ᴀʙsᴏʟᴜᴛᴇ ⓩＥＲＯ @arxcanum - Tumblr Blog

I tend to bottle up my feelings & let them age for 10 years like a fine wine

#this is a blog im returning to #idk why ppl follow me here but follow me there #also this promo is crack but idc #bc jana & i need to make new promos

prodiitor

arxcanum

❝When you love somebody, they’ll always leave too soon❞ ❝But a memory, a memory can make a flower bloom❞

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( promo. )#( self promo. )#( just so you know this is where you can find me now. )

(.):

now that i ｔｈｉｎｋ about it

it’s alright that you hate me

because sometimes--;;

ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( m )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( musings )#( musings. )

i think that tartaros always thought that silver had remained the rumbling. by the suffering he had to edcure they thought his losses sought him to fight for them. for zeref to return again and turn everything to good. i can imagine that they thought that keith manipulated him into believing he would get something in return. but fortunately they were wrong, silver was not stupid or at least he hated them too much to be thinking about getting something back, he just played along in order to deceive the unwary demons. due to this, they could not find out about his plan. none knew about his planned actions for the future with deliora after he found out his son was still alive. except perhaps keith, who thought it would be nice to play with silver a bit (he failed though).

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( h )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( headcanon )#headcanon #yaha

meet my modern au faceclaim for daddy.

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ out of ( m )#( modern. )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( modern. )#( he looks so handsome. )#( and he's got a beard. )#( also the eyecolor is perf. )#( you don't see his eye color here tho. )

(.):

↯ █ 全能ライトニング

❛ —— You better have a damn good reason to interrupt my pace, even though i highly doubt it. ❜

‘ surprisingly friendly verbalized. had a good day? ‘

certainly, it was in the circumstances clear that such a welcome was the friendliest to be expected. the popularity seemed to be hardly considered. to be expected after such an incident. how the thunder god knew it? heaven knows. it was obvious that gray would never have a conversation about his feelings. his stubbornness would hardly allow him to freely talk about the prolapsed events. to help it, avoid, to pursue a conversation about the experience, was an understandable desire that was striven for by the younger ice mage. his son could never be the reason that the opposing individual with whom he had conducted a conversation, nowhere near enough has found to learn these facts him about it. but it was not of immense importance where the knowledge on the family tree was found or the fact what horrible damage was added to his own flesh and blood without the will to do it by him. although, can it be called unwillingly? at least it was enforced and could have been avoided. it was wrong, summarized succinctly: improperly. most of silver's way in which he put in oder his issues and the plans he drew into consideration were wrong, at least when they went awry. it was a talent which was simply not talented, but clearly a curse, after all.

due to this comprehension was applied to receiving such an expression. he was not proud of the things he'd done. therefore he disappeared only to cause less harm and pain, so that the past can be forgotten, can be completed with. he never forgot though, that the wounds were ripped open by the deeds of himself.

‘ howbeit, i'm going to surprise you. i do have a reason. by all means i may be a failure, but i am also a father who cares. ‘

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( fulmens. )#fulmens #( /me loves u for making a starter for me. )

(.):

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❛ What is it? ❜

these emerging sensation of perishing were circumvented by one single emotion which could not be retained. unknowingly of how he survived he fled to the need to provide any further pain, after all some was caused already. the plan, which was created to fight against the mental demons that had been nested in his sons mind, was considered with second notion often, since various issues always had to be involved but whatever he tried to change, in the end it yet f a i l e d. for this reason, there was nothing left, no way out but to disappear, it was finally done enough harm.

albeit, the sneak was specified with caution it had been unsuccessful, because not for a instant did the demon slayer take the thought into consideration that one individual may have been staying near by, notwithstanding that the pal appeared to be hurt, he was still a risk.

