#trans femme

[nepnepnepnepnepnepnepnepnepnep]

[ayagdos]

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[justinhubbell]

Thanks for reading,

This is the 10th Anniversary Edition of "It's Not A Race." Originally released in August, this version is months late because the prospect of adding pages to what is easily my most read works was particularly daunting.

I wanted to post it again unattached to the original so I could display it the way it was meant to be seen. Blessings, -J

[i-got-a-penis-yall]

TRANS PEOPLE CONSIDERING SURGERY- READ THIS PLEASE GENUINELY I AM BEGGING YOU IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE

If you are getting gender affirming surgery, especially if it’s your first major surgery, PLEASE be aware that you can become SEVERELY depressed afterwards ESPECIALLY if you have a history of depression or suicidal ideation.

Post op depression is a natural reaction to the crazy mix of hormones your body goes through after major surgery as well as the stress and anxiety of recovery. Think of it like an adrenaline crash, but dragged out longer.

For me it kicked in about 6 weeks after top surgery and the worst of it lasted until about 10 weeks post op. EVERYTHING felt IMPOSSIBLE. None of the skills I’d been practicing worked. I thought everything was going to be bad forever. I didn’t attempt, but I was in the hospital. If it wasn’t for my support system I probably would have attempted.

This is not regret, but it can feel like it. I remain happy about my results to this day (going on six years later).

This is not you failing to maintain your mental health, but it can make you feel like a failure.

Things are not hopeless, but through the haze of this depression they can feel hopeless.

It can be terrifyingly sudden or it can sneak up on you. I didn’t even realize what was going on until after the depression finally passed and my mental health went back to normal.

I am writing this post because nobody told me about this before my top surgery. I was caught completely off guard. For my subsequent surgeries being aware has made all the difference. Being able to treat those symptoms as an expected and normal part of the healing journey has made them far easier to deal with. Because even when my emotions go to dark places I *know* they will pass. I have been able to tell the bad thoughts to take a bad seat and focus on healing.

PLEASE have a plan in place for if this happens. I know that this topic is taboo because of how often our mental health is weaponized against us, but I desperately want every single person getting gender affirming surgery to be aware of, and have a plan for post operative depression.

[i-suggest-transing-your-gender]

Magic binder that teliports your boobs to a transfem of your choosing

[thankyouforthefunny]

[sillybillytime]

Being trans is like being given a house that sucks. The pipes are leaky and the wallpaper is so ugly and the beds are lumpy and you feel uncomfortable every time you set foot in there.

Everyone else seems to really like their houses though, and you can’t see inside of them, so you just assume that you’re being weird.

And then you hear about the construction project that’s happening down the road. And you didn’t know that was an option. You can just…fix your house? It can be better? You don’t have to live with the horrible lighting and weird furniture?

But other people scoff at the construction. They complain about the noise. “Why can’t they just be happy? The plumbing is great and the furniture is so comfortable! Why would you change it? And why do we have to deal with all their issues anyways? They could just do it quietly, away from us!” And you thought everyone hated their houses, at least a little. And it’s so much work to renovate. It’s fine in your house. It sucks, but it’s fine.

Then one day you try putting up a new painting. Something small. Just for you. Just to try it. And it feels like you. It feels right. And you didn’t know anything felt that good, ever. So you start to do more. And more. And eventually you might even start construction. And it’s inconvenient, and loud, and people complain, but you didn’t know that it could feel good to go home.

And then, one day, your renovations are done. And you get to have a home like everyone else. And that joy you felt looking at that painting? It’s everywhere now. And it’s normal.

It’s hard to build the home for your soul all on your own. But it’s worth it. It’s so worth it