𝔸𝕤𝕙𝕒

❨she/her, 18+❩

[gigizetz]

And I've been waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

...For you.

[crescentcircus-art-blog]

I'm glad they're on the same page

[kokii-omii]

Live Telemachus reaction

[scoonsalicious]

With Friends Like These... Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntire, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You. WIP

Warnings: 18+ Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here.

"*" indicates explicit sexual content (each chapter will feature its own warnings as needed), language, angst, excessive use of Bleachers' lyrics

More will be added as the story progresses, and some chapters may have specific warnings that I will keep under wraps to avoid spoilers. When we get to those sections, I will let you know, so if there is a specific trigger that you absolutely cannot handle, let me know and I will tell you if the section is safe. As always, please let me know if I miss any warnings.

Word Count: Currently 23.5k; Total TBD

Prologue Lily (4.27.24)

1.1 Major (4.29.24) 1.2 Bucky (4.30.24) 1.3 Major (5.01.24)

2.1 Bucky (5.02.24) 2.2 Major* (5.02.24) 2.3 Bucky* (5.03.24)

3.1 Bucky (5.04.24) 3.2 Major (5.04.24) 3.3 Bucky (5.05.24) 3.4 Major (5.06.24)

4.1 Bucky (5.07.24) 4.2 Major (5.07.24) 4.3 Bucky (5.08.24)

5.1 Major* (5.09.24) 5.2 Bucky (5.10.24) 5.3 Lily 5.4 Major*

6.1 Bucky 6.2 Lily 6.3 Major

[meiieiri]

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 [toji zenin]

synopsis: so she tells him not to cry over the injustice of a life cut too short for at the end of all this, she’ll only be a dream.

pairing: ex-husband!toji fushiguro x terminally ill wife!reader | song inspo: soon you’ll get better, cancer

warnings: heavy angst, terminal illness (primary bone cancer, stroke and MS), mentions of divorce/past infidelity, allegories to cheating, major character death. please read at your own risk. | a/n: this was so heavy for me to write, i started writing at 2 in the morning, and it’s 6:34 now.

word count. 3k~

“Why can’t you do anything right?”

Toji should have noticed, he laments as he takes a sip of his cognac. He should have sensed that something was wrong sooner, maybe that way, he wouldn’t be begging to borrow some more time to make things right. Your fingers were trembling that day — the first time you ever ruined his morning coffee — your hands shaking uncontrollably as you washed the mug with a sorrowful look on your face, your eyes glossy with the tears you were desperately trying to hold back.

He shouldn’t have been so harsh, he realizes that now. Breakfast had been burnt to a crisp and ruined, sure, but nothing could compare to how he constantly ruins the one beautiful thing that has ever happened to him, who haphazardly spilled her smoothie on him when they first bumped into each other in Shinjuku just after he finally cashed in enough money with Shiu to get his laundry done.

Toji, whose senses have now been honed to pick up on the slightest of your sluggish movements and your pained and suppressed hisses, hears the bedsheets rustling and he instantly gets up before you could even force yourself out of bed. “Hey, hey, easy now.” He catches you before you could fall backwards onto the mattress, your skin appears cold and clammy, your thinning muscles stiff as a board — you must be having one of your episodes again. “What do you need?” he asks, his voice heartbreakingly gentle for the first time in months.

“Water.”

Your husband nods, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed, hurriedly making his way to the dining table which was now kept in your bedroom so you aren’t forced to move around too much. The sound of water splashing into the glass fills the air and you feel another stabbing pain coarse through your joints.

Toji gingerly brings the glass of water to your lips and you sighed, an exasperated yet amused smile on your face. “I can do it, babe. Don’t worry.” Why did that sound like you were trying to convince not just Toji but yourself? You bring your bony hands to grip the glass and it takes everything out of your husband not to break into a fit of sobs when he sees your hand violently shaking with effort just to keep the glass steady.

His larger hands close around your defeated one. “I-I…I can do it, I did it yesterday. Y-you saw me.”

“Shhh, I know, it’s okay.”

You bite your lip to distract yourself from the anguish of realizing the truth behind the doctor’s words. Everything you feared was finally becoming your and Toji’s bleak reality.

“It’ll be a painful decline.”

Funny how you’re the one fighting to extend your life but Toji feels like he’s already gone ahead and passed on. Just a few minutes earlier, you were overjoyed to see him again. You didn’t think he’d see your text thinking that his new girlfriend must have asked him to block your number, and you most certainly didn’t expect him to arrive when you asked for him via a brief phone call to drive you to the hospital for your monthly checkup since he took the car with him when you separated. He made up a bullshit excuse when Yuko asked where he was going in such a hurry and he makes it to your old shared apartment to see you sitting on the driveway looking thinner and sicklier than ever — your eyes were sunken, and your cheeks were hollow.

Yet in spite of that, you gave him the brightest of smiles, waving shyly to him as he steps out of the driver’s seat. “Happy morning!” you smiled, greeting him with your signature good morning tagline which he used to happily wake up to everyday. There wasn’t a scintilla of resentfulness in your demeanor, and you genuinely looked so happy to see him for the first time since he moved out.

“How long?” Toji asked the doctor, his heart twisted into knots when he hears you happily humming in the MRI room as you put your clothes back on, oblivious to the solemn mood in the other room. You already knew what was going on, but you’ll just continue pretending that everything’s alright and that this is nothing more but a case of fatigue so as not to inconvenience Toji.

“A year, maybe even less.”

“And…you’re saying it’s best if she simply…doesn’t get the treatment?”

The doctor sighs heavily. She’s seen many cases like this before, but none as utterly hopeless as yours. Even if you did start the treatment, the lesions in your spinal cord have already entered the most severe stage, you were already exhibiting signs of autonomic nervous system distress — the tremors, the uncontrollable stuttering of your words, the growing loss of balance — and as if that wasn’t enough, the doctor also discovers that you were suffering from primary osteosarcoma.

There was no way to cure you now that it’s too late.

“I suggest we just focus on keeping her comfortable. The only thing left for us to do now is to bring her home. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re so fucking embarrassing. I can’t bring you anywhere.”

By some miracle, you and Toji went out one night around four months before the divorce proceedings. He went home that day, exhausted beyond all belief from another mission, and he was in a good mood. Yuko was out working late tonight, so, he decides to take you out to your and his favorite izakaya for some yakitori.

Some time during the night, after downing three full bottles of sake together, you excuse yourself to use the restroom. “I’ll be right back,” you told Toji, tipsily kissing him on the cheek as you hop off the bar stool in the direction of the women’s room.

You couldn’t tell if you were staggering from the copious amounts of alcohol you ingested, but your legs were beginning to feel heavy, and for some ominous reason, you were slowly losing all sensation in your left leg. You try to hold onto one of the izakaya’s shōji panel decor pieces to regain your balance, but it was a futile effort in the end. Your knees suddenly buckle, and a sickening crack tears through your tibia as you fall to the ground.

“Are you alright?!”

Toji picks up on the commotion instantly and he sees the izakaya patrons crowding around the hallway leading to the restroom. He quickly makes his way over and a look of disgust appears on his features when he sees you crumpled on the ground and the mortifying sight of you having relieved yourself on the floor, tears of embarrassment staining your cheeks at the thought of your body suddenly malfunctioning like this.

Muttering out an ignorant apology for his seemingly drunk wife, he roughly picks you up, growing increasingly infuriated with you when one izakaya employee offers him a damp cloth to dry out your urine with. He doesn’t speak to you on the way home even as you apologize while he’s loading you into the car, grimacing when the leather seat gets wet. “Toji, I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened—“

“—Save it.”

What he should have said was: “Are you okay?”, “It’s alright.” or better yet, “I still love you.”.

At present, Toji decides on a whim to take you to Yokohama’s famed bayside today. It’s only a two hour drive from your place in Tokyo and Toji figures you must miss going on road trips by now with you cooped up at home all the time. “Toji, are you sure this is a good idea?” you murmured nervously as the car pulls to a stop by the bayside promenade. What happens if you can’t control yourself again? There doesn’t look to be a lot of public restrooms nearby.

Toji plants a reassuring kiss to your nose. “Babe, you remember what the doctor said, spending some time outdoors can do wonders for your health. Besides, didn’t you always love the coast?” He brings your hand to his scarred lips, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin before stepping out of the car to retrieve your wheelchair from the trunk.

“I know but what if I have another accident?” you said worriedly, rolling down the car windows so he could hear you. “What if I embarrass you again?”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about you.”

You’ve lost all control of your lower extremities three months ago, rendering you unable to walk and feel when you need to relieve yourself. Toji struggles with the wheelchair for a bit and a flash of sadness fills your heart when you see him take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He wasn’t angry, he was devastated. He looks wistfully at the boardwalk, a distant gaze trained on the sea. He remembers when you used to walk down this very lane, his hand protectively around your waist as you happily take selfies. He could still hear your fond giggles the last time the two of you went here.

“Why don’t you ever smile when I take pictures of you?”

Toji shoos away a pigeon from stealing a bite of his ice cream sandwich. He feigns an unamused look when you try to take another picture of him on your phone.

“Come on, I’ve been trying to get a shot of you all day! You still have to take pictures of me so I can post it on my Instagram feed!”

Your ever moody husband pinches off a small piece of bread and feeds it to the nosy pigeon. “You and your precious feed,” he bemoans jokingly.

“Please? Just one picture!“ you playfully nudged him. Truthfully, you just wanted to see him smile for once, a genuine one and not one of those lopsided smirks he usually gives you when he’s teasing you. “Please?” you pout knowing he can never say no to that adorable face you make when you really want him to do something or worse, buy something for you.

Sighing, he turns to look at your phone’s camera lens and you blush when a smile slowly illuminates his usually stoic face. Your thumb hovers over the stop recording function, not realizing you’re taking a video, but you can’t seem to press it. “What’s taking so long?” he holds the smile like he’s some cartoon character and you snap out of it.

“Oh shoot, it’s a video!” you laughed, and you begin to run down the boardwalk, eagerly getting away from Toji who demands that you delete it immediately. Of course, you’re no match for his borderline inhuman speed attributed to his athletic physique and he catches you by the waist, playfully swinging you over his shoulder like you’re a sack of potatoes.

Toji realizes now he should have indulged you more over the course of your relationship and subsequent marriage. Had he known that you won’t even make it to your third wedding anniversary, he would have allowed you to take as many pictures and videos of him as you’d like, he’d swallow his pride and he’d give you the brightest of smiles so you could happily post him on your social media accounts with a heartwarming caption about him being your “smiley hubby”.

More than that though, he should have taken more photos of you, mostly stolen candid shots, of course. You can’t catch him being all soft on you now. He still has a reputation to live up to after all. But more than that, had he known that your illness was intent on stealing every scrap of you from him, he should have made more effort in preserving all these memories. He should have kept everything from those toll tickets on your late night drives together when the two of you just needed a quick escape from the world, to receipts from your trip to Tokyo Disney Sea on your first wedding anniversary, and even simple convenience store receipts.

Toji should have kept everything down to the smallest of memories knowing one day, that’s all he’ll have to remember you by.

