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Goin’ Back To Hogwarts - Starkid - Elsie Fest 2019 | Source : All audio - @jenndesq | Download

TEXT 😔 CASSIANA

Cassie: You're also the Chief of Sounding Like You Know What You're Talking About and you're way more confident and well-versed with the whole flirting thing than I am so I stand by my decision!

Cassie: As for the other thing, I wish I had been expecting a different answer but 😔 I wasn't. I'm not surprised he's not thinking about me that way, like, why WOULD he? But also like... are you sure? I mean, people don't randomly bring up ✨sexy✨ things just because they're thinking them, do they? I mean, I definitely think about him that way but I don't think I've said anything ✨sexy✨ to him!

Ariana: Thank you! It's definitely just the confidence making me sound like I know what I'm talking about and know anything at all about flirting but I'll take it!

Ariana: I’m sorry, Cass! I know that’s gotta suck. ☹️ Why would he? Are you joking? You’re like theee dream girl! You’re SO hot, so freaking sweet and you love animals! You’re the total package and he’s a dummy for not seeing it. I’m pretty sure. They don't usually bring ✨sexy✨ things up because they're just thinking about it but as far as I can tell if you say anything that could even possibly segue into something sexual or romantic, guys will jump on it as soon as they possibly can.

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TEXT 👌 AZIANA

Aziz: Not lately, no, and often enough for my taste, so thanks! I was starting to think I'd lost my touch and was fading into obscurity.

Aziz: Gee, thanks. You're not hideous yourself. I mean, I don't know if they secretly want a relationship or whatever but when I go out, yeah, girls want to go home with me or whatever. Personally, I'd WAY rather date than bop it for a night or two, but the girls I want to date don't want to date me and usually that's not what I get offered anyway so that's just the life of a lonely royal lol. But seriously? You don't? I guess tall modelesque girls are finally out of vogue, someone tell the world!

Ariana: Lol okay, happy to help 🙄

Ariana: I didn't mean it in a negative way! Would you prefer it if I called you cute then? That's so weird! You give off way more dateable vibes than like ride n hide ones! What kind of girls do you hang around when you go out?! Seriously! I don't! I don't even think it's tall modelesque girls, just me! And to a slightly lesser extent Leilani too! So we're like experts on the life of being lonely royals.

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TEXT 👌 AZIANA

Aziz: I'm going to try my hardest not to be insulted by the incredulity but ouch. That hurts as much as if I'd thrown myself off the balcony without carpet there to catch me.

Aziz: I'm a hot prince with the voice of an angel and the ass of a devil, I get offers all the time. Don't you?

Ariana: Has anyone told you lately how dramatic you are?

Ariana: Anyway I’m not incredulous at the idea that people would throw themselves at you. I mean I would never say you have the ass of a devil because what does that even mean? But I don’t think you’re ugly or anything. I just mean like SPECIFICALLY just getting offered a bunch of one night stands? What’s the appeal of just ONE night? And Nope, I don’t! Not really!

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TEXT 👌 AZIANA

Aziz: Because if I have to turn down one more one-night stand proposal in the name of being a "good future sultan", I'm going to throw myself off a balcony without carpet there to catch me.

Aziz: I'm kidding. Kind of. But also kind of not.

Ariana: Omg dark. People do that though? Just offer you one night stands? Enough that it’s like a PROBLEM?

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TEXT 😔 CASSIANA

Cassie: Hi, hello, sorry! I really need some advice from someone who's a lot smarter than me so you've been chosen because you're kind of a genius and also because you're usually nice to me so your advice probably won't make me cry! If this message is annoying or unwelcome though, feel free to just ignore it! Or send me back a "NO". Whatever works for you works for me! 👍

Cassie: But um okay so if the boy you like gets you a gift for Christmas but otherwise basically only talks to you about his dog, does that mean he likes you back?

Cassie: Oh my gosh sending that was so embarrassing, I just read it back and I sound like a moron.

Ariana: dhdjsjs you don’t sound like a moron! Well mostly. You /are/ asking me, Chief of taking mixed signals in the WRONG way for guy advice. But on the bright side this does look pretty easy enough for me to answer. I don’t think he is. If he’s only talking to you about dog things and not anything like ✨sexy✨, he’s probably just not thinking about you in that way??

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TEXT 👌 AZIANA

Aziz: This is probably TMI but I swear I'm THIS close 👌 to just straight-up asking my mom to relent on her values and pick a damn wife for me already.

Ariana: dfkjddsj Why?

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lottiematthews

COURTNEY EATON.

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TEXT 😲 AZIANA

Aziz: OH well that's a totally different question and yeah, no, I didn't read those. I don't read much in general and there were movies available instead and that's WAY easier. Why, did you read them? I can't wait, I haven't been properly fucked up like all summer. And it was DISGUSTING, don't get me wrong, but it made me curious as to what the peanut butter vodka tasted like on its own and I finished the bottle and that's how I passed out at my first party!

Ariana: Shit wow, I thought people who only watched the movies and didn't read the books were a MYTH! I don’t really read a lot either but I've read all of the books several times and you miss out on sooo much with just the movies! Did you like them??? Same! This summer has been weirdly dry and I hate it. What did the peanut butter vodka taste like on its own? And HOW did you manage to drink that straight?

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TEXT 😲 AZIANA

Aziz: I've watched lots of movies, not only those lol! But shit, that sounds tasty! Like, REALLY tasty! I really love flavored vodka, unpopular opinion; my first drink ever was a shot of peanut butter vodka in some orange juice and I called it Breakfast Buffet.

Ariana: I didn't mean have you only ever seen the Harry Potter movies in reference to all movies ever! I meant did you not read the HP books too? It's so good and I made too much, hence half the team being fucked up rn! Wow really? That's nuts! Was it good? It sounds completely vile but how did it actually taste?

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TEXT 😲 AZIANA

Aziz: I DO, I've watched Harry Potter like everyone else! I'm just not familiar with the recipe!

Ariana: Whew but also you've only seen the movies? Anyway the butter in butterbeer is butterscotch flavoring, but I kind of overpoured the vanilla vodka when it was supposed to be equal with the butterscotch schnapps.

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