zeitgeist @ashotofhelena - Tumblr Blog

2026

This is coming in 11 days late, but as they say... better late than never.

2025 was a weird one for me. The first 9 to 10 months were incredible - witnessing and feeling joy at many good friends' weddings; celebrations of budding and grown friendships; little moments of bliss in the sights and sounds I experienced at home and across oceans; achieving something I never thought possible just 3 years ago... run a MARATHON. It was really shaping out to be a peak year.

But then for some reason, all things fell apart in November. I think part of it was the end of marathon training, which took up a lot of my head space. And I think part of it was the bitter cold of winter creeping up a bit earlier this year. Either way, I ended 2025 feeling lost and directionless, a bit of a comedown from all the beautiful things and changes that happened in the prior months.

It made me understand better the duality of life, and how with every positive thing that happens, there might be something negative that is totally out of your control around the corner. Life is about accepting both, and making changes even knowing the negative that may come out of it. So the themes of my 2026 are 1) active and intentional changes and 2) letting go of control (just a little bit). It is a bit like my 2025 themes, but I want to be more active about it AND I want to feel more okay with the unknown, putting myself out there just a little bit more.

So here are my resolutions for 2026:

Run 1K miles and run a marathon outside of NYC. I hit my goals last year of running 1.5K miles AND running the NYC marathon! Truly the most rewarding thing I have done for myself in a while, and I really want to continue running a marathon a year for as long as I am physically able to. Looking into potential marathons to run this year - on the short list are Warsaw, Oslo and maybe Detroit? Running has really helped me with my anxiety the last few years, and I am forever grateful that I have this sport to look forward to every other day or so.

Read 40 books. Ramping it up a bit from 2025, because I have been feeling an itch to read more. This year I want to continue prio the NYTimes top 21st century books, classics, non-fiction, and literary fiction that I may have missed throughout the years. I also want to continue focusing on BIPOC and women authors.

Find a new apartment in Brooklyn! This has to happen but it's been a rough start so far. I am hoping to find something I really like that works with my timeline. I hope once I move to Brooklyn I learn how to better balance the different aspects of my life (ie. social, personal, chores, etc.)

Get promoted or find a new job. Either I get promoted this cycle or I NEED to leave my job. It is time. I have to find something new if I don't get this promotion. Once my housing is figured out, I will start lightly applying to things.

Cut down on social activities. It is truly unsustainable how many times I eat out and hang out with friends. I really need to learn to balance my social activities with time spent on myself.

Tied to that, FINANCES. Budget better, really spend money only on activities I truly want to do, suggest activities that aren't as expensive, doing more free stuff!

Be more forward in dating and de-centering men from my life. I think one big regret I have from 2025 was that I was really passive in dating because I was in limerence with unavailable men who took up so much space in my head. So unhealthy, and in 2026, I VOW to 1) not allow those type of limerence thoughts rot in my brain and 2) I want to be more forward about my intentions with men I meet and I am interested in.

Visit one new country and at least one new state. Last year was a poor travel year so I want to do right by it this year. I am definitely doing Oklahoma, but hoping to hit up one more state. Country wise, I really want to go to either Brazil, Poland, Norway, or India.

Learn learn learn! I feel so unstimulated in life and want to learn more. Once I am done with housing/finding an apartment, I want to take Chinese classes, do the crossword more, go to trivia more, take BRIC art classes, join clubs (film or interest based), and just be more educated on things.

WRITE MORE. I can feel even in this resolution write-up how rusty my writing is. I need to write more, and whether that is through classes, or a random Substack, I need to do it. Adding to this that I want to journal more consistently too.

Invest in the friendships I truly value. I think the last two years, I casted such a wide net with friends, and while I really enjoy meeting and developing relationships with so many people, I don't know if it is sustainable and helpful for me to be friends with a gazillion people. I want to prio people I feel the most comfortable with, and truly invest having the best time with the people I love most.

Crazy one but I am going to start the journey of running all the subway lines!! I might do the G or J to start... maybe I will even film it for content...

Other misc goals: eat more healthy (cut down on sugar always! And maybe red meat); be more intentional about my media AND alcohol consumption; be more in control of my alcohol consumption - 5 drinks MAX a night; STOP THE PHONE BRAIN ROT - no more scrolling endlessly on Reels!; go to bed earlier... become more than just morning curious.

Here's to turning it around in 2026, being more intentional yet active, losing a little bit of control when it comes to things I can not control, and achieving balance in all (read: most) aspects of my life.