‘ i was once again ruthlessly, i am surrounded by bad luck. ‘

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( fulmens. )#fulmens #( i hope you dont mind )#( winky wink )

(.):

「✚」—

’ the noble act isn’t being well received. ‘

witnessing the elder he’d presumed to be deceased, behave in such a deplorable fashion was the off-putting icing set atop of the overdue & unsavory cake. gut-wrenching despair encircled the woebegone fairy as appendages pursued paths with sole misery as the evident destination. harboring past roots of heartache is his most loathed tendency. it leaves him feeling weak & p a t h e t i c. yet time & time again, gray cannot quickly come to terms with the hideousness of his life. it didn’t help that merely descrying the others frame would cue in loads of undesirable nostalgia. vivid mental imagery caused horrendous burning to varnish his visage in reddened humiliation. one who knows you since birth, undoubtedly knows your most shameful qualities & memories. they know what brings you biggest smiles & haves you c r y aimlessly. than again —— —— they’ve been apart for quite some time. they’ve been apart for an era. gray now takes shame in different matters; for the fate his mistakes brings to others. gray now has a vast new collection of memories. his smiles are brought to be for reasons entirely different than back during his lighthearted days in the village, & his tears, they now fall not for fallen treats, but instead, fallen comrades.

they may share ʙ ʟ ᴏ ᴏ ᴅ, but they’re not ƒαмιℓу. they’re strangers.

’ even if i wanted to forget, it wouldn’t be that simple. ‘

‘ i am dead, gray. it's no use to remember. ‘

grief, this feeling was strongest sought to avoid. his son, he should have never been allowed to know what was behind all of this, never have learned that his own father, although in conscience it was clear what deeds he had done and how the asserted his needs, was still with the same spirit, that used to encourage gray to do good when he was still young, in his own body. it was forbidden to have to endure the individual who was once regarded with pride being turned over the years thanks to the odium against the idea of the adorer. a role-model for a boy was most likely his beloved father. he was a hero, an idol. indeed, he was. but that changed, it amend, because the man who was mourned around with full heart, was alive and had nothing but hatred in his thoughts. another survive being, he owned the hate. gray can not continue like his father, it is wrong, silver knows it. but in the end, this fact can not be allowed to be said by him, since he however himself can not claim he had instigated to earse the revulsion and the abhorrence of this son towards the world. after all, he was another trigger for the suffering.

by his act in action, he was not even allowed to comment.

so much suffering issued towards the family. so much grief. already seems like a curse.

‘ i have been dead over 17 years! it doesn't change anything that you saw me face, because i'm not your father, not anymore. ‘

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( aisumadoushi )#aisumadoushi #( after a lifetime. )#( yes i finally replied. )#( also i was too lazy to write more. )

(.):

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❛ How annoyin’. ❜

‘ this enthusiasm, incredible. ‘

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( fulmens. )#fulmens #( man hola. )#( i hate being on my parents laptop. )#( how have u been bae? )#( christmas IS SOON )#( which means my birthday is soon. )#( DONT FORGET )#ilu

(.):

”We could do that, I suppose… But wouldn’t make more sense to, you know, do things right the first time, Silver-san?”

the right way.

in fact, it would be beneficial. but what was the right way? which way should one take? not always, you get your ardently desired wish to become true.

‘ your expectations in mankind are quite sincere, do you honestly think, you will be forgiven? ‘

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( venomoustigress. )#venomoustigress #█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( provided lanes full of temptation. )#( lovemash2k14 )#( though she needs like a life time to reply even to some one-liner. )

Mun, who is the stronger mage? Gray's father or his teacher Ul?

first of all: ur*

second of all: i still love this icons so much thank you lati.

thirdly: you have to know i love silver a l ot, but i also hate so much about him since he turned out to be such an asshole father. im just saying. however, if i have to be honest: i think ur would be stronger. i mean she really would be stronger. i had high expectations for silver before he turned out to be his dad, but honestly, ur is stronger. if he would have been ultears father and we could have had jana’s and my theory, he would be stronger, but since he isn’t, it’s our ur who is stronger.

