A Reminder That You Once Existed

This blog is for my current university project, looking at items people still have from previous relationships and objects their past partners may have left behind. By Lara Doran S180655

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Critical Analysis

The Constructing Narrative’s module began by looking at several different narrative structures that can be created through visual series’, such as: Circular, de-centred, user defined, linear and non-linear. The work of Duane Michals, Melanie Pullen and the film, La Jetee, by Chris Marker, were discussed in one of our first lectures to help myself and peers, distinguish what certain narrative structures mean. My year group were given two tasks in which to create our own responses to certain narratives, the first was creating a photographic response to the song ‘A day in the life’ by the Beatles and the other was to produce 3 images about yourself and upload them to an Instagram account. I also attended the William Eggleston exhibition in London, at the National Portraiture Gallery, which included all of his works throughout the years. I enjoyed seeing his works up on walls in their true sizes, rather than online which I had previously seen but also, with descriptions explaining who the people were in the images.

The brief itself had a starting point of finding a text or e-mail we had received in the past week and, from the one we chose, create some form of a narrative. The text I chose to use was from a friend who, at the time, was experiencing a tough break up. She was extremely upset about the whole situation and would text me consistently about the memories/issues she was having trying to get over him. From this point, I realised that, when break up’s happen, they leave behind emotions, feelings and unresolved issues and, the more my friend messaged me, the more I came with terms of how hard it is to let go of someone after a break up. From here, the idea of looking at objects people have kept/left behind appeared into my head, when people break up, sometimes they will throw everything away or give everything back but, some will be hidden away and forgotten or kept in plain sight and I wanted to explore this deeper.

Once coming up with my idea, and speaking to both my peers and lecturer about it, I decided to take it further by making post’s on social media, and flyers, in order to find people who were willing to be involved. From doing this, I got feedback from a fair few people and was able to arrange six shoots at people’s houses to photograph where they kept the item’s, as well as portraits of the people too. From this point on, it was more a case of following up people about the shoots and getting from A to B. An issue that occurred was trying to run up the people to photograph for this project, who said they would like to help out but, never got back to me. Also, travelling to people’s houses became a slight issue as not all of them lived locally which meant I had to do a fair bit of travelling. One girl in particular who I was hoping to photograph did not get back to me but, she had court documents left behind from a restraining order she had to get from a past relationship, due to abusive behaviour. At that point in my project, I thought photographing the court documents would have been interesting and help me understand more distinctively how break ups can differ however, now I have the final 6 images I have printed, I realise it may not have linked as distinctively with the rest of people I have photographed.

Throughout the project I gained many different influences from Alec Soth’s Niagara series, that focuses in on modern romance and love letters, to Sophie Calle’s deeper meanings toward’s break ups to Larry Sultan’s image ‘Dad on bed’, from his series ‘Picture’s from Home’. The composition used in their work as well as their approach to constructing narratives stood out when analysing their work’s inner context’s towards love/break up’s definitely played a stance on how I approached this project with more sensitivity and how I spoke about the subject matter with the people I shot.

After having done all 6 shoots and laying out both portraits of people as well as the items they had kept over the years, I found it hard to narrow down the images I wanted for my finals and which route to go down. I was unsure whether to go for purely portraits or just the items or both as, I personally felt that the photograph’s of the objects without the portraits, linking them back to who had kept them, were not as strong alone. They did not show a deeper meaning as to who had kept them all these weeks/months/years, which I wanted to definitely be shown in my final piece.  It was difficult but, baring that in mind, I was very critical and with help from both lecturer’s and peers, I decided on using three portraits of people along with the objects they had kept.

I also found it difficult coming up with a title for my project as, I did not want to just call the items ‘objects’ or just ‘items’, they all represent memories and experiences the person had been through in a relationship and are more than just those. I originally had the title ‘The things that you left behind’ but, even that, I felt was too blunt and sounded too casual with the word ‘things’. I chose to use a thesaurus to come up with a word more meaningful and ended up with the title ‘A reminder that you once existed’ which I feel is stronger and also allows my project to not need a description. The items placed underneath the portraits is made clear they have been kept by that person but, it may not 100% come across to the audience that they are from break ups and could be from people who have passed away but, I will leave that to the audience to interpret.

