Product Placement
taylor price
tumblr dot com
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Noah Kahan
if i look back, i am lost
EXPECTATIONS
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Jules of Nature
untitled
RMH
NASA
roma★
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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Keni
ojovivo
Claire Keane
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
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@ashwrltes
Root of the Problems
Comparison- I see what others have, and I feel like there is something wrong with me because I don’t
Judgement- I’m so terribly worried about what people think of me
Insecurity- I’m scared of rejection. I’m embarrassed of my lack of experience.
Need For Control- I have an idealized version of my life. How it should have turned out, when it will happen
Dear Gabe,
Here are all the things I can’t say.
I know the path that we were going was unhealthy. But I enjoyed every bit of it. I loved the attention, how I felt desired, the way you looked at me, all of it. I’m afraid I’ll never feel that way again.
I’m scared I liked you way more than me. I don’t know what to do when we hang out again. But I miss you. It’s not the same when you’re not around.
I hate feeling jealous of Emily. She gets to be with you all the time. She gets to text you. I get nothing. I can’t help feeling bitter. Mostly because I think she prayed for this.
I was planning on asking what our end goal was. Because I don’t want to date you. There is lots about current Gabe that hurts. But I very much wanted future Gabe. That’s what I’ve been grieving. I see the potential you have. But I can’t bank on that. Or on a future us.
I hate how this situation has sent me spiraling. I wouldn’t change it or have done it any differently though. I had so much fun with you. I think I’ve learned a lot too.
I’m clinging closer to God, putting my trust in Him more, I saw how people can surprise you, and I was emotionally vulnerable for the first time.
I have to shut the door for my sanity, but God can open it if that is His will. For now, I’m ready to hold back and love you as a friend.
Cameron
I’m student teaching now. I’ve been here since mid October.
A boy from my class died. He was just 6. A sweet, clumsy, funny boy. He was a cowboy for Halloween. He was learning cursive (or his own version). He loved that I wrote “and” in cursive for him and thought it was so cool.
A drunk driver hit him. Or was under some form of influence. His great-grandmother died too.
I fear my next time there. I pray for them tomorrow.
He was just a boy.
A year ago today Nanny passed away. It still hurts, but it’s better. I dream about her a lot. Usually they’re no good. She’s just there, she dies, or she’s out of my reach. I usually know something isn’t right. We found her tree skirt this year.
We went up to see Papa today. He cried when we were there. It was just me and mom. I didn’t know what to do. I just put my arm around him. I think he’s always going to have regrets. He still says “night, Nanny” and I guess he thinks she’ll reply. I hope he’s doing okay.
He did tell us about the first time they met. He was in Easley and she was walking with Elaine. He drove by and he turned around to get another look. He said he went “investigating” and got a date with her on a Sunday afternoon and he knew after that. He had never told anyone that story.
I miss her too.
Nanny died today. I knew it was coming, but it was a shock. She had a heart attack. Papa found her face down on the floor.
I’ve been crying all day. I saw dad cry today. I saw Papa cry today. I think he regrets a lot.
I went grocery shopping with her on Monday. She told me she didn’t have to worry about me because of my morals. We went to Walmart and Subway and she told me about the house. It is supposedly 100 years old. Nanny’s bathroom used to be a kitchen. Her room was the living room.
On Friday Emily, Ansley, and I went over to decorate and clean. I did the tree with Ansley. Before they got there she was telling me a story about a crazy lady who has been banging on the house. Papa ran her off. She wanted to buy a car. Nanny said she was up to no good.
I need to find her latch hook skirt. It took her a year to make. And it’s really important to her. I helped her hang the Christmas wreathes and that was the last time I saw her. She told me she loved me and stuffed money into my hand. She always said she had the sweetest grandchildren but we had the sweetest Nanny. I hope she knows how much I love her.
SWU is going very well. I have done my first lesson and it was good. Mrs. Fowler is awesome and I’m so thankful she was my first CT. I have made a few good friends (Kaitlin and Emily). And I’m really lucky to have Anna, Becca, and Carrie with me as well.
Dear Ian,
You will never see this or ever know how much I liked you. I keep my feelings to myself and was too afraid to tell you how in love with you felt. I know it was only infatuation, but you are the first guy to give me any kind of feelings in a very long time, so thank you. Thanks for making me laugh and all giddy. Thank you for paying attention to me. My only regret is building you up so much in my head. I pray nothing but the best for you.
Your Secret Admirer
In Ten Years
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Married with at least 1 kid.
Do you want to be a homebody? No. I’d like to go out and do more.
Will you be closer with God? Yes. That’s something I have been trying to do for years, but I always stop growing.
Are you working out 3 times a week? Yes, I want to stay fit.
I think I forgot to mention that Houston got engaged to Jordan on the day after Thanksgiving! I’m going to be a bridesmaid and am so happy for them. It is a bit weird, but they’re great and I can’t wait to be part of their special day.
rejected! rejected! yeah you just got rejected! r-e-j-e-c-t-e-d rejected!
so feeling lonely as one does every christmas, i signed up for bumble and got matched with this really cute guy. he never messaged me back which is fine, but it still hurt. everyone seems to be in such loving and happy relationships and it just makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. i want so badly to be in love, to have my person. i’m trying to work on myself though until it happens. i want to start biking or hiking. and learn how to cook. i’m desperately trying to be satisfied with God and wait on His timing, it’s just so difficult
anyway things to do this year- cooks, hike, and grow with the Lord
Okay so lunch with Houston was the catalyst for some major life changes. I’m changing my major from dental assistant and I’m probably going to go into education. Hopefully kindergarten. I also want to minor in human services. I’m nervous, but I feel like this is what I was meant to do.
Went to lunch with Houston last Saturday and had such a fun time! We picked up right where we left off and it was so easy. I’ve missed her so much and I plan on texting Lubna and Grace. Just because high school is over doesn’t mean the friendships should be.
Baby, I’ve still got it. Anna’s German friend came to church and he’s pretty cute and we talked a bit and he asked for my Snapchat. I told him I don’t have one (which I don’t) and it kind of sucks because I’d love to keep talking to him. I’m still shaking as I write this. Like it was such a confidence booster and a nice reminder that it’s okay and I will/can meet someone. Plus I was the one to initiate the conversation!
Lol guess who got a job!!! I went into the Gate House on Thursday at 1:30 and I walked out at 1:49 with a job. It’s so crazy to think that I got it. I’m so excited, but also really nervous. I’ll be waitressing and maybe hosting. Ahhh I can’t believe it. I start on Monday and I have to be there at 10:15. I’m actually feeling like an adult.
I turned 20 yesterday!! It’s so weird not being a teen anymore. honestly, the older I get the more childish I feel. Here’s to my 20′s! I pray God’s will be done through this new decade of my life.
how i got red pilled: i read the term non-b*nary l*sbian and i could not wrap my head around what that was and it really woke me up that tumblr’s rhetoric isn’t always right so it should definitely be questioned. that led me to go into the anti sjw tag just to see a completely different perspective to what i was used to. while i was scrolling i saw a video that someone posted of myn*meisjosephine and i absolutely fell in love with her. she was so kind and smart and everything she said made a lot more sense than what i had been hearing. plus she was a black girl and i was like oh she’s allowed to say this!! so i binge watched all of her videos which led to me watching other conservative youtubers plus christina hoff s*mmers. i am so thankful for josephine and christina because they are absolutely the reason that i changed my world and without those two women i might still be brainwashed