some lines from Solitaire that just hit too close to home
âTori,â says Becky, âyou look a little bit like you want to kill yourself.â
I deflate into a chair and nod philosophically. âItâs funny because itâs true.â
My name is Victoria Spring. I think you should know that I make up a lot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. I like to sleep and I like to blog. I am going to die someday.
Sometimes I hate people. This is probably very bad for my mental health.
personally, thinking or talking too much about âboy issuesâ makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
I am a vacuum. I am void. I am nothing.
THE FIRST THING I do when I get home from school is collapse onto my bed and turn on my laptop. This happens every single day. If Iâm not at school, you can guarantee that my laptop will be somewhere within a two-meter radius of my heart. My laptop is my soul mate.
(charlie to tori): âYou like to act as if you care about nothing, and if you carry on like that, then youâre going to drown in the abyss you have imagined for yourself.â
I instantly wish Iâd just shut up. I always do this thing where I
accidentally say self-deprecating stuff that makes other people feel really
awkward, especially when itâs true.
I really donât do anything unless I actually want to do it. And most of the time I donât want to do anything at all
One day Iâm going to forget how to wake up.
Smoking is so pointless. The only reason I can think of for smoking is if you want to die. I donât know. Maybe they all want to die.
When you watch a film, youâre sort of an outsider looking in. With a bookâyouâre right there. You are inside. You are the main character.
You think youâve met bad people, and then you meet people who are worse.
I donât want people to be worried about me. Thereâs nothing to worry about. I donât want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I donât understand yet. I donât want people to interfere. I donât want people in my head, picking out this and that, permanently picking up the broken pieces of me.
Weâre so used to disaster that we accept it. We think we deserve it.
Did you have a bad day?â
Nobody is honest; nobody is real. You canât trust anyone or anything. Emotions are humanityâs fatal disease. And weâre all dying.
I havenât ever known what I wanted out of life. Until now. I sort of want to be dead.
Tori's pov really is something.
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