In light of my final outcome to the project, I am pleased with the progress I have made from the start to finish and the final prints I have chosen. The portraits of Emily, Rebecca and Alex along with three landscape shots of their left behind object’s are my finals and, when I look at the 6 images now, I feel the objects show a sense of nostalgia, although the break up’s occurred and they were all hurt emotionally, the object’s all bring back a time where they were happy and experienced some fond memories. The narrative of break up’s and how people struggle to or forget to give back certain items is what I see through this series but, people may interpret it differently due to the title or the final prints I have chosen. 

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Final Prints

For my final prints, I decided to use a total of 6 pictures, 3 of portraits and 3 of the object’s people had left behind from previous relationships. I was very critical as I originally wanted to do 8 - 10 prints and focus in on everyone’s objects as well as the portraits of people who owned them however, it was evident that some images were stronger than others and portrayed the narrative more distinctively than others.

I chose to use Rebecca, Alex and Emily for my 3 portraits, which I would like to hang in this order also due to consistency and Alex being the only boy, having him in the middle and the two girls either side. Underneath each portrait, will be a landscape shot that I have selected of their left behind item e.g. Rebecca’s is the tie, Alex’s polaroid, Emily’s love letter. 

I chose to print them all on A4 size as, if it had been A3, i felt that the pictures would have been too close together and not have as much space between one another to be able to ‘breathe’. If they had been A5, detailing on certain areas like the Polaroid or the writing in the love letter may not have been as obvious to the audience, which could loose a large amount of the emotional response to my work I was hoping for. I mounted them all onto card and decided to have no borders, due to the wall I am hanging them onto being white itself thus, I feel double white, possibly different tones also, will not look the way I would like to. I will also present the title underneath the bottom right image, roughly 1/2 inches underneath.

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Rosy Martin - Too Close to Home?

This series by Rosey Martin acted as a ‘pre -bereavement’ project, helping her deal with the loss of her late father. It was also mentioned that this project acted as closure to her experiencing her first significant loss in life, due to death. Throughout this series she visit’s her old home and places that hold strong fond memories towards her during her life.

The title itself ‘Too Close To Home?’ to me, acts as a rhetorical question and is addressing the audience to the idea of going back to somewhere with a strong sense of nostalgia. Also, people who may see this work could have experienced a very close loved one passing and relate to the shock and empty feeling caused when someone so close dies. And looking at this series, may make people realise they had felt this exact same way as Martin did when her father passed away about certain memories and the realisation of death.

The pictures I have included are titled : (left) gate, (right) glass ornaments, which hold some form of sentimental value to Martin. The title’s are very vague and brief, making it seem like she does not want the viewer to know where the gate it or what it leads to and where those ornaments are or who’s they were. Its as though she is letting you into her memories but, is trying to let part of the details remain a mystery, which is close to her and her memories.

Although my project is definitely not about death or passed away love ones, it does look at objects that were left behind from someone that person once loved. It more than likely would not be anywhere close to the love one has for a mother/father but, someone still felt a strong enough feeling at some point to want to keep hold of those objects and not throw them away.

(Source: http://www.rosymartin.co.uk/too_close.html)

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Finalized project title

After much deliberation, I have decided on using the title ‘ A reminder that you once existed’ for this project. I feel with this title, the need for captions or a description would not be necessary as, it sums up that the object’s, linked with the portraits, link to someone who once existed. Whether people take that as someone who had died or through break up’s, it is up to them and their own interpretation of my series of work. I am going to print and mount my title to a piece of card and stick it on the bottom right area underneath my work, when it has been hung.

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Dad on bed by Larry Sultan, Picture’s from Home, 1992

Throughout this project, the majority of portraits I have taken of the people who have kept hold of the objects from break ups, have been taken upon their beds. My inspiration for those portraits, eventhough not being fully aware of it most of the time, was from this image titled ‘Dad on bed’ by Larry Sultan from his series ‘Picture’s from home’. The series ‘Pictures from home’ , focuses in on Sultan’s mother and father living in their family home and photographing their routines within the house along with portraits and other conceptual images. Throughout the series there are images of his father practising his golf swing in the living room, portraits of his mother and father in the living room and them both cleaning windows in the house. The series really shows a strong sense of family and allows people to see an insight to how they live and if one can relate to how they act within their homes. In the context to his work he mentions:

‘I realize that beyond the rolls of film and the few good pictures, the demands of my project and my confusion about its meaning, is the wish to take photography literally.  To stop time.  I want my parents to live forever.’

