Life as I never knew it!!!
Well after 1 year of being single (a first for me by the way) I have decided to make it a better experience compared to what it has always been in the past. Like many I would go only 3 months without being in a relationship or going without sex!!! I was a slave to my sexual desires and dating people based on looks not it we actually had a connection. Yeah lust felt like a connection but when the relationship frazzles out and they are gone you see it for what it really was.
Going without sex now that was hard to begin with due to my sexual passionate nature and man did i embarrass myself a few times with it, but I persisted and never caved.
How did i get to this stage you may ask? Well for the first time in my life I met someone that had made me feel so different and yeah it was short lived but we remained friends - the typical still friends but secretly still in love with them scenario. I was never going to tarnish my body with another, I just couldn’t. However one day he did and broke up the friendship. Yeah it sucked but then I thought to myself - I have a chance to start again like I have never had ever!
So what does this mean? Well it means a number of things to be fair. Now with it being almost 1 year since I have been in a relationship I am cleansed of my past. I have had time to think what I want, what I need and I how I am. I can take my time now and actually have the patience and ability to not dive in when I do eventually meet the right one. I can build new friendships and be fair and understanding instead of weak and giving in to my needs and wants.
I have been patient and I am still discovering me and guess what it’s fun. I am more adventurous more loving and more thoughtful than I thought I could be. Sacrificing a year if my life holding on to something that would never happen again was my way of releasing old habits and then to release the idea of that guy that no longer served my life. I can feel joy now and not resentment when they more on because they are happy and that makes me excited for them.
Whats even more exciting is that when I was younger I fucked up big time, I did not appreciate the first kiss and definitely did not enjoy my first time after a few beers with a guy I barely had any connection with. Now I can start again - its like a rebirth and I get to do it again. I can enjoy what will feel like the first kiss, I can wait and enjoy what will feel like my first time. I get butterflies just thinking about it because for me this is truly starting again and appreciating those things that should be special to us. I even get excited when I see people meeting for the first time on romantic films because it is just so romantic.
Hey it could be years and years before these things ever happen but I know now I have patience and time to wait and just enjoy what I have now.
So that guy that broke my heart made me change my whole being and without that I would never be who I am today. He will hold a special place in my heart always. :-) 33 you know who you are. x
Through heartache there is a miracle
Love Aries Nightmare