Asks of ADHD

ABCsofADHD ask blog!

[ask-abcsofadhd]

having problems with strategy and thinking ahead?my head literally hurts if i try to plan anything, am i just stupid or could it be a symptom?

Oh, its very much a symptom. This is due to executive dysfunction. 

It’s why ADHDers are said to live in the present (and dont forget the time blindness). 

I don’t actually have any good advice for this. Its very hard for me too. Meds help a lot with this.

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

Is it normal for me to have a hard time with loud music? I can’t got to bars or music shows because the loud music makes me uncomfortable but I don’t mind if I’m playing my music loud in my earphones. It’s especially hard when the music is very bass-y. There is a club that is close to me and the always turn the bass up very high on their speakers and it feels suffocating. And I have a heard time breathing

Yessss... I have the same. And the sheer amount of people too.

ADHD can bring about sensory hypersensitivity.. afterall, due to our difficulty controlling our attention, in such an enviroment, we would have difficulty tuning it out. 

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

First I’d like to say blogs like yours are really helping me grow into an ADHD adult, especially since my doctors and my parents never told me about the many other symptoms and parts of ADHD that for most of my life I thought were just faults of my character and were due to a lack of trying... Anyway I was wondering if anxiety due to others romantic or sexual interest in you and vice versa is related to anything with ADHD? Or common with ADHD people?

You’re welcome!

Anxiety due to other people’s interest in you or your interest in others?

I can’t say its inherent to ADHD but ADHD can cause difficulties with socializing/ relationships in general which can lead to anxiety about future relationships I guess.

Try thinking about/ exploring what the anxiety is and where it comes from.

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

hey id just like to share a tip ive found as a person who finds it really difficult to feed myself regularly! my sister recently bought me a pack of 'huel' powder that you just mix into some water and drink to get a properly balanced meal really quickly and easily! obviously its not going to be for everybody but its really helped me get some actual nutrition rather than just eating toast for every meal. i would really recommend if you can afford it!

I’ve heard some good things about these meal replacement products from ADHDers.

Personally I like cooking so I don’t think its for me, but it is definitely a viable option for some.

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

What do you mean by externalize my motivations?

Internal motivation is when you’re motivated to do things for the sake of it/ personal growth/ genuine interest.

Externalizing your motivation means you are assigning external rewards as motivation/ when there is an external outcomes to your task.

Eg, deciding to reward yourself with some sweets every 30 mins of study.

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

thank you for reminding me that bored brains make internal conflict! i’ve been beating myself up because i can’t stop thinking about ex friends who really weren’t good for me but i don’t really have anything going on until school starts and i am BORED. now i’m still bored but i’m less distressed about it lol

[ask-abcsofadhd]

How much should I put up with things caused by adhd? My roommate has it and they're always angrily snapping at me for every little thing (among other things) and, whenever I try to call them out, their rsd kicks in and I'm made to feel bad and like it's my fault for being hurt by them. I'm also kinda worried I'm being ablist for being frustrated.

Yoooo, you’re not responsible for how others feel.

If they’re always snapping at you, you have full right to call em out. They might not mean it, they might not have bad intentions, but you are being affected by it.

You don’t have to take shit from anyone, ADHD or not, if it negatively affects you.

Yes, people with ADHD should be given considerations but even ADHDers can be little shits. 

They gotta learn to take responsibility for their actions too. 

You are not being ableist. I’d advise you to sit down and talk to them heart to heart. 

ADHDers don’t do confrontation well cause of RSD so a calm non accusatory discussion would be best. Focus on how their behavior is making you feel. 

Assure them that you’re not blaming them, but that it is affecting you negatively nonetheless. Good luck.

-Danny

[ask-abcsofadhd]

Hi! You aid you run an ADHD discord? Could I join? If you need to know, I'm 39, attentive type, late diagnosis, a bunch of other mental-health conditions, and feeling like absolute crap since I was diagnosed at 37.

Sure! Here’s an invite link: https://discord.gg/MegRFKp 

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling that way. Hopefully the community on the discord server will be helpful for you. 

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

So I brought up to my mom recently that I think I might be adhd and possibly have some symptoms of ocd as well and my mom said “of course you do. I didn’t want you to get labeled by your skill, and our family doctor wanted to put you on tons of medication you didn’t need.” My point is I guess, where do I go from here? Is it wrong to call myself adhd and find support through that community if I don’t explicitly take any medicine or have an official diagnosis? (1)

and I never really got examined by doctors for this stuff after that because “she’s just a girl. Did she daydreams or has trouble paying attention or (any number of other adhd symptoms) she’s just being a girl.” So is if bad to use those words for myself so I can find others like me without an official diagnosis? Sorry for the log asks (2)

Whether self-diagnosed or formally diagnosed (which you might actually have been, if your doc wanted you give you meds), it’s definitely ok for you to find support and ideas for managing symptoms in the ADHD community.

