How do we talk about #metoo?
Here is how I spoke to the girls this morning following their return from the half term holiday and regarding recent news stories and the #metoo campaign:
While we have been away, you won’t have failed to notice that the news has been dominated by stories of high profile men who have behaved appallingly towards other people – most often, but not always, towards women.
A lot of this came about because women of all ages in the world of Hollywood started talking about how they had been treated by the producer Harvey Weinstein – and things have more recently made their way over to our own shores with defence secretary Michael Fallon stepping down and other politicians being named and accused. It looks as though this could run for some time.
Now, I’ve struggled to think about how to raise this with you because, on the one hand, the details of some of the allegations are not the kind of things we should be talking about in assembly; there’s a huge age range here in the room and there are some pretty horrific stories out there. But, on the other hand, as the head of a girls’ school, how can I not talk about what’s going on? This is so relevant to women and their place in society. Arguably, the sense of taboo and shame, which surrounded these topics for earlier generations and stopped them from talking about these issues openly, is perhaps why it’s taken so long to come out. So we have to talk.
Some of you will have heard of Laura Bates, the campaigner and writer who started the ‘Everyday Sexism’ campaign. Some of you will have heard her speak when she visited Dulwich College a couple of years ago. At the start of her campaign she foreshadowed recent events when she described having a bad day – being wolf-whistled at, having a man on a bus touch her leg- and then, when she discussed these experiences with her friends, finding that they had all been through the same sort of thing.
In recent days, this has really come to life in the #metoo campaign which is here described by Ellen De Generes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmYgdOTPE3w
In this clip, Ellen makes several interesting points. This is not a Hollywood or a political thing – it’s a human thing. I feel nervous in saying that to you because it could run the risk of giving the sense that this is everywhere; that you are doomed to be harassed. And I don’t think you are. In fact, I think you have a better chance than any previous generation of avoiding that kind of experience. Or, more worryingly, you should never be led to think that all men in particular are going to harass you. You know that could not be further from the case. The vast, vast majority of men you will come across will be good people and would never dream of behaving in this way. Similarly, there are plenty of women who misbehave when placed in a position of power; bullying and manipulation take more forms. But, at the same time, if we didn’t acknowledge the fact that this could happen to you, then we wouldn’t be giving you the tools to recognise it for what it is and to feel confident in saying that it’s unacceptable.
I also worry about what Ellen and others say; that girls are taught to be quiet and that boys are somehow more powerful and girls ‘less than’. I really hope that is not the case here. I am fairly confident in assuming that every one of you knows that you are worth as much as any boy and that you can lead, speak out, achieve anything you want. And if we don’t say that enough, let’s say it very clearly now, today.
But, one of the really important things here is the power in numbers point. It was a good use of social media to bring so many voices in such a short time into the debate. If we believe (and we have to believe) that all prejudice, bullying, harassment are wrong, then we are going to have a better chance against them if all the right- minded, kind, respectful people (whom I believe are the majority) speak up together and don’t walk on looking the other way. This is the way that we can break a cycle. So, I hope and pray that you do not suffer harassment or prejudice but I also trust that you will support others if they do.
Above all, I think all of these stories come down to how we deserve to be treated and how we treat other people – all other people. No one’s feelings are less important than anyone else’s – no one is there to serve someone else’s needs. We should expect to be treated with respect, with kindness, with acceptance. And, in turn, we should commit to treating everybody else that way too. This is not a one way street where a builder on a building site shouldn’t wolf whistle at a woman – but it’s then ok for that woman to yell at a waitress later in the day. If we are to make progress – we all have to respect one another.
I have particular pet hates in the things I see frequently. The aggressive emails from people that wouldn’t say those things to your face. People who are rude to the receptionist or my PA but sugary sweet to me – as though my colleagues are any less important than I am (and as though I won’t find out…) . In fact, how we treat people that we don’t think have an influence over our lives is the real test. We can usually find it in our hearts to be respectful if we think we are going to get something out of it.
And I think that’s another moral we can draw from the sudden descent of Harvey Weinstein and one or two others. We may feel we are in a position of power for now. We may feel we can get people to do things they don’t want to do, say anything we want them to say – but these stories prove that, no matter how secure you may feel, these things can come back to haunt you in the end. Power shifts.
So, I hope that these stories won’t lead you to despair or fear but will make you realise that you have a right to be treated well and – if you feel that you have not been – that you have a right to say so.
ellievsbear
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
