AroAce Chill Zone

An aroace nonbinary person (they/he). Welcome to the place of asexuality, aromanticism, and non-binaryness

[violetstarr24]

so, uh, i have a carrd now: ar1t3m1s.carrd.co feel free to check it out i guess (don’t reblog this)

[nonbinarynow]

Reminder that you don't have to call yourself AMAB or AFAB. You don't have to say "I'm AFAB nonbinary." Saying "I'm nonbinary" is enough. You don't need to identify with what you were assigned as by some doctor however many years ago. Mentioning your ASAB is scarcely relevant to most conversations, even those about medical transitioning.

Nonbinary is enough, you don't have to supplement it with a binary system of any kind. It doesn't matter how many people want to know your "transition direction." It doesn't matter how many people want to know what your genitals are (which wouldn't be alluded to by your assigned sex anyway). It doesn't matter how many people want to binarise you. It doesn't matter how many binary people you confuse. No one needs to binarise you. Nonbinary. Is. Enough.

[mysweetoddbird]

i actually do think too much emphasis is placed on regret rates in the trans community despite said rates being absurdly low. like even if regret rates were at 90% id still support access to gender affirming care because i think people have the right to do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies. regret is the price you pay for autonomy man get over it.

[puppyloathing-deactivated202605]

hello pre-medical transition trans guy feeling guilty for lowkey highkey hating every trans man who’s gotten further in their transition than you. you watch the voice updates and HRT glow up-posts and you long for the day you’ll get to do the same, and until then you’ll feel the anger and resentment simmer inside you.

you hate them because you’re jealous. and you’re probably deeply ashamed of that. because you’re happy for them, yet you’re so fucking angry.

that’s okay.

a lot of us felt it. you’re not the first, and not the last. gender affirming care is expensive and/or extremely inaccessible, and for the vast majority of trans people it takes years to finally start their medical transition. and up until then, many of us walk around with that anger and devastation.

but just know that there’s someone out there who’s angry when they see you, because you got to cut your hair short and they haven’t gotten that far yet.

but you, and they too, are not angry at people who’s further along in their transition. the anger is really about how fucking long it takes, and most of us can relate to that.

no one should have to be this patient. you’re not alone, you don’t have to feel guilty about your anger. it’s warranted.

[tastylemonbread]

i appreciate asexual perverts but they get enough attention tbh. shoutout my asexuals with no hoes boring as hell no kinks no dirty magazines no riske drawings just completely winning the idgaf war

[fish-without-legs]

people always get so caught-up on needing a definition for queerplatonic attraction or relationships, when it's pretty much the relationship equivalent of nonbinary. and "what is an exact definition of nonbinary?" is a difficult question to answer! it's quite literally just "any gender that is not strictly binary", and in that exact same way I cannot give you an all-encompassing definition of queerplatonic beyond "it's not strictly in the romantic/platonic binary" it could be inbetween, it could be neither, it could be both, it could be outside of that all.

[genderrat]

oh my god I just found out why the entire "minority men aren't oppressed for being men theyre oppressed for [insert other minority]" bothers me. It sets men as the default, again. It frames men as a default and allows people to skip over and perpetrate bigoted ideals with little backlash while dorectly going against intersectionality. Racism against a black man is " just racism", youre not allowed to talk about it outside of that. Marking something as "just" racism, "just" transphobia, "just" abelsim ect lessens the idea of it. Its JUST the default, after all.

Intersectionality states that all facets of someones identity and situation leads to the type of oppression they face, you cannot seperate one thing from another. Race, sex, gender identity, wealth, where you live, sexuality, health. None of these can be seperated when talking about challeneges and bigotry an indiviual faces. Setting bigotry against minority men as a default perpetuates and upholds patriarchal bigotry and makes room for microagressions and macroagressions to be diminished and overlooked as we've seen time and time again. This idea that "man" excludes someone from facing targeted bigotry somehow is wrong, men of color are opressed on the axis of being MEN of color, same woth disabled men and trans men and intersex men. You can't just dismiss bigotry on the basis of gender or sex.

If you dont want men set as the default, stop setting them as the default.

