Episode 129: One with shattered dreams and harsh reality
“As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”
― Pablo Neruda
Gust of wind came… he paused to look at her… drink her in. She looked luminous like the moon dressed in the fiery red. She always affected him… whenever in red. He was on the phone with his Di… he had to stop and look at her. He had no choice, no control… he could not deny the call of that compelling emotion, which reeled him towards her. His eyes were hooded, deep, smoldering… with that something in them that made her insides melt. She sensed him too, nervous, perturbed, embarrassed. A curtain of mirrors separating them. She felt awkward… her hand on the dupatta, fidgeting… which she always did whenever nervous.
Piano notes of rabba ve tiptoed in and circled these two. His eyes were fixed on her and she was almost melting under his gaze… not knowing where to look. He strode towards her… unable to stop himself. How could he … when she was standing there, looking like a siren. The same way he was reeled towards her the night of the photoshoot… her in red again and him mesmerized again. She was flustered by the sight of him and she clutched the dupatta. He parted the curtain of mirrors… it all felt like a suhaag raat, a groom coming in for his woman… his bride.
He stood there and stared at her and his hand came up, maybe to push that lock of hair away from her face. Sure – his brain was not thinking, he had no control over his brain, his actions. That is what she did to him… got under his skin, got into his brain and he completely lost control. Which is what she did just now… not on purpose, but just standing there looking so innocent, so ethereal – she invaded his dimaag completely. And he could not think… he just wanted to be swept away, in the emotion of that moment. She sees his hand and steps back abruptly out of his reach. Her involuntary stepping back brings him back to his senses… regains control over his brain… eyes harden. Gone is the smitten, mesmerized look, instead the look of the hunter ready for his kill enters his eyes. He is the tormentor… has been giving her hell since he knew of her engagement. In pursuit of an admission from her, wanting to make a farak in her life, and to have her admit to it.
His hand rose higher and picked the price tag hanging. The meanness came back into his voice.
…. Utna bhi bura nahi hai… par tum aur tumhara fiancé afford nahi kar paaoge…. Its not too bad, but you and your fiancé will not be able to afford it. Hitting her where it hurt… again talking about money. Her nerves were already frayed from this morning, when he gave away the necklace that she liked to Lavanya. A mean and cruel trick he played on her this morning and had said sardonically… I hope tumhe koi farak nahi padta…
What a pity… par aaj main bahut acche mood mein hoon… so what the hell, main tumhe khareed ke de deta hoon. Apne fiancé se kehna ASR ne engagement present diya hai… after all tumne mere aur lavanya ke liye kitna kuch kiya hai… gift nahi toh tip samajh kar lelo…
I am in a very good mood today, I will buy it for you. Tell you fiancé that ASR has given you an engagement present. After all, you have done so much for Lavanya and me... and then he sticks the knife in her and twists it too. If not a gift, think of it as a tip !!
ASR – a man of few words… a man who never could express himself freely, correctly. Jo tumhare dil mein hai, woh tumhare chehre par kyo nahi hai… Di had asked him once before. He could never express or show what was in his heart. Years of stifling and repressing his emotions had done that to him. It is only with her that he managed to speak so much. And that is because Khushi Kumari Gupta invaded his most prized possession of all – his dimaag. And he always fought back, his defense mechanism kicked in – he hurt her in return, with his words… he always took it too far… because when she was around he was never in control.
She looked at him, with those innocent doe like eyes… pained and shocked at his invective. But she is not going to give him the satisfaction of breaking her… she is not going to show him her tears. She returns his insult… in a cold, low voice.
… nahi chahiye, lekin poochne ke liye shukriya. Aur aapne theek hi kaha tha… utna bhi bura nahi hai, lekin utna khaas bhi nahi hai. Hume yeh pasand nahi. I don’t want it… thanks for asking. You were right, its not that bad, but its not that great either. I don’t like it. Was she rejecting the lehenga or was she rejecting him? His gussa flared even more, but his phone rang and he left.
And now the tears came. She was defeated… dejected. She looked at the price tag, which he so conveniently put on her. Was this the value of her pain for him? Her pain was palpable. An innocent 18-year old girl… had dreamt of pyaar and that her rajkumar would sweep her off her feet. But life had other plans for her. Her rajkumar was actually a rakshas who was out to break her heart every single time. A young girl’s dreams were shattered by her very own rajkumar.
La, oblivious to all this says
chamkili, in dinon aisa lag raha hai jaise main koi dream world mein reh rahi hoon… Chamkili, these days I feel as if I am in a dream world.
Khushi sits there staring at the price tag… her heart break in her hands, tears trying to wash it all away. With a tearful voice, she voices her innermost pain… pain inflicted by the harsh reality, how utterly innocent and vulnerable she looked sitting there in the red lehenga, looking at the price tag.
Sapnon ki duniya mein rehna hi accha hai Lavanya ji, asli duniya mein sirf dil toot the hai…
Its better to stay in the dream world lavanya ji, because in the real world there is only heartbreak.
Gut wrenching heart break!!
He saw her… from the other side of the curtains. Her tears, her heart break… caused immeasurable pain to him. He parted the curtains, wanted to come and wash away her tears…but he couldn’t. There were tears in his eyes… yes, her pain reflected in his eyes. He could never not feel her pain. He hurt her, but he hurt with her. How symbolic was that curtain of mirrors. What clever writing IPKKND had in those early days. A veil of arrogance, ego separating the both of them. He parted the curtains… wanting to come and heal her. Torment in his eyes at seeing her so broken but he cannot do it. He cannot part those curtains and walk to her … not yet. He walks away.
The curtains sway, the mirrors tell her someone was there and Khushi looks up to see who’s there. But he is gone already. She had no idea of the torment within him ... no idea that he was crying along with her.