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What might happen if we saw the beauty of suffering rather than the darkness of pain? What if we recognised the capacity that brokenness carries to be a conduit for God’s glory rather than a season (that tends to feel like a lifetime) of struggle and emptiness? What if we thanked God in the storm and held on to the hope of His ways? What if we trusted that He’s worth it? Sometimes we (and by we, I mean I) just over-complicate things when the answer is quite simple. I trust you, Lord and you are enough for me. (at Fulham) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvUOMDSHTPI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ialablyqmfwl

on peace

I’ve been thinking the past few weeks about peace- what it means, what it looks like, the discrepancies and deficiencies of it in my own life. How we as mankind are constantly searching, constantly climbing this ladder that is headed by peace, only to get to the final rung and find that it’s moved up another few rungs. So we continue striving. We search for a peace that seems to be fleeting, all encompassing one moment and completely inept the next. We long for a peace that remains and yet when our attention is diverted elsewhere, our peace seems to stay in the previous moment.

Sometimes, we’re seeking to go back to that space we last felt peace. That last situation, that last chapter of life, that last room or coffee shop. We clean our room, light candles and dim the lights, put on a face mask. Has peace finally come to collect all my disheveled pieces? Has peace finally come to give me the permission to exhale? Yet, with the vibration of a phone, the mental reminder of a to do list, or the approaching emotions that we’ve been discreetly brushing under the rug once again we are on the move.

Or maybe it’s just me. Sometimes, my lack of peace is so physically obvious that I trip over my own feet, that my hands seem to be dipped in butter and I can’t get a grip on anything, that my eyebrows dip and jump with every reaction, every thought. I’m physically exposed for the world to see the nervousness, the chaos, the frustration in me.

My mind races with judgement and perceptions that to pretend that my lack of peace isn’t my fault or my doing (or my lack thereof). I subconsciously decide that the chaos is actually perpetuated by the guy that never stops singing or the girl with a bad attitude. It’s not my fault that I feel the need to be “on” in front of new people, which therefore drains my energy AND my peace. And so I come and hide away in my comfort zone seeking peace- beit the comfort zone of my literally very comfortable bed or that of my close friends- the motive is the same. I’m constantly searching for a place to rest because my structures tell me that rest and peace are fleeting, all encompassing one moment and completely inept the next. They tell me that I need to move to find peace, when in reality I need to be still to find peace.

But there’s another misconception. That stillness means my literally very comfortable bed or my close friends. Stillness means candles and soft worship music and aloneness. Stillness means a wide field and big skies and a long walk. Or does stillness mean a state of being deep within my heart that I operate from? A foundation that I live out of? Not a place to go to, but a place to come from.

Peace is not fleeting. I am fleeting.

“I have taken you and chosen you with great delight...” I’ve got this weight on my heart, this pressure on my chest. Like the heaviness of a stamp, like snow settling on my skin. Saturated and sealed. These last weeks have been the uprooting of lies and the unraveling of truth. I’m amongst warriors, lovers, and disciples who inspire passion and courage and intimacy. Once again, I’m so thankful to be where I am, with who I’m with. I’m thankful for these days, weeks, months, years, life of pursuing Jesus and being pursued by Him.

*SRY FOR A LONG QUOTE BUT THIS IS SO RELEVANT!* “One of the most difficult statements for many people to understand is that God enjoys them while they’re maturing. I believe the most fundamental emotional need that you have is to know that God enjoys you. You were created this way. You can’t help it; you can’t repent of it. It’s simply according to the design of the human spirit. It’s the most fundamental emotional need that you have. I want to underline the word need. You have a craving to have the assurance that God enjoys you. You were created in such a way with a bias put into your spirit by God Himself. Apart from the assurance that God enjoys you, you simply don’t work right. And Satan tirelessly, night and day, exploits this cry of the human spirit and distorts the truth of who God is and who you are. When this truth is established and settled deep in your spirit by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God, something in you becomes alive and you’re empowered to be an extravagant lover of God. There’s no way you’re going to understand that God enjoys you if you don’t have an image of a God who has enjoyment.”- @mikebickle Man, this burned in my heart like crazy this morning. To realise that God enjoys me, even in my weakness, lit a new fire in my heart to run to Him instead of from Him. I hope it does the same for whoever else might have needed to hear this today. ❤️

“We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything B R I G H T and B E A U T I F U L that he has for us.” Colossians 1:12 Live passionate. Live vigorous. And He will refill you and let you be a part of G L O R Y (at Notting Hill)

G R A C E My love, run into my arms. Don’t escape reality by seeking shelter in the arms of old comforts that are temporary and restless. Don’t let them convince you that I am u reachable. Come here, into my embrace despite whether you decide you are deserving or not. I don’t care what you’ve done, where you’ve been. I care that you are with me. I will never push you away, never ignore your cries for help. In any moment, rather than outrunning your own mess or the darkness around you, come closer to me. (at Port of Thessaloniki)

To live a filterless life. A life without masks, without accentuating the good and shadowing the bad. A life of integrity- one face in front of any person, place or situation. A life of trueness to self despite the external and constant change of the day to day. . Sometimes we try so hard to modify our behavior, crossing out to do lists that will lead to a better refined character. Let me tell you that Jesus loves even your rough edges. Rather than shouting shame and judgement at those messy, unrefined areas, bring them to the light, to the feet of Jesus and let him reshape and refine them. I promise He’s more patient and more graceful than you can imagine. He loves raising you to be “mature, well-developed, lacking in nothing”. The more masks you wear, the farther freedom and reality is from you. To have integrity independent of circumstances is to be like Jesus. He didn’t have faces or wear masks. He was honest, humble, true, and real. He didn’t use filters to be understood, agreed with, or followed. He said “I am who I am”. You don’t need to convince people that you are worthy of love, attention, acceptance, or value. Those things have already been given to you. Let go of the filters you hide behind, take off the masks that morph your personality depending on who’s eyes you look into, leave your corner of shadows and walk in the light no matter the scars or spots. Trust that He is faithful to heal you, faithful to grow you, faithful to love you. #exposure

