Remus thinks it must be a joke when James says that someone fancies him, yet James insists that it's serious. Repeatedly.
Short fic, with too much Oblivious Remus and serious/Sirius humour!
“So I suppose I could go to Hogsmeade with Hestia Jones, if Evans is going with Chase Danes. I mean, it’s just a casual date, doesn’t have to mean anything. Jones knows my heart belongs to Evans, right? Even if Evans isn’t there yet.” James is lying upside down on Remus’ bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Remus hums, sitting next to him against the headboard, reading a book. “Yeah, sure you can.”
James glances over at him. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me Jones is a great girl, I should give her an actual chance instead of wasting my time on Evans, who’s clearly not interested, and yadda yadda?”
James flops over onto his belly and pops his head up on his elbow, staring at Remus. “What about you?”
“What about your dating life?”
Remus doesn’t look up from his book. “Prongs, we see each other every day, all day. I think you would’ve noticed if I had been dating.”
“Of course I know you’re not dating anyone,” James says with an exaggerated eye-roll. “I just mean, do you ever think about it? Would you want to?”
Remus shrugs in what he hopes is a nonchalant manner. “I suppose I’m not opposed to the idea. When you hear those stories from Frank and Alice, Marlene and Dorcas, or Gideon and Emmeline, it sounds very nice, and it makes you sometimes wonder what it’d be like to have something like that yourself.”
James sits up, looking much too pleased. “Then why aren’t you dating, Moony?”
Now it’s Remus’ turn to roll his eyes. “Because it’s not a decision you can make on your own, innit? There has to be someone actually willing to date you.”
James raises an eyebrow. “I fail to see the problem here.”
Remus sighs. “Come on, Prongs. I’m just the pale, skinny guy always standing next to the beloved and immensely popular Sirius Black and James Potter.”
“No, Prongs, really. Who’d even notice me when you guys are around? Let alone see us together and then want to date me! Honestly, if you want to bother someone as to why they’re not dating, go bother Sirius. At least he could actually have his choice of dates.”
“Well, maybe you don’t have Sirius’ striking features or my lithe, athletic build-” Remus throws a pillow at James’ head, which he just catches with a grin. “-but you are a real cute guy with an irresistible charm! You are every bit as dateable as someone like Sirius!”
“I’m not delusional,” Remus says calmly. “I’m nowhere near a Sirius-level of good looking! That’s a whole other league!”
“Bollocks. You could easily date someone with ‘a Sirius-level of good looking’,” James says, adding air quotes for emphasis. “And someone with a Sirius-level of good looking would totally date you! You could even say, someone with exactly Sirius’ level of good looking would totally like to date you.”
James is giving Remus an oddly intense look at those last words, and Remus can’t help but think it’s supposed to be a meaningful look, but if it is, the meaning totally escapes him.
“Eh, thanks Prongs.” He awkwardly pats James’ knee. “I appreciate you trying to boost my confidence, but really, it’s fine. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll meet someone who fancies me, and you’ll be the first to know.”
“What if there already is someone who fancies you?” James asks.
“What if I’d tell you that I know for a fact there’s someone who fancies you?”
“Then I’d say you’re just trying to mess with me,” Remus replies flatly.
“I’m not!” James insists. “There’s someone who totally fancies the pants off you! It’s not a joke! As a matter of fact, it’s serious.”
James is giving Remus that odd look again, staring at him intently with wide eyes.
Remus just gives him a slightly amused smile, before trying to focus back on his book. “Sure, Prongs.”
“Moony, I’m really not messing with you!” James complains.
Remus sighs. “Either you’re messing with me, or whoever convinced you that they fancied me was messing with you.”
“He wasn’t!” James exclaims. “Believe me, Moony, he was serious.”
Another one of those supposedly meaningful looks that Remus really can’t place and chooses to ignore.
“Well, who was it, then?”
“I can’t tell you,” James replies. “He made promise, solemnly swear, that I wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Well,” Remus says with an annoyed shake of his head. “Since I don’t know who this mystery person is, and you’re not going to tell me, let’s just drop it, okay?”
“Okay.” James shuffles closer to Remus nonetheless, and places both hands on his shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes. “But Moony, you must know that this is a serious matter, and we’re dealing with serious feelings here, and I really think that if you gave it a serious chance, you could find yourself in a serious relationship,” he says in one breath without breaking eye-contact.
“Okay...” Remus blinks a couple of times. “That’s all very well, but I can’t really say anything about that, now can I, if you won’t tell me who it is?”
James, still right in front of Remus, practically shouts in his face. “It’s serious!”
“Yes, Prongs, you’ve said that multiple times already,” Remus says exasperated. “But that doesn’t do much good when I don’t know who it is!”
Bemused, Remus watches as James jumps up, throws his hands in the air and storms out of the dorm in a huff. Really, that boy can be so peculiar.
“D’you remember telling me you were worried about sitting next to Moony in class too often, and you thought he might catch on to your crush?”
“And I said you could probably shout it in his face, and he still wouldn’t notice?”
“Prongs... What did you do?”
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