Regarding this quote, it makes me feel as though this project is more of a memory of his parents, how they used to live and act with each other. By photographing them, he is literally ‘stopping time’ by photographing them living and will always have those snapshots to remember them with. It also act’s as a reality check, he knows death is inevitable, as does everyone, and is documenting it for himself to remember them in the future perhaps. It also ties in with an element of love for family and how, when we are younger, we think our parents are invincible and they will never die but, as you grow they age and it kicks in that they won’t be around forever. I love this series and I find it really moving through the soft focus he uses and how he subtly takes image sof his parents in a heart-warming style.

For this particular image, which was actually taken in 1984, Sultan directed his father to wear a suit and to also sit on his bed for the shot. His father did as he told but, I remember reading in an article at some point where it mentioned that his father said to his son that ‘ this is not me, this is you and how you have directed me to look’. He made it very clear that the way he was sat and dressed, was not him or how he usually acted at all. The way the dark blue tones on the suit contrast with the lighter beige tones throughout the image allows him to appear much more distinctive, within the central focal point.

I think I have unintentionally taken this idea of having someone sat on their bed for my portraits in this project. It is a place where they would spend alot of their time and I guess, in a way, feel it is a more private place than if I was to photograph my subject’s in a studio. I wanted them to not feel uneasy and comfortable thus, I travelled to them for the images, which I think definitely helped them to open up more about the break ups also. Unlike Sultan, I did not direct my subjects large amounts with the way they were sat or posing, I liked the idea of it coming naturally and them not feeling forced to not be themselves.

(Source: http://larrysultan.com/gallery/pictures-from-home/)

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Shoot 7 - Myself

For this shoot I have decided to look at the objects left behind from my relationship that has very recently just ended, ironically. After looking through all of the items, I found a concert ticket from February 2015, which is where we met at and, as I kept it in a box, I felt photographing it against a textures white background helped to contrast the text upon it more distinctively. As this was the place we met, I wanted to emphasise how this was where we began and, after all these years, I have kept it safe. The crease’s upon the ticket itself also create a strong sense of reality to it and how relationships themselves do have metaphorical ‘creases’ within them, issues that may appear hidden but when brought up, are very much so alive. I chose to use a shallow depth of field also as i wanted the audiences complete attention to be drawn towards the bold writing on the ticket.

I also photographed a card that he had written for me, reading: ‘ To Lara, I’m sorry we’ve had a bit of a rocky patch. Just remember that you’re my world. Lots of love, Baby x’. I personally liked the context of the image as it would help recreate emotion and make people realise how much that one person meant to the other and now, nothing. However, I do not like the angle I have taken it from and it does not fully relate to my project as I have been photographing objects in the places that they are kept rather than just close ups of them and on words, even f it could create a strong emotional response.

The final image is a picture in a frame that I kept of us and have not yet gotten around to taking down and getting rid of it. It was taken a few months ago at a wedding and was kept on my shelf and, makes me feel uneasy looking at it as everything seemed fine not that long ago but it obviously can’t have been. I like the image itself but, I feel that the brighter tones and colours throughout it defeat the object of it meaning to be upsetting and emotional.

I am not 100% sure if I will use one of these images in my project or if I will keep this just on my blog and keep it as more of a personal release. 

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Jennifer Loeber - Left Behind, 2014

In 2013, Loeber’s mother unfortunately died, which led to keeping several of her belongings as she did not want to throw them away due to them, more than likely, having sentimental value to her mother as she had kept them all these years. Loeber mentioned that keeping these items did not make her feel ‘comforted’ and instead made her feel ‘ a source of deep sadness and anxiety’. So, to help her feel differently about her mothers belongings and to create a stronger sense of closure, she began a low key instagram project in 2014. She would photograph the items against a plain white background, for example sunglasses or her mothers blusher and brush. She would then pair those images up with a photograph of her mother using the object or when she would have had had it/ worn it, if clothing or make up, etc.