#exposure

Cornwall, God is lifting a banner of love over you. You’ve seen darkness, loneliness, pain. You’ve seen the depths of depression and carried the weight of fear. But the Light is coming, it’s on the horizon. He is coming to heal you to wholeness, to break the chains around your ankles, to see you dance with joy and celebration. So pick up your heads, his eye is on you- he’s coming just for you! (at Portreath)

Sometimes (most times), I can be so focused on the negative I see, on the darkness I perceive, on the heaviness I feel. In my passion, I want transformation but in rigidity, I demand perfection. And it’s not fair- to me or to those around me. He is so gentle, so loving, so patient to a daughter that can be so caught up in things that just don’t matter that much. So in learning to see with His eyes I write these words on my heart: “...whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, if there is anything worthy of praise; think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

“You can only love to the degree you’ve received love.” We can only give from what we’ve been given. But the reality is that we’ve all been given everything we need. It’s already been placed in our hands, but will we choose to walk in it?Today, I’m reminding myself of the gentle ways God has realigned me, the graceful ways that he has exposed my heart so that it could begin to transform. He’s always been so sweet with me. In that recognition, my heart begins to turn from judgement to hope, from prideful to humble, from frustrated to patient. I’m grateful for the patience and hope God had for me in my darkest moments and even along the way when I thought I’d figured it out. And maybe from that gratitude, from that foundation of love He’s built in me, I can love myself and others a little bit better.

"Because you followed me into a season of deeper dependency and were faithful through the rough roads, you made it to the wonder and beauty of the other side." I can be such an escape artist- running from surrender, hiding from brokenness, justifying my perspective and fighting darkness in my own strength. It's so easy to be faithful when the waters are calm, when the wind is still. It's easy to endure when battle is easy. But that is not always promised. The sweetest surrender is when we choose to loose our life in order to find it; when we choose the depths of the valleys so that we can make it to the summits. Remain faithful. Don't jump out too soon, don't try to avoid prodding. Trust that refinement leads to purity leads to glory. It's worth it.

The church is not a room full of people in their church clothes clapping their hands to the beat and singing every note perfectly on tune but never loud enough for the person in the pew in front of them to hear. The church is full of people you'd never expect- people who have been and are being radically transformed and are LIVING to tell about it. Tonight I saw a glimpse of heaven. Packed in a room of hundreds of people- children, elderly, college students and in between, in clean dresses, dressed in tattoos, drenched in sweat from homelessness in an Arizona summer, people with hard faces but bright eyes, people with scars on their wrists or on the veins in their arms. I saw them dance, jump, shout, sing, kneel, cry. You guys, THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF JESUS. I saw freedom. I saw love. I saw LIFE. And my only response is to worship my King. The One who is endlessly pursuing us, relentlessly breathing life into our lungs, transforming us by His goodness and love, BRINGING US BACK TO LIFE so that we can live WITH Him. #toogood (at RENEW)

#toogood

Dusk and dawn take turns calling "come and worship" psalm 65

"You can't do it all, but you can do everything God has called you to do. God put the capacity you need inside of you. Getting to know His voice moment by moment keeps us aligned with the capacity we are created to live in; to change the world." If I only see a need that needs to be filled and if I only follow where there is a lack, I'm not following God. I am fulfilling in my own strength, which means what I fill will run dry because I am not the Source. If I let God take me by the hand and I follow His voice wherever He leads, I will always be living in my capacity and fulfilling His purposes for my life. It's not about what we do or are capable of, it's about being led and walking WITH the one who is capable of it all and being willing to partner with Him in His purposes. We say "send me", and He says, "follow Me". Let's be the ones who say "wherever you go, I go, Lord". #discipleship

#discipleship

Drove through the beautiful mountains in the rain processing what this last week held. This week, I saw around a hundred teen moms laughing, taking jumping pictures, dancing in bubbles and being the kids they haven't been able to be. I saw babies giggling and playing and falling asleep in my arms. I saw those that have been scrutinized and judged celebrated and loved. I saw about 40 girls GIVE THEIR LIVES TO JESUS! And imagine the difference that will make in their lives and the lives of their babies. I feel so humbled to have been able to see God's creative grace and radical love poured out first hand. Young Lives is a precious and powerful ministry! (at Lost Canyon - A Young Life Camp)

This mountain you're facing, with hesitancy in your heart, overwhelmed at even the thought of it, is your battle, your journey, and your victory all at the same time. This daunting mountain is nothing you can't handle when you climb it with God. Yes, sometimes your breath is short and your heart races, your legs shake and you're not sure you can make it. But in that moment remember the way Jesus endured by looking ahead to greater glory. The summit is coming. Don't hold back and don't run ahead. Be here, one step at a time, walking with God all the way. Let the fear, anger, sadness go with each step as you lighten your load and let go of the things that hinder you. Climb this mountain with your hands wide open. Wide open in surrender; wide open in worship. Don't forget: you are capable and God is with you. Be brave, friend! (at Camelback Mountain)

Learning to climb the mountain with my hands wide open. Learning to lay down the things I hold on to, trusting that God is in control and He is good. Learning to have open hands of worship even in my most exhausted, most overwhelmed, most emotional moments. Thankful for views like this that motivate and encourage me to keep going. Even more thankful for the friends that spur me on and lift my soul always. #sunrisehikes (at Camelback Mountain)

#sunrisehikes

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