[aropride]

this is because of climate change which is of course bad but. i'd be lying if i said i didn't giggle a little at this headline. Love loses i guess

[aroacechillzone]

[ID: A headline under the category "Travel" titled "Italy's famous 'lovers' arch' crashes into the sea on Valentine's Day. Below are two pictures, one showing the rock arch intact and another of it collapsed into a pile of rubble. END ID]

[heartless-aro]

An aromantic person will say “I wish there were more aromantic characters in media.” and people will go “what about [asexual character who has never actually been confirmed aro (e.g., Alastor Hazbin Hotel)], [character who verbally expresses disinterest in romance, but is implied to be suppressing their feelings or lying to themself about their secret romantic feelings towards another character (as much as I enjoy an aro interpretation of his character…Saiki K. arguably falls under this category)], [character who was confirmed aroace on twitter but has never even vaguely referenced it in the source material (e.g., Lilith Owl House)]”.

We’re implicitly told that we should consider characters who aren’t canonically aromantic or whose aromanticism is never shown in the source material to represent us. Unless, of course, we want to actually engage seriously with an aromantic interpretation of a character who isn’t confirmed aromantic in canon (people love to recommend Saiki K. as aromantic representation, but if you openly talk about interpreting him as aromantic within fandom spaces, other fans will go out of their way to find examples from the source material of behavior from him that proves you wrong).

Or unless, of course, we want to have a serious conversation about arophobia in fiction. If a character being “unable to understand love” is used to explain why they’re evil, if a character’s apparent disinterest in the gender that they are expected to be attracted to is used to highlight that they are callous and cruel and “psychopathic” (which, I’m sure there’s something to be said there as well about how ableism towards people with personality disorders, especially pwASPD, overlaps with arophobia, but that’s outside the scope of this rambling mess of a post), if a character enjoying sex without romantic attachment is used to paint them as heartless, depraved, manipulative, and impure — these are all things we’re told aren’t arophobic. Because those characters aren’t REALLY meant to be aromantic. It can’t be arophobic if a character isn’t confirmed as aromantic, if they don’t say “I experience little to no romantic attraction” onscreen, if they don’t have a little aromantic pride pin on their shirt. None of this has anything to do with aromanticism, actually, and we’re all just overreacting.

And to be clear, I’m not saying that the people who are recommending non-aromantic or word-of-God aromantic characters as representation are necessarily the same people who go above and beyond to shit on any aromantic person who makes an aromantic headcanon or criticizes an arophobic trope. I’m just saying that it’s incredibly frustrating to experience both of these things simultaneously.

[aroacechillzone]

i hate heteronormativity why is this instagram reel of a male and female ginger tabby bonding filled with comments saying "awwww he's flirting" and "just like jim and pam from the office <3"

[scumbyug]

[ID: a 1 by 1 picture of two stick figures talking.

The top left corner has the left figure talking to the right figure, hand held up, saying "trans men face a unique set of challenges and oppression-"

The top right corner has the figure on the right interrupting the figure on the Left, doing a sort of shrugging motion, saying "trans men aren't oppressed, it's just misplaced misogyny". The word trans is red and crossed out.

The bottom left corner has both figures talking at once. The figure on the left is drawn facing slightly down, saying "what was that" while the figure on the right has its arms tossed in the air saying "trans men oppressed for being men, it's basically feminism!" And "trans men are rewarded for their masculinity and use it to oppress trans women!" Men is in all caps and trans is red and crossed out.

The bottom right corner has both figures talking at once again. The figure on the left is crouched and saying "You see that right? You see how you're ignoring the trans part right??" While the figure on the right has its hands on its hips and is saying "Men are constantly talking over trans women and need to shut up already, they're not oppressed for their manhood. They need to understand that they don't have it as bad as" they are cut off there. /End ID]

[mx-macintosh]

calling nonbinary people "they/thems" is the same as calling women "females." send post

[themaveriqueagenda]

were people, not walking sets of pronouns.