#2026 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2024

#this year in music #music #best of #2025

2025

Here we are again... in the twilight hours of the year. Time for some reflections and goals, as is tradition.

2024 was a year of twists and turns that somehow led me right back to the same place as I started in the beginning of the year. It was a year of taking chances, and caring less, and trying not to take everything personally. I learned a lot about myself, and also recognized some flaws I have that may be holding me back in life.

Looking back on the year, I am proud of myself and what I tried to do to achieve the year of change I wanted. I committed to things I wanted to do (writing class! reading, running), and definitely adopted an open mind to meeting new people & dating. Somehow, all that I tried to do did end me back in the same place I was at the beginning of 2024... dare I say perhaps even the beginning of 2023.

So 2025 will be the year of intention and prioritization. I plan to do things with intention, and prioritize this "change" I have been mulling over for the last two years. It will also be a year of taking charge, and putting in the work to see the things I want to happen, happen. So with that... here are some resolutions:

Run 1.5k miles next year! Crazy but I will be training for the New York marathon (!) so I think this will be achievable. I am going to tame myself and try not to set any goals for the marathon other than finishing it.

Read 30 books. I read 53 books in 2024 - a true feat that I am quite proud of! I want to dial it back next year, and focus on reading books I really really want to read. I want to focus on Russian literature, cyberpunk-esque science fiction, and the NYTimes top 100 books of the 21st century list.

Do more reformer pilates and yoga. I did my fair share of strength training this year, but want to add in more pilates and yoga to add to my stability and flexibility. I wanna be svelte in 2025!!

Look for a new job!! This has been something I just didn't do for the last two years. I do love my job, and my team but I really am just not growing at my current role anymore. I 100% need to prioritize finding a new job and making more money in 2025.

Re-learn Chinese. It is honestly embarrassing how little Chinese I know - I want to be better at speaking and understanding Chinese. Going to use some apps to start learning and see where that takes me.

Write / journal more consistently. I did a pretty terrible job of journaling this year, which sucks because I do think journaling helps me process a lot more. So in 2025, I want to journal more consistently, AND I want to write more... maybe some short fiction essays or other essays meditating on life.

DATING. To be fair to me, I really did try my best this year to date!! I went on a lot of first dates, and I also became emotionally entangled with someone who was very much emotionally unavailable (lol). It has been tough but I am holding out hope there is someone out there for me!! Adopting an abundance mentality to dating, and hoping I attract a man in finance, 6'5", blue eyes, trust fund!!

Slow down. I am such a go-go-go girl sometimes, and it is definitely not healthy. Learning to slow down in 2025, and enjoy the little things in life, and finding the beauty in the absurdity we call life.

2024 was all in all, a good year. A year of learnings, awe, and revitalization. I feel cautiously optimistic about 2025, and am really excited to build off of 2024.

#2025 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2024

#this year in music #music #best of #2024

2024

Dwelling on the past... perhaps my favorite December pastime. There is truly nothing more I enjoy than writing down my thoughts regarding the past 365 days, and what I am looking forward to the next 365 days.

Well, it happened. My theory of odd years being better has officially been disproven. I came into 2023 feeling excited, hopeful that it is finally an odd year -- things will finally grow and change for me. And to be clear, I do think 2023 was a year of personal growth. I definitely learned so much about myself, my needs, what I want to focus on in the future.

Yet, it was definitely not a year of change. While I would not say I feel stagnant, I also definitely did not create the changes I wanted to in 2023. Again, I find myself in the same job, the same relationship status, the same mindset. I don't think there is anything wrong, per se, with no changes, but I also am actively craving things that I didn't achieve this year. I guess that is why I feel like 2023 was a down year for me -- I had all these high hopes and expectations for change that never materialized.

Reading back on my 2023 entry, I wanted the year to be the year of change. That didn't happen. Perhaps it was the way I interacted with the world that did not bring the change; perhaps it was the way I overthought things with myself that led to another year of slight melancholy. But with the fresh start of 2024, I absolutely do want to strive for the changes I desire, and make it imperative that I achieve those changes.

2024 will be the year of focus, self-care, and abundance. Instead of leaning into change itself, I feel like focusing on my mindset will help me to gravitate towards the change I want. So with that, here are my resolutions for the year.

Dating and adopting an open mind to meeting new people. I am making this the priority goal for me in 2024. I have never really desired needing a partner, and while I still don't think I need someone else, I do find myself wanting to meet someone who truly sees me for who I am, and want to experience life with me. As a way to quantify this -- I am going to try going on 2 first dates a months.