I personally love the idea of this project as, although it was very unplanned and the images were more than likely shot on someones phone, the context behind the project really makes it remarkable. The daughter would of had to look through tens of hundred’s of pictures of her mother, presumably, and to find a shot with her mother wearing the watch or the blusher (images above) must have been quite a challenge but, it shows the dedication she had to creating the closure to her mothers death with this project, in my opinion.

I like the use of consistency with this project as, all of the memories of her mother on the left are the same size whilst it is the same with the single shots of just the item. It also shows a contrast in photography and evolution of it as the left images were more than likely Polaroid's or disposable camera shots whilst the new ones were probably taken on a phone, as it was an instagram piece or on soem form of camera, and it just shows how it has changed from then till now.

It comes across to me as a very heartfelt project as she is remembering her mother for who she was and how she lived and not for who she was before she got ill and died. And in a way, that sums up how I would want to be remembered, for when I was happy and healthy, not for when I was ill.I like the image of the blusher as, there is a clear dent within the make up from when she has used it and her brush over the years. It shows, in my opinion, signs of wear and, I think because the woman has now passed on, its a somewhat comforting feeling to know that she used that item quite often. I also find it interesting that her mother had kept some of these objects over a presumably quite long time. The sunglasses picture of her mother wearing them, she looks very young, so she must have kept hold of them for quite some time and I find that interesting that someone can hoard items for such a long time.I am also interested to see if her daughter kept the items once this project was finished or if she got rid of some of them which makes me want to message her, just to find out.

In a way I feel this relate’s to my series as, once closure has happened, like Loeber with photographing her mothers belongings and creating a series, in my case accepting the break up has happened and time to move on, does it help or not. I know personally for me, photographing some of the items from my previous relationship, has helped me to deal with the closure, even if it has been extremely recent. For others, that may not be the case and infact, bringing them back up will regenerate those memories.

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Title Ideas:

- What you left behind - The things you left behind - The memories of you - The long forgotten objects that once were everything but, are now nothing - The items you left behind. - The narrative’s behind these object’s will make you cry. - An account of memoirs. - An account of memoirs through my eyes. - The object’s we could never bring ourselves to throw away. - The object’s we forgot to throw away. - A reminder that you one existed. - A reminder that we were once together. - A reminder that what we no longer have, was once there. - The remnants of past relationships.

- “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you” - quote from a love note i recieved If I use the image I took of the concert ticket where me and my ex met at, in February 2015, I could use a lyric from one of their songs as the title or recreate it to fit more with my project. It would mean something personal to me as it was where we met and realised how much we liked eachother and now that it is ended, I would like to finish it the same way it started - through a band we both liked. Whether it would suit this project, I’m not sure but, I feel like it is worth exploring just incase.

Some lyrics that could fit: ‘ You’ll always have a part of me’. ‘ The stories that we wrote are nothing more than ghosts’ - could rewrite this in my own words, the use of the word ‘ghost’s’.  ‘ I'll have to let you go and let these ghosts stay in the past’  ‘So take what's left of me, a broken fragment from before’  ‘the broken promises you made that forced me to grow’  

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Lovers Shirts, 2014, Carla Richmond and Hanne Steen

This project was a collaboration between Carla and Hanne in which they get several women and some men to wear their ex partner’s t-shirt that they have left behind. They would position the person wearing the shirt in front of the mirror and ask them a series of ‘ meditative thought provoking questions’ which would help bring back memories and times shared with that person. This would usually continue on for around 10 minutes and, they would continue to film the person as these questions would be asked. 

One of the part of the video that I felt would really get to anyone who would be wearing an ex-partner’s shirt, personally, was when they ask the person to ‘touch’ the shirt and ‘feel it’, how it hangs on your body compared to the shirts original owner, when you first saw this shirt, who may have had this shirt before you. As the questions continue, from what I saw in the video, the peoples inner thoughts appear to go deeper as they think more about the person who the shirt belonged to, their facial expressions and body language begin to transition from the beginning towards the end of the video. It really emphasise’s to me, and possibly the audience, how they are feeling, or maybe still feel, about that person. Some people in the video end up crying, looking at the floor, which could be due to  feeling uncomfortable with the situation or not wanting to see their reflection whilst wearing the shirt? After the series of question’s, I am not 100% sure but, I believe they took portraits of them or, the portraits may have been taken from still’s from the video that was taken but, i am uncertain. 

