Are We All Strangers?

"Never underestimate the power of a simple conversation." Francis T.

[areweallstrangers]

Nhan

I always heard about him, and most of the time it wasn't good things. But suddenly he was just always there and I started to notice him more and more. He always found excuses to sit on my small pink couch with me and before I knew it, we were sharing our deepest fears and I was hooked. People, close friends, acquaintances, even him, they all told me to stay away but I guess I wanted to take a chance and be the one to change everything. But within a year, my reassurances and the things that used to be enough just weren't enough anymore and all of our demons came out to play with each other. Even after, I always held on because I thought that having him in my life, despite the pain and false hope, was better than not having him in it at all. I got really good at lying and convincing myself that everything was fine when it was clearly not fine. I think we were fighting and hurting more than we were happy. We were constantly evaluating each other and measuring our worth and it got very tiring. We couldn't be ourselves and we couldn't love the way we were meant to love. We couldn't force it no matter how much we wanted it to work. He always knew but for the longest time, I was still lying to myself. I didn't know any better. I got so caught up in trying to convince everyone that things were working, I didn't even notice that he had already moved on. He found someone new. It's crazy how much you can learn about another person. Their fears, the way they react, how they respond, what makes them happy, their mannerisms, their nervous ticks, their body language. You think you know someone so well, so intimately and so deeply. But then you're forced to take a step back and just observe from a distance. And in that time, that person becomes a stranger again. Maybe one day I can befriend this stranger again.

[areweallstrangers]

Emma

“I moved to L.A. from St. Louis not knowing a single person here.”

I ran into Emma at a bar while visiting my hometown in southern California. She was sitting by herself at the bar, so I took the opportunity to introduce myself. She’s an aspiring cinematographer who just recently moved to L.A. to work on her film career. I always hear stories about people who pick up their lives and move cross country to pursue their passion, but before Emma I hadn’t met anyone in person. “There’s that initial fear of ‘Am I crazy for doing this?’, but once you get some time under your belt and start building your connections it becomes a lot easier.” However she explained that one of the downsides of this industry is that it’s hard to find people are genuine and down to help you out. Everyone is just trying to make it, so people are in a me-first survival mode. It can get lonely sometimes. Picking up your life like that and moving to a completely new area to work on a career without knowing how things will turn out takes guts. Talking to Emma reminded me of my own struggles with choosing a career that would fulfill me long-term. I don’t know if I had the courage to do what Emma did at this point in my life. But it’s definitely something I’ve thought about.

9.13.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Andrew

I met him in the hostel during my brief stay in Chicago. To be honest, I approached him because he was the only other Asian person in the hostel. I’m glad I did because I ended up spending most of my trip with him. We talked about our careers a lot. He bounced around a bit between majors in college before deciding to pursue the medical field. “I never thought about going to med school, but then my dad got sick with cancer. I had to take him to the doctor many times over the years, and that opened my eyes to the profession. I saw how invested he was in my dad. I decided to go into the medical field because I want to develop those long-term relationships with my patients and see them progress over time.” I’ve been struggling recently with finding out what I love to do, but meeting Andrew gives me some comfort in knowing that this spark of passion could come at any time. Just be ready to go after it when it comes.

5.4.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Nick

My friend told me to check out the Tom’s store across the street from the hostel I was staying at in Chicago. They wanted me to find a polaroid of them on the wall. I found the picture, but I also met Nick there. I asked him for some suggestions on places to go in the city. He gave me a few suggestions, but apologized because he’s more of a home body and doesn’t go out as often anymore. I asked him what he does outside of his work. “I went to audio engineering school, so I used to do sound for people. I just got into music production like a year ago. I plan to open up a studio sometime in the near future. It’s tough to balance music, work, and a kid though.” I told him I also just got into music production, and I’m unsure of my future career path as well. “I have no end goal right now, but I’m ok with that. As long as I keep chasing my passion, I’ll be ok.” He’s a good guy. I told him that. “There’s a lot of shitty people in this world, which makes it harder for all the good people out there.”