He opens the passenger seat’s door and he effortlessly gathers you into his arms, being extra careful with your fragile form as he sits you down on the wheelchair. He opens the backseat and he pulls out two different colored blankets, one sea-foam green and the other, rose pink. “Take your pick,” he smiles at you and you chuckled softly, pointing to the rose pink one. He happily covers your legs with it to keep you warm, stroking your cheek when you whisper a bashful ‘thank you’.

Suddenly, the wind picks up and your hair-clip that’s holding your locks in a low bun comes loose, and your head turns in the direction of where it flew off to. Toji is quick to take out his phone and he snaps a quick burst shot of you, your hair blowing in the wind, under the coastal spring weather. You turn to look at him and your face falls when you see him burying his phone in his pocket. Since you fell ill, you’ve become insecure of your appearance, banning your husband from taking pictures and videos of you altogether. “Toji, I thought I said no pictures.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The next day, you serendipitously find your photo on your Instagram handle with the caption: “Y/N — Yokohama, Spring, 2024” and when you swipe left, another picture, well to be more accurate, a screenshot of the video clip you accidentally took of him captioned: “Toji — Yokohama, Summer, 2022”.

“You don’t have to stick around for me. Please just go, I’m sure Yuko must be looking for you right now.”

Yuko, his new fiancé, had been blowing up his phone the entire day with texts demanding to know where he is and if he’s going to make it to their date that night. It’s 7 PM now, and Toji still hasn’t shown up to confirm their restaurant reservations. The damn witch will surely cuss him out when they see each other again, but for some reason, even if he tries, he simply cannot bring himself to give a flying fuck. Your immunologist and oncologist stepped out for a bit to allow you two a brief moment of privacy which had now stretched to an expanse of five hours since your results came in.

The air in the room is thick and heavy, not a single sound can be heard. Inside however, underneath this tough exterior he was projecting, Toji is throwing a fit, screaming at the sky like those broken men in those shitty Netflix romance tragedies he used to callously make fun of.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner? You knew, didn’t you?”

Toji’s bites his cheek trying to keep a lid on his emotions. He knows the answer. He just wants to hear you say it out loud. You hated him. You wanted nothing to do with him after he cheated on you with some girl he met at a bar in uptown Shibuya. “Shit,” he whispers harshly, crumpling the medical abstract in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Was it because you hated me? Is that it? You didn’t think I’d worry about you?”

You screwed your eyes shut, shaking your head. You didn’t hate him, not even when you have every reason to. He abandoned you, left you to waste away and to die and yet, even now, you can’t bring yourself to resent him for the simple reason that he is the literal love of your life, the reason behind your smiles, your happy mornings and passionate midnight hours. “At first, I thought I was fine, maybe just fatigued or something.”

“Don’t lie. You knew something was going on and that something in your body was seriously fucked up.”

“And we weren’t married anymore so, I didn’t think it was right to tell you…I wanted to though, but I didn’t want to intrude on you and Yuko,” you said meekly. Even in your greatest hour of need, you were still thinking of him, putting him first even when he doesn’t deserve it. “I-I…I don’t hate you enough to worry you, to make you feel that you could have done something to prevent this. Because I’m telling you right now, regardless if you were faithful or not, I was bound to get sick anyway. You couldn’t have done anything to change that.”

“But I could have been there. I should have noticed. I shouldn’t have downplayed everything.” He says this as if he wants to shake this noble, self-sacrificing bullshit attitude out of your system. “I’m your husband. I should have been there.”

You flash him a heartbroken smile at his little slip-up, so, even now, he was still referring to himself as your husband, not your ex-husband. “To see me waste away? Babe, I don’t want you to see that.”

You begin to feel tears streaming down your face, the emotions you were experiencing now flowing like a free river after an entire dam is destroyed. Toji watches you unravel before his eyes and his bottom lip begins to tremble. What has he done? Dear god, what has he done to his poor, poor wife?

“I want you to remember me healthy, I want you to remember me as myself not this…sickly pitiful woman you’re unlucky to call your ex-wife…besides, after all this, I’ll only be a dream.” A mere passing second in his life. “And believe me, my life wasn’t so bad.”

He loses it at that.

“Just stop this, Y/N! Stop acting like you’re not scared shitless of dying, like you’re not gonna have regrets once all this is over! Stop pretending that things are gonna be alright one day because it won’t! Not when I’m now being forced to accept that you won’t get better, not when I’ve wasted so much time putting you through hell and back instead of taking care of you like a proper husband should, and certainly not when I’m suddenly supposed to learn to say goodbye and to live without you! Because fuck that, Y/N!”

You are left speechless at that.

Toji was never one to lose his cool, even during your worst arguments, he may slide a few snarky remarks here and there but Toji Fushiguro…never yells, and he doesn’t sob either.

You hesitantly stand up and walk over to him, crouching down in front of him as he covers his tear-stained eyes with his right hand while the other is crumpled around your medical abstract. Taking his left hand, you gently remove the medical abstract from his grip, and for the first time in so many months, you feel one another’s warm skin against each other. You press your forehead to his hand as you wept with him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be a dream. I want you to be real.”

“Can’t you be bothered to clean up in here?!”

You wake up from your nap, you’ve been battling muscle and joint pain the entire day, the slightest of movement causing you to double over in agony and because of that, you weren’t able to clean the apartment today. You slowly get up from the couch, being extra cautious not to make any sudden movements. “Well?” Toji presses, his lips curled into a scowl.

“I’m sorry, I was feeling a little tired,” you sighed heavily, picking up a broom to sweep the living room floor despite the excruciating pain you were in. Toji rolls his eyes, handing you a Manila envelope. “What’s this?” you asked softly, peering inside.

“Divorce papers,” he shrugs nonchalantly. Everything stops, even the very rise and fall of your chest halts into an uneasy stasis. “I already signed them. I just need your signature then, I’ll move out by tomorrow.”

You must be dreaming. That’s the only logical explanation to all this. You’re asleep, in a deep REM sleep, utterly oblivious to the world. This wasn’t happening. But you could feel the rough surface of the brown envelope, and you could still feel the agonizing stabs of white hot pain throughout your body. Glancing at Toji, you see him texting someone with an eager look on his face that screams: “I’m free.”.

Instantly, it dawns on you.

“Will she make you happy?” you asked, putting down the broom to look around for a pen but Toji pulls one he stole from the law firm office out of his pocket.

“She will,” he answers simply.

And you are indeed grateful that he is completely upfront about finding another while the two of you are married. It would have hurt much more, you silently remind yourself, if he had just upped and left without another word leaving you to wonder what went wrong between the two of you. This was Toji’s final act of mercy in your marriage, and he’s not opposed to honesty and truthfulness either. Not once did he try to change his phone’s lock-screen passcode, nor did he try to conceal the identity of the woman who was texting him every night while you slept fitfully next to him. It was almost as if he wanted you to find out, like he wanted you to know so you could back off yourself.

But if there’s one thing Toji loves about you, it’s your unending faithfulness to your promises, to your marriage vows, and your willingness to endure anything he threw at you. You never checked his phone, you never brought up his affair, you never got angry with him. You just kept silent, simply content with giving and giving…and giving while he milked you dry by taking, and taking and taking, tearing you to pieces bit by bit without hearing a single complaint fall from your lips.

You were a devoted wife, through and through.

And it bored the hell out of him, on top of your recent mishaps, he was done. Done with everything, and done with you.

“Okay.”

Tomorrow morning, he takes everything he owns with him and promptly proposes to the girl he’s been seeing for the past year. Two weeks later, your divorce is received by the Tokyo Family Court and is summarily approved and finalized. From that moment on, you and Toji went on your separate ways never to look back, you were each other’s yesterdays, and the love that existed between the two of you was nullified in favor of acquaintanceship…or so you thought.

“Y/N, I’m home!” Toji calls into the house as he comes back from your neighborhood’s pharmacy. You look up from the book you were reading, smiling ever so slightly at your husband who seemed to have a wonderful sparkle in his eyes. “Hey, kid,” he kisses the top of your head when he reaches your wheelchair.

“You seem happy,” you remarked positively.

“Well, for one, they replenished their stocks today and I managed to get you your steroids and painkillers so you’ll be able to sleep easy tonight,” Toji smiles, taking out the items from the pharmacy’s paper bag. “And I got you this neat memory foam cushion for your wheelchair.” He fluffs it up as a form of demonstration before placing it behind your back.

When he sees you smile, a sense of relief washes over Toji. You reach towards him, and he pulls you into an embrace. “Thank you,” you said, pure sincerity dripping from your voice. “For everything you do.”

“Anything for you.” He suddenly moves back and reaches into the tote bag you lended him. “Oh, and wait, before I forget, I have another surprise.”

You laughed airily. “Another surprise? Now, you’re just spoiling me!”

He pulls out a piece of paper from the tote bag and he places it in your hands as your eyes quickly scan over the document. Your breath hitches in your throat when you realize what it is. Did Toji really—? You couldn’t believe it. “A marriage pre-registration,” you said in awe. You read it again just in case to make sure that this wasn’t a figment of your sick body’s imagination, that this was real, that Toji genuinely wants to make everything right again. Your fingers skim over your typewritten names. “It has our names…we’re really—“ You can’t even finish your sentence without bursting into happy tears. “Are we—?”

Toji nods, gazing into your eyes, and as emerald and (E/C) clash for what seems to be an eternity lost in one another, he plants a kiss to your temple, coming up to embrace you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“We are. The Tokyo Family Court, as far as I know, will approve our remarriage once we file this. So, you have to get stronger, okay?” He’s begging you at this point, despite your rapidly deteriorating condition. “Strong enough to see me fix everything. Strong enough to be there on our second wedding, strong enough to say our vows again.”

Your hand comes up to stroke his cheek from behind, and he nuzzles into your neck at your tender touch.

“I will. I promise.”

But you never really get to say your vows. Not comprehensibly anyway.

“Babe, can you say that again?”

Toji crouches by your bedside as you look at him apologetically. You were causing him trouble and pain again which is the last thing that you want to give him especially when’s fought and worked so hard to care for you, to keep prolonging this borrowed time you’re on. “To-ji. Toji.” You gaze at him apprehensibly, not really believing you can do it without crumbling.

“Come on, babe, you can do it. Say my name, please…Toji. I’m Toji.”

“Toooji-“ you slurred sadly. At this point, your Multiple Sclerosis has reached its end stage and has taken…everything from you: your ability to walk, your ability to control your muscle spasms and other bodily functions…and now, coupled with an unexpected stroke, your ability to speak. And you and Toji know that time is almost up, with you having come to accept it, while your husband still held onto hope. Your fingers gently graze over his face as best as your spasms and tremors allow you, starting from his forehead to his eyes, his nose, his cheek and finally, his lips, as if you’re memorizing it one last time. “Lo-ove you-“

Toji sniffles, and your fingers instinctively catch his warm tears. “I love you,” he whispers brokenly. “I do. I love you.”

You feel yourself tearing up as you’re forced to watch your beloved cry. And the worst part? You can’t do a thing about it. “D-oon’t c-cry—‘m okaay. Promi-miise…e’everyything ‘ill be okaaay.”