Hard 31! I refuse to do the full Hard 75 but I am committed to doing Hard 31 in January (give or take the weekend I am in Austin). My version will be 31 days long, no alcohol, working out 1 hour everyday, eating out once a week only, no processed carbs or sugar while eating in, reading 10-15 minutes a day, and going to bed by 11:30pm every night. Let's see how I do...

Run 1K miles. I am committed to doing the 9+1 this year and that means a lot of running! With that, I am going to up my annual goal back up to 1K and hoping to go even beyond that. Running has been up and down for me this year so I really want 2024 to be the year I relearn to enjoy it consistently.

Read 30 books. Similar to last year, I want to focus on books mostly by BIPOC and underrepresented groups authors. Having diverse consumption brings so much value to me and I really enjoyed learning from the books I have read from those authors this year.

Do more pilates, yoga and weight lifting. With the running, I am hoping to add in other types of workout classes. I think I will do 2 classes a week of a mix of the 3 types above.

Financial planning. This one is big - the older the get, the more I realize I value financial security. Taking the time tomorrow to get some financials in order, and then continue to manage it via YNAB / Mint over time.

Look for a new job. 2023 was professionally a rollercoaster. On one hand, I love the work I do, my manager & team, and the products I get to work on. On the other hand, the company has shown that they may not care as much about their employees as I thought. I am also in a stage of my life where I am really valuing career growth and pay, which is something I am not sure my current role will give me. I wouldn't leave for just any job, but I am going to spend the time looking for roles that fit and will get me to the next level of my career.

Journal consistently every day. I started journaling this year and it has been so helpful, but I think I would get even more value if I did it everyday and wrote down my general feelings for the day. Take the time to do this on a daily basis.

Actually look into a writing class or comedy class! I really enjoy writing my thoughts down and want to seriously look into taking a writing class, and just start writing more. I will restart my Substack, and take a writing class in the new year. I also think I might want to take a comedy class? We will see on that one...

Stop buying materials / clothes / Amazon as much. I have been in a rabbit hole of fashion reels and it has got me consuming SO much more than usual. Making it a goal to not buy any new clothing for the first 4 months of the year, and then reassess in May if I need anything. Same with random things from Amazon - only the essentials!

Other misc. resolutions: be more intentional about my media consumption (and also be more international! I want to listen to music and read books and watch movies from non-Western countries); be more mindful of my alcohol consumption in general; make an effort to see people I really want to see and be a planner; travel to at least one new state and two new countries!; continue to eat less meat and sugar!

I am grateful to have made it another year in one piece, and happy to have had beautiful memories and friends to share them with in 2023. But I would not be lying if I also said I am really relieved that the social concept of the new year is happening today, and I can look forward to 2024. As always, I am cautiously optimistic for what 2024 will bring, and hope it will be a year of new beginnings, and sated yearnings.

#2024 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2023

#this year in music #music #best of #2023

2023

Ruminating on my resolutions for the new year, and reflecting on the past year have subtly become two of my favorite things to do.

If I can sum 2022 into one word, it would honestly be... regression. Reading back on my post last year, 2021 was such a productive and growth focused year. It is no wonder why I entered 2022 with such high expectations. But after all is said and done, I feel like I have not changed or grown significantly in 2022 at all. If anything, I think I have regressed with some bad habits and intrusive thoughts returning.

It is a bit sobering to realize I am leaving 2022 in mostly the same state I was when I entered it - I am at the same job, same apartment, same relationship status, same everything really. Whenever I caught up with friends in 2022, I had no updates to give. I think I really bought into the ~vibes~ culture this year, which led to being a bit apathetic and a tad too carefree, which led to a year of stagnation.

To be fair, 2022 was not all bad - I traveled internationally twice since 2019; I achieved my running and reading goals; I got promoted at work; I am working on some really cool products at work; I saw friends near and far; I developed stronger relationships with new and old friends. There were definitely moments of pure joy that make me smile when I reminisce on them.

I understand that not every year will be one giant step forward, but I do believe in consistent growth and betterment. Going into 2023, I am determined to pick up from 2021. 2023 will be the year of change - it does not have to be a giant step forward, but it will have to at least a baby step forward.

To continue to protect my own needs versus being a people pleaser. This is one resolution I really worked on in 2022 and I do think it has paid dividends. I have become so much better at saying no, and protecting my time, which I need in order to be my best self when I do say yes. It is a practice I want to continue in 2023.