5.3.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Ramonia

Ramonia was my first Lyft driver in Chicago. She was born and raised in Chicago and has been driving passengers for over a year now. I always ask my drivers if they have any interesting stories of passengers they wanna share. “I had a passenger the other weekend who asked me to be his private driver for the weekend. I was so shocked I didn’t know how to react but I told him I don’t think Lyft would let me do that.” I asked why she didn’t just take the money and drive him around privately. “Good point. I will keep that in mind for next time haha. I was so flattered that I freaked out.” I asked her if she was a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan. “If you’re from the South, you’re a Sox fan. If you’re from the North, you follow the Cubs.” She also lives a few blocks from Obama’s house in Chicago. “I hate it. I hate it when he comes home because the Secret Service blocks off entire streets and I can’t even get into my own house.” I would hate that too.

5.2.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Jerry

It was my first time using the train in Chicago. I must have seemed lost because an elderly man asked me where I was headed. He was wearing a pink hat and a green backpack that was pulled tight to his back. We ended up getting off at the same stop, but I missed my transfer train so we started talking. “What are you doing in Chicago?” he asked. “There’s a bunch of white people here.” I told him it was an early birthday present to myself. I asked him what his favorite part about Chicago was. “I grew up in Chicago and live here now with my wife. My favorite part about this city are the parks. They’re beautiful. However the city is changing and not like it used to be. North Chicago is the rich side, and South side is the poor side. But the South is now changing and becoming more affluent, which is both a good and bad thing.” Gentrification is happening everywhere apparently. “It’s affecting our cities diversity and driving out all the people of color.” We started talking more, then I realized why he was so nice to me on the train. He adopted a Vietnamese son, who happened close to my age now. I asked if he was a part of the Vietnam War. “I fought against the war when I was a grad student. I was lucky I didn’t get drafted because I had poor eyesight.” He has a bucket list of places that he wants to visit with his wife before he gets too old to travel, which reminds me I need to start crossing off more items off mine. Thank you Jerry and your pink hat.

5.1.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Jeff

He sat next to me on my flight to Denver. He and his family were coming back home after a trip to San Francisco. I told him I live in Hayward, where there’s not much to do. “I used to live in Hayward. I live in a small town in Colorado now. You’re lucky you even have grocery stores. I have to drive 30 minutes to get groceries sometimes.” He took his kids to San Francisco because they don’t get to see the city often. I don’t know when I’ll have kids. “I was 27 when I had my first one.” Well that gives me two years.

5.3.16 NV

[areweallstrangers]

Nga

One of my favorite things to do is have meaningful conversations with strangers. Meet Nga. I met her at the swap meet today while I was looking for tshirts to buy. She has been living in the islands since ‘93 when she moved away from Vietnam following the war. She has two daughters in San Jose, but she lives in Hawaii. I asked her why she likes Hawaii, and she said that she’s just used to it. I told her a little bit about my family before I continued my shopping. I went back and forth a few times and each time I would talk to her for a bit. When I had to finally leave, she told me in Viet that it was a joy talking to me. It’s a small gesture but I could tell by her smile that the conversation meant a lot to her. She probably sees hundreds of customers each day, but how many actually stop and talk to her. She reminded me how fortunate I am to have parents who gave up so much for me. Very humbling experience.

[areweallstrangers]

Kim

I had just started work a few months ago, and I always noticed this middle-aged lady that would smile when she passed by anyone. We crossed paths many, many times but we never actually spoke a word to each other. One day I approached her and started a conversation before realizing she was also Vietnamese. From then, we would speak Viet each time we ran into each other in the cafeteria. Some people’s smiles are more contagious than others, and not once did she fail to put one on my face. Bad timing though, I found out she had to transfer to a different building miles away. I heard her coworkers were throwing her a goodbye party, so I paused work and rushed down to say goodbye. Some people come into your life for a very short period of time, but they make you realize some important things. Kim has encouraged me to always stay kind.

