lover of the wild

Arabella. 18. Daughter of Athena. "You spent so long, wondering and asking "How can anyone love me?" and you counted your flaws but didn't have any fingers left for the strenghts. And when someone finally said they loved you all you could ask was "Why?" - instead of telling them that you loved them, too."

[mysongof-theday]

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You should go, Nina. ’Cause I ain’t never coming home.

[caynehouston]

Oh, I’m rude now? What else is on there, hurtful, sadist, fucked up? No, actually, you don’t know how wrong you are. I’m not liking the idea of being in love with you, I am in love with you. The real you. You know me, better than anybody. And I mean it, anybody. The one person who knew me best, I’m assuming, was my mom. But I fucking killed her in that stupid fucking accident, and you helped me start to remember things. You were the one who got me the address of her grave. You were the one who suddenly when I hung out with, didn’t make everything seem so bad anymore. You were the one who stayed, Bella. You stayed.

[arabella-van-allen]

You're not fucked up. Well, maybe you are. But we all are. That's the point of it. You can't even see the glimpse of how fucked up I am. I'm a train wreck and you're a train wreck and I always thought that somehow we'd make it work, that somehow we could be...-forget it. B-But, I'm always gonna stay, Cayne. I promised you to stay and I did and I'm gonna stay even if- even if you leave and don't want to speak to me anymore and stuff, you should always keep in mind that I'd always try to help you. I'm always going to be that person to you and you're always gonna be that person to me.

[caynehouston]

Isn’t that the whole fucking point? It’s not easy, nothing’s ever easy, Bella. You made it clear when you went out with Dingo, by the way, a whole lot of time you took to do that. But you’re right, we can’t. So it’d be best if you stayed away from me, like I warned you the first time I realised I started liking you.

[arabella-van-allen]

You're rude. And you keep saying that you don't want to hurt me and stuff but that's bullshit, you enjoy it, don't you? Saying all those things, judging me for being with someone else, being like that. I don't get why you're doing this. Maybe you just like the idea of being in love with me, they all do that- people like the idea of me but not the person that's beneath, because well...that part of me might not be so likable. But whatever Cayne, if you don't like having me around you, I have to deal with it, it's okay.

[caynehouston]

Did you not fucking hear me, Bells? I love you, is that clear enough? I never got over you, that’s what I was saying. I don’t care about Dingo, he’s not here right now apparently. But if you feel that bad, tell me to go. Tell me to leave right now and tell me to never come back, because I’ll go. I promised your best friend that I wouldn’t hurt you, and I’m not fucking here to hurt you. I want the best for you. And obviously I’m just fucking everything up like I always do.

You can go now if you want.

[arabella-van-allen]

But isn't that the point of it all? The fact that I love you too? Never stopped. No matter how hard I tried. We keep making a mess out of things. God, we are such a fucking train wreck. We can't get anything right. 

[caynehouston]

I don’t know what the ‘same way’ means to you, but it’s obviously not the same thing. See, I never moved on from you. Sure, I slept with quite a few girls, but they never ever compared to you. It wasn’t them I thought about every day, it was the beautiful weirdo that I fell in love with. But you moved on. To Dingo. So no. It’s not the same. I don’t care that I made you cheat on him, because I kissed you, and you kissed me back. It’s not the same. Not one bit.

[arabella-van-allen]

I know that you don't care, because maybe you've been thinking about me but you don't really care about what is going on, do you? You don't care about the fact that I keep throwing up cause I feel so bad for what we did. And you don't care about how much my chest aches for you to be close. You don't want me anymore, that's okay, Cayne. You're here to hurt me and even that's okay. Or maybe you want just to sleep with me or something like that and fuck- I don't even mind that. But don't think that I'm not hurting and this might not be the same- but believe me, it's ways more similar than you'd think. 

[caynehouston]

I’m not angry at you. I’ve been thinking, a lot. All those thoughts are being proved and disproved with every conversation we’ve had since I got back. Why do you talk to me anymore, Bella? What’s the point in it?

[arabella-van-allen]

You think I'd sleep with you but wouldn't talk to you? Just think all of this through, Cayne- really. Think about the things I said to you since you came back. Think about what we did since you came back. Can't you see? Isn't it the same way for you? 

[caynehouston]

Swearing now? Alright.

[arabella-van-allen]

What even is your problem with me? What have I done wrong now? Do you enjoy being angry with me?

[caynehouston]

So it’s my fault? I should’ve stayed away from here, Arabella, because all I seem to cause you now is hurt and pain.

[arabella-van-allen]

Fucking hell, are you looking for negative things in any of my sentences? I didn't blame you for anything. I blame myself.

[caynehouston]

If it’s so wrong, why did you do it?

[arabella-van-allen]

You can't tell me that you don't think it's a wrong thing to do. You, me...we shouldn't have happened that way. I did it because I felt too much and once your lips were on mine, I couldn't stop. 

[caynehouston]

Great, so we shouldn’t have happened? I’m being nice as I can right now.

[arabella-van-allen]

It's cheating, Cayne. All I'm saying is that cheating is wrong.

[caynehouston]

No? He up and go, too? Wow, you sound like you regret it.

[arabella-van-allen]

Of course I regret it! Cheating is- it's terrible, okay? Things shouldn't have gone that way. You know, you could be a tiny bit nicer.

[caynehouston]

Would you rather I call you Arabella? No, Arabella, this is my room. I’m pretty sure Dingo or whatever is waiting for you.

[arabella-van-allen]

I don't think there's anyone waiting for me anymore. Not what I did. We did. Cayne. Didn't know you disliked my name so much.

[caynehouston]

Babe, this is my toothbrush. These are my underwear, my bathroom.

[arabella-van-allen]

Sorry, babe- but I can see that this is your underwear. This is still my room, though.

[caynehouston]

I was in my bathroom and came out to see you appear.

[arabella-van-allen]

That's an untrue statement. I was here and you suddenly appeared. With my toothbrush.

[caynehouston]

Oh, so we share this room now?

[arabella-van-allen]

I don't know. You broke into my room.

[caynehouston]

Morning, sweetheart, how did you get in?

[arabella-van-allen]

This is actually my room. But go ahead and use my toothbrush.

[caynehouston]

Mhm?

[arabella-van-allen]

'Morning, Sunshine.