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( a )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ out of ( m )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( anonymous )#anonymous #( yes i know. )#( i still love him though. )#( but honestly ur is stronger. )

(.):

TEN (SEVENTEEN) YEARS of aching, lost, sorrow, grief, pain is lost in the wind. something so heavy, deep & fragile is easily carried off like paper, fluttering violently in the air streams. it says something — it should say something — but he doesn’t know. he can’t know. he’s too lost in his silver’s voice. gray, who has always been stuck in the past, is Y E A R N I N G for the familiar mellifluous tones of his father. the deep resonating voice cradled him as a youth & made him feel safe. his father has — had — always been so strong. a TOWERING, intimidating man with quilted muscle & a strong heart.

his father — could do anything. ( his hero, his strength & courage )

despair claws at his throat, ravaging his words & tearing them to pieces. nothing he can ever say makes it through. he has no voice. no say. the grief is too heavy, thick & vicious in the way it slides down down down into his heart. a BLACK tar. he looks at silver & is lost. this is not the man i know. the silver of the past is gone ; gray is not so naive. it is a subtle shift in his mind that allows him to come to brutal realization that silver is dead ( which is ridiculous — hasn’t he always KNOWN ? ), but not in the way he thinks. silver is gone. ( why can’t he say father anymore ).

’ okay ’ has always been a relative term. if he’s not bleeding, he’s ‘ okay ‘. he’s always ‘ okay ’ now, he thinks, since he has already felt death’s EMBRACE. silver isn’t the only dead man walking.

it comes slowly, as it always does. he’s sliding down the slope, loose rock melting at his feet. it’s a deliberate destruction of all reason. only red exists now. that fiery, crumbling red that burns his entire body, setting it aflame on the inside until he can do naught but SCREAM ( he’s human. he reminds himself daily ).

❝ SHUT UP. ❞

SHELTER, COMFORT, SAFETY — the world is an illusion. shatter break, find the truth.

he leaps forwards, bruised hands clutching at silver’s clothes. he’s real, he’s real, he’s real. contorted, twisted — A G O N Y — is his face. he can’t see properly. it’s an ugly, visceral thing, coming apart like this. gray fullbuster has never been whole.

❝ YOU don’t have that RIGHT anymore. MY FATHER died years ago, but THAT doesn’t matter. GET OVER YOURSELF. so you made MISTAKES. what do you think being human is? we all CHANGE, SILVER. ❞

where is he going ?

will this end ?

❝ my DAD is dead. YOU’RE NOT. ❞

silver will die. gray will die. they all die. yet, gray’s resignation is not what will greet death. nay, it is wisdom. wisdom that tells him to never FEAR the end, but to not blindly EMBRACE it either.

he wants to tell silver this. TEN YEARS of words are lost in the wind. will they ever come back ?

you never get over it. you can come to terms with it, after you’ve run from it, leaped away from it ; pivoted, turned around & come to face it ; fought it, slashed at it, kicked it, attacked it ; got a knife & stabbed it ; tore its throat, claimed its heart, held it above you for all to see ; buried it, reverently, kicked its grave, spat on its tombstone ; walked away from it — but you can NEVER get over it.

the death of someone close to us leave us shocked with grief. we cannot understand how one minute this person was here and the next they are gone. the truth is that those we love are never truly gone. the body may have run its course, but the soul lives forever. human beings have been cognizant of eternal life since the beginning of time. every culture has its own traditions about death and reincarnation. the anxiety commonly felt about death in our culture is a result of a scientific schema which says that "if I don't see it, it's not there".

B U T

what if the body is alive, but there is no life in it. what if i see it, but it's still not there. nowhere to see, no where to recognize.

it's no use if you can not support your own l o n g life wholeheartedly.

he was aware what way he should pursue. MISTAKES, so many mistakes which were now fully executed and done thanks to his deeds that have been done and which now could not contain change. a person, a human, a individual can not travel back in time to approach switches for his now unwanted occurrence. what had happened, had happened and it can't be changed. by words alone debt can not be extinguished. there is no fire now times that disappears by small drops of t e a r s out of nowhere. although fire starts small, but through the years of so much suffering that has been instigated, it almost appears as if oil was used as an aid material. the fire had spread powerful, not even if they would have taken care of an intervention in a matter of seconds, little water would not be sufficient. the same applies to deeds. excuses do not justify any of them. words do not change the course. tears will not stop the pain and suffering. death seemed adaptively under these circumstances, but if not, there was, is and will NEVER be a decent way.

he cannot explain the rationale behind the change, it was there, elementary there. a solution: death.

and even if the hold of his sons was solid vigorous on the piece of his fur on his neck, there was no more meaning behind it, or at least it was not recognized.

