ShivIka OS: Words she needed to hear
Shivaay didn’t sleep the whole night. Everytime he lay down, he felt suffocated, like someone was pressing a pillow into his face. So he paced his room, the balcony, the poolside, flipped through his phone gallery, read random business articles which made him feel like drowning his phone in the pool.
Desperate for some piece of mind, he read a fluff article about how to deal with problem solving. He tried some of the methods earnestly. Meditation just made him hear the mosquitoes even louder. Music kept making him mind imagine different scenes with Annika in them.
So he did some laps in the pool until his arms felt tired. The words in his favourite paperback novel kept running into each other and he couldn’t go past the one paragraph. All thoughts went back to Annika.
Tired of avoiding it, he let himself think of her.
How beautiful she looked tonight. She was hiding in the sidelines but she was everywhere for him.
A wistful, sad but stunningly beautiful vision.
Why are you avoiding me , Annika? What did I do? Just yesterday you were shaking in my arms. And today you won’t even let me hold your hand.
He hated this restlessness. People should just say what’s bothering them, instead of putting others through the torture of guessing what it is.
Hell, I’d even take her calling me Billuji right now. Anything, just talk to me, Annika.
Impatiently, he grabbed his phone and almost dialled her number. Mentally shaking himself, he stopped. It’s 3 am, Shivaay. She’s probably asleep.
So he decided to write in his journal. A habit he had in his university days, he’d read somewhere that actually writing down the problem on paper helps put some perspective in your dilemma. Looking at your problem on paper can help you see the importance or frivolity of it. Well, it worked for him then, maybe it’ll help now.
It stopped there. Immersed in a sudden uncharacteristic peace of mind he just wrote and wrote his feelings. A strange lightness crept into his chest, so he wrote and wrote what he felt.
And soon it was daybreak. He had no sleep but felt good. He left his papers on his desk and went off for a cold shower.
Om walked in the groom’s room minutes later and found the papers. Shivaay writing? Admiring his beautiful handwriting, he started gaping after the second line. Eyes glued to the riveting piece of writing, he had reached the end just as a freshly bathed Shivaay came.
“ Is anything personal in my room, huh? “
“SHIVAAY !! Fhat the WHUCK ! What is THIS man? “
Shivaay shuffled his feet and looked away. Om jumped up and caught his brother by the shoulder and shook him hard. Om looked at him sternly as Shivaay raised defeated eyes back.
“Say the word, Bhai, I’ll make things happen for you, WHATEVER the consequences,” Om vowed quietly.
“ I don’t see any other choice Om… “
Om gaped and whooped loudly, then slapped his brother hard on his back.
“ Stand by for further instructions Shivaay. Dil Bole Oberoi.. !! “
As Om scampered off to look for his partner in crime Rudra, Shivaay let out a nervous breath.
What’s done is done. The sky won’t fall.
On the first floor, the women flurried about getting the brides ready for the ceremonies today. Annika sat quietly at the dresser as Soumya fussed about, getting her ready. She chose an elegant minimalistic look with tasteful jewelry. She had neither the time or the money for full shopping for this shotgun wedding she sentenced herself to.
She had panic attacks aplenty yesterday and the day before, almost rang up Mallika to ask for best places to run away to. But since this morning, a sense of calm crept in. I am not a bad person, I have always had faith and did good deeds. God wouldn’t send me off onto a horrible path. Everything that happens will be for the best.
Well, there’s always divorce.., she thought, Just in case.
She refused to think about Shivaay. How breathtakingly handsome he would look in his groomswear. Devilishly handsome as usual, he would look amazing in all formal traditional wear. She and Soumya sat gushing girlishly before, discussing how handsome the Oberoi brothers were in their sherwanis. But for Annika, Shivaay was always the most elegant. His poise and mannerisms were very suave and made her heart race.
Stupid girl, thinking of Kanji-Aankhon-Wala Bhagad Billa on his wedding day. Like he spared a thought over you. He’s marrying his Sapno ki rani in her Manish Malhotra dress, and you are sadakchap.
A glum expression came over her.
“Uh..uh, a bride is not allowed to have a glum face on her wedding day..” a cheeky voice interrupted her reverie. Rudra hugged her and blew kisses at how beautiful she looked, pretending to put a kaala tikka behind her ear and gushing.
“Hayye hayye… Shivaay bhaiya is going to be staring at you a lot today. You’re too beautiful Annika didi..” Annika slapped Rudra on his shoulder and told him his brother’s bride was in the big guest room upstairs, with the army of handmaidens.
“Chee, Lady Baba just wants to look good in the photographs. So the thick makeup and colors are all for the photos, but if you ask me , shhh, she looks like a painted witch…” he and Annika shared a giggle and a high 5.
Rudra sobered quickly and gave his favourite Annika didi a bear hug. “I love you Didi, I wish you happiness forever. Remember, I will be your side kick always.. Come find me downstairs ok? “ Wiping a tear away, he brought a tray of lassi and fruits. Forcing her to eat, he slipped out.
Grateful for the drink, she swallowed and spotted the envelope on the tray. Beautifully written on it, was her name. Curiosity filled her as she flapped it open and pulled out the paper within.
I can’t sleep tonight because I don’t know what I am doing with my life right now. I love my routines and plans, but I can’t find peace in them anymore.
I see you every day, all over the place, busy with your work and tasks, but I don’t “ see” you. I miss talking to you, hearing your crazy words and schemes, your ridiculous stories about some neighbour in your colony. I thought it was just a passing thing, but now I can’t sleep because I miss you.