Run 500 miles if I do not get into the Brooklyn Half Marathon; run 750 miles if I do get in. I hit my 750-mile goal this year but barely... I love running and sometimes do wonder if these goals get in the way, so hoping by decreasing it (if I do not get into the half), it will give me more leeway to run for pleasure.

Make up some of those lost miles with other type of exercise - I want to lift weights in 2023! I also want to do more yoga, pilates, and other strength training classes.

Read 25 books. Again, same goal as 2022 and I thought it was a good one. Continue to try to alternate between fiction and non-fiction for each.

On a related note, I want to consume more media (books, movies, music, etc.) from BIPOC and underrepresented groups. I recently was looking at my Spotify Wrapped and realized how white and Western my taste was. Similarly, I was looking into non-fiction books written by POC and really struggled. I want to prioritize this consumption diversity in 2023.

Put myself out there. I did try to put myself out there early in 2022, going on dates and seeing what is out there. But, I was still really passive in the process, and even when meeting someone I liked, I would withdraw instead of be active in showing my interest. This goes against my every instinct, but I want to be more risk taking with my personal life, whether it be romantic, friendships, or familial.

Better investments. I started to invest more in 2022, but I want to do more in 2023. Starting off with investing the payout I got from Elon for Twitter stock in an index fund.

Start journaling. I spent $60 on a Hobonichi journal which means I need to use it to its maximum potential. I want to start documenting more of my day and little things / quotes that I experience.

Live by myself for the first time! Slightly out of my control, but I will be looking for an apartment by myself for the first time next year. I have become more and more comfortable by myself the past two years, so I am very much looking forward to it, but also very nervous about it.

Start budgeting. Given the higher rent that comes with living by yourself, I will need to start budgeting me. This will probably mean more intentional travel, nights out, and other materialistic things I used to spend on free willy nilly.

Learn something new. This is one from 2021′s post that I did not do in 2022. I want to either 1) learn or relearn a language 2) learn how to DJ / produce music or 3) experiment more with cooking / baking.

Other misc. resolutions: alcohol-free January, cut down on alcohol in general, sugar-free January, be a better communicator, continue to eat less meat / processed food, stay off my phone more, document passing moments more, be more intentional about my media consumption.

If you know me IRL, you know I have a personal theory that my odd years are better than my even years. So with that, I have a really good feeling about 2023... here’s to the new year!

#2023 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2022

#this year in music #music #best of #2022

2022

My annual tradition of using Tumblr to list out my resolutions is perhaps the most I have ever committed to something.

2021 was, given the circumstances, a great year. Thank god for the vaccine, which made Q2 onwards such a ride, for better or for worse. I officially moved into New York City, hung out with friends from near and far, finally got to travel a bit, and enjoyed life for the first time in quite some time. History books will definitely be written about this year and the pandemonium that occurred.

It is hard to put into words how this year went. On one hand, it was pure chaos - some of it joyous and some of it had me double checking how old I actually was. NYC this summer was a sight to behold - the amount of going out, eating out and socializing I did was unhealthy at its best. I definitely do not regret it though, as it led to some fond memories, perhaps not well remembered, with old and new friends.

On the other hand, this may have been my most productive year yet. I set out to achieve some rather ambitious goals and lo and behold, I think I actually achieved most of them by the end of 2021! I ran 1,000 miles (!!), read 37 books, started volunteering on a hospital board, AM LICENSED TO DRIVE. I have come to realize that I am incredibly goals oriented and if I put my mind to something, chances are I will do it.

So that leads me to 2022. I have developed some great habits in the past 2 years (thanks pandemic!) and again, strive to further them. I also think 2022 is the year I really need to push out of my comfort zone. Although 2021 was a year of chaos, it was controlled chaos within the confines of people and settings I knew. Now, it is taking a step further in 2022 to do things that will make me uncomfortable.

Continue to be a good friend, daughter and sister but also put my needs ahead sometimes. I am, in general, someone who cares deeply about people around me. I want to continue to be the type of person who reaches out to people and ensure I am in good contact with all my friends across the globe. But I also want to put myself first at times - whether that means taking the time to be by myself or saying no to events.

Run 750 miles. In 2021, I surprised even myself and ran 1,000 miles. Although I enjoyed accomplishing this, in the journey towards it, I found myself hating the thought of running. I would drag myself to run and I really disliked that something I found calming and fruitful was becoming a chore. I still want to run and have already signed up for a half marathon in March, but I want it to be something I find enjoyable. I think a goal of 750 miles will get me to run, but also will be more attainable and allow me to still enjoy the activity.