This project to me is so interesting as it shows people from different backgrounds, ages and cultures and, all in all, break ups are painful for everyone and it appears to make everyone feel some form of emotion thinking back to the person who you used to be with. It shows to me personally how, no matter how long someone has been broken up for, you will always remember them, the memories you both made together etc.  All of the images they have used, the subject is positioned in the central focal point and the same backdrop has been used as well as very soft lighting, which helps in my opinion create a more calm atmosphere for the person also rather than harsh lighting. It helps to resemble the feel of the project also within the images chosen.

The facial expressions and body language of all the participants play a large part of this series as it replicates how they are all feeling about that person with the memories and remembering them. The woman in the bottom right image looks as though she has been crying/is crying which allows the audience to know how upset she is feeling about that person.

I feel that this project relates to mine in many ways, the way they have made people find and wear shirts from previous relationships and digging up memories about that person from possibly weeks/months/years/decades ago. In comparison, with my project, I am finding objects people have forgotten about also, but not just clothing and many other types of objects and where people have kept them. The emotions created throughout both of our projects would more than likely create the same emotion through people by thinking of their past relationships, why they ended, why they have kept the items etc. 

The link to a video showing the producer of the series speaking to the girls used in the project, asking them questions about the shirt, who wore it, the history of the shirt before she took the pictures. Whilst filming them, they were looking into a mirror of themselves wearing the same bashirt- https://vimeo.com/68748148

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Shoot 7

The person I was originally going to shoot for my seventh person was going to be a girl called Jasmine, who was in a relationship, i am unsure of how long for but, they broke up on bad grounds. The boy broke her ribs and she ended up having to get a restraining order from him due to this but, finding a time that works for both of us was a difficulty thus, leading to me not being able to photograph both her and the court documents.

Instead, ironically, I was broken up with two days ago so, I thought I should implement my experience into this series even though it is much more recent than others I have shot. We were together for two years and he broke up with me and, for this shoot, I have decided to photograph any letters/notes he has given me over the years. I also have a guitar pick from a concert we went to  together along with concert tickets and photographs. However, I feel the letters will provoke more of an emotion due to such strong language used.The break up is very recent and will more than likely upset me to look back on the items, photograph and edit them but, it would link well to my whole series plus, will help my mental state in general.

I plan to do a shallow depth of field and focus on certain words within the cards/letters he wrote for me. I know one definitely says ‘ I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you’ and that is something I would like to focus on. I hope this will make the audience feel certain emotions towards their current/previous relationships. I want them to remember if they once felt that strongly about someone, to remember the person themselves and how they felt at the specific time.

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Tutorial 29/11

This tutorial allowed me to realise that I have essentially done two projects in one, not only have I got a selection of interesting objects from peoples past relationships but I also have a series of portraits of people who have been through break up’s at some point in their life. It was mentioned I will need to be critical and decide on which images I personally think are stronger than others and include them. Also, presenting it in a uniformed manner, although is still good, maybe being a bit more disorganised in a sense. Different sized photos, not presented in exact spaces or in complete symmetry, which could replicate someones mind after a break up.

Captions forthe images aswell were discussed, whether being very brief as in ‘Taylor’s bike’ or ‘ A BMX 170 missing its back wheel in someones old shed’ and being very descriptive. I like the idea of being very descriptive with the captions and pictures however, I will need to think carefully and not over do it nor under do it. I want to create emotions within people and make them think of their past relationships when seeing this piece on the wall rather than just walking past it,

The same goes for the title to this work. I need to research the thesaurus and think up the best name to give the items because ‘momentos’, ‘souvenirs’ or ‘objects’ don’t really cut the chase with them. If the title is descriptive enough, the need for captions to images may not be as needed, the same with having a small and concise description on the side to what my project is actually about. A wordy title could work well with this project but, at the moment I do not have any 100% ideas.

