Random Inquiries Department

Hello my name is Doctor Bert Somez. I am a Psychological containment specialist for the SCP Foundation. It is my job to make sure that you out there can ask any SCP a question and get an answer. Please make sure that you make it very clear who you are talking to in the ask. ((This is also an RP blog))

[ask-any-scp]

OOC

Sorry I haven't been on, I've been busy. If you send me asks though, I will respond.

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

“You don’t understand. These things will turn your body into something else and will..basically rape your mind. They won’t let you die. It’s hell.”

[ask-any-scp]

“If that happens, you’ll eventually shoot me, and then I’ll come back. I have an eternity now, my life has no value and therefore my work must be the most important thing to me. I don’t even sleep, it’s just easier to shot myself and dispose of the body rather than spend 8 hours doing nothing.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Suit yourself, then. Don’t complain to me if you find out that dosen’t work for whatever reason. If you can.” He said with a shrug.

[ask-any-scp]

"Thank you. Say, do they build lighters into you robot zombies. I need to burn some documents."

[ask-any-scp]

scp1471-a You were right, but Weeping angels still ripped off the foundation.

SOMEZ: I was not responsible for that leak.

[malmetal-deactivated20240126]

Dude, I hate to break it to ya, but in that time frame its literally impossible for either to rip off the other.

Whats more likely is that these were two independent events that have nothing to do with each other. Mystery solved

Jinkies.

[ask-any-scp]

Not necessary... some guy at the BBC could have read the 163 article and then Doctor Whoized it. You're right though, they are probably unrelated. I was joking as well; I find the idea funny.

SOMEZ: Actually, that was the result of a faulty memory wipe. Who knew they'd work on one of the best television shows of all time.

[malmetal-deactivated20240126]

What's weird is that 173 was first made a month prior to weeping angels first departure

confirmed

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

“No, just make sure the flood won’t get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted. Any other objectives or dangers I should be aware of?”

[ask-any-scp]

“I only tell you what they give me. You should probably tell Somez about the flood, You don’t know anything that he doesn’t have clearence for.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I’ll do so then.” He tapped Somez lightly on the shoulder with a finger. “Hey.”

[ask-any-scp]

Somez turns around. “Can’t you see I’m gloating here?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I need to warn you about something. It’s urgent.”

[ask-any-scp]

“Is this about those alarms that went off and then that guard came in and he was like ‘Dr. Somez you have to evacuate the facility now’ and then I was like ‘but I’m playing Skyrim’ and then he shrugged and left. Because if so, then I totally called it.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Maybe. But anyway.s, there’s an outbreak in the facility and surrounding area. And..let’s just say it’ll do far worse than just kill you. That, and 173′s loose.”

[ask-any-scp]

“Listen, I’m immortal, I’ll be fine. I won’t be fine however if I miss my deadlines.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“You don’t understand. These things will turn your body into something else and will..basically rape your mind. They won’t let you die. It’s hell.”

[ask-any-scp]

"If that happens, you'll eventually shoot me, and then I'll come back. I have an eternity now, my life has no value and therefore my work must be the most important thing to me. I don't even sleep, it's just easier to shot myself and dispose of the body rather than spend 8 hours doing nothing."

[ask-any-scp]

scp1471-a You were right, but Weeping angels still ripped off the foundation. SOMEZ: I was not responsible for that leak.

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

“No, just make sure the flood won’t get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted. Any other objectives or dangers I should be aware of?”

[ask-any-scp]

“I only tell you what they give me. You should probably tell Somez about the flood, You don’t know anything that he doesn’t have clearence for.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I’ll do so then.” He tapped Somez lightly on the shoulder with a finger. “Hey.”

[ask-any-scp]

Somez turns around. “Can’t you see I’m gloating here?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I need to warn you about something. It’s urgent.”

[ask-any-scp]

“Is this about those alarms that went off and then that guard came in and he was like ‘Dr. Somez you have to evacuate the facility now’ and then I was like ‘but I’m playing Skyrim’ and then he shrugged and left. Because if so, then I totally called it.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Maybe. But anyway.s, there’s an outbreak in the facility and surrounding area. And..let’s just say it’ll do far worse than just kill you. That, and 173′s loose.”

[ask-any-scp]

"Listen, I'm immortal, I'll be fine. I won't be fine however if I miss my deadlines."

[malmetal-deactivated20240126]

((ask-any-scp)) Somez sits at the opposite end of a table as the monster. Somez is holding a stack of papers. "So, 173cansuckmyballs88 wants to know if you like big butts."

Uh huh. Right. Okay. What an interesting question and I’d have to say looking to the bottom of my hear that yes. Yes I do like butts.

Gosh that was a tough question got any other zingers?

[ask-any-scp]

“Uhh, yeah. ifuckinghate173thatlittlebitch wants to know what you think Greece should do about its economic chrisis.”

[malmetal-deactivated20240126]

I think I’m more concerned why both of these people mention that weeping angel ripoff in their names, care to comment?

No?

[ask-any-scp]

"Dude, I'm just a guy who's over qualified for this position. Also, weeping angels were created in 07 while 173's article was written in 05."

[malmetal-deactivated20240126]

((ask-any-scp)) Somez sits at the opposite end of a table as the monster. Somez is holding a stack of papers. "So, 173cansuckmyballs88 wants to know if you like big butts."

Uh huh. Right. Okay. What an interesting question and I’d have to say looking to the bottom of my hear that yes. Yes I do like butts.

Gosh that was a tough question got any other zingers?