Read 25 books. I did hit my goal of 35+ books in 2021, but similar to running, I was reading books I did not actually care to read only to hit my goal. I forfeited longer books I was interested in for shorter and easier reads that I ended up not loving. Lowering my goal a bit will give me the flexibility to read those longer books I have been saving. Will be starting Empire of Pain by Patrick Radden Keefe first, and also will have Gravity Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon as a year long monster to tackle.

Stay in better touch with friends. I want to prioritize this in 2022 - 2021 was an interesting year because all my friends were in NYC. It made keeping in touch a lot easier. Now that people have/are going back to their home bases, it’s been a lot harder to stay connected. In 2022, I want to be someone who checks in with friends and ensure I am up to date with all of the big life updates happening.

Start thinking about what I want out of my career. I am currently still really enjoying my job at Spotify - in 2022, I will be taking on a really interesting role of exploring new opportunities and innovations for creators, which is incredibly up my alley. However, one goal I do have before I die is to work at a startup. I want to take 2022 to really understand 1) what roles would I want to work and 2) what kind of startups would I want to do that role in. I have been keeping tabs on a few Series A-C companies and I do want to be in that space within the next 2 years.

Actually start dating. This was one of two goals I absolutely failed in 2021. I did not go on a single date and kept making excuses up for why. Keeping on theme with going out of my comfort zone, I want to go on dates in 2022 - I am going to start with a small goal of 1 date a month and see how it goes from there.

Eat less meat. This is the second goal I absolutely failed in... I just love meat so much. Although I do not think I will be able to give up chicken and pork, I want to consume less and less of it. I stopped doing Meatless Mondays in 2021, but I think I will bring it back - I will only eat meat for 3 days of each week.

Start acting more instead of overthinking. If anyone looked into my mind, they would see that despite my rather cooler demeanor, it is erratic in there. I am constantly overthinking every action I take, and every situation I am in, despite it being in or not in my control. In 2022, I want to 1) tone down overthinking things outside of my control and 2) ACT upon my thoughts and feelings instead of sitting on them and stewing over them.

Go to therapy. This is sadly a reach goal for me but I know it will be for the best. Definitely going to work through this and try to go to at least one therapy session before 2H22.

Invest more. I need advice on this to be honest, but I need to put more money into investments - whether it be stocks, ETFs or even crypto.

Misc. goals: Travel more! Eat more healthily! Alcohol free January (minus the one weekend I am in Memphis)! Sugar free April! Be more frugal! Stop buying so much on Amazon!

As always, happy new year’s eve to the -1 people reading this. Shoutout to Tumblr for still existing so I can track and hold myself accountable. May 2022 be a grand year.

#2022 #resolutions

s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s

These were my least favorite albums of 2021, in no particular order:

1. Squid Game—I didn’t actually see it but it looks really stupid. F- 2. A Quiet Place 2—It should have been shown after the credits for the first movie. F- 3. The Interminable Marvel Brand—If it’s on Disney + it’s for children. F- 4. Dune—A very long Zara ad. F- 5. J Balvin—Black face. F- 6. Matrix 4—Ugh. Computers. Hackers. Cyberpunks. Simulated Reality. The 90s. The color green. F- 7. Any band that is still together after 10 years—Please. Break up. Do your solo albums. Move on. F- 8. Instagram—Get over yourself. F- 9. Musicals—Please stop singing and dancing. F- 10. Baby Boomer WASPs—Get out of the way. F- 11. Sex & the City—And Just Like That? No. Not at all. Go away. F- 12. Conversations about supply chain issues—Stop making excuses. Make your own furniture. Forage for mushrooms or whatever. F- 13. Covid—Ugh. So over it. Please stop killing us! F- 14. Crypto, NFTs, The Metaverse, etc. — see #6. F- 15. The 90s revival—Please. It was bad enough the first time around. F- 16. Adele, 30—Girl, please. We know you’re 33. It’s on your Wikipedia page. B+

ashotofhelena

Sufjan Stevens still using Tumblr and using it to shitpost is the NYE miracle that I didn’t know I needed

Top 9 albums of 2021

#this year in music #2021 #best of #music

2021

Side note: I really hope Tumblr never dies because I use it specifically for resolutions (and best of music tracking) at this point. Honestly, I love it to look back at what I wrote at the start of the year and how my year progressed.

What is there to say about 2020 that culture has not yet already said? One might say it was “unprecedented times”; one might say it was “the lost year”; one would probably call it a “dumpster fire”. Who could have predicted such turbulence and chaos when the year began? It was definitely not the year I (or anyone I am assuming) had imagined, but it was one that will have shaped me for probably the rest of my life.