“Y-yeah,” he chuckles, trying to crack a joke even as hope dwindles. “You’ve been nothing but a fucking champ this entire time, you know? I’m so proud of you. So…so…proud that you’re still here.” He strokes your hair as you tread between the realms of the conscious and the unconscious. “Do you wanna go out today? The weather’s shit though. You’ll probably catch your death out there.” At the mention of the word ‘death’, Toji stops, falling into an uncomfortable silence.

You smile weakly at him. “Tiiredd—“

“You’re no fun,” Toji gently flicks your nose and you scrunch it up in displeasure. “Sorry,” he chuckles, holding back an entire waterfall of tears. He knows it’s today. It has to be. You woke up today without your usual ‘happy morning’ greeting, and you refused to drink anything, much less eat anything. “You tired? Any pain?”

You shake your head. You’re as comfortable as you can be for the first time in months. Hospice nurses say humans are built to live the same way they are built to die, no person in this world has ever had the uncanny privilege of being able to look up ‘How to die?’ on a quick Google search and actually find a Wikihow on the morbid subject matter, nor is there anyone else who can teach another how it’s done. It’s just something humans know how to do without a manual, deeply ingrained in the very fabric of human existence is the fear of death, the fear of what comes after, the fear of a nothingness that could follow after living such a vibrant life. Your life was short, barely spanning thirty years, but you lived well: you fell in love, you got hurt, but you fell together again. Now it all has to come to an end, Toji will just have to take care of the rest.

And you weren’t scared.

Or at least you can’t look scared, if you were to be more accurate, you have to look strong and ready to accept the cards you’ve been dealt with for Toji’s sake. When he feels your hand start to slacken, Toji intakes a sharp, shaky breath of sheer panic. “Not yet, Y/N. Please. Not yet.”

He climbs into bed with you, bringing you closer to this desperate man you call yours. There was no getting better anymore, there was no miracle he could hang onto, no deity he could beg for death to spare you, no pill bottle he could pray to. He knew that from the start. But what he witnessed these past months, you’ve been the braver one between the two of you, you knew how to make the most of the rhythm this cruel world gave you and you graciously took him along to dance to the last song of the evening with you.

“There’s still hope. Just keep your eyes open. Just keep them open.” He presses his lips to your forehead, his delusion getting the better of him. “We’ll just keep trying…you can’t leave. You have to stay. You have to.”

“Thaank yoou—“ you softly told your Toji, your voice shrinking in decibels as you become a little drowsy, sinking into the warmth of the requiem of a life well spent.

Toji listens to you, his lips pursed, intent on making this final act of love — a love that is strong enough to say goodbye — a memorable one. And should the afterlife exist, he wishes to send you off with a smile, with the reassurance that he’ll be alright even if that was far from happening.

“Toji.”

“I want you to be real. And I don’t care if we’ll live on borrowed time. Another extra second with you…is enough to last me my entire lifetime.”

[wolveria]

Do not let the antishippers find the Got or House of the Dragon fandom cause they'll cry

Or Labyrinth, or Flowers in the Attic, or any one of Stephen King's books. It's almost as if the wider public understands that fiction can be both fucked up and entertaining without the need for a moral lesson following after, or that it's an indictment that you're going to partake in the things you read about.

Antis are so far removed from reality, and they have to remain that way in order to not have their beliefs constantly challenged and torn apart.

[conniferusblack]

The focus should really be on people learning how to consume a wide range of media in a healthy way, and that includes being able to process feelings of disgust, rage, and discomfort in cases where the narrative absolutely is intending you to feel that way!

It feels like we're witnessing a lot of people now grow too comfortable with what they are familiar with that they project their inability to process negative feelings on others and blame the content itself.

For instance, I am aware that I cannot handle very explicit and violent scenes of SA, and had no warning when I first watched The Flowers of War movie. I remember being so affected, I was haunted by those scenes for days. But I don't condemn the movie for existing just because it contains a subject and content that makes me uncomfortable and upset. Especially for what was a war movie.

Ugly things deserve to exist. The critical focus should be on the execution and narrative intent, and even if those end up being bad, people are allowed to make bad things! People can suck at writing! They exist!

We cannot be wishy washy when it comes to creative freedom, especially when you try to commit what is "morally good" to paper under such a subjective perspective.

[sweetlavenderdarling]

Multiple things can exists at once, and in this case it's also the fact people are getting too comfortable with the thought of normalizing certain topics and not in a media literacy type of way, but more of a

"Fiction doesn't equal reality!" Or more disturbingly "So long as they only do it behind close doors and doesn't effect me I don't see the problem"

No one has any issues with horror, or disturbing media, and before anyone says anything I say this as an English literature teacher who focuses on Post war literature so you can IMAGINE the things I have to teach and share understanding with

To word as simply and crudely as possible look below

And not to demonize, but if you are watching say Lolita, and rather than understanding that this is from the POV of a predator and has layer of layers to the story, and instead ingredients IDOLIZING and making this sad story out to be sexy, chic, or god forbid, romantic, then you need to stop and question why and see if you have any further issues adding to it

And as much as people hate to acknowledge this, authors DO infact need to be watched and criticized when needed. It's incredibly easy to make CP, romantic violence, bigotry, and hate filled works, and simply slap a genre label on it and then cry "THE ANTIS A RUNING EVERYTHING AND TRYING TO CANCEL ME 😭😭😭😭"

Splatterpunk ESPECIALLY has this issue and is happening with more frequency this last few years

To simply call someone an anti without even stopping to think why and to ignore the same critical thinking you demand others to use is sad at best and bitterly pathetic most of the time

[wolveria]

Perhaps you're not getting the point of the original post, so I'm going to back up a bit. You may not have been in fandom spaces for long enough to know that "proshipping" is a term created by antis so they could carve out an "us vs. them" space in fandom.

Proshipping was the default. "Live and let live" was the motto most fans lived by, at least when I first got into fanfiction in the 90s. This is how I (and a lot of people) define it.

Proshipping is anti-censorship. It says nothing about being unable to criticize said media. It says nothing about romanticizing, normalizing, sexualizing, etc. It only means "you shouldn't ban and persecute artists and those who consume their art."

That being said, there is nothing inherently wrong with having fantasies, no matter how dark and taboo. Thoughts are not actions. Literature will not "poison" the mind or the soul. "Getting off" on dark content is not a sin. These fears and talking points are steeped in conservative Christian values. Perhaps you are a conservative/Christian, but that has nothing to do with me, or with anyone else.

Allowing "bad" content to exist doesn't mean you can't criticize it. The problem is, many antis seem to think stalking, harassing, and doxxing someone until they disappear off social media is the socially acceptable way to criticize fellow fans and artists.

By stating proshippers don't want you to criticize or scrutinize anything, you either don't know what proshipping is, or you're moving the goalpost.

"Antis are trying to cancel me!" We aren't afraid of antis cancelling us. We're afraid of being stalked, harassed, having our workplaces called on us and accusing us of being predators, etc. (Yes, this does happen, I have real world examples of it). I don't think you realize what a toxic, unsafe environment fandom has become because of this fanatical obsession with "good behavior" when it comes to literature.

How do you define romanticize? Who gets to decide what is romanticizing and what isn't? What if you think I'm romanticizing something, while I believe I'm writing it in a non-romantic way? Who gets the final say?

"Authors need to be watched" Authors are not here to teach you moral lessons, let alone need to be watched (whatever the hell that means). If you want moral lessons, go to church. I'm not being facetious. If you want your literature to "teach right from wrong" (and I say that very generously because I'm no longer religious), then controlling authors is not the way.

"We're not against dark subjects, we're against romanticizing and getting off on it." Got it. No one is allowed to be horny from sinful fantasies.

"So long as they only do it behind close doors and doesn't effect me I don't see the problem" I'm not sure what you find wrong with this statement. What do you care what consenting adults do behind closed doors? These talking points you're coming up with are reminiscent of right-wing, historically anti-queer language. Whether intentionally or not.

"We're not against writing/exploring dark topics!" That's. That's exactly what antis are against. Because they can't agree on HOW to explore those topics "tastefully" or "correctly." They can't even agree amongst themselves what content is problematic. It's a goddamn train wreck of hypocrisy.

I know exactly why antis think they way they do. I was Mormon once. You don't get more pro-censorship, thought-policing than that. So, yes, I have years of personal history and critical thinking when it comes to considering the media I consume. Don't worry about me, I'm doing just fine.

What I worry about are young people growing up in this environment where fantasies aren't only considered sinful, they're considered harmful, and they're being told to purge them from their thoughts if they want to be a good person. I can't even begin to describe how harmful that is to children and adults alike.

[l0caltiredgirl]

me @ y/n when they do something i’d never do:

like babe this isn’t us ?? get it together

[personaglitch]

"Self insert characters are cringe"

Bro I'm trying to survive capitalism with maladaptive daydreaming. Leave me alone.

[dailyanime]

“How sad it would be if laughter should disappear.”

[hoshigray]

Back at it with pt. ii of the assassin duo! Toji x reader (finally!!): where the reader avoids Toji after the one-night stand, and it goes well for the most part. But can the same be said for Toji? How long can this quiet game go before someone snaps?

A/n: Am I writing this because I'm spitful of getting a community label on my sugar daddy! Toji x sugar baby! reader fic? Yes. Yes, I am. 🙃 Sighhh. But ya know what, it's all good because you lovelies gave it so much love, so tysm for 3k notes!!! And thank you so much for the 300+ followers!! Y'all are too kind~~~ Since I have no idea how to celebrate, I guess another poll will suffice so pick whichever prompt you'd like to see for next Thursday (as well as a bonus art from me hehe)!!!

Also, for context's sake, this is pt. ii of this drabble that I have written, so please give it a read if you ever feel confused. This fic was long overdue and is WAY longer than I EVER intended for it to be, so I apologize for this hefty piece of work. I do hope you like it tho!!

Also, also: @absoluteindulgence here ya go!! just as I promised ccc:

Cw: dom! Toji x fem! reader - fingering (fem! receiving) - Toji gets a bit possessive/jealous - sex in a public place (workplace) - biting - clitoral play (pinches 2x) - Toji is his coky self but reader doesn't back down - implied overstimulation (fem! receiving) - pet names (angel, angel face, baby, darlin', good girl, honey, sweetie, sweetheart, sweet thing) - third party interruptions (they don't walk in on you two doing the deed tho) - kissing session - edging (fem! receiving) - Toji steals your panties bc he's a cheeky asshat - ayoo Toji and reader catching feelings.

Wc: 5.1k (omfg I'm so sorry y'all lmao)

The last time you ran into Toji was the "I'll treat you for dinner with nothing attached" mishap you got yourself into. How can you not ridicule yourself for getting caught in such a moment? The man you hate with every fiber in your being practically had you folded like a pretzel, chuckling and teasing you in your most vulnerable state as he used your body in his way fit.

The most unpleasant thing about it was you reminiscing about those intimate moments you had with him that night. When his hot groans made you squeeze tighter on his dick. His thick fingers in your mouth play with your tongue as he kisses the nape of your neck from the back. When you hold him for support while he pounds into your wet folds, the naughty sounds make you bury your face into the crook of his neck.

