used to be my coworker before i quit. now i really hope we stay friends,,, but also like. ive liked her for so incredibly long but i could never be with her because she had a girlfriend. as of recently, that has CHANGED. guys. like no i dont want to be a rebound, if that were ever possible but ive always suspected she's felt the same, and with the last few shifts we worked together it just felt so obvious. so incredibly obvious. ive written so many poems about her. being unemployed these last few days and all i could really think about was her.

she is so incredibly fine. she is so beautiful inside and out, so kind so self aware. so understanding so caring. she is one of the only people ive met that actually care about the planet, about nature. she's reopened this part of me i forgot i had. i love her smile and her laugh and her hair and her tattoos and her style and her personality and literally all the above. she cares about me and i really care about her. i miss her a lot, like all the time. i wish we could hang out all the time. she accepts me, my good and my bad. well at least the bad she's seen. and i accept her, i think she's so intelligent and so incredibly bright, like dare i say a ray of sunshine.

im getting drinks with her and some other friends later tonight and im so excited, i mean this is our first time hanging as people that dont work with each other,,,

but my issue is ive been feeling like i should tell her. i want to tell her so bad. i told her months before that i would never date a coworker, but thats irrelevant now. i mean anything can happen. she's been single for at least a month now, but i really dont want to jump in and be like heyyy yeah here are my feelings know ur still healing but hope u feel the same <3. yeah i shouldn't tell her. i mean i could also be completely misreading the signs i believe she's been giving me- well not even like "signs" its just like. that flirty tension. the look in the eyes, the words, the body language, the actions.

it would just be me crossing the line. officially.

i dont know. this whole year working with her has felt like having an elementary school crush again. and the coincidences have been interesting. idk. this feeling just sucks, especially now that we actually have to plan hangouts instead of just looking at the schedule and seeing we work together at least once a week. like thats kinda crazy lol i saw her close to once a week for a yearrrrr if not more times ,,,, ugh. what do you mean i can't see her all the time anymore :(

and like yeah maybe i will idk. im so thankful for this dinner though..... idk. maybe she'll surprise me. maybe ill be right, maybe ill be wrong. i have absolutely no clue.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so we had a bad-ish date sure. but i mean i was going to give you a chance,, i was giving you the benefit of the doubt. you started the good morning gn phase you started with the pet names just to GHOST ME??

masc lesbians being masc lesbians.

ok but ive been ghosted plenty times and rarely give a fuck, but something about this one i really actually give a fuck about. you ghosted me but youre still in my notfcations liking my shit... ive been there done that babes, and i know thats such weird behavior that i will not tolerate. and the thing is ive healed so much i know its not about me, i know its her own insecurities, i know im a catch and all of that which is why i deleted her number (something i prob wouldn't have done a year ago) but STILL im still pressed about it. and im mad im pressed about it because i know i dodged a bullet i know all the usual self love stuff, but i guess i just feel disappointment. i think the feelings were kinda starting to grow even though i was considering cutting it off anyways.

thats another thing, sure i was gonna dump her whatever, but i was gonna TELL HER! like the caring human being i am? like i actually have some respect for you or something? you dont even have enough respect for me to just tell me, "hey i dont think this going to wrk out" maybe its not respect, idk. but what ever happened to the art of ACTUALLY dumping someone. nowadays bitches just go ghost

and again ive been ghosted and have moved on w my life im so confused on why this time im so worked up about it? like on to the next? all of my rejections are just redirections?

all in all i know ill get over it. kinda mad its taking longer than i wanted to get over it. i mean its been 5 days, cmon we gotta move on. but i haven't gotten into a slump or anything, ive stayed productive (another thing i wouldn't have done a year ago). not gonna kill myself or anything. just would prefer to stop thinking about it and about her

also i made 3 songs about her. thats CRAZY . even crazier to know i only knew this girl for 3 weeks like GOD ive got to get myself together i think i just got overly excited and fell on my ass :/

anyways. i just need to keep moving forward and eventually it will be a thing of the past. onto the next ...

[anxeious]

[lesbians4life-deactivated202505]

i love going onto tumblr every day and just posting my silly little lesbian thoughts and seeing people agree with me like yessss hello gay people in my phone

[violettressedd]

i know i'm into women because if a man came up to me with a random ass pun for a pick up line, i'd stare him dead in the eyes and say boo tomato tomato. but if a girl did that i'd start making out with her crazy style in about two seconds flat

[sapphicideas]

!!!!

[astrovampz]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

GUYSSS

i will be living my lesbian dream on thursday.

i’m going on a date with the girl and she wants me to help her pick out a SUIT LIKEEE. i’ve always dreamed of picking out clothes for my butch and on the FIRST DATE??? ahhhhh.

and we’ve been texting everyday and i’m just sooooooo excited like.

my time has come 🙏

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so dreams aren't everything. apparently.

guysss i went on the date, it was ok. there were butterflies, but literally zero sparks within our connection whatsoever. at least not how i was expecting them. like i was expecting immediate sparks, like an "ok this could work" feeling. but like a longing "ok this could work" feeling. like i felt that at like two points in time for just a second.

which is really unfortunate because i was really looking forward to it :((((. like im still kinda interested because im giving her the benefit of the doubt, but i was truly expecting so much more. and now im like,,,, ugh. i guess ill give it a second date, give her a second chance, but after that if it still feels the same way im gonna have to end it, which sucks. can't say ive ever done this before, can't say ive ever had a bad date before.

like it wasn't bad, it wasn't awful, but it was like, lukewarm. which is........ yeah. idk. soooo disappointed which sucks :((((

and i was sooooo nervy before meeting her like i had such a pit in my stomach i was so nervous, so to think ill have to go through that again makes me want to end my dating era.....

[chrrry-bomb]

if my first date isn't the best fucking date i could ever ask for

im suing the universe

[aprincesslonging4luv]

LITERALLY ‼️

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so i am suing the universe.

but i also really can't because its a retrograde and i can't blame her she's goin thru a lot

[heartpeacenquiet]

[pisces-core]

[goldpixy-deactivated20230510]

please stop asking me how i'm doing, idk i'm ignoring it

[bloglikeanegyptian]

ceasefire today, accountability from tomorrow until the end of time. all my love to the steadfast people and martyrs of gaza

[bloglikeanegyptian]

in common israeli behavior, as phase I of the ceasefire expires today israel attempts to sabotage the ceasefire again to avoid accountability.

they have violated the conditions for phase I and are refusing to move to phase II by announcing a war crime instead: resuming the starvation siege and preventing international aid from entering gaza during ramadan. this is all par for the course. israel has never met an agreement it wouldn't break, nor missed an opportunity to inflict more suffering. accountability will come regardless, but now is the time to be alert, especially as western media tries to obfuscate the reasons for the ceasefire violations.

[bloglikeanegyptian]

tonight at 3 am israel unilaterally ended the ceasefire and resumed the genocide in gaza, killing at least 45 people so far including dozens of children. for two weeks it had already been starving gazans in ramadan and preventing aid, food and fuel from getting in. accountability is a very long game. the more violent they get, the longer they put it off, the more the world will continue to pay.

i've been saying this for two years, but it doesn't hurt to say it again: the short term of this is ugly. there's no short-term solution. things are going to get more violent. but the long-term is already lost to them. all we have to do is stay the course, and don't let them intimidate you into silence or exhaust you with the sheer scale of the violence. these are the tactics of a bully nation led by a bully sponsor, and the world has seen all of them fall before

[bloglikeanegyptian]

the death toll is reportedly currently at 200, including 80 children killed before dawn

[gothcoffins]