Standing there, watching her, watching her smile and talk, and just be Ara - Will canât help but be thrown back into how he felt when he was 16 years old. 16 years old and more angry than he had any right to be, not that he knew any of that at the time of course. At the time he was just angry - angry at his father, for not loving his mother enough, angry at his mother for taking his father back when he did come around, angry at the world because it dealt him this shitty hand and angry at life, for always kicking him when he was down. The only time he wasnât ever really angry was when he was around Ara.
Because when he was around her⌠around her he didnât feel as if he needed to be angry. And still, to this day, he doesnât know why he didnât feel as if he needed to be angry. Maybe it was because he felt safe around her, maybe it was because he trusted her more than anyone else, more than his Mum and his brother and his twin sister, more than⌠anyone. Maybe it was for a lot of reasons, or maybe none of them at all, and maybe it was just one of those things.
Who knew, really? Will didnât, that was for sure. And standing in front of Ara, after all those years had passed, with no communicationâŚ
âŚand okay, he tries not to be bitter about such a fact. Will does try. She had a life to live, a school to go to, a mother to take care of and boys to fall in love with and girls to fall in love with too, and just - experiences and adventures and a life to genuinely enjoy. He was just a kid who left at sixteen, too scared to kiss her in front of the airport gates, but still convinced she wouldnât just fade from his life. He tries not to be bitter about all of this, but a part of him canât help it. He is bitter, heâs bitter but he doesnât want to be. He wants to be happy, - especially since heâs just so sick and tired of being anything but.
âTeenagers,â Will scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. âLets let me live in denial about that for a little bit longer, okay?â He grinned, before shrugging a moment later, gaze shifting away from Ara. âIâm still of the belief commitment doesnât have to mean a ring, though, so youâre forgiven for not noticing. Besides, there was only one girl I ever really wanted to marry and well.â He shrugged. Will wasnât sure how to say that the only girl he saw himself marrying was Ara - because saying such a thing, after such a long time⌠it wasnât right. It wasnât right or fair, and how did he even know she felt the same? For all Will knew, she stopped trying to contact him once he left Manila, and that was all the answer he needed about her - about him, and about them. But just because he had an answer, didnât meant he stopped thinking such a way, or feeling such a way; Ara was afterall, the only person who ever got him, who truly so, the only person who saw every single ugly part of him: the fucked up father, the screwed up mum, the angry siblings and then him, him who just wanted someone to love him⌠she saw all of that and stayed. It was virtually impossible not to want to marry her, or think about it, and about them, after such a realisation.
âHow could I hate you? Like, ever?â Will shook his head, snorting a laugh. âI could never hate you - even for surprise birthday parties when I was 12. And even for that time you pushed me into the pool when I was 16 - and then refused to get in after me.â Wil didnât even stop to think about what heâd said, about what heâd just brought up, instead powering on through, through the words, the memories and even the feelings.
âOutside of⌠here, where apperantly you know teach my kid 5 days a week?â Will teased, grinning, before his smile dimmed around the edges, turning into something softer, warmer and dare anyone say it - loving. âIâd love to catch up - you gotta tell me how UP was, and what your Mumâs up to as well. You gotta tell me everything⌠everything I missed.â Everything I should have been there for, goes unsaid. As does, everything I wanted to be there for.
The truth about Ara was that she missed Will too much to remain angry. The truth about Ara was that sheâd done her time being angry. In the early days after sheâd realized that he wasnât going to write her back, sheâd been much too full of anger. Her anger surpassed her knowledge; and, in the height of it, was too much for her to contain in her body. Her mother would comb her hair as she lay in bed, all in an attempt to calm her down; but that did not work, for after her mother would leave, the tears would come again and Ara would once more scream with the pain of having lost her first love. She remembered that. She remembered all of it. Will was the part of her life she couldnât erase. She thought she was that same part of his, too.
But now, she understood. She understood. Ara was no longer that teenager hoping for a boy to love her, and so she could see how Will had forgotten her. She was no longer that teenager hoping for Will to love her, but she was still her fatherâs daughter. She was still that girl, that Ara Gamboa that he did not want; and so, with clearer eyes now, she could see that she had never been someone that Will could want either. It hurt to think this, and it hurt even more as her first love stood before her, but it was something she had come to accept. Or, it was something that she would come to accept again, seeing as this meeting had turned her whole world upside down.
After all these years, after all this time, Will still had such an effect on her.
His words did not escape Ara now. His words rang clear in her ears, though she made sure to look as though she did not expect him to explain or say anything. The little comment about marriage threw her off --- for the simple fact that he said it, and the simple fact that he did not give a clue as to whom the girl he was talking about was. Still, she did not push; she only smiled. Ara was good at smiling. After all her years of being bullied for her smile as a child, and after all her years of practice, she had perfected the art of smiling. The next of his words had her smile growing into a chuckle, however sad the look in her eyes were at the memory that Will had brought up. She remembered that night. That evening. She remembered them. She remembered all they could be and all they were not.
Ara had to remind herself not to go back into that space, for she was older now --- and sheâd be damned if she was not wiser.
It was at the thought of catching up with him again that Ara perked up, met Willâs gaze in the way of a dare, almost as though she were asking him whether he really wanted that. Still, she took her phone out as she nodded. Everything else be damned; she missed him too much. âHere, you can save your number on my phoneâ---she said as she handed the phone over to Will---âand then you can meet me by the cafĂŠ just on the edge of Orchard Street. This Saturday, 9 AM.â She smiled at Will as she retrieved her phone. âDonât be late and ready your ears. Because I will tell you everything. As in down to what I had for breakfast after you left.â
The smile on Araâs lips was so genuine that she wondered how she could ever have stopped loving Will when he made her smile like this. And then, she remembered. She remembered her answer: that he didnât give her room to love him. Still, she reached out for his hand, squeezed it once, before she said her goodbyes and headed back into the room with the other parents and students.
END.