Or worse: as Toji had his way with you, he called you the sweetest names as if he truly meant them, like he wouldn't mind calling you by them for the rest of his days.

Images of that night continue to haunt you, especially within the confines of your own home, in your own bed. How many nights has it been since you've fought the urge to touch yourself and failed? Losing count says quite a lot.

"Hnngh, shit shit shit...Fuck, y/n, you don't know what you're doing to me, baby." His voice is present in your mind as your fingers rub your clit. You shut your eyes close once you enter a digit inside your opening. "Awwh, are you embarrassed, angel? Don't wanna look me in the eye? No? Heh, then what are you grippin' 'round me for..." Another digit enters between your folds, and you grip your bedsheets while the memories still play in your head. "Damn, sweetie, lookin' so beautiful fr' me, ya know that?" Faster and faster your fingers go, your sensitivity inching higher and higher. "My beautiful darlin'."

And then you release. Cum slides down your inner thighs as your legs shake, your dignity and shame staining the dry sheets.

Damn you, Toji Fushiguro. Through gritted teeth and tears swelling up, you swear to not get mixed with that man from here on out.

And you do just that. Anytime you saw him within the same corridor or room, you would ghost him as if his familiar tall, solid build could never catch your eye. You'd go on about your business, onto the next task, onto the next client.

You didn't even take his missions anymore, nor did he for yours. Everything was going back to where it was before this incident of yours. As if you two never acknowledged each other in the first place.

It was for the best, at least that's what you told yourself. You had to get back to who you were previously, whether that meant being the top assassin or not. Whichever came first, as long as you were nowhere near him.

As for Toji, he could tell what game you were playing the moment your eyes no longer gave him the time of day. And Toji wasn't mad at it either; he preferred the "no feelings attached" approach. So he did his part to not get mixed into whatever you were doing, missions and all.

But as much Toji tries not to, he can't stop thinking about you. The way your hips sway when you walk past him, your voice soft yet stern when conversing with your handler, and when you check your small hands to see if you adequately cleaned off the blood from the mission prior.

His mind can only think of your wrists trapped under his single hand while he stuffs his fingers into your mouth with the other. Your legs and ass tremble as you ride him. Doing your best not to be too loud, but oh, Toji wants you loud. He wants you to let him know he's making you mewl and shriek, not giving a damn if the whole world knows as well. "Haaah—Ahhh!! T-Toji, please...I'm gonna cum, if you keep—Ohhh!"

Hearing you, kissing you, holding you, all of it. All of you. If he could have you close to him, he'd be as swift as a blink of an eye.

But again, he preferred this way. Less trouble, more work.

And it was going pretty alright.

Well, until you start going on missions with other hitmen.

Although your diligent work ethic and astute experience led you to the top, you've also gained respect and admiration from your colleagues, especially your junior subordinates.

And now that you seemed to stop associating yourself with Toji, some of the other guys tried to use this to their advantage to get closer to you and request your aid for some of their tasks.

And who are you to say no to helping others who wish to improve? There's no wrong in doing so.

Except there is a wrong. Its name is Toji Fushiguro, and the last straw was when he saw one of the juniors try to take you out to dinner (to which you declined, of course). He needed to stop this before some poor rookie's head decorated some walls.

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

Another day goes by, and you go down the hallway from a meeting with your handler, only to see Toji leaning on a wall. You've done this dance several times now. Just keep walking. You walk past him like nothing, easy peasy. Now onto the next task and go see-

"Y/n."

You stop in your tracks when someone calls out to you. No, you know who it was that said your name. It's been a while since you've heard his husky voice. You sigh and continue walking.

Toji's brows furrow. Unless you were seeing things he wasn't, you two were obviously the only people in this hall. Stopping at the sound of his voice is evidence that you're aware of his existence. Yet you move right along.

That's strike one.

He gets up from the wall and follows behind you. Toji stares at your figure, and he knows you can sense him. He huffs, cursing you that you got him following you like some lovestruck schoolboy.

"Y/n." He tries it again.

You didn't stop this time, your face in the direction you were heading.

That's strike two.

Toji sucks his teeth. Now this is getting annoying. He takes five giant steps and places his hand on your shoulder, gripping it so you can stop at that spot. "Yo!!" He doesn't bother hiding his irritation.

"Hey!"

You free your shoulder from his hand in a swift motion, smacking his arm away. It was a small action, but it gave you enough leeway to hop a few extra meters away from him.

However, Toji was way quicker than that.

He grabs and pins you onto the wall of the hallway corner. You wince as the pain is slight, yet nothing too life-threatening. But that can't be said for the look Toji was giving you. Black brows are pulled down, and his forest-green eyes affirm that he's livid.

Strike three it is.

"I fucking dare you to try and get yourself out of this one," His rough hands are now on your shoulders, but they're keeping you in one place this time. "Try it."

A displeased frown paints your face. "Oh? Are you challenging me? I thought you'd have half the brain to know that's not a good idea."

He sneers at your attempt at sounding threatening. It always worked with others, but never with him. He found you adorable for always trying. "Hmph, your sassy mouth loves to spit out venom," Toji leans his face in, his nose almost touching yours. "Thought I fucked that attitude right out of ya."

You bring a knee to his groin, but again, Toji is one step ahead. Grabbing your leg and pulling it up with one hand while he uses the other to hold your wrists above your head.

Your eyes widen. This position, the memories, it's all coming back to you.

Pull yourself together, damn it!

"Tch, what is this about now, you reckless bear?" You glare at the man, trying to stay calm in this predicament.

"I'm fine playing the avoiding game—"

"You don't seem fine about it now." You cut him off.

"I wonder who's to blame for that."

"What the hell did I do? I carried on with my work and left you alone. Everything was going back to how it used to—"

"I don't think you avoiding me and going on other missions with other guys used to happen."

How you fought the urge to roll your eyes amazed you. "What are you, an elementary schooler? Why does it matter to you what I do with my time?"

"Shut up. You know I've been in this field longer than you have, and when you came into the picture, you always chose to be alone."

"Again," your patience wears thin by the second. "Why does it matter to you?"

Silence. He just stares at you as anger dwindles out bit by bit, but he's in his thoughts as his eyes hone in on yours.

"Well?" You press on while he's stumped. "Why?"

No answer, averting his eyes to the side like he'd find the answer there. Then, they come back to your face. Or rather, your lips.

Your breath hitches. "Fushiguro?"

His emerald eyes return to yours, yet his irritation is clouded in a softer tone. Those eyes now express the hooded look from that night. Toji places your leg onto his shoulder and leans closer to you.

"Fushigu—"

"Shhh," His deep voice sounded more demanding when hushed. "Let me have this. Have you."

His lips press onto yours before you deny him. Toji finally frees your hands to cup your face, and his tongue runs through your teeth, waiting for permission to enter. You should be fighting this. You have to fight it. But your mouth opens for him, and your hands grab his shoulders for stability.

You moan sweetly when he slides his tongue into yours, your balance starting to fail you. "I'm still on one leg, you asshole." You manage to say in-between kisses.

Toji laughs a bit before changing your position, pressing your back against the wall with your legs wrapped around him. Once you're comfortable, he's back on attacking your lips. It gets rougher and more passionate, teeth clashing and biting your bottom lip.

He groans when a hand pulls on his hair, his hands grope on your ass lovingly. He breaks up the kiss, you two catching your breath. He gazes at you, "You too, huh?"

Your lips quiver when you turn away from him and nod. He snickers. "Look at you being all shy. You were talking with a lot of sass not too long ago, and now you can barely look at me." He draws his face closer to your neck, giving it sweet kisses and tiny bites that cause you to gasp. And Toji was enjoying your reactions. "Knowing that I'm the one that can make you like this — Mmmph, makes me want to fuck you here and now."

And that's what you want. You won't admit it, but he already knows that. The cooperation with him at this very moment proves it. You want him just as much as he does you.

"Y/n! Where are you?"

The two of you freeze when another voice comes from the other side of the hall. Then you remember a rookie who needed help with a mission today, and you were headed to see him right after your meeting. And now you're pressed between a wall and Toji fucking Fushiguro with your legs wrapped around his waist.

If he sees me like this with Fushiguro, I'm finished!

"T-Toji," your whisper grabs the older man's attention. "You have to put me down. They're waiting for me."

Toji squints at you and then a look of realization. The grin that creeps on his face alerts something in your brain, and you don't know if you like it or not. There's little time for you to come to a proper answer because Toji moves away from the wall and brings you along for the ride. Your arms hold around his neck so you don't fall off as he enters a room and locks the door.

You're now in a tiny conference room with the lights off, only the sunlight peeking through the blinds of the sole window in front of the round table.

"What are you doing, Fushigur—Ack!" Toji throws you onto the table. The pain from your head distracts you from the fact that he's pulling your pants off in immediate haste.

His chuckles sound dangerously low. "So you thought I'd just let you go on some mission when I already have you right where I want you?" Toji spreads your legs for your undergarments to be displayed, whistling at the lewd image of a damp spot on the piece of clothing. "Oh, sweetheart, not with these cute lil' panties of yours."

You were about to get up and grab for his neck, but a finger pushed into your pussy through the cloth. A squeal slips out, and you're quick to cover your mouth.

"Careful, princess," his big hands pull your panties off you, and they meet the cold floor. His middle and forefinger slide up and down between slick-coated cunt has you biting your lip, and Toji likes the determination. "Don't want whoever lookin' for you to walk in on us. This pussy is for my eyes to see only."

"Haaaah...You're such a bastard, Fushiguro—Ooohh!!" Toji pushes his finger into your clothed opening, his free hand coming in the clutch to cover your voice.

Toji leans close to your face with the vibrations of your mewls rippling through his palm while his thick digit plays with your slit. "I mean it, kid. Don't play with me." You nod meekly, and he kisses your forehead for your obedience.

"Hmm, I wonder where y/n went. Hopefully, they didn't forget..." You can hear the voice of your subordinate on the other side of the door as if he's directly in front of it.

Another finger is added into the mix, and tears start to form as you wince through the pain of your nether lips being stretched. You try calling out to Toji, yet it's no use with his big warm hand dwarfing your sobs.

He does remove it, though, using it to maneuver your head so he can lay kisses on your neck. Your choked hiccups sound like sweet notes to his ears. "So good fr' me, sweetie. You smell so fuckin' good. Who're you trying to pull?"

"No-No one...Ahhhh..." You answer in gasps while his digits scrape your inner walls, your mind turning to mush. "I'm not trying anything— Oh fuck..."

"Bullshit." Toji groans and bites your collarbone, and a sharp gasp leaves you. "All this attention, all these rookies gawkin' at you like you're their prize."

"Why? You jealous, Fushiguro?" It wasn't meant to be a snarky comment, yet there was some spice. The glare he gives you sends a chill down your spine. One is sent back to show that you're standing your ground despite the humiliation you're going through.

You're about to say some more; however, you hear the doorknob jolt, and the clench of your velvety walls around Toji's fingers doesn't go past him.

"Huh? Why's the door locked?"