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Emily’s Shoot

This shoot for me personally was very heart wrenching, as when I walked into her room, she had actually made a pile of all the objects on the floor and she had also lost a lot of weight since I had last seen her.  The items consisted of a book (The Hobbit), DS games, a cuddly toy, T-shirt and some love notes. I was instantly drawn towards the love notes, they were all double sided and included such emotive language about how he felt about her at the time and how they would be together for eternity. I found the creases in the letters interesting as well as the letter itself, he has scribbled out areas and is not using the neatest of writing. It adds an element of reality and distinguishes the idea of a relationship being 100% perfect the whole time, to me anyway.

I chose to photograph the note just against her floor and flat out rather than in the place she usually keeps it as, it is kept in a box under her bed and although that is interesting, it does not remark as strong of an image to me. The love letter, spread out against a darker background contrast and allows the writing to be seem much more distinctively. 

With her portraits, I felt it would be suitable to have ones of her on the bed, looking into the camera, like the rest of the portraits I have done for the shoots. However, as time is going on, I am unsure of how relevant the portraits are to my project as, people don’t NEED to know which object belonged to which person. I seem to have don’t portraits as well as objects to act as a safety harness, incase I chose to not like either. I am happy with the pictures I have taken of Emily and will hopefully use some of her pictures as some of my finals. 

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Layout Ideas

I am currently thinking up different layouts to use for my final presentation of my work in the cafe, which is public. I am either going to do 8 A4 prints ( 4 of portraits and 4 of objets) or 6 A4 prints. For the 8 A4 prints, I would use the inkjet printer with glossy paper and print 4 of the people. Presenting the pictures, I would like them to be quite uniform as the topic is pretty serious in general so, I  am thinking i would stick both portrait shots and the object that belonged to them shot fairly close togetherr, to allow the audience to know which specific object left behind belongs to who. I do not want to over do it with pictures and colours and varying tones thus, printing 8 images, 4 shoots, I felt would sum up my project more strongly than all of them together as some shoots are stronger than others.

If this series was to just be of objects and not of portraits, captions would more than likely play a strong part in this series. if I chose this idea, maybe the ex’s name and the object or a quote from the person maybe explaining how they feel about it? Or just something simple like, for Emilys letters ‘His love letters.’ or Rebeccas ‘ His shirt’? I’m unsure if that sounds abit too bland and dull though and not very emotive as, I was hoping it would be an emotional series and make people who see it think about their past relationships and if they have any left over objects etc. 

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Emily

Shoot 6 will be of an old friend called Emily, she is a university student studying illustration at university and moved away from her hometown in the September just gone to go there. I shot the pictures in her room when she was back during her reading week. Her relationship was for 3 or so years and, her ex-boyfriend broke up with her and blamed it on the distance however, she feels it was probably for someone else who lives in his uni halls when he moved away as well. It was not face to face the break up and, Emily could not bring herself to throw away any of the objects she had from him.

There was a book, a teddy bear, nintendo DS games, an ACDC t-shirt, a birthday card and several love letters. She is still very upset about the break up and pleaded that when I photograph the images of any of the items, not to put them on anywhere she could see them otherwise it will make her upset and think of the break up so, I have agreed to not put any of them up on social media sites I have her on. 

I want to photograph the love letters as, although they will be very heart breaking looking at how he once felt about her and they are no more, it will really show how feelings change towards people. He used words like ‘eternity’, ‘infinity’, ‘forever’ and ‘love’ throughout some of the letters I could make out which, makes me wonder how emotions and feelings also manage to change between two people. I may experiment with a shallow depth of field on some specific areas of the letters, if Emily does not mind of course and would like to photograph them fully outlining everything. I will also take some portraits of her on her bed, as I have done for the rest of the individuals I have shot for this project, if I decide to use portraits of people.

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Alex’s shoot

Walking into Alex’s room, it is instantly made clear to anyone, that it is a students room as, the front door leads straight into his room and there were several items on his floor like clothes, guitar leads,empty drink bottles and his bed was unmade. This makes me feel that maybe the break up has led to him not being as clean as he once was and becoming careless or, he could of always been a messy person in general but, that was the vibe I got when going into his room.

Alex had 4 polaroid’s left behind from his relationship, two of which where of him and his ex together, the other two were ones he had just taken of her. He said I could photograph them for my project as the bass I was hoping to photograph too, had been left at his actual home, in Hertfordshire. He keeps the Polaroids in a plastic tub, along with all of the other’s he has taken over the years. I chose to photograph them on his bed laid out first, to see what they looked like altogether and, not in the place he keeps it as, his room was quite messy I felt that it resembled his room and him as a person, it being out of place. It also appeared to have no destined place within his room which, suggested to me that maybe he looks at the Polaroids from time to time.

