punk ass

artie redwood. ah'm from district 7. twenty-three years auld. 's a pleasure.

[demisedvictim-blog]

I feel really fat.

[artieredwood]

You're a wee fool.

[mellark-thebakersson]

artieredwood replied to your post: I pricked my finger…

What d’ya call a prick who pricks his finger? A prick.

That’s uncalled for and slanderous.

[artieredwood]

Ah'm a slanderous kind'a prick.

[clary-finn]

You’re not still doing that celibate shit are you? It’s fucking unnatural, Artie. I am a big lovable sleaze. Would you prefer me to shave? I’d end up looking younger than you or Jameson.

[artieredwood]

Aw, Ah dunnae. Priesthood always looks pretty appetisin'. You look younger than us now. We can see tha' baby face behind tha' beard, Clary. You're nae hidin' anythin'.

[laureledenthaw]

What in the hell was that?

Did anyone else feel that?

[artieredwood]

I thought it wis jist a bowel movement tae be honest.

[clary-finn]

What’s wrong, Arthur? Has it been too long since you felt a loving touch?  I’m not a sleaze, I’m married… which is the same thing really.

[artieredwood]

'S been fuckin' years since a lovin' touch, pal. Yer a sleaze. Total sleaze. The beard jist makes it worse.

[laureledenthaw]

Because you’re so good with babies?

[artieredwood]

'Cause Ah'm sae fuckin' likeable.

[joho-mason-blog]

Oh, but of course. You’re the most selfless person I know. You’re going to be the next Gandhi, obviously.

Why not get both? You know, in case Laurel flakes out on giving you her kid, you at least have something to fall back on.

[artieredwood]

Obviously. Goes wi'oot sayin'.

Speakin' ay fallin' back on somethin', how's your love life?

[clary-finn]

Do not tease my beard. It is glorious. You’re just upset because you will never feel it’s roughness tickling your skin.

[artieredwood]

Aw, fuck off. Naebody wants tha'. Least of all me. Dunnae fuckin' wink at me, ye sleaze.

[nancydicarlo-archive]

I actually wouldn’t mind wasting you.

[artieredwood]

Hurtful, Nanc'. Hurtful.

[laureledenthaw]

I don’t know. The woods? A pet shop? I think she would love it, especially if it hurt someone.

Whenever you want is fine with me. I dunno, Artie, I don’t think you could beat me and Titus for favorite person~

[artieredwood]

You obviously havnae met me.

[nancydicarlo-archive]

[She narrows her eyes, the kiss surprising her, and suppresses a smile.] Always did, but you never showed up so it got cold. And you know how much I hate wasting tea.

[artieredwood]

Ye hate wastin' tea like ye hate wastin' a beautiful man.

[joho-mason-blog]

I guess it sucks to be whoever ended up eating that stew or sweet and sour chicken then, hmm? Please tell me you’re over that godforsaken cat phase.

[artieredwood]

Aye, I reckon sae. They're selfish animals. 'Nd you know me. Entirely 'nd resolutely unselfish.

I think Ah'm gaen tae git a hedgehog. Or Laurel's baby. Ah'm pretty sure she's alright wi' givin' it tae me.

[clary-finn]

I was hoping that one day you might start speaking English.

[artieredwood]

Oy. Get tae fuck. I'll start speakin' English the day you buy yourself a chin sae ye dunnae huvtae hide behind that beard.

[laureledenthaw]

Then go and get one. I hear they’re really nice animals. I dunno, Artie. I think I should see how you are around him before I let you babysit.

[artieredwood]

Where the fuck do Ah get a hedgehog? 'Nd Jo will probably kill it. Or she'll love it. She loves pricks.

When should Ah come over tae become yer bairn's new favourite person?

[joho-mason-blog]

I may or may not have put one of them into a stew, but it was just one.

[artieredwood]

Jist one. Aw well, that's all right then, isn't it. They'll give you diseases, them cats. Fuckin' mangy. Alley rats like us. 

[nancydicarlo-archive]

No, I’ve just noticed you’ve been absent from tea for A LONG FUCKING WHILE. As you should be.

[artieredwood]

Ah'm back now, never you fear. [He kisses her on the cheek and ducks away before she can slap him upside the head for his efforts.] You got a mug ay tea waitin' fer me or what?

[laureledenthaw]

I vote hedgehog. Oh— a baby? Think you can handle one of those? No… no, stealing one wouldn’t be so easy. But you’re always welcome to come over and visit mine. You can’t have him, though.

[artieredwood]

I'd love a hedgehog. You evir need a babysitter, you ken who tae call.