The shock on your face lights a lightbulb for Toji as a big grin takes over him. "Yeah? This space is occupied." He calls out to the person behind the door, the petrified look on your face only fueling his mischievous fire.

"Oh shit, Mr. Fushiguro!?" He snickers at the other's response. "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to disrupt you! I was just looking for someone."

A brow is raised when Toji turns his head to the door. "Who?"

You send your knife-piercing eyes his way, but he still doesn't face you. This motherfucker...

"Y/n," the rookie replies sheepishly. "They said they'd help me and a partner of mine with a mission. But I haven't seen them for a while..."

Please don't ask where I am. Just go somewhere else—Oh God!!

Toji's fingers fasten the pace, and you quickly cover your mouth before the person, oblivious to your absence, gets any inclination of where you are. And it gets worse when Toji's thumb flicks your clit prompting a choked cry. Oh, he's such a cruel man.

Toji hums with a sly smile as he peers at your writhing figure. "Oh, really? Didn't know that."

"By any chance, do you know where they went?"

You can't vocally tell him anything, so you rely on your eyes to convey your anxious pleas, orbs begging him through streamed tears and hooded with shame.

But Toji won't let you off that easily because the fun has just started. He whispers, "Say my name, baby." You blink with scrunched brows. "Say my name like you did that night."

This is too fucking much for me! Your mind is going through waves of turbulence. Of all people to be in this situation with, it has to be the fucker getting a kick out of this!!

Before you think up another sentence, a stinging sensation jolts your body upwards to him. Toji sneers playfully as his fingers leave your soaked folds and pinch your clitoris, your reaction too adorable for him to not stop tormenting you. "C'mon, sweetheart, say my name with your cute ass voice."

Your mind is clouded in this euphoric atmosphere that you can feel the climax inching closer and closer. Your lips are now swollen from having to bite them constantly. Another pinch has you screaming in silence, and you're pushed to accept your fate and give him what he wants: your submission.

"Hic-T-Toji, please," eyes hooded in a fuzzy haze, you reach out for his face. He obliges as you caress his cheeks. "Too much, 's too —hic... too much..."

His jade orbs focus on your dazed expression. A smile pushes his scar up for his teeth to peek through. "There she is. That's my good girl." He draws in to kiss you, his body weight pushing you down on the cold table surface. However, a knock from the door behind him halts him from moving any further. Toji clicks his teeth. Fuckin' brat.

And he removes himself from you, especially his fingers that were warm inside your cunt. The sudden subtraction of them have you exclaiming in soft whimpers. The orgasm you were so close to achieving is ignored and slowly depletes. You feel as though you could cry through the sensitive.

Toji whispers a quick apology and licks his digits marinated with your fluid. Then he marches to the door and opens it enough for half of his body to be visible. The rookie jumps at the tall man looking at the other with the most terrifying scowl. "What?" His gruff voice carries authority, and your pussy throbs as you watch him handle the younger hitman.

"S-Sorry, sir! I asked if you've seen—"

"No, I haven't seen them. Why not ask their handler since they just had a meeting together."

"Oh, okay...Well, excuse me!" Your junior quickly bows at the intimidating senior and scampers out of the scene.

A heavy sigh leaves Toji as he closes and locks the door, "Fuckin' finally." The exasperated tone of his tone falters when he turns to you, replaced with the returning lust. "Now, where were we..." His hands undo the knot around his pants and loosen the hold around his hips.

When his dick is set free, you can't help but gawk at such a thing. Seeing it for the second time is just as — if not more — menacing as the first. The girth and size alone has your mind in a whirlwind, questioning how that even fit inside you in the first place.

Nevertheless, it's no use thinking about such matters because Toji aligns his cock around your folds. When he feels you tense at his veiny organ, he rubs your thighs tenderly to coax you. "Relax fr' me, angel." Hesitation is shown as you nod, but you even your breathing and prepare for him.

Toji pushes his length into you with every breath you take, and it's difficult to adjust to the foreign organ intruding into your poor hole. You grimace every time the tip is shoved against you. Tears finally fall down your face which are wiped by Toji's calloused fingers. "I know, honey, I know."

It feels like forever just having the tip of Toji's dick enter you, and when it does, oh, it does. A loud gasp exits your lips from the intrusion, and inaudible babbles fly out as he pushes his length, stretching your vulva as it ventures deep within you.

Toji, on the other hand, shivers as your inner walls clamp around his cock. "Jesus...This pussy is still so fuckin' tight." He hisses through gnashed teeth. Once the base of his member reaches your opening, you two take a moment to recollect yourselves.

"Hmmm, damn, I missed this." He grinds his hips into you, his hands posted on your hips to savor the clenching feeling of your pussy. "Heh, bet that brat of a subordinate wouldn't know how to handle you like I do."

Even with your mind foggy and senses at an all-time high, you give the older man a look of annoyance. You make your cunt squeeze hard on him, the unexpected action catching him by surprise as he lowers himself to you, using all his willpower not to cum so early.

Before he can curse you out for the unforeseen kegel, you cup his face to have him look at you. "For God's sake, can you not mention him while you're fucking me, Toji?" Your voice hushed for him to pay close attention, but your beautiful dazed expression distracts him. "I'm not thinking about anyone besides you."

You don't even give him a chance to his answer because you pull him into a kiss and moan sweetly into his mouth. He groans and slowly rocks his hips into a stable rhythm.

His thrusts gradually get faster and faster, rearranging your legs around his waist so you don't go sliding on the table surface. Your pants get sporadic, and your cries are a little louder than earlier. But not too loud for the whole building to hear, only for him.

The slap of his balls hitting your ass is so vulgar to the ears that you hide your face. "Cut that out, sweetheart," Toji wastes no time removing your hands and holds them down with his. A feeling of deja vu blossoms in the air. "Don't try hidin' away from me, baby. I want to see all of you."

A sudden burst of confidence fuels your sentence. "Then fuck me like you deserve all of me."

A fire is ignited in Toji, and a sudden deep thrust is thrown at you out of nowhere. Your sobs only propel him to continue piston his length into the deepest parts of your gummy walls.

The conference room is filled with nothing but the sound of your sexes smacking together, skin slapping against each other, and groans and moans in heavy puffs and pants.

"Haahh! Haaaaah!! Tojiii, Tojiiii," you whimper as his pumps go erratically fast, shivering beneath him as your legs cage him.

"Oh fuckin' shit," Toji curses with eyes shut, removing one hand from yours and snaking it down to your clit, using his fingers to press down on the sensitive bud.

Your orgasm climbs back up, and you want to claim it this time. "Toji, 'm gonna, gonna c—Ohhh!!"

"Yeah? Gonna cum for me, sweet thing? Gonna cum on my dick like the good girl you are?" You nod lazily. Toji doesn't buy it. "Use your words, baby. Is that what you want?"

"Yes, Toji, yes!! Please, I want it!!"

And he gives it to you as the pads of his fingers swipe on your bud rapidly. Your release comes crashing down on you when your cunt spasms around the girthy length. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your body jolts with every wave of pleasure.

Toji isn't far from his peak, so he doesn't stop pounding into you for a few seconds. The hilt of his cock slams into your slick-covered opening, and you cry from the impact on your aching chasm. He fills you up with his own come and rests his body on you. His heaving figure feels pleasant on top of you.

The two of you begin to calm down as you finish each other's climax. Toji breathes on the crook of your neck and leaves a trail of kisses. "Fuck, pussy felt way too fuckin' good —kiss— Don't think I'd like the idea of sharin' you with the rest."

You shake your head and chuckle at him, placing your hands behind his neck and playing with his hair. "Whatever you say, you possessive loser."

Toji lifts his head and kisses your forehead before your lips, the two of you indulging in this tender moment as if nothing outside this space matters to you.

That is, until another knock on the door alerts you both, and Toji has to resist the urge to break the table you're lying on. Withdrawing from your embrace, he shouts at the person ruining his time with you. "Look here, brat! I told you this space is occupied!"

"I'm aware. That's why I came to get you." The different voice has Toji realize it wasn't the junior from before but his handler. Shiu Kong? "I was told by some rookie that you were in this room."

Toji groans as he puts his pants back on. For your sake, you keep your mouth shut and let the two men converse through the door between them. "What's up?"

"I just got you into a big operation. The client wants to meet with you to discuss plans and all that fun jazz. So meet with me outside the building whenever you're ready." And with that, Shiu's footsteps falter away from the room.

You finally get up from the table and grab your panties. Or, at least, look in the direction of where your panties should be. Looking to the left? Nope. To the right? Nada. Where did they go?

You hear the click of the door opening, and you run behind an office chair to hide your bare lower body. The culprit was Toji leaving to meet his handler, but what caught your eye was the familiar piece of clothing swirling around his finger. His childish smirk was plastered on his face. "Mind I borrow these for the rest of the day?"

Your face goes hot with unease. "Quit it, Fushiguro! I can feel your cum going down my legs, so hand it over!"

But he doesn't, stuffing the undergarments in his pocket, to your immediate horror. "Nah, I think I'll need 'em, ya know. A lil' motivation for me while I'm gone."

His dumb laugh fills his ego, but it stops when he sees you pick the chair up and throw it at him. He barely escapes as the furniture loudly bangs on the closed door, running away from the scene to meet up with Shiu.

"FUSHIGURO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!"

It's the first time you lose your cool with Toji, and all you can think about in this room of shame and humiliation is why did you get yourself tangled up with the older man again!?

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

"I'm sorry for the sudden disappearance. Something came up on my end, and I had to take care of it immediately."

You found that subordinate later that day and apologized for your abrupt disappearance. They were accepted by the other, who nervously chuckled at your politeness.

"Oh, it's fine, y/n," he scratches his neck and looks to the ground. "I was just worried something happened with you, but I'm sure that wasn't the case since you're so good at what you do!"

You offer a small smile for his compliments, maintaining a calm composure so he doesn't see through the tiny nervous part of yourself. Oh, you don't even know the half of it, junior.

Your smile makes the younger hitman blush, but something catches his eye from behind you. "Huh? Oh, Mr. Fushiguro is back from his mission!"

You perk up at what your peer said, looking in the same direction he was. Shiu Kong was walking up with Toji tailing behind him. You greet Shiu with a brief bow, and he mirrors the action in return.

Once your eyes land on Toji, he's already grinning like a child with a hand rustling in a pocket, and you know what's inside it. "Hey, y/n." His patronizing tone doesn't go overlooked, causing your cheeks to heat up.

Your gaze averts from his cocky demeanor, yet you greet him. "Welcome back, Toji."

The look on the younger hitman across from you displays nothing but perplexity. Even Shiu Kong's brows shoot up with what you said. The junior is the first to say something. "Y/n, y-you just called Mr. Fushiguro by his first name!"

"Yeah, that's a first." Shiu agrees as the cigarette between his lips bounces at every word. "You only refer to him by his last name."

You blink once. You blink twice. And then it finally hits you. Oh shit.

The heat in your cheeks spreads across your face, and your lips lightly tremble as you try to explain yourself. But Toji beats you to the punch as he snakes an arm on your shoulder and brings you close to his chest, resulting in a squeak that your lips fail to suppress. He sneers at the younger man staring at the interaction.