i know saying "a she" or "a he" sometimes happens, but with they/them and nonbinary people it feels very excessive, with a significant number of casual mentions of nonbinary people referring to us as "they/thems" or similar. it's part of a bigger problem where people think transgender rights are only concerned with pronouns, or just see all of us as "the pronoun people", or use the word "pronouns" when they mean "transgender people" (think people saying "pronouns aren't welcome here" - they mean transgender people). it's watered down our identities to only pronouns and perpetuates the idea that nonbinary people are just men and women "demanding" to be called they/them. it also waters down any transgender issues to just pronouns and you know, not the fact that multiple countries are trying to ban our very existence. and i think this also goes for inserting "they" or "them" into random words to "make them nonbinary/neutral, like theydy or theyfriend.

it's one thing to call yourself "a they" (which i have done both as a joke and seriously when correcting people on my pronouns), but it's another when it comes from other people and is becoming alarmingly normalised.

nonbinary is not a bad word! stop trying to do everything in your power to avoid saying nonbinary.

[roomwithavoid]

being non-binary is not a middle stage to being binary trans and if y’all don’t stop acting like it is i’m going to lose it

[a-placeholder-of-a-human]

For AFABs it's seen as just "wanting to be different" and for AMABs it's seen as a way to soft-launch being a trans woman.

Both assumptions are fucking stupid, and they also rely on your assigned gender at birth, which just REINTRODUCES THE BINARY.

Fuck the binary, and fuck your stupid goddamn preconceptions of nonbinary people based on nothing but how you place the expectations of the binary on those who are outside of it by the base definition of their identity

[maxwell-rayner]

Fuck it I’ll say it: Transmisogyny is a useful way of understanding and analyzing the oppression transfems and people mistaken for transfems go through but as soon as you start treating it as a binary of oppression rather than a spectrum you start to get into really shitty territory. I say this as someone who is “TMA”, I’ve seen so many of my sisters spouting seperationist rhetoric and painting themselves into a corner by proclaiming they’re uniquely and exclusively the most oppressed there ever was and only capable of being understood by fellow transfems instead of acknowledging everyone is impacted by transphobia, transandrophobia, and transmisogyny to different degrees and trying to empathize with and understand their fellow trans people. I live in Florida, have lived here all my life, I’m transfem, but despite what the TMA/TME binary proponents would have you think I can guarantee most transmascs have been through worse, because the fact that I’m transfem doesn’t automatically mean I have it worse!!!! I have read so many horrifying stories from transmascs about the abuse and oppression they face and compared to what I went through where I was at the absolute worst of it mockingly deadnamed by a coworker and sir’d by random strangers I have gotten off incredibly easy. Because that’s the thing! Oppression and transphobia is a spectrum of abuse! Not a binary! Just because I’m “TMA” doesn’t mean I have it worse than “TME” people!!!!!! False binaries only hurt us and prevent us from understanding the true nature of our oppression, use transmisogyny as a framework, not a law of who always has it worse!

[weneedyourbones]

This is really only a half formed thought, but I really resent the idea that transandrophobia cannot exist (as a word? As a concept?) because that would mean there must be a cis equivalent. I resent that so many of us continue to allow cis people to be the gatekeepers to gender, that something must exist first in a cisgender context before it can exist in a transgender context.

[a-polite-melody]

It fascinates me that people against the word transandrophobia will so often make posts which have actually not a damn thing to do with transandrophobia.

Like. One post I just blocked OP out of the tag for literally just talked about supporting trans women and how transmisogyny is real. Nothing to do with transandrophobia. Unless you think transandrophobia was made as a term to delegitimize transmisogyny (just as the tags went on to do), which means you’ve actually not listened to anyone speaking about transandrophobia directly and are, as I keep saying, getting what our side supposedly is by hearing your favourite blogger interpret it to you.

It’s frustrating as hell.

Yes, we know. Transmisogyny is real. We aren’t saying it isn’t. Nothing we’re saying detracts from that. Nothing about saying trans men have specific experiences under cis patriarchal society says that trans women do not.

[aronear]

i wonder if dr brake knows how much her work is beloved by aromantic people

[aronear]

but also the fact that amatonormativity had literally nothing to do with aromantic people in its original usage and was actually coined by a woman who primarily focuses on misogyny is very interesting to me politically speaking. aromantic issues are gender issues or something