One of the images he has of them together looks like half of it has been fogged/eroded/scraped off and has taken over about 1/2 of the print. Although this is more than likely just a coincidence but, to me it shows the memory of them both together disappearing and, how after relationships end, all of the memories fade and you are left with only the ones that really stood out the most to you.

If I had a chance to redo this shoot, I would have tried to use some form of lighting like a softbox and possibly a flash, just to help illuminate the picture more distinctively as, I had to use a pretty high ISO for most of these pictures and I feel it has made them slightly grainy. These pictures haven’t been post-produced just yet so I may be able to tweak the lighting in Photoshop to make some of them appear brighter and less grainy.

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Alex

Shoot 5 is going to be of Alex, who lives in Norwich and is ironically studying photography also. He has gone through a pretty strenuous relationship and break up recently and I wanted to capture it for my project. Him and his ex girlfriend were together for 4 years and were then on/off from December - August of this year until Alex bit the bullet, and ended it. Although they broke up 4 or so months ago, he still has objects left behind from that relationship at his university housing. He said that they constantly had small arguments about nothing and they were both at uni’s that were both quite a distance away from each other. He said she still tries to call or text him, especially when she is drunk but he ignores her calls and has blocked her online.

He has a bass guitar which she brought him for one of his birthdays still in his room, which is understandable why he has not thrown it away. He also has a tin full of Polaroids he has taken over the years, 4 of which are of him with his ex-girlfriend. I am interested to see what the Polaroids of them together look like with their facial expressions, body language etc and also where he keeps the tin in his room. 

[areminderthatyouonceexisted]

Ways I hurt myself to hurt you, Lora Mathis

This is an ongoing photo graphical series, mainly done online through a blog, that looks at and explores different habits people go through during a break up from someone. The above 3 were the only images I could find online but, I found it interesting at the ways she has presented the bad, self destructive habits that are created after a break up. The title of the project is interesting as ways i hurt myself to hurt you suggests that she got involved with all these bad habits on purpose and out of spite, to make her ex to feel bad for ending the relationship with her maybe? The smashing of the phone suggests anger, the cigarettes and smoke suggests she is addicted to them, maybe since the break up, showing that it has completely hurt her but, more importantly, she is trying to make him feel guilty. The plate with just pills could also show instead of eating regular meals, as it is presented on a plate with cutlery, she is smoking and doing drugs instead. This could means she could have lost a lot of weight which may hurt her ex for seeing how badly she is doing?

I am looking at this project to grasp more of an understanding as to how people deal with break ups and through certain habits, it allows people to deal with them better than others.

The backgrounds used behind each image appear as bland and dull colors which make it seem as though these are meant to be a day to day part of the routing and also, they give a key idea as to where these habits would take place. An example would be the phone, the pale pink background appears with netting which makes it seem as though they have been taken in her bed. Plus they are all looking down shots which could connote that, although the individual who is doing these habits is in control and dominant over them, she is maybe forcing herself to let them take over? 

The two images of the phone, I am unsure if they are supposed to relate but, i personally read it as the picture with constant spam messages to the ex with contradicting messages like ‘I miss you’ then a few messages later ‘Fuck you’ as the first image. Then, the other picture of the phone with its screen smashed as the second picture as, the constant messages to the person yet no reply what so ever, would create a stream of anger thus smashing the phone. The fact the person was not replying to them could mean that they have moved on, or could have changed their number or were just simply ignoring them, which would more than likely make the person texting feel uneasy. They would be unable to tell where they completely lie with the person but also, not replying, your mind could overthink as to what the person is doing and why they aren’t replying thus, leading to destroying the phone. The phone could also symbolise the person’s brain,the texts could represent the constant thoughts going through their brain about they feel about the person, contradicting one another then, the smashed phone. This could show self destruction through the cracks, that they are broken from the break up which links to the title of the series once again. She has hurt herself with all the overthinking which will then hurt her ex boyfriend/girlfriend, seeing how bad she has become.