"That's right, y/n and I have gotten pretty close, as you can tell." The grin on his face has a harmless glow, but those sharp emerald eyes of his are shadowed with a dangerous connotation. "After all, she is my special girl." Your subordinate gulps.

Toji snickers, satisfied with the younger hitman taking the hint. He then turns to you, and you do the same. "And as for you, darlin'," He leans in to whisper something in your ear. Something only for you to make your eyes wide and your breath still.

"Next time I see you with this brat, don't think I won't fuck the shit out of you with him watchin'. Show him just how special and good you are fr' me."

[mizabele]

"I can change him" bitch why, hes the perfect menace to society and i love that

[livingdxadwriter]

Mind games 'til we lose control (Soldier Boy)

Pairing: Soldier Boy X Fem Supe!Reader

Summary: You knew Soldier Boy a long time ago, and when three strangers show up at your door saying he is alive, all of the feelings you thought you had buried come flooding back. Takes place during eps 5 and 6.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, you know better than these mfs), fingering, creampie, praising kink, dirty talk, Soldier Boy bc he's a warning on his own, cursing. Spoilers for ep5. Read at your own risk.

WC: 7.2k I'm sorry

A/N: Yay more soldier boy bc we love shitty characters in this household. Hes so fun to write I'm sorry. And the finale left me in my sb mood soo I finished this piece that had been sitting in my drafts since ep5 came out. Pls father forgive for I have sinned. And so will you after reading this. Enjoy you sinful fucks

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Comments are reblogs are highly appreciated!

It had been decades. Half of a lifetime for some. But for you, it didn't feel like it had been that long. Once you left Payback, after Nicaragua, your life just felt like the same day repeating itself. And you didn't exactly look a day older than you did in '84, so ever since he died, it was like you got stuck in a loop of nothing but your own thoughts and your own company. 

Until these three guys came knocking at your door. You didn't know who the fuck they were, but they sure as hell knew a lot about you. Down to your close relationship with America's favorite supe, Soldier Boy. To the public eye it was always him and Crimson Countess. But before her there was you and him. You had… Something. You didn't know what it was. He was your best friend, and you fucked, a lot. Whatever that was, you didn't know. Though that last part was always kept under wraps. But it didn't matter because you weren't Countess, you weren't PR material. You were just the girl with the psychic powers and the purple eyes. But even when he was with Countess, he would always go back to you. And you to him. As fucked up as it was. As painful as it was, you just couldn't stay away from each other, and Vought really fucking tried. 

As painful and toxic as your thing with Soldier Boy was, you liked it. You liked it like you liked the control you could have on others, the power it gave you. But even he was more addictive than that. So his death was more painful than any pain anyone could inflict on you, because that you couldn't control. And as fucked up as it was, you loved him. In your own fucked up way. 

Soldier Boy is alive, they told you. 

He was fucking alive. 

It took you a minute to understand how. They took the time to explain. You weren't surprised to learn the rest of Payback's members had to do with it. Soldier Boy wasn't exactly the most loved. He was a fucking asshole and he knew it, everyone knew it. But you don't think he ever expected his team, his own girlfriend, who you knew he eventually grew to feel something for, much to your dismay, would ever betray him like that. Fuck, did he think you betrayed him too? 

The three men, Butcher, Hughie and M.M, you learned, asked for your help. You had nothing to do with what happened, they knew that, and they were hoping Soldier Boy did too. You didn't have his superhuman strength, or bulletproof skin, but you were pretty fucking powerful. Your powers, while psychic, were pretty dangerous. And you could be pretty useful at times, despite what most people thought. And apparently Butcher thought so too, because he wanted you to team up with him, Hughie and possibly Soldier Boy to take down Homelander, who you had unfortunately met at one point and personally thought to be a worse, less humane and completely psychotic version of Soldier boy. And those weren't exactly a good combination. 

That wasn't what you cared about though. You cared about Soldier Boy, about Ben. You needed to see him for yourself, alive. You could figure out the rest later. 

You would be lying if you said you felt bad for the Payback members who were most likely going to die by Soldier Boy's hand, an idea you seconded as soon as Butcher mentioned using Countess as bait. Your time in Payback was goddamn agony. Every member was an absolute ass to you, with the exception of Soldier Boy, who was only half an ass to you, but you had known him prior to joining Payback. Hell he was the one who got you into Payback in the first place. You were a psychic, and the team deemed you useless, like a cheap and weaker copy of Mindstorm. Even though you were the only one who was actually disciplined and skilled in combat. And you could do a lot more than just hear people’s thoughts and trap them in their own mind until they died. But alas, supes will be supes. And they harassed and abused you to no end. Countess being the worst out of them all. She pushed you around, verbally and at times physically abused you, and often used your mind reading against you until you lost control. Ben would step in at times, as ironic as it was, considering he bullied the entire team as well. But he drew a line with you, and he would break someone's back if they bothered you. Something Countess didn't exactly like, especially towards the end, where your on and off relationship with him was fading and they got more serious. She was particularly spiteful of you for years, and you wished you could say you gave a fuck. So this turn of events was particularly enjoyable for you. 

"You fucking lying cunt." You spat at the red head, your fist collided with her jaw with a particular force fueled by both built up anger from years of abuse and also for taking the only man you ever loved from you. Her head snapped back into place to glare at you, not being able to move much from her chained position. "You told me Ben was dead. You fucking cried he was dead. And I believed you. I cried for him for years. And what were you doing? Honoring his fucking memory at an amusement park while he was being tortured and experiemeted on."

"Awe, were you sad because you couldn't be Soldier Boy's fuck toy anymore?" She tilted her head cynically and pouted mockingly. "Or was it because he never loved you?" 

Your jaw slightly twitched, and your hands twitched at your sides, faint violet sparks radiating from them as your eyes also began to glow a light shade of violet. You lifted your hand, sparks coming from your fingertips as you opened and slowly closed one of your palms, your fingers moving back and forth ever so slightly. Countess started to gasp for air, her face turning nearly as red as her hair. 

"I should've crushed your fucking throat when I had the chance in the 80s, he would probably still be with me if I had." You closed your hand more, your eyes now fully glowing a bright shade of violet. Countess was red and was choking out gasps for air when you heard your name being called, or more like yelled. 

"Oi!" Butcher yelled at you, you of course didn't move a muscle. He grabbed your shoulder and said your name again. "Oi, Violet Storm, that's enough. She's Soldier Boy's to deal with, remember?" 

Your nose twitched, for a moment losing focus to eye the hand on your shoulder. You exhaled sharply, and groaned, shrugging his hand off your shoulder as you opened your palm again, releasing Countess with a huff. She coughed violently and you were wishing she choked in her own spit. But then again you wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing Soldier Boy kill her himself. 

"I'm really gonna enjoy seeing Ben kill you like the lying and traitorous bitch that you are." You smiled at her in the same mocking and cynical way she had mere minutes ago. 

You turned around to face Butcher, jaw tight and your eyes still glowing. He gave you a look, not of fear, but of like "holy shit", there was some amusement there too. You wondered if he enjoyed hurting supes as much as you enjoyed hurting each other. Probably. You said nothing to him as you walked past him and walked out of the trailer. 

Fuck, it had been a long time since you've used your powers, since you felt so much power course through your veins your eyes lit up and sparks left your fingertips. It was like they had died with Ben, but now that you knew he was alive your powers were too. Your fingers still sparkled and your hands were shaking. Did he still remember you? It had been decades. He was tortured and experimented on in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine, would he still be the same or did they break the little humanity he had left? Would he care to know you missed him and cried for him all those years? Jesus. You closed your eyes and sighed unevenly, shaking your head in disbelief with yourself. Why? Why did he still matter so much to you? It's not like he loved you like you did him. No, he loved Countess. You knew she was right, but that didn't make you need him any less. Most supes had their drug, coke, alcohol, sex, but he was yours. 

The two men joined you outside, Hughie having stayed outside that whole time. Butcher and M.M were looking at you, both with different attitudes of course. Butcher looked slightly amused, like he was glad he made the choice to find you. While M.M looked disturbed and like he disapproved of what you had just done. You didn't care about either of their opinions though. 

"What the fuck was that? You can't be pulling shit like that." M.M reprimanded you. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. These men had known you for a collective twelve hours, and they were already telling you what to do. 

"I didn't kill her did I? She's fine." You crossed your arms over your chest. "Besides, when Soldier Boy gets here, she's gonna wish I killed her first. She has it coming." 

"That's not what we're here for. And that sure as hell isn't what we agreed on when we came looking for you." M.M argued, seemingly tensing up at the mention of Soldier boy. Butcher stood close to him, almost as if to calm him down. 

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm here for Soldier Boy. I don't owe you guys shit." You said blankly, but your expression hardened and you dropped your arms at your sides when M.M took a step towards you, his jaw tight and body tense. There it was again, like the mention of Soldier Boy riled him up. "If there is a problem with that, you can say it to my face." 

"You're awfully loyal to a guy who wouldn't so much as bat an eye if you got killed in front of him. If he would kill his own girlfriend, what makes you think he'd be loyal to you?" 

You clenched your jaw and your fingertips twitched with faint violet sparks, "The fuck do you know about Soldier Boy?" 

"I know that he's a piece of shit murderer with no regard for the people he has hurt. I know that he's just like the rest of you supes. And you aren't any better. You are just as bad as Soldier Boy." 

You took a step forward, your hands releasing violet sparks and your eyes were starting to glow as well. Butcher stepped right in front of you, creating a barrier between you and M.M. 

"That's enough. We're all working together here, remember?" 

"This one full on kills Gunpowder but I'm the big bad supe for choking Countess. You don't know shit about me, or Soldier Boy I can tell you that fucking much." You glared at both of them, your face twisted into a tight expression as you turned to walk away. You heard Butcher call your name, but you ignored him and kept walking until you were away from their sight.

You were loyal to a fault. You often wondered if that was your biggest strength or your biggest weakness. And you were loyal to Soldier Boy, you loved him, though you would never admit that out loud. And you'd be damned if you weren't going to stand up for him. You hadn't realized how far you had wandered off from the property when minutes later you saw a blast and Countess' trailer blow up, leaving nothing but a ball of fire, rubble and ashes behind. Holy fuck, did he do that? 

You ran back to the others, and just as you were running in the darkness of the night, you ran right into a hard armored chest. Your heart raced as your eyes traveled all the way up until you were met with the pair of cold green eyes you had so foolishly fallen in love with. Fuck he was alive, he was here. You took a step back, your lips slightly parted as you tried to speak. You gave him a quick sweep with your eyes, full armor, still fit him perfectly, but no helmet, he had a beard and his hair was slightly longer than you remembered. But it was still him, the same freckled face, the same forest green eyes, the same lips. He hadn't aged a day.

"Ben," You said his name with a small sigh, tears pricking your eyes. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, touch him, anything. But you didn't. Your hands twitched at your sides, but you were frozen in place. You didn't know that he knew you weren't part of what happened. He was going to kill you too for all you knew. "Ben I— I didn't know—" 

"I know." 

