Self-Proclaimed Genius

An ask blog for Brainy Smurf from The Smurfs!// On indefinite hiatus

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

You find a strange book inscribed with magical symbols. You open it up to the first page, and it reads:

BRAINY SMURF ANSWERS ALL ASK YOUR QUESTION: ___________

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Hello! I keep having questions in my head. As you know, storks bring Smurfs, and I wonder if the Smurfs are blood or half-brothers? just considering how many thorns they do to you, even if the Smurfs are half-brothers, purely theoretically, is it still incest? And since I know you are the smartest among the Smurfs, can you answer these questions?

Most Smurfs are not related to each other. Although the storks bring us, that doesn't mean that they smurfed us. No one really knows where Smurfs come from, not even Papa Smurf.

(And for the record- Papa Smurf isn't our father. "Papa" is just a title for the village leader. I understand that it can be very confusing to other species.)

In order for two natural-born Smurfs to be siblings, they have to be twins- that is, delivered in the same basket.

There is also the case of Smurfette and Sassette, who are homunculi made from the same clay, and who are therefore sisters. However, they are not natural-born Smurfs.

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Dis, Brainy... comment tu ressent quand tu embrasse Clumsy ?

((Translation via Google Translate: "Say, Brainy... how does it feel when you kiss Clumsy?"))

I have not ever kissed Clumsy, and I never plan to! We're just friends, and I will not take this slander against our 100% platonic relationship that my question book seems to have filled up with in my absence. I have no interest in kissing someone as stupid as him!

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Dis, pourquoi tu ne ferais pas un cadeaux a Clumsy en symbole de ton amour pour lui? Ca serait trop mignon

((Translation via Google Translate: "Say, why don't you give Clumsy a gift as a symbol of your love for him? That would be so cute"))

I give Clumsy Smurf plenty of gifts. He's the only one who accepts my gifts

Why, just last Christmas I wrote a book entirely for him! "Brainy Smurf's Simple Guide To Geology."

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Est-ce que tu aime embrasser Clumsy?

((Translation via Google Translate: "Do you like kissing Clumsy?"))

How dare you imply something like that about me and Clumsy! I'll have you know that the two of us are completely platonic best friends, nothing more! And if anysmurf says otherwise, they're lying!

Also, although Clumsy is kind and sweet, I don't think kissing him would be very smurfy. He would probably headbutt me, or bite my lip, or something like that.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Hello Brainy! I have two questions for you:

Is it true that Smurfette wears a wig?

What do you think is the ugliest thing about Gargamel's appearance?

Hello! The village has been quite busy lately, but I have returned.

No, it is not true that Smurfette wears a wig. That is her natural hair. It changed color when Papa Smurf turned her into a real Smurf using his magic, so that might be why you're confused.

Also, the ugliest thing about Gargamel's appearance is... everything.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

((its been over a year since i posted anything on this blog, but i'm back! i will not be rebooting the blog again, but things i've said here in the past may be retconned, usually because i've forgotten them.))

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Your thoughts about the grove Smurfs? Especially storm, lily, blossom and willow?

They're weird. I'm still not used to their hair, their outfits, their weird culture... but they're alright.

I don't like Smurfstorm. She's scary and mean. She acts like I'm not normal, when she's the unsmurfy one. Clumsy is friends with her, but he's friends with her because he is an idiot who could make friends with anything. Not that I'm jealous, I know I'm his best friend and always will be.

Smurflily is... forgettable. I've known her for years now and still don't know anything about her.

Smurfblossom is my friend! I like her, and I'm glad to have more friends than just Clumsy. We share quite a few interests, and it's nice to have someone to smurf to about things when I'm having problems with Clumsy. I can't exactly go to Clumsy for emotional support when my problem is Clumsy, right? But she's very loud and that's very overwhelming.

I have a deep respect for Smurfwillow, as the leader of her village.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Your biological female right? I know that you don’t identify as female but it does play a big role how your body works. Biological females can’t grow beards, sorry.

...What on EARTH made you assume I was "biologically female?" Smurfs don't reproduce sexually, we're oudecious.* We wouldn't be able to even get new Smurfs without magic. I'm not male or female, I'm a Smurf.

*From Ancient Greek https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/οὐδείς, and the suffix https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/-oecious. I coined the term myself!

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

(For clumsy) what do you find nice about brainy?

This isn't "Ask Clumsy Smurf." It's "Ask Brainy Smurf." However, since I'm also interested in the answer to this question, I'll hand this page over to him. This is the only time- I'm not going to do this again.

—————

[The next part of the page is covered in ink stains.]

hi brainys book freinds. idk (thats short for i dont know) y u wud ask me questions but ok. i love brainy bcuz brainy is smart and sweet and braijy is my bff (thats short for best freind 4ever). i love brainy becuz brainy wants 2 b with me and asks me 2 do things with them even if they knows ill smurf it up. also becuz brainy smurfs what they thinks so i dont have to worry brainy secretly doesnt like me and is just trying 2 spare my feelings becus brainy will tell me what they thinks about me no matter how mean it is. so when brainys nice 2 me i know its becuz they likes me and not becuz they pitys me. i love brainy becuz we do fun stuff 2gether and brainys very good at a lot of it. i love brainy becuz brainy is my faverit thing. ok thats all thank u sinceerly clumsy smurf

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Hi Brainy!

I have a question...

If the Smurfs have hair (except for those who already have) will they have their own individual hair color? Or they have 1 color like the Smurfettes from the Lost Village?

If they have their own color, I know this much to ask, but can you give me your opinion what color should each Smurf have?

Thanks Brainy,

Your Absosmurfly Amazing

Technically, we all smurf hair- but most village Smurfs only have eyebrows and eyelashes. I don't particularly pay attention to hair colors, but a lot of us do smurf different ones.

I'm a natural redhead! I'm told it stands out smurfily against my skin. It's nice, right?

Interestingly, no village Smurfs smurf blue hair, and no grove Smurfs smurf blonde hair. That makes Smurfette the only blonde girl in both populations.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

why does hotdog called dog cause when its not a dog and upsidedown is godhot so why is that cool even 10-9 is 0

Did you just escape from the insane asylum? Even Dopey isn't this incoherent.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Do you ever bite back for the abuse the other Smurfs put you though?

You all pity me far too much. I am fine, I am not "abused." Some of the other Smurfs are bullies, but bullying and abuse are not the same thing. Neither are punishment and abuse.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

I conflicted about my feelings towards you, you act like a pompous jacka$$ that I want to deck you in the face, but you been under so much pressure, constantly been attacked both physically and verbally that I also want to give you a hug

I am not sure how to respond to this.

[ask-brainysmurf-archive]

Not sure, if you answered it earlier, but do you have a feeling that Papa Smurf treats you unfairly unlike the other smurfs? For example, when you're being kicked out of the village almost all the time, he doesn't do anything, but when YOU kicked Jokey, you've been punished for it. I know you're his apprentice and you're admiring him, but doesn't it hurt, when he treats you like that?

As Papa Smurf's apprentice, I'm held to higher standards than other Smurfs, because he knows I can do better than the other Smurfs. I'm proud to have this role, even if it smurfs I get punished more.

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Something tells me you’ll never grow a beard,sorry

Well. You don't KNOW that. I totally could.

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Hello! I just found this blog and i wanted to let you know it made me so happy to see it!!

Anyways, how are you Brainy?

I'm doing smurfy! It's really hot this summer, so we've been spending a lot of time down by the river. Smurflily is teaching me how to swim- I mean, not that I didn't know before, but you know what Papa Smurf always says- "Practice makes perfect."