long distance fucking sucks
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Not today Justin

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@areyoucorrectingmypronunciation
long distance fucking sucks
🍓 strawberry frog 🍓
tomorrow……… is august„„„„,?????
its augu…….st?? tomorrW???????????
8th monTH???????? 4 ,more mont hs of 2013?????????????
what??????????????????????????????………………………..
We thought it best to begin as close to the start as possible, though we're certain the project will jump throughout history. While there is no way to know who was the first human to experience same-gender romantic attraction, we will go back as far as recorded history allows. We begin with the orig
[Image Description: The painting “Sappho and Erinna in the Garden Mytelene” by Simeon Solomon, in which a pale woman with brown hair wearing a red dress is held by another pale woman with black hair wearing a yellow dress. They sit together on a stone bench surrounded by nature.]
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i offer u a flower 🌻 im proud of u for making it through the day.
You know what? Fuck you *untames the shrew*
Yes
YES
The shrew is free
When I was about 4 or 5, my dad worked in software implementation (installing very complicated programs for entire companies, basically). And sometimes when people had a problem with the program, they’d call my dad.
If he wasn’t in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say “Hello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,” in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as “elfin”, and then yell for my dad. Then I’d listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.
One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one you’ve heard of, and the CEO said “Oh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately."
After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you don’t answer with ‘wtf are you talking about’ - he determined that what happened was the following:
The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.
The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said “Hello, I’m thorry, Edward ithn’t here right now. Can I help you?”
“…okay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? …that means turning it off.”
Five minutes later, the CEO hung up, very pleased that an elf with a speech impediment had fixed his million-dollar software.
You're the mythical 20 years old with 20 years experience.
remember when you listened to welcome to night vale for the first time and you were really confused but also intrigued and then just when you were finally beginning to understand whats going on cecil mentioned "the weather" and you thought it would just be another weird poetic segment but then. but then !!! a song started playing. and it literally changed you as a person
How a coastline 100 million years ago influences modern election results in Alabama.
The past is never dead. It’s not even past.
| William Faulkner, Requiem for a Nun
Me: -so after it became apparent that ‘retarded’ had become a term of abuse, educators and psychiatrists switched to other terms like ‘handicapped’ or ‘special needs’ in an attempt to -
George Orwell, whom I’ve dragged forward in time with my arcane powers because I’m lonely and want someone to talk to: You have a telephone in your pocket? It listens to you all the time?
Me: Never mind about that, the point is, young people now mock each other by sending the wheelchair emoji - that’s a type of electronic heiroglyph - to suggest mental deficiency and shout SPESHUL!!!! while doing offensive imitations of disabled facial expressions and posture. So any attempt to lexographically make crimethink impossible is pretty much doomed because the meaning of words in everyday conversation can’t be controlled by a dictionary entry, no matter how many Ministry of Truth employees-
Orwell: It reports your location to the telephone company at all times?
Alright, so tumblr staff is acting like as if we tumblr users have enough money to pay other tumblr users.
tumblr forgets that their user base is basically just a bunch of alley rats huddled around a slice of cheese
…shit, now I want to draw this.
OK, THIS IS REALLY ROUGH AND SHITTY, BUT I WANTED TO GET THIS OUT HERE
this is exactly what I envisioned when I made this post. Perfectly executed.
the build a bear Axolotl is perfect actually
it said :)
CH COLAT GU
Is this the chocolate guy that everyone is always talking about?
T H I S A S S H O L E A G A I N
Imagine being a 6th grade teacher and suddenly one of your students just crams an entire tech deck in their mouth, but it turns out to be this bullshit.
easily one of the most animals of all time
It's a Vietnamese Hmong dog for those asking
A British wildlife sanctuary has been forced to separate five parrots who wouldn't stop swearing at visitors. Keepers say the birds encouraged each other to keep cursing, and had to be moved from the main outdoor aviary.
Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie were removed from view this week, The Associated Press reports. They recently joined the Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre's colony of 200 African gray parrots in August, were put in quarantine together and quickly overwhelmed the staff with their naughty language.
"We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we've never had five at the same time," the center's chief executive, Steve Nichols, told AP. "Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it."
According to Nichols, none of the zoo's visitors complained about the parrots, and most found them amusing.
"When a parrot tells you to 'f*** off' it amuses people very highly," he said. "It's brought a big smile to a really hard year."
Still, keepers thought it would be best to keep them away from children so not to ruffle any feathers. They were separated and moved to various different areas of the wildlife center so they are unable to provoke each other,
Nichols told BBC News that the parrots "swear to trigger reaction or a response," so seeing people shocked or laughing only encourages the birds to curse more.
"With the five, one would swear and another would laugh and that would carry on," he said.
"I'm hoping they learn different words within colonies," Nichols added. "But if they teach the others bad language and I end up with 250 swearing birds, I don't know what we'll do."
First published on September 30, 2020
That is how civilisations begin.