"What?" 

He took a step forward, closing the gap you had just made and he ran his fingers over the side of your face as he leaned down. "I know you had nothing to do with this, it's okay sweetheart." 

"I got knocked out cold, and when I came to they told me the Russians killed you. I-I thought you were dead. I cried for you… For decades." You squeezed your eyes shut for a second, trying to stop the tears from falling. When you opened them again, you saw him slightly tilt his head and his eyes were big with pleasant surprise, and maybe endearment? 

"You cried for me?" He asked with a small smirk, like that was even a question. You scoffed softly and shook your head.

"You don't believe me?" You half smiled, you grabbed both of his hands, his shield being left on the ground and you placed them on your face. He looked at you confused for a second but realized what you were doing when you gravitated your sparkling hands over his temples. 

"Woah, sweetheart you don't have to—" 

"Ben, I don't think I could ever say what I felt with words. Just let me show you." You closed your eyes, and after a second of apprehension, he did the same. 

Your fingers ghosted over his temples as you accessed his mind, and you allowed him to access yours. With your powers, whenever you intruded someone else's mind, it could be like a two way street. You could get a glimpse of their mind, their thoughts and memories. But they could also get a glimpse of yours, but only if you allowed it of course. You had created this shield in your mind, so that no one could ever slip into your mind. You had only ever taken that shield down with Ben. You would let him in your mind, you would let him hear your thoughts. He couldn't see images, but he could hear your thoughts, feel your emotions like they were his own. It had been a long time since you had deliberately read someone’s mind. You were high on painkillers and medication half of the time so you didn’t have to listen to people's shitty thoughts. And fuck, it was overwhelming. He felt nothing but agony and despair, a storm inside your mind. He could only imagine that was a fraction of what you felt when he supposedly died. 

An uneven breath left your lips as you let him explore the darkest and most secluded parts of your mind. You let him feel your pain, and you could feel his. You could feel all the pain he endured during his captivity, all the times he begged for someone to come save him. You felt a tear slip from your eye. And just when you were about to speak, you heard someone speak. 

"Oi! The fuck are you two doing? We've got to go. You can kiss and make up later." Butcher, ever the untimely man, called out to you, making you break the connection. 

You gasped softly when you came back to, your eyes glowing violet for a second before they returned to their natural color. You dropped your hands at your sides and looked at Ben. You found his eyes, and they were a mixture of sad and content. And you could return the sentiment. 

Butcher and Hughie walked past you. No M.M. huh.. You didn't bother to ask and you simply followed them. Ben grabbed his shield from the ground and silently walked beside you, though you could feel his burning gaze on you. 

"I missed that." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Man I fucking missed bennies." 

You laughed at that, watching out of the corner of your eye as he crushed up the pills Butcher brought him and snorted them. That sure brought memories. 

"You know there's stronger shit out there right? Benzos barely have any kick." You said in your head, but he heard it too. He snapped his head up and looked in your direction. He looked at Hughie for a second, trying to figure out whether or not they heard it too. And then he realized you were talking in his head, using your powers. 

"Can you not talk in my head? It freaks me the fuck out." He said to you with annoyance. 

You tried to laugh and simply shrugged innocently, pretending you had no idea what he was talking about. "Sorry." Your voice echoed in his head again and he glared at you. 

"I'm sorry who's talking in your head?" Hughie asked with alarm. He probably thought Ben was having a PTSD episode and was hearing voices or something. 

"Mystic powers over here." Ben pointed at you. You smiled innocently and looked at him like you had no idea what he was talking about. "She likes to talk in people's heads to fuck with them. Be thankful she hasn't done it to you." 

"I do not. I just like to fuck with you." You said nonchalantly, casually levitating one of your knives in the air with a slight move of your fingers. 

"You can do that? Talk in people's heads like that?" Hughie asked with hesitation, his eyes a bit wide when he saw you so casually move your knife around in the air. 

"There's a lot of things I can do, kid." 

"Oh you got that right. The things this girl can do. You have no fucking idea." Ben said with a laugh, and this smug glint in his eyes when he looked at you. "The things she can do with her hands. Fuck, she can give you one hell of a time without even touching you I can tell you that." 

Your eyes widened at his unfiltered words and your jaw tightened as your face turned hot. He kept his eyes on you, and there was this shit eating smirk on his face, like he was enjoying your embarrassment. You loved him, but fuck sometimes he made you want to stab him. 

Hughie looked at you with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape and he looked both confused and disturbed, "You guys?" You could hear the double meaning in his tone. 

"Oh she didn't mention it? That breaks my fucking heart Violet." Ben clicked his tongue in disapproval and shook his head at you. You stopped the motion in your hand at the nickname. Nobody ever called you Violet, it was Violet Storm or your name, only he called you that. 

"I swear to god I'm going to shove my knife into your ear if you don't shut the fuck up." You hissed in his head and glared at him from the spot you had claimed on one of the beds. He simply laughed and took a swing straight from the bottle of whiskey Butcher brought him. 

"I always wondered why you never told anybody 'bout us. I mean, who wouldn't want the world to know they were fucking Soldier Boy?" He kept going, pushing at your buttons like only he could. He was doing this on purpose, antagonizing you, like he was trying to punish you for something. "But then again, you did always want a normal life, marry some ass-kissing corporate asshole, pop out a few girls with pretty purple eyes. It was quite the fantasy you had, what ever happened there?" 

You clenched your jaw, one of your eyes slightly twitching, "Well maybe not all of us could move on and settle for the first stuck up piece of ass Vought sat in front of us. I actually wanted someone that loved me, unlike someone who just settled for the next decent fuck." You said impassively. You tried not to show your emotions, your face remained blank. His, however, was like an open book. The way his nose and jaw twitched and the humourless grin on his face screamed that your words were getting to him, too. If he was going to bite you could bite too.

"Let me guess, nobody lived up to the expectation? It's kinda hard to find someone who can do what I can. Did I ruin all men for you sweetheart? Is that why the minute you heard I was back you came running? Couldn't bear to live without me?" You didn't know if it was the arrogance in his voice, the humiliation you felt or if you just wanted to find an excuse to get back at him for the heartbreak he caused you when he chose Countess over you, whatever it was, you snapped. 

Without thinking twice, you flicked your hand and the knife that you had just been levitating in the air flew straight to the small table Ben was sitting at. The tip of the blade sunk flawlessly in the middle of the burger he was about to grab. His face was fucking priceless. He looked down in front of him for a second or two before his head snapped in your direction, his eyes big and jaw tight. That pissed him off, and not because you could hurt him with your knife, but because that was your intention, deep down. 

"Oh Jesus." You heard Hughie mumble, probably scared to be in the middle of a supe dispute with no powers now that the Temp V had worn off. But what caught your attention was Ben's reaction. 

"The hell is wrong with you? The fuck did you do that for?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was aiming that at your fucking dick." You hissed at him, flicking your fingers, bringing your knife back into your hand. You watched him laugh bitterly as he stood up and you dead eyed him as he stood in front of you with a tight expression on his face. 

“Since when are you such a bitch? Did the lack of dick and cocktail of pills fry your fucking head?” He said harshly, huffing at you. You bit your lip, feeling your face grow hot and your fingertips tingle with electricity. 

You stood up in front of him, back straight and head high, even if he was an entire head taller than you, you weren’t scared of him. 

“Since you chose a red head stuck up cunt to have kids with. You really were never too bright were you Ben?” You tilted your head and you could see the way his jaw twitched, but he said nothing. “I saw her thoughts, I could see what was in her mind, and trust me, she fucking hated you. They all did. I didn’t. Not that it mattered to you, you only loved her.”

“Then why the fuck did you let them do that to me? Why didn’t you fucking stop them? Why weren’t you there?” He questioned you, his voice getting louder and louder with each sentence until he was pretty much screaming in your face. 

“I didn’t know!” You screamed back, no longer being able to control your bottled-up emotions, and you snapped. He wasn’t expecting you to answer back, and definitely not scream back at him. He pursed his lips together and glared down at you but said nothing back. So you continued. “I fucking loved you Ben, and trust me I would’ve done anything to protect you but I didn’t know. I stopped hearing their thoughts a few weeks before it happened. I don’t know why, Mindstorm probably did something to protect their minds from me because they knew I would’ve warned you. I would’ve never let that happen if I had known. And trust me had I known you were alive I would’ve looked for you, but I didn’t know. I thought you were fucking dead for fuck’s sake. So don’t punish me for something I had no control over, I punished myself enough for the last thirty years.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt your face get coated with hot tears. Your breathing was uneven and your hands were shaking. You had never told him that you loved him, not ever, you had never even said it out loud. You found his eyes, and they were softer, glossy even, and his expression softened the second those words left your mouth. It was like reality had smacked him across the face, a little too late. 

“Sweetheart I—” 

You shook your head, “Fuck you Ben. Just fuck you.” Your voice was quiet this time, soft and broken. You missed the look of genuine regret he gave you. But you weren’t looking at him anymore, you stared at the floor as you walked past him, shoving him out of your way and you headed straight to the bathroom.

Ben slightly flinched when he heard the door slam shut. He thought you ripped it off its hinges with how hard it closed. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, mentally kicking himself for being so fucking stupid. You loved him, how did he never see that? 

He was about to follow you to the bathroom when he heard Hughie speak, for the first time in the last five minutes, “Maybe you should let her cool off.” He said quietly and with caution, but he shrunk further into himself on the couch when Ben glared at him. 

“And maybe you should mind your own fucking business before I shove my shield up your ass.” He said to the brunette and smiled sarcastically at him. 

“Nope, I want nothing to do with this.” Hughie said as he stood up and went straight to the door, probably just to sit outside until Butcher came back, but he didn’t definitely didn’t want to be in there when whatever went down between you and Soldier Boy. Probably a good idea. 

Ben paid no mind to it, he instead turned his attention to you. He stood outside the bathroom door and knocked a few times. 

You wiped your face with your hands, keeping your face in them for a few seconds, silently screaming in frustration when you heard a few knocks on the door. You looked up and looked in the direction of the door and you had a feeling it was Ben. No, you knew it was him. 

“Fuck off Ben.” You called out, but instead you saw the door handle jiggle, but of course it was locked. Not that that would actually stop him. 

“Y/N seriously let me in.” He said through the other side, you heard him sigh heavily. You exhaled heavily and told him to go away again, but of course he wasn't going to give up that easy. “You either open this goddamn door or I’ll break it. And then we’ll have no bathroom door. Your choice.” 

You groaned out, running your hands over your face with frustration. He was fucking insufferable, and stubborn as fuck. But you knew he would just kick the door open so it wouldn’t make a difference. You sighed heavily and tried to compose yourself before you unlocked the door and opened it. You glared up at him the second he was in your view. 

“I don’t want to fucking talk to you.” You huffed at him, face fixed into a frown. Fuck he forgot how stubborn you could be too. 

“Don’t be fucking childish.” He rolled his eyes at you and invited himself into the bathroom, making you back up in the constricted space until your back was hitting the vanity sink. 

“Yeah because you’re so mature.” You muttered and rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest and you kept your eyes glued to the shitty floors, but you refused to meet his eye, though you could feel his gaze burn on your face. 