[areweallstrangers]

Andrew

I met Andrew on my walk to the gas station to grab some snacks. He was standing in the middle concrete lane divider with his dog, which I think was a German Shepherd mixed with something else (I only know two kinds of dogs: big and small.) He was asking stopped drivers for loose change. I had already made my way to the other side of the street, when I decided to cut back and talk to Andrew. I gestured him to follow me, and we headed back to the gas station. I told him to grab anything he wanted. He stood there and looked at me with a half grateful, half incredulous look on his face, but came back with a jug of water, a carton of milk, a cheeseburger, and some dog food. Then he approached me and softly asked, “Actually can I get two cheeseburgers?” That’s all he wanted, all he needed. It’s hard not to contrast this with today’s consumeristic society. Thank you Andrew.

[areweallstrangers]

Steven

The third stranger I met in Portland was Steven, and subsequently his 6 other friends. I was walking down the street with my camera out. I heard two guys yelling out from their car to me asking me to jump in their car. Most people’s first thoughts: wtf, serial killers, I’m gonna die. Me: holy shit this sounds fun. Turns out they were heading to an impromptu photo shoot and they asked me to join because they saw my camera. Only in Portland will you see this shit. When in Rome right? I hopped in. The two guys in the car apparently just met two weeks ago, but I could have sworn they were best friends. This is normal in Portland, I love it haha. Met up with 6 other random people that night and had a photoshoot around the city. (Also ran into Draymond Green that nightl). I wish more people would be like these guys. People think its weird to make friends with strangers these days, and I think that’s a complete shame. Steven told me if I ever needed a place to stay in Portland when I came back hit him up.

[areweallstrangers]

Chris

The second stranger I met in Portland was Chris. I had just finished my dinner at a Thai restaurant (Portland has very good Thai food by the way). I ran into a brewery down the street and decided to give it a try. I saw Chris sipping on a beer at a table by himself, so I asked if I could join. He was a little shocked at first when I asked him, but he warmed up quickly. He was an engineer who works in the manufacturing industry. He had a rough beard and ginger hair like he could be Ron Weasley’s older uncle who didn’t make the cut for the movie. What is it about this Harry Potter theme though? Anyways, he was a nice guy and shared some of his favorite spots around town. He would occasionally check his phone, and I couldn’t tell if it was because he was trying to avoid possible awkward silence or I’m just not that interesting. Tried a few different sour beers, and we both parted ways after sharing stories.

[areweallstrangers]

Dennis

The first stranger I met in Portland was Dennis, a lanky and adorable Asian American from Orange County. Without his hat on, he looks like an Asian Harry Potter. I saw him sitting by himself at the coffee shop, so I asked if I could join him. We talked about life and deep shit (if you know me, you’re not surprised). Found out he’s a recent college grad who majored in physics and has no idea what to do with his life. Sounds about right these days. He was exploring town while his parents checked out some real estate, so I invited him to explore town with me for a bit. We ended up checking out the local dispensary (weed is legalized in Portland now) and taking some pictures at a nearby park. He had a calm yet reassuring aura to him, the kind of friend that might seem quiet at first but you know they will always be there for you when you need them. I told him if he ever visited the bay he’ll have a friend and a place to stay.

[areweallstrangers]

Helen

I met Helen on Bart on my way to a Chance The Rapper concert at the Fox Theatre in Oakland. She was sitting by herself, and I asked if I could have the seat beside her. I asked her how her day was going. She had just gotten back from the casino, still coughing from all the cigarette smoke. We then started talking about Thanksgiving, which led into a conversation about family. Helen is 72, which is exactly three times as old as I am. She’s lived three of my lives. I told her that I’m trying to cook more during the holidays so the women in my family can have time to rest. She brought up her son, whom she says is really bad at cooking. She can tell when he’s home because of the smell of burnt grease permeating through the house. I told her that in my culture, as opposed to saying “I love you”, we show love by cooking for one another. “Love is an action word,” she said. “You can say it, but you also have to show it”. 