Self-diagnosis is something a lot of people do when they can’t get a formal diagnosis for one reason or another. It’s not ideal, but most people are pretty accepting of it. @actuallyadhd has a great post on self-diagnosis that you probably wanna look at: self-diagnosis.

Without a formal diagnosis, you won’t be able to get accommodations in school/work or things like that, but you can still get support and information from people with the same experience.

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

Is it an adhd thing to just not be able to stop daydreaming even in distracting situations and like rather than necessarily going on a tangent in my head in real time i just incorporate weird random things that potentially distract me into a fantasy world but essentially I’m going on a tangent still i guess but like in this fantasy world context instead that ends up kinda being its own daydream and pretty much everything that distracts me usually gets absorbed into a single expansive daydream

Daydreaming is a very common ADHD thing. Also, the extent to which you describe it sounds like maladaptive daydreaming. 

Maladaptive daydreaming is not currently recognized as a disorder in the DSM-5, but there is ongoing research, and a question scale (the Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale or MDS) has been developed to help determine if a person might be a maladaptive daydreamer or not. Maladaptive daydreaming is reported to correlate pretty strongly with ADHD.

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

I was going to ask something that i thought was pressing but in the time it took to find this blog I've forgotten it. I hope the irony here is appreciated :|

Ah, short term memory issues...aren’t they fun? The irony is very much appreciated! 

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

is it ok to say I have ADHD even though I haven't been officially diagnosed by a doctor? I have multiple symptoms that could be linked with ADHD and they're getting pretty severe. Also, my mom has it so I'm wondering if it can be hereditary like anxiety and depression. IDK I just need some clarity or reassurance or something. -sss

Most people are fine with self-diagnosis. 

In an ideal world, everyone with ADHD would be professionally diagnosed so they could get whatever treatment/accommodations they need. However, this is not that world, and sometimes people can’t get diagnosed for various reasons.

@actuallyadhd has a very good post on self-diagnosis (or just search for it on their blog). If you continue to learn about it and still feel that ADHD matches your experience, it’s ok to say you have it or think you have it. 

If you do have the chance to get formally diagnosed, I’d suggest you strongly consider it. 

And yes, ADHD is highly hereditary! Your mom having ADHD means you have roughly a 1-in-3 chance of having it too. 

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

is it an adhd thing to get uncomfortable watching things being made? and i mean like on how its made and stuff, where everything happens seemingly ‘perfectly’ because watching stuff like that makes me soo uncomfortable and i dont know if its just me.

Sounds like it might be a sensory issue for you. And yes, sensory issues can be related to ADHD.

Funnily enough, I remember seeing a post in the adhd tag on Tumblr talking about how much they loved watching the “How It’s Made” show as a sort of visual stim.

Everyone reacts to sensory input differently; a really good stim for one person is another person’s sensory nightmare. But having strong reactions (good or bad) to sensory stimuli is something many ADHDers experience. 

(Sensory processing disorder itself is also a common comorbid with ADHD.)

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to try and get a diagnosis and potentially medication, and I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the confidence to approach my doctor about this and the vocabulary to do so. This blog has really helped me define what I’m going through and helped with the stigma around it. Thank you so much!!

Congrats! Hope your appointment went well! 

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

Can trauma exacerbate certain symptoms of adhd or cause your adhd to get worse?

Yes. Trauma can worsen just about any previously existing mental health issue, including ADHD.

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

Has anyone with severe anxiety noticed that there is a slight reduction of hellness around 2am -5am?

I try not to be awake around that time, haha. But I do have bad anxiety and it does seem to ease up a bit in the early morning hours (although sleep deprivation doesn’t help in the long run). I don’t know why.

Anyone else?

—Mell

[ask-abcsofadhd]

so i got hired at a minimum wage job a couple weeks ago which is fine for what i need right now but i can already feel myself getting bored with it, should i stick with it or try to get a job in a field that i’m more interested in? (which is education)

That depends on you. Why don’t you try writing a list of the pros and cons? If you feel the benefits of the job are worth sticking with it for a while, stick with it. If not, don’t.

Whatever you pick, try not to feel guilty about it (don’t second guess too much). Just keep working toward your goals. :)

—Mell