Someone the other day stopped me in the gym and said ‘You don’t have that GLOW you used to have’. Granted he then explained to me he thought it was because I was missing my amazing trainer KDream, which I am, but he then probably saw the horrified and sad look on my face and quickly said, ‘You don’t have to be down, we all are here for you!’ I was relieved and smiled, but then it really affected me that someone who I see in the gym, but do not interact with on a daily basis made a comment about my light and how I seemed dim. That was a GUT CHECK for sure! Wow! I have been trying so hard to work on myself and to exude that glow and sunshine, but still one of my dark clouds follows me and I have to fight it almost every day, self love and relationship with myself, which clearly in turn affects how other people view me if I do not have myself in check first.
We all have our off days and that is one of the reasons I started this blog. It was for a creative outlet and a way for me to share about sweat sessions, appreciation for fresh air and the outdoors, nourishing foods, wellness practices and advocate for movement, which all of these things help me on my cloudy days. We all experience it, I just think it is important for people to find outlets and know that other people are going through it as well, because we all are on this crazy journey called LIFE. It can be beautiful and fulfilling, but it can also be challenging and heartbreaking. That is the beauty of it. It is perfectly imperfect. Also let’s face it, social media contributes to a lot of our self worth standards these days. It portrays the perfect life, the perfect picture ALL OF THE TIME. No one wants their unfiltered face as their profile picture. You always want to put your best face forward, and trust me I do too, but every now and then I will get raw and real, because you have to sometimes.
So speaking of raw and real, let’s start by opening up about something that is usually personal…relationships. They are hard. Whether you are working on the relationship with yourself or you are in search of one with another person or are in a relationship. Within the last couple of months, I have been trying to figure some things out like how to deal with just being friend zoned by my work crush, confusion about my ex, because I still dearly love him, and I am coming to terms that THAT chapter has officially come to a close, all while being pursued by other men. I had gone on a couple of random dates, put myself out there BUT nothing stuck.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t a man commit? Why am I being led on but not taken out? Am I doing something? Am I not pretty enough? Am I being too nice? Am I being too honest?
The doubt and blame flooded my perspective and it is so hard to stay a float and get air when you feel like you’re drowning in this endless sea. Body image demons were there too, which is when I get severely self conscious since I have had a history of being embarrassed and unsure of my body and how I have looked...so you get the point, downward spiral I went. All from dating and a little bit of rejection and there was some good in there too, but how could I take a compliment if I had been rejected and confused? This is where the self love part should come in...but it takes time.
F THIS! I am doing nothing wrong I finally had to convince myself - this is just life and those guys were there for a reason, but I am so tired of there being a ‘reason’ and for there being a lesson in patience, self love, discernment, blah blah blah. Dating is hard, it is confusing, and the more women who feel comfortable coming out and sharing their experiences, the better support we will all have. You are not alone and don’t you dare question your self worth or if it is you because a man didn't like you, someone made a negative comment or a date did not go how you planned.
If I have learned anything, I have had to deepen the relationship with myself first so that when these rejections, awkward moments, negative comments come at me, I will be okay and not get thrown off so easily. I know that it is almost impossible to not be affected, after all, I am a cancer, and I am incredibly emotional and sensitive, but I can control how I react and handle certain things.
You might ask why is this related to working out? Well for me, being the best version of myself comes from looking and feeling good, and I do that by sweat and movement. The gym is where I feel the most powerful and I feel confident as well, just about as confident as I feel when I have heels on, make-up flawless, bronzed skin, hair blown out, and tits up 😘. (Cue Ashley Graham strut)
Working out is also a great distraction and stress reliever - I mean my girl Khloe got it right when she got that revenge body. It helps to focus all your energy somewhere for an hour, whether that be in the gym or walking getting some sunshine and fresh air. One step at a time love and do things that make YOU happy. Invest in friendships, if you love your job, use that as an outlet, try different things, travel, SWEAT, eat, drink, find happiness, even if it is just one moment during the day...BE HAPPY with you!!! We all live in this world and we all are trying to figure out our path in this life. It is not always pretty, it actually can rock us hard, BUT that doesn’t mean we can’t find gratitude in our hearts, find happiness, and learn to love ourselves. Be in a relationship with you!
In an effort to get my shine back, I felt the need to break old cycles and try something NEW. BRAND NEW - I stepped outside of my comfort zone from my normal routine at The Nox and decided to try a boxing class. (Cue the nerves)
Yes, that is right, I took this AMAZING boxing class at the new gym that just opened up in DC called RUMBLE and ooo baby did I rumble. One, two, jab, cross, upper cut! Want to feel like a badass?! Then you need to sign up for one of these classes. WOW – talk about POW (HER) FUL!!!
This class was a cross between boxing and a HIIT workout. I got to throw punches, burn off steam from the week, and then crush it in the HIIT part of the workout. I made a sweat date with my work hubby for a Friday night and I HAD THE BEST TIME. I mean look at those guns - our instructor was a badass too!
I don’t have a workout for you this time, but I want you to find the courage to try something new. Plan to try a new workout, invite a friend if you're intimidated and who knows, you might actually LOVE IT and find something that works for you!! Go ahead and sign up for that dance class, SoulCycle, or crossfit - DO THAT. Stretch yourself. It is so refreshing!! It will help bring out that glow, that new you feel after you accomplish it and CRUSH the workout!
THANK GOODNESS for TRADER JOES. I honestly do not know what I would do without this grocery store. This week features a quick, healthy salad option. Literally 6 ingredients…ready?!
2. Lettuce, I am partial to mixed greens, but up to you!
6. Trader Joes Rose Vinaigrette
That is it! OMG it is delicious – add your favorite protein if you want to beef it up some. Lean ground turkey or chicken is a great option or you can fry up some tofu to keep it vegetarian friendly. I know not all of us have access to TJs and I am sorry for that, so for the dressing a simple vinaigrette works too!
So remember, TRY SOMETHING NEW, whether that be a new workout class, or a new food like beets in your salad (trust me, I was not a fan at first) or try to switch up your routine a bit. Be gentle with yourself, love yourself first, GLOW from the inside out. It has been a learning process for me, but if I take it a day at a time, breathe through the frustrations and ride the highs when they come, my smile cannot be contained and that ARay of Sunshine beams forth.
Go forth in humility as you open to new possibilities, refinement, and change. Cheers to us in working on that SHINE!