He sighed heavily and took a step closer to you, he wasn’t all up in your face like before, but just enough to be in your way and in your view. And he spoke again, his voice smooth with cockiness, “Do you remember when we first met?” 

“How could I forget?” You chuckled dryly at the memory, it was still fresh in your mind, you thought about it every day. 

“So you remember how you flung me ten feet across the room for trying to kiss you?” He asked with a small smirk. You weren’t looking at him, but you knew he was smirking, you could hear it in his voice. You pursed your lips together trying to stop yourself from smiling, and you simply nodded. “The minute you threw my ass across the room and I saw those pretty eyes light up violet, you fucking had me. I couldn’t stay away from you. You know why?”

“Hm?” You mumbled, still forcing yourself not to look at him. 

He grabbed your face, forcing you to meet his eyes and fuck he had you melting the second his green eyes found yours. He leaned down, his lips ghosting over yours and he spoke, “Because you drove me crazy like nobody ever could, I wanted you from the minute I saw you. You said I didn’t love you, but you’re wrong, I did, I just didn’t think I could have you, not like that.” 

“Thinking was never really your strong suit, was it pretty boy?” You laughed softly at him, not fighting his hold, not fighting his gaze, you just melted into it, you were tired of fighting. 

“Fuck you.” He shot back with a chuckle and a small grin. 

You were about to respond when he crashed his lips against yours without a warning. You gasped against his mouth and inhaled sharply through your nose, but you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been dying to feel his lips on yours again. You kissed, him, and you fucking kissed him hard. You gripped his jersey so hard you thought you were going to rip it and you held him against you. He slipped an arm around your back and pulled you flush against his chest as his mouth covered yours. He bit your lip and your mouth fell open. He slipped his tongue in your mouth, exploring it like it was the first time, it sure as hell felt like it after so long. He held you tight and took as much as he could until you were gasping for air. Only then he pulled back, and he was tugging at your clothes like he wanted to rip them right off, he was tempted, too. 

“Fuck, I haven’t had some pussy in forty fucking years, I feel like a hormonal teenager. I really fucking want you, like right fucking now.” He rasped between breaths as he left open mouthed kisses on your neck. You hands were tugging his baseball Jersey off his shoulders when you heard him, and you couldn't help but snort. 

“Jesus. Everything that comes out of your mouth is so gross. Your head is even worse, it’s like fucking Herogasm up in there.” You teased, hissing softly with pleasure when you felt him dig his teeth into the pressure point on your neck, well at least he remembered your weak spots. 

He grabbed your jaw and pressed a hard kiss to your lips before he spoke, “Trust me sweetheart there’s a fuck load of shit up there. I can show you, some other time. I want to be inside this pretty pussy first.” 

“Fine by me.” You bit your lip, your thighs rubbing against each other with anticipation. 

You didn’t waste time, you knew Butcher would be back soon and off you would go. Ben stepped back as you pulled your shirt over your head, and he did the same with his, your clothes making a pile of clothes on the floor. You were all over each other in seconds. 

His mouth was on yours and his hands gripped your ass. You gasped softly when one of his palms collided with your clothed ass and he smirked against your lips. His tongue was back in your mouth and it was fucking messy and desperate, but you didn’t care, hell you loved it. In the process, he hoisted you up on the vanity and he stood between your legs. One of his hands tugged your jeans down your legs, your panties along with it. You kicked them off and you were pretty much naked, exactly how he wanted you. He pulled back, leaving you to chase his lips for a second. He smirked, bringing two fingers to his lips and he spat on them before he was pressing them against your clit. You gasped softly and your eyes instantly closed at the shock of pleasure. He spread the wetness of his fingers over the bud for a second before he was sliding two long digits into you. And you had to bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming. 

“You’re so wet for me already aren’t you, pretty girl? I could fuck you right now, wouldn’t even have to finger you open.” He chuckled lowly as he watched the way his fingers slid in and out of you with ease. And you really wanted to fucking scream then. 

“Ben I know you like to tease and make me beg for it, but we don’t have a lot of time and I swear to god if you don’t fuck me I’m going to shove a knife into your ear while you sleep.” You threatened, one of your hands coming to grip at his longer strands of hair. And he laughed at you, you sounded more desperate than anything. 

“I forgot how desperate you could get when cock drunk. But I like it when you think you can tell me what to do, it’s cute.” He chuckled, mocking you even. But his fingers left you as soon as he said those words. As cocky as he was, you knew he was as desperate for intimacy as you were, the hardened silhouette of his cock said as much. 

He pressed a sloppy kiss to your mouth as he tugged his sweatpants and boxers down his hips and his cock sprung free. He pulled you to the edge of the sink by your hips as he slid into you. He swallowed your moans as he let out a groan of his own the second he felt your walls squeeze his cock. 

“Fuck,” He groaned against your mouth, sitting still for a second, the bare feeling of your walls being nearly enough to make him lose it. But fuck that, he didn’t spend forty years in a lab alone just for him to end this before it began. “I forgot how fucking good your pretty pussy felt around my cock. There was never anything like it.” 

You were barely listening to his words, it had been a long fucking time since you had been intimate with anyone, let alone since you had been with him, and you were already fucking gone. 

He grabbed your ankle and hooked your leg high on his torso as he drew back before he slammed back in with enough force to make you slide back on the sink. And again. And again. He held you by your hips as he quickly found a pace. It was fast and hard, but you knew him, you knew what he could do, and you knew he was holding back. And you didn’t want him too, whatever he had trapped inside there, you wanted him to let it out. 

“Ben,” You could barely trust your voice, but he heard you and he lifted his head, his green eyes small compared to the black of his pupils. You tangled your fingers around his hair and pulled, hard. “I’m not going to break, you know that.” 

He looked at you, his longer strands falling over his eyes as he panted, and he looked like something snapped in his head. In any other situation, you would’ve been able to see that he was holding back, why he was holding back, but your mind could only take so much. He knew he wanted to keep himself together, not lose control, but fuck, if you wanted all of it, he would give you all of it. 

He grabbed the same leg that was on his waist and threw it over his shoulder and snapped his hips, fucking hard. You actually screamed this time, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, the new angle allowing him to bury himself deep enough to brush against your most sensitive spot with each snap of his hips. He wrapped a hand around your hair and pulled your head back, his lips ravishing your neck as he braced himself on the mirror behind your head. There was nothing slow or romantic about the way he fucked you, it was rough and animalistic, like he was angry and also desperate for intimacy all the same time. 

“F-fuck Ben, don’t stop.” You muttered out, your jaw falling open as you felt a burn deep in your stomach and you could feel electricity run through your entire body. 

The hand that wasn’t gripping his hair for dear life gripped the vanity beneath you in an attempt to stop yourself from sliding back and forth with each thrust he gave you. You felt electricity run through your fingers and you felt something crank under your hand along with the warm feeling of sparks on your fingers. 

Well shit. 

“Shit,” Ben chuckled when he saw the way the vanity cracked under your hand and some pieces fell on the floor. “You wanna come sweetheart? You wanna come all over my cock until you’re a shaking, whimpering mess?” He coaxed into your ear, his hips grinding into you as he released your hair and pressed his thumb against your clit. He could feel your wall squeeze him and your legs shake, he knew you were close to tipping over the edge. 

“My pretty Violet,” He pressed a wet kiss to your jaw as he rubbed harsh circles on your clit, and he soaked in the way your lips parted to let out broken moans. “Look at me. Let me see those pretty eyes.” He demanded you, giving you a particularly sharp thrust that made your eyes shoot open, giving him exactly what he wanted. 

“Yeah that’s it, I missed making those pretty eyes lit up.” 

Your eyes were shining bright violet as your orgasm washed over you, leaving you breathless and you shook, your walls clenching around him as a wave of wetness seeped through you. You whimpered his name quietly over and over again as he fucked you through it, soaking in the way your walls squeezed him and it triggered his own release, he didn't have to control himself anymore. 

“Fuck, that’s it, just like that.” He pressed his face into your neck and squeezed his eyes shut, a low moan of his own leaving his lips as he spilled himself inside you with a sharp and deep thrust. You felt the mirror behind you shatter just as he came, his hand putting enough pressure to make pieces fall out the frame. And you knew he felt it too. “Fuck me.”

He stilled inside you and stayed there for a while. You held on to him and you honestly had no idea how long you even stayed there. You just knew that you both were breathing normally by the time he pulled out of you, your mixed releases seeping out of you. Ben still had his face on your neck, but you heard him mumble something. 

“I'm glad you didn’t forget me. I know I never forgot you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt different, the air, like you no longer could cut it with your knife. Maybe you just needed to fuck it out of your system. It tend to be like that with Ben, a good fuck would solve all of your problems. At least now you were being honest with each other. 

He was sitting on one of the beds now, and you were sitting on the other. Hughie had returned by then, not wanting anything to do with what had just happened so he didn’t inquire much, good. They were talking and you listened quietly, absentmindedly levitating one of your knives, though you knew you would have to talk to Ben about what he said. There were a lot of things you still had to talk about. But you would have time for that. So when Butcher came back with an address for the TNT Twins, you knew you were on your way to fuck some people up. 

You were suiting up when Bucther went to the bathroom and immediately came back with a distraught look on his face. “Oi, the fuck happened in here?”

You and Ben looked at each other, he had a small smirk on his face and his typical smug glint in his eyes. You were a bit more reserved and you felt heat rush through your cheeks as you looked down. Butcher looked at Hughie, and when the younger boy looked at you and Ben, Butcher groaned. 

“Fucking hell you two. I leave you children alone for an hour and you’re already fucking like rabbits.”

“Hey at least you didn’t have to hear it. It was fucking bizzarre.” Hughie muttered from his corner, looking extremely mortified. Ben looked at him with narrowed eyes. 

“I can still shove my shield up your ass. I guarantee you it feels real fucking nice, wanna try it?” He said to Hughie, slightly lifting the heavy shield in his direction and he flashed the younger brunette a perverted smile. 

Poor kid, he had to deal with the three of you. 

“Ben leave him alone, poor kid is already traumatized enough as if by your presence.” You said to Ben, slightly nudging his shoulder with your own as you leaned into him, your chin pressed up against his shoulder. He looked down at you and half smiled, his eyes bright and big. It had been a long time since someone looked at you like that.

You fucking loved Soldier Boy, and he loved you. In his own fucked up way. But you were okay with that, because you were fucked up too. 

[bloodofvaleryia]

when creating me, the gods decided to make me a maladaptive daydreamer but failed to give me any writing abilities and just said 'suffer'

[silver-wildfyre]

Matt Smith speaking High Valyrian single-handedly cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended global warming

[3racha-agustd]

Top Dragons I'd Ride If I Was Targaryen:

1 - Daemon Targaryen

The End. gifs daenerys-stormborn

[quozacheese]

cryptid bfs

it makes me so happy to see all the eldritch könig fanart/fic ❤️

[callmehopeless]

Really confused by being attracted to Matt Smith as Daemon. That's confusing. I didn't expect it. But now I'm Doing It and I Can't Stop It