At the beginning of 2020, I tearfully said goodbye to a city that I never thought I would be sad to leave - San Francisco had unexpectedly taken my heart and I decided to pursue career aspirations over my love for the city, moving back to New York in February 2020. As life had it, timing weirdly worked out for me as I was living at my parents’ home when the pandemic hit in March. On a selfish note, it was lovely having no expenses, no rent, and dinner on the table every night. But, being on Long Island with my parents from February to July was truly a test to my mental health. And so, I made the decision to fly back to San Francisco in July for a month.

I ended up staying in San Francisco until mid November, and it was honestly the best decision I made in 2020. My four months there allowed me time to see friends, even make new friends, do more in a city that I was rushed out of, and really assess how I felt about the city and the people there. To be honest, I don’t think it really helped that last action as I am still torn about whether I would move back to California or not. BUT I do feel like I was able to get a bit more out of it in 2020 and I am grateful to have had that opportunity to do so.

As 2021 approaches and the pandemic hopefully starts to peter out, I am itching to get my life started in NYC. 2020 has been awash, in my opinion, and I want to start 2021 off strong, and end it with the pandemic over and things back to normal. Looking forward to 2021, I am hoping to build off of the good habits I developed in 2020 (mostly due to the pandemic) and start a home base in NYC. Even with the four months there, I still miss San Francisco a lot, but I think it’s time to start looking forward in 2021. Here are my resolutions for the new year:

Building that home base in NYC. I am most likely moving into the city in February and living with one of my best friends from college. Timing worked out perfectly and I am definitely excited to live in the city with Emily! Like I said above, I spent a lot of 2020 trapped in my parents’ house and dwelling on the past. Hoping this move into my own personal space will help me move towards the future.

Be more open to meeting new people and dating. The older I get, the harder it is for me to meet new people - I like the people I like and want to hang out with only them! But as I am getting older, I do realize that I see a lot of my friends and serious relationships and as I pigeonhole myself with my current friends, I don’t think I will find my person. Making it a goal to be more open about this and maybe I will find someone who can tolerate me 24/7.

Run 1,000 miles in the year. This goal literally baffles me - who am I??? But, I really started running this year, even running a half-marathon by myself and ended 2020 running 800+ miles! I have come to really enjoy the sport and find it to be a good way to relieve some of my stress and it feels good to see myself running longer and longer distances. Putting this goal on here to hold myself accountable.

Continue to workout regularly, 3-4 times a week. Outside of running, I have really enjoyed the Peloton strength and yoga classes. I don’t see group fitness coming back for a while, so doing these classes will hopefully keep me in shape. Aim to do these workouts 3-4 times a week on top of my running goal.

Go pescatarian. This is such a reach goal for me... I am coming to terms that I will probably always have a little bit of meat in my diet but I have successfully cut down my meat intake significantly. As I move into NYC and start cooking for myself, my personal rules will be that I won’t eat meat at home and when eating personal meals out. I will only eat meat in family style meals or for special occasions. In an ideal world, I will be pescatarian by end of 2021.

Learn how to drive. This is such an embarrassing one but I just never learned how to drive in high school/college. Being stuck at home during the pandemic made me realize that... I need to learn this skill. Once I am in the city, I am signing up for driving lessons and hopefully will get a license before the end of the year.

Cook and bake more. I have started baking during the pandemic, after claiming to have never touched an oven before it (really I think the above goals are just showing I am on my way to becoming a suburban mom). I do love the feeling of baking something, and it being a success. I definitely want to hone in on those skills in 2021 and have already told Em that we will indeed be baking and cooking a lot in our new apartment!

Read 35 books in the year. One positive of COVID-19 is that I started reading A LOT more and god, do I actually love reading. I have read 33 (and counting!) books this year. I want to keep that goal steady so hoping to read 35 books in 2021. Already have soooo many books lined up that I want to read! My first challenge? Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky!

Volunteer more (if possible!). I loved volunteering in 2019 and haven’t had the opportunity to do it yet given the pandemic. Circumstances pending, I would love to do some sort of volunteer work in 2021. Ideally would like it to be in the food, educational or tech industry.

Start journaling. A few friends of mine do this and have said good things about writing down what happens in a day. I definitely can’t commit to daily journaling but would like to document how each day went so hoping to start journaling.

