Simple Workouts for Suckin' & Fuckin'
This is far from a complete guide, but it comes from experience; I have had sex with more than a few people who deem exercise as optional and struggle because of that decision in bed. Hence: Simple Workouts for Suckin' & Fuckin'.
I've selected these workouts to be possible using a bench and a backpack full of books at most (with an optional towel or yoga mat). If you're interested, I recommend you do one set each of these exercises for the recommended repetitions, once per week. As with all exercise, a little can take you a long way!
I do apologize to any disabled folks, that my descriptions are not adapted to the majority of disabilities. I have found a very good PDF write-up by the Kinesiology department of University of Windsor - found here - that has a lot of information on specific muscle groups to target. I'd recommend researching your disability, specific injury risks you may have, and using this (or another) guide to inform decisions specific to your own health.
(Skip the preamble if you already know what physical literacy is, and jump to the exercises.)
...but first, a preamble on physical literacy
This is a topic that hinges heavily on physical literacy, something that I find a lot of people lack. What is physical literacy? Similar to political, financial, or regular literacy, it is the knowledge and experience of being able to read your own body, and act with it accordingly. To have proficient physical literacy means you can jump, duck, run, swing, and control your body, as well as understand its physical limits and know what kinds of pain are safe and tolerable.
To do these exercises - or sex for that matter - you need to be able to understand the types of pain you're able to handle, the safe limits of your mobility, and how to not clumsily hurt yourself. If you're new to fitness in general, take your time with these exercises! My best recommendations for beginners are as follows:
Do a full set of the exercise without weights, just to understand the balance of the exercise.
Don't overload the weight, and if it becomes too much, don't worry about dropping it. There's infinitely more shame in getting injured than not being able to complete the exercise.
Do as many sets as you want. Do whatever exercises you need. This is a random guide on the internet, I'm not your mom.
If the motion you're doing makes crunchy noises, you should probably be stretching rather than exercising that part of the body.
Do active stretches before the workout (such as neck/wrist/ankle rolls or windmills) and static stretches after the workout (childs pose, pidgeon/cobra pose, etc.)
Exercise: Hip Thrust
Repetitions: 15
Helps with: thrusting into someone, being thrust into, and otherwise stabilizing your core muscles.
How to: Rest your shoulder blades on a bench (pad it with a towel if needed) while sitting on the floor, and rest your feet so that your knees are bent at roughly 90°. Hold the weight near your groin, and thrust your hips up until your back is level with your thighs. Remember to hold your knees at shoulder width apart, and to not support the weights with your arm strength. Your hands are there to hold the weights to your pelvis.
Exercise: Back Row
Repetitions: 12
Helps with: holding someone, lifting someone up, and other pulling motions necessary for sex.
How to: With your right knee and arm, kneel on a bench and hold your torso up for stability. Plant your left leg on the floor next to the bench to create a tripod. Then, with your left arm, pick up the weight and lift it until your wrist reaches the side of your rib cage. Keep your spine, right arm, and left leg straight. Make sure that your elbow travels parallel to the side of your torso. Keep your chest pushed out and back straight, as hunching your back may injure you. Mirror this exercise to work with your other arm.
Exercise: Wrist Curls
Repetitions: 8-12
Helps with: fingering, hair pulling, grabbing, holding someone down, etc.
How to: Have your forearms stable and resting on a bench, with your elbows resting slightly wider than your torso, and forearms angled in at roughly a 25° angle. Start with your wrists dangling off the edge of the surface - palms down - as you hold the weight. Then, in a controlled manner, roll the weight up until your wrists are parallel with your forearms. Slowly roll the weight back down.
Bonus: you can do this exercise with adduction (as described) or abduction. For abduction, your elbows should rest further in, with your forearms angled out at roughly a 20° angle. Start with your wrists dangling off the edge of the surface with palms up, and curl the weight upwards until your wrists are parallel with your forearms.
Exercise: Resistive Finger Exercises (general category)
Repetitions: Hold for 20 seconds
Helps with: fingering, masturbating, hair pulling, clawing, etc.
How to: With one finger at a time, press into your opposite hand as you provide resistance against each individual digit. Your finger should be bent at a 5-10° angle on each knuckle. Press into the hand with reasonable force for 20 seconds (or as long as possible), then release and move on to the next finger. Repeat for both hands. Make sure to exercise each finger roughly equally, as muscle imbalances in the hand can be painful.
Side note!!: This diagram shows the relevant finger pulled much farther back than necessary, and can be harmful if done in this way.
Exercise: Tuck-Ups
Repetitions: 5-8
Helps with: Core stability and most activities in bed. Often times, especially with very online folks, your core muscles are very neglected. These will help you maintain your endurance!
How to: Start by laying supine (with a towel or yoga mat to protect your tailbone, if needed). Then, curl your knees up as close to your chest as possible, before controlling your release to lay back down. Use your arms to keep balanced on your tailbone. Make sure to keep your knees and ankles locked together. If you're clenching your jaw, try instead to press your tongue up to the roof of your mouth (there's a complex kinematics explanation for that one, I'll explain that another time).
Exercise: Deadlift
Repetitions: 12-15
Helps with: Repositioning or lifting a supine partner in bed, holding your weight up above someone, thrusting, and stabilizing your back.
How to: Ensure for the whole exercise that your back is straight, your shoulders are pulled back, and your knees and toes are pointed 10° outwards. This is an easily messed up exercise, so here is a video with a better description as to how it should be done. We are doing this exercise as it requires that your lower back be in control of the whole movement, and carrying a full bag of books up to this height can help to strengthen a weak lower back.
Important note!!: Do not lock out your knees! For any exercise where you are carrying weight while standing, locking out your knees can cause joint injuries. Have at least a 5° bend to them at all times. Holding form on this exercise is very easy as long as you're paying attention and not getting sloppy.
With these six exercises, you too can suck and fuck with reinforced strength, knowing that you'll be able to handle anything you (or your clit/dick) can think of!