‘ your father died years ago, indeed. ‘

you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. unless you kill them, marry somebody and procreate to start a new one.

gray had had a family once, a family that no longer existed. he had friends, he has chosen carefully and modified himself for the soothing. soothing, which was brought to confusuion by only one men hands. the moment where silver went to the inquiry, claiming to assist, to help with encouragement to allow gray to finally graduated with his demons, fears and given nightmares. the monsters which were pursuing him, become only more clear and w o r s e.

he was an excuse of a human being, of a father.

-- SO WHAT WAS IT NOW IF HE DIED NOW?

-- WHY DID IT BOTHER THE SON SO MUCH WHEN TALKING ABOUT THIS PERSONS DEATH?

-- WHY DOES IT MAKE HIM MAD WHEN TALKING ABOUT SILVER BEING ABLE TO FIND HIS PEACE, FINALLY?

‘ so if you got to the point, where you know i'm not your father, not anymore. w h y do you care? w h y are you mad? ‘

he knows, he was to blame for everything, he does not deserve peace, retribution is supposed to be his punishment. but what a difference would it provide for grays matters if he died, when everything is finally clear? when at last understanding was applied that he was not his father anymore? what was behind the words, the meanings? he claimed he had understood, finally realized, but in the end HE DID NOT. so what little honesty hide behind his manifestation, his expression, it appears: none.

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( sangxfroid. )#sangxfroid #( oh look this reply took my soul. )#( bc i was really lazy. )#( but there you go. )

(.):

「✚」—

“ Oh ——— ? ” What a way for a father to act.

Refusing to be subdued, even with the arrival of otherwise demeaning hues to a normally cold exterior, Gray sustained a questionable somber look. Not looking elsewhere, not even for a mere moment; eyes attentively scanned the elder as though he was s e a r c h i n g for something. Yes, searching for something he’d lost, long ago. & cue —— —— inner turmoil ?

It’d be a blatant lie to say he completely accepts the man standing before him to be his father. His father was a man one could long to covet and count on to be a durable safeguard throughout even the bleakest of times. However, this man… This man who forebears doubtless despair and evident agony, is not the man he once yearned to embrace before falling asleep to the sounds of the howling elements. Despite that, it still pains him to witness the other this way. It pains him, a lot.

“ Spare me the pity party. ”

‘ it doesn't matter if you pity me. ‘ ‘ you can forget about me. in the end... i'm just a d e a d man. ‘

you're dead.

you've died a lot time ago.

it's no use...not anymore.

recognition which was sought by cheerful reception many years before, was rejected to receive to be used as the renewal. it has now also compensated in return for him, by the accomplished deeds and the reluctance which has been received and felt, at the specified moment where he showed ( his face. ) to the boy, in the exact instant in which dirty words against his own flesh and blood kindled and provoked like a fire on a pile of wood. he had failed as a father, as a mature individual e v e n . therefore the question arises, of WHY expectations and hopes were asked for, and how so broadly at all? what reasons would be accepted if the only way, the only card that could be played for years no longer existed and was wiped out, when it was simply used the wrong train?

N O N E.

while pursuing its strategy according to plan he ought to have noticed that risks could arise and could be developed, that everything in the end could be flexed to bad. he was upset and incensed, incensed simply because the revenge after all, this trouble after all this, was not justified and was no longer profitable.

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( s )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( aisumadoushi )#aisumadoushi #( im tellin' ya' i tried. )

silver's birthday is on the 29th of february. which means it only happens one time in four years. he is younger then he looks like if you do the math.

i am hilarious!

( but seriously it's a serious headcanon. )

#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( h )#█ ▌ ▐ ‘ ♘ ’ ∶ ( headcanon )#( headcanon. )#( i am hilarious srsly. )