Learn something new. I learned how to bike (!!!) in 2020 and now I LOVE it. I biked around SF when I was there, and I am looking to get a Citi Bike membership when I get into NYC. I love learning something new so would hope to do that this year as well. Some ideas off the top of my head are: learn a new language (Spanish, Chinese or French?); creating/producing music

Other more miscellaneous resolutions: be more knowledgable on skincare; keep in better touch with friends; stop thinking about the past; start investing more and taking better care of my personal finances.

Here’s to a better and healthy 2021... may the light at the end of the tunnel come to fruition soon.

#2021 #resolutions

Top 9 albums of 2020

#this year in music #2020 #best of #music #posting this before pitchfork posts theirs so i am not biased

2020

Ah - it is time for my annual post for my new year’s resolutions and reflections on how the past year has gone.

2019 flew by and I think it is truly because of how great it was. I made new relationships, explored new places and really become a better person in general. Honestly, a lot of what drove this change has been living in San Francisco.

San Francisco has made me kinder, more honest and more aware of things outside of just me. I took better care of myself, working out consistently all year long for the first time in years and eating more healthily; I became more empathetic and built lifelong friendships; I started to see there was more to life than being ambitious and making a ton of money, which I have been raised to think all my life.

With all that being said, I recently got an amazing offer for the dream job at my dream company... located in New York City. Funny how life works that way, right? The moment I have become accustomed to SF, and was truly thinking this may be the place for me, something happens that completely upends my life.

It was an extremely difficult decision, perhaps the hardest decision I have made in life, but I have decided to take the job and move back to NYC. It’s been 2 weeks since I made the decision, and I am still unsure if it is the right choice. The past 2.5 years in SF has been incredible, and it feels so wrong to leave it right now. I have grown so much here and still feel like there is so much more for me to see, so many more people for me to meet, so many more experiences for me to have.

Yet I know whichever choice I made would have led to “what ifs”, regret and resentment. At the end of the day, I knew I would regret not taking the job as well. What helps me process the decision is knowing that this isn’t closing SF off forever - at the end of the day, if I decide NYC is no longer the place for me, I know I will always have a place in San Francisco.

Given the above, 2020 will be a year of massive change. I move back to NYC in early February and I want to continue some of the changes I have made in SF. Alas, here are some resolutions I have for the new year and decade:

Give NYC an open mind. It’s so funny reading my past few resolutions blogs and seeing the “I LOVE NYC” theme in them, and here I am, making THIS a resolution for myself. How the West Coast has changed me! But ultimately, I do feel like I have grown as a person in SF in ways that do not fit the NYC mentality. I want to move back to NYC and really reacquaint myself with this city that I have fallen out of love with.

Bring a sense of openness to meeting new people. What I loved about SF was how much friendlier the people were, and how accepting & open everyone was to make new friends. New York is a place where it is incredibly hard to make new friends because people don’t try. I am trying to bring that sense of openness I had in SF to NYC to make new friends (and also reconnect with old friends).

Continue to cut down on meat. I stuck to Meatless Mondays for the WHOLE year and recently cut out beef from my diet. My goal is to continue to cut down and/or eat less and less meat in general.

Become a runner. I am literally re-reading these resolutions and laughing out loud. Literally WHO AM I that I am now trying to be vegetarian and run?? But it’s true - I want to be a runner! I recently got into running, and my one of my goals before I leave SF is to run 10 miles in one go. Perhaps even run a half marathon this year? My peak was 7.5 miles, which is INSANE for me because I have always been a staunch advocate of never running. SF has built me up for this, and I plan to continue running in NYC.

Continue to workout more - one of the best things about moving back to NYC is the workout classes there are so much more my speed. Helllllo Fhitting Room, Peloton and Tone House!!

Read 15 books this year. Fell a bit short in 2019 (read 13 books vs. goal of 15 books) so I want to actually hit it in 2020. I will be commuting from home for a bit so I think this should be easier to do. Currently reading My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante.

Stay in better touch with friends. Leaving SF and the community I have built here is going to be so hard. I know I will be really sad for the first few months. Something my brother said to me as I was relaying this decision to him was “You can control the relationships you’ve built.” And this so true - if I want to continue to have some of my SF friends in my life, I have to play the role of keeping in touch and texting people when I see something that reminds me of them. This was a resolution I had in 2018 when I moved to SF, and I want to bring it back as I migrate back to NYC.

Volunteer again. One of the best things I did in 2019 was volunteer at Youth Impact Hub in Oakland - I loved the mentee I worked with, and found the experience to be so fulfilling. I want to do something similar in NYC so will be on the lookout for any interesting volunteering opportunities.

