anyone else

[ashermcintosh]

sophmci​:

Oh I’m serious, Ash. As serious as dad’s new arm candy of the month.

“so - not serious at all. is he still with that blonde girl who looks like she’s our age or is he onto the next now?”

[ashermcintosh]

sophmci​:

I found myself in Michael’s after class today and let me just say… I’m quitting school and selling sunflower crowns for the rest of my life.

“i honestly can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”

[ashermcintosh]

princessmccoco​:

“It was for work, Asher.”

“if you say so.”

[ashermcintosh]

princessmccoco​:

“Day drunk is cute as long as you’re young right? I was just trying to get better at my job and I didn’t want to waste the cocktail…s… cocktails.”

“i mean - maybe not, coco.”

[ashermcintosh]

@princessmccoco: boring him to sleep, brilliant

@ashermcintosh: it's interesting stuff.

[ashermcintosh]

@ashermcintosh: i have learned that if you read your artificial intelligence text book to your crying son when he won't go down for a nap, it will put him to sleep in about 5 minutes.

@ashermcintosh: i've cracked the fathering code.

[burgessem]

[ashermcintosh]

burgessem​:

INSTAGRAM:: @burgessem posted a new photo 

tagging: @ashermcintosh

milkshakes, milkshakes, milkshakes! …and fries. 

❤️ 65 likes

✎ 22 comments

- view all

ashermcintosh: and good company, too.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: ...really?

Emma: yeah yeah, it’s okay with me.

asher: really.

asher: okay, cool.

asher: it's a date, then.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: shit. Sorry. It just... slipped out? If things can slip out when texting? I don’t know.

Emma: just... forget that part if you want.

asher: the date part?

asher: i kind of don’t want to forget about it?

asher: if that’s okay with you.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: well that’s mean.

Emma: cool! It’s a date!

asher: mean? wasn’t intending to be at all.

asher: a date.

asher: i’ll see you at noon.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: I’ll make you a cape if it means that much. Well, I’ll get my friend to do it.

Emma: Hmm... noon?

asher: i was joking. but having a cape doesn’t sound all that bad.

asher: noon works for me!

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: exactly! Embrace it.

Emma: We do! Milkshakes tomorrow?

asher: alright, alright.

asher: sounds amazing. what time?

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: not as fast as you.

Emma: appreciate it.

-few minutes later-

Emma: so pops came down stairs and walked right over where Duke peed and he didn’t even say a word.

asher: so i’m a quick googler? that’s the real power?

asher: you’re in the clear! no funeral needed. i can save my tears.

asher: we need a celebration, now.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: it’s not lame.

Emma: remember me fondly.

asher: super lame. anyone can google things.

asher: i always do.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: cause you’re a secret superhero?

Emma: hypothetically, if he did find out, it’s been fun being your friend.

asher: boo. i'm a secret superhero with the power of being able to google things? i'm lame.

asher: hypothetically, if he does, it has also been fun being your friend, and i shall cherish the memories we had together.

asher: rip.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: hero. That is what you are.

Emma: hypothetically. You know if I had promised my brother I’d watch his dog while he was out and lost said dog and found him in the living room. On the new carpet.

asher: how come i don't have a cool superhero cape then?

asher: hypothetically, that would be a pretty bad situation to be in. seeing as. y'know. new house. new carpet and all.

[ashermcintosh]

TEXT: ASHER

Emma: Hypothetically.

Emma: How would one get dog pee out of a carpet without their father knowing?

asher: oh god.

asher: let me google.

asher: per google : "To get dried dog urine out of a carpet, combine one part vinegar with one part water, then pour some of the solution onto the affected area. Scrub the dried urine stain with a soft brush and blot the area with a towel until it is completely dry."

asher: hypothetically, of course.