artlessrave

i believe in the kindness of strangers

[artlessrave]

they all think the same

I haven't been really active on here, but I sometimes tend to scroll through Tumblr, especially after people start talking. And let me tell you that they think the same thing, they see you as fat if you do weigh more than that person.

All of my co-workers are women at work, most of them being skinny. They constantly make remarks about what I eat, how much I eat, etc. Honestly, the best meanspo I could get during work. They say things like:

"After working out, don't eat anything or you'll be fat. Just water".

"A hot chocolate is like a million calories in a cup".

"Well, isn't someone hungry today?"

This is what made me realise that other people SEE IT, THINK IT AND SAY IT. Not just you babe.

So eat in smaller portions, work your ass of in the gym, plenty of water and praise Kate Moss <3

[artlessrave]

feels right to come back<3

hello! I’ve been gone for a while, but I am coming backkk😌

I started getting more compliments and appreciation from other people as my weight keeps going down, that’s why I feel more motivated to put some time into my blog💘

manifesting a flat stomach<3

[artlessrave]

fat

the day has come when my boyfriend has called me fat. honestly, i didn't think it would happen, but it did.

he didn't say something like "oh, you're fat" or "you're chubby".

we were talking about celebrities and what person i would be if i could be anyone. so i said Anya Taylor Joy <3 (love her).

he said that she looks skinny, i agreed, because she does. then he showed me Anne Hathaway, which is his celebrity crush.

i said that she is dainty, skinny and pretty and she is. my boyfriend looked at some of her pictures and said "she's not that skinny".

so now if she is not skinny to him i must be obese in his eyes. her body is much more smaller than mine, so his subconscious thoughts won and he said what he thought accidentally.

i cried in the toilet.

i know i'm fat, but i cry out of sadness that i can't properly restrict and my food addiction is overtaking me.

[artlessrave]

collarbones

yes, collarbones. they are the ultimate sign that you are losing weight. the more your collarbones show, the more feminine you become. trust me, i know from experience. no one wants a woman, who has no bone structure showing.

here is some pretty in pink thinspo <3

[artlessrave]

keep going

It’s hard. Like very hard. I have never been hungrier. But appetite comes with the amount you eat. Don’t stop it, but make the portions smaller everyday, until you get used to them. And believe me that other girls will stare in jealousy of you eating such small portions and will wish that they could do the same.

This thinspo picture is everything. Her lean stomach, tiny waist, lean arms, collarbones… this is everything I want 💗

[artlessrave]

It’s worth it 💗

In a week and a half I dropped 5kg. I was really happy about it and I have received a lot of compliments about my appearance already. Now imagine how good you’ll feel when you drop 10, 15, 20…

My boyfriend lifted me up and said “you’re so light”. When I tell you that I almost died of happiness.

My mum said that some of the tighter trousers are starting to look better on me, since I’ve lost weight.

It makes me happy. To see my collarbones… To have a bit of loose clothing.. To become tiny, dainty, fragile…🦋

[brazillianprincess]

The dream girl I'm trying to be

reads one book per week

is ahead of her college assignments and readings

is top of her class

is hyper feminine

has manners, grace, poise and elegance

is always put together: nails, hair and outfit always on point

listens to jazz and classical music

is extremely cultured

seeks validation within, not on other people

has flawless skin

cooks healthy meals for herself and is not a sweet tooth or impulsive about food

attracts masculine, high caliber men that wants to provide for her and apprecieates her feminine presence

[artlessrave]

🦋💗

[artlessrave]

weigh-in diaries, pt.1

a week has passed.

this past week i kept under a 1000kcal, some days more, some days less. i didn't binge. i also completed 2 fast cycles - 16 hours each.

i weighed in on wednesday and saturday.

on wednesday, i reached 68.2kg, going from 70kg, which means i have lost 1.8kg.

today, i reached 67.5kg, adding another 0.7kg to my lost weight.

this week i have lost 2.5kg.

i am proud, but also dissapointed. ideally i would lose 3-5kg every week, so that by September i drop to 50kg.

please let me know any ideas that would help me lose weight quicker! i would really appreciate it. i have people around me who always question me, so fasting for 24 hours is out of the question.

anyway, here is some amazing thinspo to feed your hungry souls <3

[artlessrave]

oh, love

if i was skinnier, he would treat me differently. i am convinced that i'd be his perfect woman, if only i was skinnier. i changed everything about myself for him to love me, and he does, however my weight doesn't budge.

he doesn't know i starve myself, his heart would break. but it's a lie i have to tell to protect him and protect his feelings. i don't want him to be upset over me.

this time i am really trying... i haven't binged in a whole week, i eat two small meals a day just to avoid questions and exercise besides walking 10k steps. but the weight loss, it is so slow, it makes me cry. i know that he won't wait for me to change. he'll go and find someone else.

[artlessrave]

"I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."

This part of the song always hits the most. Lyrics from "Creep" by Radiohead.

[artlessrave]

makeup

i started getting more into coquette style, makeup style as well. as eyeliner, highlighter and blush are already in my makeup routine, i looked up some pictures for inspiration how to make it work and fit the aesthetic better :)

this picture and inspo is everything! the lashes, the lips, the earrings! love it <3

i just have no words for this one, i am absolutely in love.

[artlessrave]

change

this tumblr page didn't feel like me... at all. so after a couple minutes of searching through my shrine of lana's pictures, i decided to make a couple of changes.

still the same thing - i am writing about my weight loss journey and how i cope and deal with my ed. so please, be kind to yourself, and if you're in recovery, click off this blog <3

i'll attach some cute outfit inspo to this post which matches my current style and aesthetic way better, plus it motivates me to lose weight as all these outfits look ten times better when you are skinny.

these girls look so good ahhh!!

[artlessrave]

I have relapsed once again, this time I feel so hurt that I am actually keeping up with restrictions, fasting, etc. I even started working out more often and made my workouts longer.

My boyfriend’s girl friends are all tiny, petite and skinny. And i feel like a big, fat, ugly girl compared to them.

He’d see a girl like this and would say how nice her body is. He says the same to me, and I know it’s not true.

Today marks the first fast of 3 months and I went for 16 hours, feeling very proud to be honest.

Thinspo not mine.

[artlessrave]

hi<3

can someone give me advice on purging? when i try to, and put the fingers down my throat, it doesn’t work and I end up not purging everything I ate after a binge :(

please help a girl out💗

[artlessrave]

when i want to trigger myself and make myself get on track again, the best way to do it is to go through my boyfriend’s following on Instagram. I swear, I don’t eat for weeks.

[bittersuggestion]

We dream of each other and keep it a secret

[artlessrave]

💘🦋

[artlessrave]

The moment I understood that Iook bad.

So basically I have been hanging out with this guy for a couple of weeks. He knows that I am insecure about my body and he is supportive of recovery, which I love.

But some of his “compliments” didn’t sit right with me… For example:

~”You’re beautiful, the only thing you don’t have is a flat stomach”.

~”You don’t have to have the perfect body to look good. You’re okay.”

~”There is so much to squish, I love it.”

So after a couple of days I started to thinking about it. Does he like girls with flat stomachs? Is he calling me fat? “Squish”, I mean I know I am fat, but don’t point it out. It really hurt my feelings, sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe when I think about myself.

All in all, this was my safe place to vent. I hope that whoever is reading this falls in love with themselves, their personality, their body. But with such hurt I have at the moment, all I want is to lose more weight quickly.

Love, always 💗

Amazing thinspo, picture not mine 🦋