thoughts

[asfirebites]

Our every conversation

A combination of ellipsis

[asfirebites]

Things I remember: The hungover smell of you in the morning was (is) like a drug to me.

Some mornings when I got there, strange music would be playing on your computer. You’d put music on at night and by morning it had shuffled its way through your eclectic collection and landed on something that was at odds with your quiet, sleeping breaths.

You never heard me arrive. Even when I came up the stairs, peed and flushed the toilet before stripping off my clothes to crawl in with you. Never once did you wake.

I would slip into bed beside your sweaty body and breath you in. The indescribable youness mixed with the cigarette smoke that always clung to you, and the sour scent of liquor leaching out of your pores. You smelled like home to me and my heart felt so full it might break.

Sometimes that’s all it would take to rouse you. Other times you’d sleep for another hour or so. But always, when you woke, you’d slide your hands across my naked body, mumble “Morning”, and pull me closer. Your legs tangled with mine. Your eyes still closed, and your lips on my lips.

[asfirebites]

Slow death

Interesting isn't it

the choices we make

choices that smack of long term dissatisfaction

choices that cause us to swallow our feelings

as though they were hot coals

or dirty secrets

written on throwaway scraps of paper

Intetesting to be here now

You

with your dark glasses

moving cautiously forward

and I

listening for the birds

my arms full of dying flowers

[asfirebites]

I told a friend that I have to drive by your place on my way home from work now. She said "well that will make you think about him more".

and I thought "how silly, I don't need to drive by his place to think of him...

I only need to hear music playing,

to see the moon rise,

to feel my heartbeat,

to breathe."

[asfirebites]

Everything yours

Other hands have roamed Other mouths kissed and bitten Other lips whispered words against my skin It doesn’t matter It never matters I am all yours Everything yours Always yours

[asfirebites]

Beside you My body becomes a universe My hip bone The curve of a moon underneath your palm My pale skin A Milky Way of glowing stars

Beside you My energy becomes boundless Connected to you I am infinite

[asfirebites]

Stripped

I have left my dignity in the dirt I have stripped myself bare Lain naked and vulnerable at your feet and begged For you I have forgone my pride I have taken scraps Savoured each as though it was sweetest bite Then sat hungry for eternities Waiting for the next taste My belly empty and growling For you

[asfirebites]

Candle

In your hands I am both Burning flame And Melting wax

[asfirebites]

The moment my heart broke

Something about the rain today Reminds me of that day 12 years ago I was curled up on the ground My back pressed against the chain link fence Crying so hard I felt I would dissolve It was as though my pain was a clawing beast between us Shredding us Flaying our flesh I pled and moaned and screamed for you “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me” “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry” And you were staring down at me Your face twisted in agony Begging me to stop To get up To keep moving with you But I was immobilized Rooted to the spot by devastation Completely overcome by the tearing in my chest My heart had ruptured and grief was bleeding through my body I was destroyed and shameless in my desperation Crumpled on the wet ground Collapsing in on myself And not caring where all my broken pieces landed

[asfirebites]

Mon coeur

Il y a un trou dans mon coeur Tu me manques tellement que ca fait mal

[cosmofilius-deactivated20220204]

You start dying slowly if you do not travel, if you do not read, if you do not listen to the sounds of life, if you do not appreciate yourself. You start dying slowly When you kill your self-esteem; When you do not let others help you. You start dying slowly If you become a slave of your habits, Walking everyday on the same paths… If you do not change your routine, If you do not wear different colours Or you do not speak to those you don’t know. You start dying slowly If you avoid to feel passion And their turbulent emotions; Those which make your eyes glisten And your heart beat fast. You start dying slowly If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love, If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain, If you do not go after a dream, If you do not allow yourself, At least once in your lifetime, To run away from sensible advice…

Pablo Neruda (via cosmofilius)

[asfirebites]

The alcoholic

To me you are whiskey My need for you burns my throat I can't get enough swallows Can't get the fire in my belly hot enough I've spent half my life drunk But I've never been as drunk on liquor As I am on wanting you

[asfirebites]

[asfirebites]

Not one single inch Of my skin Is left untouched by you But that means nothing Your true brand Is on my soul

[solsticiou-deactivated20170519]

[asfirebites]

Dee, this made me think of you❤️

[asfirebites]

[asfirebites]

Some people

Even though the marks my nails cut into your back have healed That doesn’t mean I’m not still with you I will hum in your blood until the day your skin grows cold Some people are like that Some people never leave you And though I have decided to let go of wishing for you with the deepest pieces of my heart You will still be a part of me You live under my skin Some people are just like that