Contingency
If there is a word I have to choose to describe adulthood, I would choose this one: contingency. I used to know this term as "plan B" until I joined strategic management meetings in sourcing organizations. Contingency plans are mandatory showcase to determine what have been prepared in case of things going south, when the shits hit the fan, when your fingers un-crossed, or when the wood had been knocked down. Contingencies are applicable on so many levels. For each performance matrix, person-in-charge (PIC) must understand the worst possible outcomes and how to overcome them. Supply planning - vessels scarcity, not available warehouse capacities, and unfulfilled production capacity commitment. Quality - customer returns, warehouse claims, safety alarms, non-compliance goods, products recall. Business development - currency exchange rate fluctuations, tariff and custom barriers, material shortages, etc.
When reflecting into my personal journey, there were occasions where I plan to have "B option(s)". Back in 2010-11, I was still an aspiring high school student who aimed to get into UI medical school, a typical goal for top performing students. Yet, my dad saw the path a little bit different. He neither accepted nor declined the idea. Instead, he strongly suggested me to explore engineering school options. I was not very keen to study engineering, but reality struck hard when my simulation test score was way below medical school passing grade (it turned out the simulation was made extra difficult to ensure only participants from certain bimbel that could answer). I went home crying into my parents' lap after the result was announced.
In the end, I was accepted in FTI ITB (my first choice) despite realistically I was aiming to get into FITB (third choice). Prior to that, I had already secured a seat in President University business & management school with full scholarship - the only condition the seat could be released without penalty was to be accepted into either ITB, UI, or UGM. Once inside ITB, there was moment I had to plan to select program/major for my degree. My dad's first choice was chemical engineering, but I did not want to be rug among the academic giants. I wanted to join my close friends to engineering physics instead. We struck the deal when my mom was involved in the discussion: I chose industrial engineering as first choice then followed by chemical engineering, then engineering physics (sorry, engineering management, I did not know you well back then). The most vivid moments that I could remember from my university time (including in Chalmers) were I planned ahead of my actions and choices except for two things: my aspiration to be a faculty member (docent) and my plan for marriage with my (then) girlfriend. Those two ideas were crumbling before my eyes due to economic and self-care reason. I remembered fondly the feeling of guilt, unworthiness, and suffocation when I had to let go of the relationship (she said I was getting ugly when studying in Sweden and did not produce any economic means at the time) and the academic path (I had much better offer from ADIDAS at the time, close to my monthly allowance in Sweden). That strong impression last until this point. The guilt, unworthiness, and suffocation I experienced lately are very typical with what I had back then. It seemed to me that I fell short on so many fronts nowadays. Not enough money for unplanned spendings, not enough time with kids, too much sleep, too much time on social media, too unattractive to have sex with, too unattractive to be kissed. This is one of the lowest points in my life since being married. To be told to stay put just for the sake of the children sounds very demeaning - as if my wife and I do not deserve to have a happy and thoughtful marriage. Or are we being too thoughtful about our marriage? Things that should have been swept aside, are we taking them too seriously? Are we too obsessed planning for when "things go wrong" without taking the time to enjoy the things that already going right? Is it too early to take contingencies to this marriage? What kind? We deserve to be happy, Ira. Don't put too much burden on yourself.