[ask-any-scp]

"Uhh, yeah. ifuckinghate173thatlittlebitch wants to know what you think Greece should do about its economic chrisis."

[bearsandfire-blog]

// Just a test! Reblog it if my muse can jump in your askbox without annoying the mun!

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

“No, just make sure the flood won’t get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted. Any other objectives or dangers I should be aware of?”

[ask-any-scp]

“I only tell you what they give me. You should probably tell Somez about the flood, You don’t know anything that he doesn’t have clearence for.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I’ll do so then.” He tapped Somez lightly on the shoulder with a finger. “Hey.”

[ask-any-scp]

Somez turns around. “Can’t you see I’m gloating here?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I need to warn you about something. It’s urgent.”

[ask-any-scp]

"Is this about those alarms that went off and then that guard came in and he was like 'Dr. Somez you have to evacuate the facility now' and then I was like 'but I'm playing Skyrim' and then he shrugged and left. Because if so, then I totally called it."

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

“No, just make sure the flood won’t get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted. Any other objectives or dangers I should be aware of?”

[ask-any-scp]

“I only tell you what they give me. You should probably tell Somez about the flood, You don’t know anything that he doesn’t have clearence for.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“I’ll do so then.” He tapped Somez lightly on the shoulder with a finger. “Hey.”

[ask-any-scp]

Somez turns around. "Can't you see I'm gloating here?"

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

“No, just make sure the flood won’t get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted. Any other objectives or dangers I should be aware of?”

[ask-any-scp]

"I only tell you what they give me. You should probably tell Somez about the flood, You don't know anything that he doesn't have clearence for."

[genesis-the-crafty]

(ask-any-scp) Somez was walking down the halls, big smile on his face. He then noticed the researcher. "Hey! Haven't seen you since my last time round these parts. How's research?"

She turned and gave him a withering glare.

[ask-any-scp]

“Hehe, that’s great. Say, have you seen one of my courpses? I don’t think the classified document I had came with me when I came back to life.”

[genesis-the-crafty]

‘’Go away.”

[ask-any-scp]

“Please, I’m begging you. I’d try asking someone else, but you seem to be the only one who can take shit seriously and this is a serious situation.”

[genesis-the-crafty]

She turned and delivered a stinging backhand to his cheek. “I SAID GO AWAY. I AM IN NO MOOD TO DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW SOMEZ.”

[ask-any-scp]

"I'm not asking you to deal with me. I'm asking you to give me the location of a very handsome dead body so you won't have to deal with it. If you hate me now, you'll hate me when I'm smelly and not very fun."

[genesis-the-crafty]

(ask-any-scp) Somez was walking down the halls, big smile on his face. He then noticed the researcher. "Hey! Haven't seen you since my last time round these parts. How's research?"

She turned and gave him a withering glare.

[ask-any-scp]

“Hehe, that’s great. Say, have you seen one of my courpses? I don’t think the classified document I had came with me when I came back to life.”

[genesis-the-crafty]

‘’Go away.”

[ask-any-scp]

"Please, I'm begging you. I'd try asking someone else, but you seem to be the only one who can take shit seriously and this is a serious situation."

[ask-any-scp]

Closed Starter

[through-worlds-and-time]

The room he would come to would be a cafiteria and sure enough, there were 3 zombies and 2 face huggers.

Immediately he gunned them down, the bullets ripping through the soft, mutilated flesh of the infected and the Infection Forms.

“Chief, turn around now!”

Instinctively he spun around on his heel like a dime, gun raised. Was there more flood? The 173 they had mentioned earlier?

[ask-any-scp]

“Do not blink.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He replied.

[ask-any-scp]

“Leave the room; once you close the door, run like hell.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Got it.” He slowly began to back away from the SCP, his eyes never leaving sight of it as he tried to keep himself from blinking.

[ask-any-scp]

“Okay, down the hall, you’ll see Dr. Somez’s office. I don’t know if he made it out. Could you check?”

[through-worlds-and-time]

“Noted.” He started to make his way down the hallway once the managed to slip away from the SCP. Soon he spotted Somez’s door and cautiously opened it, peering inside.

[ask-any-scp]

Somez was sitting on a seat with a metal bucket that had a manilla envelope in it. He was trying to get a lighter to work, until he saw the chef. “ROBOT ZOMBIE” he shouted as he pulled out a gun and shot himself. Then, someone who looks exactly like Somez fell out of the air vent and landed face first near the courpse. He then stood up, facing away from the soldier. “Haha I shook him. That robot zombie was no match for my cunning. I swear I’m the…” He then just kept on like this.

The voice then said in the chief’s helmet, “this guy has the strange ability to come back to life. He was going to be given SCP status until it was realized that his… quirkiness… and immortality made him perfect to be the head of the random inquiries department. That’s all the information I’m allowed to give to you, legally.”

[through-worlds-and-time]

He just stared in complete silence and confusion for a minute before replying over the intercoms to the voice. “Al..righty then. Am I supposed to escort him out after I deal with the infestation?” He asked.

[ask-any-scp]

"No, just make sure the flood won't get to him. Good luck trying to get him to leave that office."

[genesis-the-crafty]

(ask-any-scp) Somez was walking down the halls, big smile on his face. He then noticed the researcher. "Hey! Haven't seen you since my last time round these parts. How's research?"

She turned and gave him a withering glare.

[ask-any-scp]

"Hehe, that's great. Say, have you seen one of my courpses? I don't think the classified document I had came with me when I came back to life."