“davidonanisland:
He had been having the nightmares again. Awful ones but all with the same basic theme, he lost Arthur. He had worked himself into a frenzy after putting William to bed and making dinner and then Arthur had been late, very late getting in and had made…
Heard the thump coming from the other room and held Wills protectively. He was surprised when he saw David stumble in.
He was unsurprised by the less than pleased look on his face.
“I…I got a bit distracted, I’m sorry. But I’m home now. Did you hurt yourself? Are you ok?”
He reached out to touch David but his husband didn’t seem very agreeable to that.
“In any case, can we discuss this later so as not to upset William?”
David continued to glare at his husband before he nodded curtly at the question. “Yes I hurt myself. I tripped over some of Wills toys trying to get to him” he said quietly before turning without another word and heading carefully back to bed.
He crawled between the sheets again and sniffled, trying hard to control the tears as he had heard that explanation from his husband before.
“Goodnight” he said loud enough that Arthur would hear him but not bothering to say anything more, hoping he would think he had nodded off to sleep.
Well, he’d really stepped in it this time.
Again.
William had settled and after a few more moments of rocking him he set their sleeping son back down in his cot.
Turning off the light he headed towards their bedroom.
“David…David, are you asleep?”
He switched on the light.
“Maybe we should talk and at the very least you should let me take a look at your knee to make sure you didn’t seriously hurt yourself.”
He pulled back the covers and gently rolled up his husbands trouser leg. The bruise that was forming made him suck in his breath.
“This needs ice.” He said darting to the kitchen to get an ice pack.
David didn’t speak as he heard Arthur’s question, not wanting him to know he was crying.
However, he had the perfect cover when Arthur rolled up his pajama bottoms leg and saw the bruise and the swelling and he could lie and say the tears were from hurting himself.
He watched as Arthur came back in with an ice pack and he winced when he felt the cold cloth touch his skin and the tears started over fresh as he laid there staring at the ceiling of their bedroom, not speaking.
So, it was to be the silent treatment.
“David, talk to me. Please.”
He noticed the tears and felt an overwhelming amount of guilt. He had put those tears there. He had done this. This was his fault.
“I should have called. I’m so sorry.”
He reached out and caressed David’s cheek lovingly.
“I don’t deserve you. You are so much better than the pain I bring you. Please, please talk to me.”
“I just…..” he trailed off before bursting into sobbing tears. “I’ve been having nightmares again and I was so worried when you didn’t call. I didn’t know what was going on or where you were and I’m sorry” he sniffled as he tried to get his emotions under control again.
They had always been this way, flare and burn out and reignite to repeat and now was no exception.
“I made dinner for us, wanted to make it special and then you weren’t here” he sniffled after a moment of silence.
Seeing David burst into dismal, hopeless tears was enough to rend Arthur’s heart.
“I didn’t know the nightmares were back, baby. Come here.” He opened his arms and embraced David, holding him tightly.
They were back in their ugly cycle again. Join together. Fall apart. Join together. Fall apart. He wanted to stop it but he never quite knew how.
“I’m sorry I ruined your dinner, our dinner, this is all my fault.”
