Poem: Deceitful Love (wrote this in 2016)
I should have known, I should have guessed, the signs were all there, but I didn't care.
Disrespect, love, lust, confusion, anger and hope, how can one feel so much emotion, is it so rare.
And yet that is how I felt, torn up inside: "I love you baby" that's what you said, and soon I showed you how much I cared.
Off it came bit by bit first the tights, then the skirts before finally I exposed the door.
In the lock it goes... painful... it was ...but still... done in the name of love.
For if I knew then what I know now, if I felt then what I felt now, if I saw then what I see now
I would not have easily given up, I would not be here contemplating, I would not need to fear any other man
I wouldn't feel guilty coming in the presence of God knowing that above everyone else it was him that I failed, my Lord
and so everyday I wake up with this shame, and proceed to ask my self what is love
because only 2 days after the deed was done, there was no love
excuses came and hidden motives came to light: "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship" is what you said
"ok, that's fine" 3 words that were further from the truth
no it's not ok, I showed you love you gave me lust, I showed you gold you gave me dust, I showed you respect you left me with disrespect.
you left me ashamed, ashamed of what I had done, ashamed of who I had become ashamed to be human is what you done
I swore up and down I would forget you, I swore up and down I didn't care for you, I swore up and down I didn't love you
But the devil doesn't give up without a fight, for you always had an advantage
a seed had already been sown, mentally and spiritually when we physically connected
and so for me to say you meant nothing to me is futile, for me to say I don't still love you or care for you was incomprehensible
The truth is...
2 / 2
you've done me no wrong, you used me and dumped me, yet you've done me no wrong, you discard me to the side and throw away my pride, yet you've done me no wrong
the truth is...I can never hate you
the truth is...I'm in love with you
it hurts, and tears me up inside
its leaving me vulnerable and weak
completely at your mercy
why cant you love me back, am I not worthy of your love, do I not deserve your love, have you given your love to another please tell me now,
for all this suspense and unanswered questions are killing me, killing me slowly
because...
I love you, and I can never hate you.