[areweallstrangers]

George

I was on my way to grab lunch with a friend and I ran into George on the street. He was in a wheel chair with a 49ers sweater on and a Raiders hat on. I asked if he was a fan, but he said he got the sweater at a shelter. He asked for a few dollars, but when I told him I had no cash he asked if I had a sandwich. When I asked him what his favorite sandwich was, he said cheeseburger. There happened to be a McDonalds right around the corner so I told my friend to come with me for a bit. After I handed him the two cheeseburgers, he started talking to me about Chicago where he was from. He told me all the places I should visit when I take my road trip there. To be honest I couldn’t remember all the places that he told me, but I remember how his face lit up when he started talking about it. He reminded me that no matter what life throws at you, the idea of home gives you something to look forward to.

[areweallstrangers]

Lisa

I met was Lisa on my trip to Portland. Why is it always the unexpected things in life that turn out to be the most profound? It was my third visit to the famous Powell’s Book Store this week, and I stopped by their coffee shop to read a book for a few hours. (If you’re into untraditional love stories, I recommend checking out The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano.) I started to get hungry so I asked my neighbor, who turned out to be Lisa, if she knew any good spots nearby then went back to my reading. About 30 minutes later, she randomly approached me with an idea. She’s an art history professor, and she has a vision of bringing digital versions of famous art museums around the world into her classrooms for low-income students who don’t have the means to hop on a flight and check out the Louvre on a Tuesday afternoon. This sparked a two hour conversation in which we covered the following: life and death, love and relationships, racial inequality, and of course food. We shared our experiences about struggling to come to terms with our own identity. She’s 54, never been married, never had kids, but from talking to her she seemed content with the road that she took. It wasn’t easy for her until she decided to accept that despite her path being untraditional she wouldn’t have learned the things she did if she took any other route.  It takes a certain kind of courage to admit that. This specifically resonated with me. Up until about four months ago, I lived my whole life trying to follow the path that society had set for me. Do this, then do that, then do this and you’ll be on your way. But I always felt restless because I was just going through the motions instead of doing things that I wanted to do. I quit my job a month ago because I was feeling unfulfilled. I was prepared to put myself in employment for a few months until I found a job that makes me wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. Like in that one Friends episode where Joey and Chandler told Rachel that she needed the fear of unemployment to really pursue what she wanted to do. Yup that was me. I told her that I was more scared of going through the motions and staying in one spot then I was of failure. So if something doesn’t feel right in my gut or heart, it’s usually a good sign that I need to be honest with myself and move on. However she gave a solid response to that. There will be times when you just have to push through the situation even if you feel like it’s not right. Because going through that hell will help you learn things you otherwise might not realize. So how do you know when to keep going and when to move on? “You never do,” she told me. That is both reassuring and scary at the same time. In this past year, I’ve learned to embrace pain and hardship in order to move past it. (I highly recommend reading Tuesdays With Morrie, even if you’ve already read it, read it again) Talking to Lisa recharged my soul and was exactly what I needed to end my trip. You don’t meet people that you can just vibe with right off the bat but also understand you to your core like this often in your lifetime.

[areweallstrangers]

Zach

I was taking my lunch break on a table outside of Whole Foods, when I was approached by a little boy. He asked me, “Do you wanna be friends?” We then proceeded to talk about ninjas, sushi, and his stuffed rabbit named Cutie-Patootie. Children are fearless, because the world hasn’t gotten a chance to jade them yet, so they don’t have as many walls up yet. We have a lot to learn from young children because they see the world simply as it is. As we age and go through negative experiences, we learn how to filter out only what we want, and that can cause us to see life through a restricted and narrow lens and prevent us from experiencing a full range of emotions. Zach reminded me to stay curious and stay fearless.