I never had many friends, just my brothers. I have people whom I call friends, but they don’t know me well. They don’t know why I am what I am, what my life is like, what I must achieve. I always thought of my life like a rocketship to the skies, always going up. But what is in space but a vacuum? Then you came along and I want something else now.
I have a vision of you, in my mind, laughing and dancing with abandon surrounded by love and cheer. I find myself wanting to ask you if I could join you in that vision, to hold your hand so you don’t fall, hold the umbrella when it rains on you. I would love to make your dreams come true and chase your nightmares away, just so I can have you in my life. I think I may need it to survive this life.
I love you Annika, with every fibre of my being. I cannot make the words come out when I stand in front of you. Your eyes demand absolute honesty and I just cannot form the words to say it. I can sense your presence before you even arrive, I can sense that you are in trouble, I am plagued by thoughts of you all the time. I need your permission to be there for you always. My promise.
I know you are pledged to marry another, but so am I. I find the hypocrisy unbearable now. I want to be free to hold you, to kiss you, to love you, and to be loved in return. I feel it in your eyes, and in your concern for me, that you love me too. If I am wrong, then let me be the most unfortunate man in the world.
Give me one sign, any sign, that I can have this piece of happiness with you. And I will make it happen, for us. Please don’t take too long to think, we have wasted too much time already.
Your Kanji Aakhon Wala Bhagad Billa.
Annika read and re- read the letter 5 times before she felt a smile form on her frozen face. A breathy laugh escaped her as she felt a novel kind of joy. Finally somebody loves me , like a madman. He loves me, enough to face the consequences. Because he cannot live without me.
Her hand shook a little as she picked up her hair brush. She looked at it stupidly wondering what she was going to do with it. Tossing it, she picked up her skirts and ran out to the corridor. She looked all over for Shivaay, but spotted Rudra instead.
Rudra beamed at her and asked her with a two thumbs up sign.. Blushing and laughing she replied with a double thumbs up. Immediately Rudra started jumping happily like a happy child. Turning quickly he whistled to someone, and made the same sign to Om a distance away. She saw Om smile and ran off into Shivaay’s room.
Next thing she knew, Rudra grabbed her hand and they were running for the exit. They ran into Soumya, who winked conspiratorially and ran with them. People were bustling in and out with last minute arrangements and didn’t think much of them. Rudra packed them off into his car and they raced off.
They all giggled like silly girls in the car, the happiness infectious and shared, consequences be forgotten. Swerving into a small building, Rudra jumped out and opened Annika’s door for her to climb out. Looking fancy in her bridal lehenga, she twirled, looking for him.
Om signalled at her and the party moved together. Annika walked into a beautiful private garden, all green and smelling like roses. She found herself alone, but for a lone figure in white a distance away. He was looking at her with a huge smile, a smile that went all the way up into his eyes, with the crinkles and all.
She walked slowly towards him, taking in how his expression changed to a serious face. Stopping a short distance, she saw him open his arms. In a blink, she picked up her skirts and ran headlong into it. He caught her and twirled her round before folding her into a hug that swallowed her up.
“I love you too…” came their words in unison. They laughed breathlessly and their well wishers whistled and clapped nearby. Shivaay pulled her close again and hugged her so tight.
“I love you Annika.. Never doubt this ever. This is your last chance, are you sure about me?” he asked her with shining eyes, asking her for commitment.
“Good, because we’re about to get married right now. Now…now ” he stammered a little as she gasped in shock.
Suddenly Sahil called out merrily as Om carried him in. Annika went to him and Sahil told her excitedly how Om Bhaiya included him in the super-secret plan for SSO to elope with her. She smiled at Om who had tears in his eyes. Hugging him, she thanked him softly for being such an amazing brother.
Shivaay cleared his throat from behind them. Everyone turned as he said, “It’s time…” he held out his hand to her and they walked in together to the small makeshift mandap.
There Dadi stood, with the priest, beaming widely as she saw Annika. Annika gasped and ran to hug the older woman.
“What!? Did you forget I am the source of all this Ishqbaazi genes? “ she said as they all laughed. Annika and Shivaay were seated at the mandap in all the finery.
Minus the rest of the family.
As the priest read out the prayers, Annika tugged at Shivaay’s sherwani. He turned his big beautiful eyes at her, and she stared, temporarily forgetting what she wanted to say. Amused and smiling with his eyes, he nudged her back to present. A moment of uncertainty crossed her face, making him frown.
“Your parents are not here? Will they not be upset? What will happen to Tia and Daksh? “
“We’ll deal with that when they arrive. Badi ma is in on the plan, she sorted out things at home and will be arriving soon. We’ll say sorry and grovel, but Mum will be okay with it. Don’t worry… All that matters is that I love you, and you love me, and we are happy. Ma and Papa will be ok..” he whispered.
The priest asked for their hands and placed her hand in his for the ritual. They watched their hands on one another, he squeezed hers a little. They gazed into each other’s eyes and then there was no more time for talking. The rituals went on and as they got up for the saat phere, Shivaay’s parents arrived. Buoyant with the welcoming smiles, the couple completed their rituals hand in hand. They sought blessings from the elders, stopping hesitantly at Pinky Oberoi and Shakti.
She looked at them petulantly with her large kohled eyes. “You naughty kids had your own love stories and didn’t let me help. I watched DDLJ 50 times okay ! I would have driven the getaway car by Gods..” she said theatrically as everyone shared the joke. She cupped her son’s face and saw the smile in his eyes. “Mere bete ko Oh My Mata hogaye, finally..” she said tearily, as she hugged them both.
Hand in hand, they all danced happily to Rudra’s portable music. In all the laughing and dancing, Shivaay looked at Annika, and saw her dance and laugh happily, as it filled his heart with warmth.
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