‘Wake up (name), you twat.’
‘Do you want a coke or something?’
‘Can I carry your books?’
‘Yeah, wow, lovely… No. But I like that you’re funny Iooking.’
‘Oh thank you, you’re so nice.’
‘I think that could have gone a lot worse, don’t you?’
‘We’ll miss you, won’t we?’
‘Have you always had that mole?’
‘I’m respecting. Believe me, I’m respecting.’
‘You alright? Do you want to dance?’
‘Do you want me to walk you home?’
‘We’ll make ourselves comfy, yeah?’
‘I’m gonna get an early night. Coming to bed?’
‘I’ll give you head - that’s friendship.’
‘But what about you? You’ve got bigger problems than me.’
‘And I’m really, really sorry for being a slut, okay?’
‘I realised something. I’ve been an idiot.’
‘And I was hoping maybe you’d give me another chance?’
‘You’re clever, funny, and… very, very pretty.’
‘So I’ll see you around.’
‘(name), you came! I mean, cool, I mean… I wasn’t sure you would.’
‘Do you think they’ll give us a joint cell?’
‘I don’t want this to be difficult.’
‘I want to speak to you, and I think you want to speak to me.’
‘Come on, I’m taking you for breakfast.’
‘There’s something I have to get off my chest and if I don’t, I’m afraid everything might just totally go to shit.’
‘Come to bed with me. Please.’
‘You’re my best friend, but I really don’t know what the fuck you’re on about most of the time.’
‘See? I remembered your favourite.’
‘Look, sorry, (name). But your mum says we gotta take you home.’
‘Come out. I’ll get you dancing.’
‘Do I have to gay you now?’
‘Right, I know it might seem a bit fast, but, well, I think we’re ready, so, er, (name) … I want you to move in with me.’
‘Let’s talk. Fill me in with everything. Every little detail.’
‘We can carry on pretending, if it makes you feel any better.’
‘And I fucking love you.’
‘Wow! You’ve got a wacker lot of doughnuts.’
‘Thanks for keeping schtum.’
‘I’ve never been to a pyjama party before, so I brought Vodka. Was that right?’
‘I’ll show you how to do a blowjob.’
‘I missed you… I missed you too much.’
‘I think you can do anything.’
‘It’s also nice just being with you, when you’re not being a prick, that is.’
‘I know you, (name). I know you’re lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you. So be brave. And want me back!’
‘Can’t we just sit like this … for a bit?’
‘This is a once-only charity event, you understand?’
‘I bought a fucking gateaux.’
‘Please. Can we start again?’
‘Facebook really needs to hear about this.’
‘Don’t you think you’ve had enough?’
‘She’s lovely, isn’t she?’
‘You look nice in that dress.’
‘You are doing so well, sweetheart.’
‘So you’re mental, and I’m useless.’
‘So, what are we doing next, mystery girl?’
‘Hi. I got eggs. We can have eggs, yeah? And Red Bulls and pain au chocolat.’
‘I’d die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it’s killing me.’
‘Don’t take any crap this time.’
‘You’ve totally got, like, “fuck me” eyes, girl. Totally “fuck me sideways” eyes.’
‘Maybe we can go together.’
‘Don’t be an ass hat and people will like you more.’
‘I’m trying to understand your way, but you won’t let me.’
‘You’ve got quite a rep, but you’re actually pretty sound.’
‘You’ve got to stick it to the man, bruv.’
‘You need to sort yourself out.’
‘Remember when we were kids and we used to talk about just… just fucking it, running away and becoming roadies?’
‘Everything is going to be fine, I promise you.’
‘You may live your life as you want.’
‘We’ll do a girls’ night in.’
‘You’re a shape-shifter of happiness.’
‘It’s not like we’re getting married! It was one dinner!’
‘Thank you, my henna-handed honcho.’
‘I’m sorry. I was just looking for somewhere a bit quiet.’
‘Everything’s better. Here you are again.’
‘What’s happened to you, (name)?’
‘I didn’t wanna tell you this when you were all smitten and shit but you can do better.’
‘Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I’m so glad you came!’
‘I promise. Everything’s going to be alright.’
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