Travel more. Always, always, ALWAYS on the list. 2019 has been incredible with the travel - Park City for Sundance, Thailand, Singapore, London, Denver, Vancouver, Portugal, Ibiza, Paris, Joshua Tree - and I still want to go to more. I know I will have a trip to Stockholm with my new job, and will be going to Malaysia and Singapore (again) for a family trip. Would love to continue to explore this world and other continents. Also I never went to Las Vegas in my time on the West Coast so I NEED to make that happen before I die.

Never say never. The theme of 2020 will be to see where I want to spend the rest of my life. Something I never considered when I moved to SF was potentially staying on the West Coast for the rest of my life. I am still unable to say for sure that I want that, but I also am unable to say for sure I don’t want that. I am giving NYC a fair chance, and I would love to see how this new role goes, because it is a role out of finance, and more in strategy. But ultimately, if I find myself not loving who I am in NYC, I think I can find myself wandering back to the West Coast at some point in the future.

2019 was one of the best years of my life and tough to follow. 2020, fresh with changes and new starts, will be exciting yet scary. Looking forward to coming back here in 2021 to see how it went.

#2020 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2019

#this year in music #2019 #best of #music

2019

I obviously no longer use Tumblr on a daily basis anymore, but I do find that it’s great for two things - 1) to recount my favorite music of the year and 2) to write my resolutions for the new year. So here I am, to reflect on 2018 and set some resolutions for 2019.

2018 was definitely a year of self growth and reflection. I made A LOT of new friends (I think this is purely due to how much friendlier people are in SF vs. NYC); grew into my own at work; and learned to be a bit more independent as I continue into this misadventure of adulthood.

I have also been living in SF for a year and a half now, which is crazy to me. Even crazier is now coming back to NYC for the holidays... it didn’t feel like home anymore. NYC used to feel extremely familiar yet exciting but now... it felt a bit foreign and I felt slightly at unease. Weird how much could change in a year, huh? That said, I still don’t see SF as home either. As much as I enjoy my life in the Bay Area right now, I just don’t see it as a permanent place to be. So where does that leave me?

Well - great segue into one of my 2019 resolutions:

Work abroad in either London or Hong Kong. I am not sure how to go about this (probably finding a new job and transitioning from there) but I really really want to work abroad for a year or two. I think ultimately I want to be back in NYC, but if I know that is the case, shouldn’t I travel a bit more before settling down? 2019 will be thinking through the best way to go about this.

Building off this, I want a new role NOT in finance. I love working in tech so I want to stay in the industry, but I want to do more business ops/business development/strategy type work. If anyone works at Spotify, Hulu, Venmo or any other smaller type tech companies, let me know!

Read 15 books this year. I read 12 books last year, so trying to up it slightly and see if I can hit 15 books this year. I want to read a mix of fiction and non-fiction.

Continue to cut down on meat and carbs. I have started doing Meatless Monday, and by virtue of having many vegetarian friends, started eating less meat in general. Again, I will never be vegetarian, but I like the path I am going on right now. Carbs are more so to get that Coachella 2019 bod (because that is happening).

Work out more frequently. Again, I didn’t bite the bullet to join a gym last year. I want to work out more so hoping this is the year.

Cook more instead of eating out. This is purely because I am so lazy but it’s honestly just so much healthier to cook dinner instead of ordering pad thai every night.

Find that side job as a pop culture/film/music contributor!!! I keep saying I want to do this but I never bit the bullet on this either. I am committing to looking for this side job in 2019.

Take the GMATs - another failure from 2018 that I want to achieve in 2019.

Volunteer more. I have signed up as a mentor to help students with their social entrepreneur projects throughout 2019, which I am really excited about. I also want to volunteer at food banks, homeless shelters or dog shelters.

Make long-term commitments. I definitely have the millennial complex of not being able to commit to anything. It’s not a great way to live and I want to change that mindset this year. Commitments can be starting a relationship, project, or job... or anything really, and sticking to it.

Lastly, always always - travel more. Early 2019 is going to be great - I am going to LA, Park City and Thailand/Singapore in January and February. Hoping to make a trip to Europe later this year, and other West Coast spots (Vancouver, Vegas, Hawaii, Denver, etc.)

2018 was a good year where I learned a lot about myself and what I want to pursue. Hoping 2019 can build on that and make me a better person.

Once again, happy new year to all.

#2019 #resolutions

Top 9 Albums of 2018

#this year in music #best of #2018 #music

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