Ask Milah, the Undead Pirate Queen

Milah, the Undead Pirate Queen, Madame Mayor of the Underworld. Formerly part of the askoncerp's Season 6 AU Hiatus for the Underworld Now indie because I'm dead and I miss them.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

God, you really are all work and no play, aren't you? It's been a rough time of it lately -- live a little!

This is hardly the first time I’ve been accused of that. Mostly by Milah. And by Killian. And by the crews of several ships.

@ask-milahthepiratequeen is always encouraging me to take a break, sometimes even successfully. 

Although I’m not technically alive, so living is perhaps the wrong word.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

I like the sound of that. And I promise I won’t let you freeze.

Originally posted by naiariddle

Okay, but. But. But.

Hah, snuck one in.

I draw the line at hosiery. I’ve tried, several times, and I have about three pairs in ruined little clumps on the floor because I kept tearing them before I could even get them on.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

God, you really are all work and no play, aren't you? It's been a rough time of it lately -- live a little!

This is hardly the first time I’ve been accused of that. Mostly by Milah. And by Killian. And by the crews of several ships.

@ask-milahthepiratequeen is always encouraging me to take a break, sometimes even successfully. 

Although I’m not technically alive, so living is perhaps the wrong word.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

It can certainly be something that calls for shoes that aren’t sensible. 

That-- That could be fun. I could wear a dress preferably something that wouldn’t be mistaken for a sleeping gown and I might even steal your coat.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

God, you really are all work and no play, aren't you? It's been a rough time of it lately -- live a little!

This is hardly the first time I’ve been accused of that. Mostly by Milah. And by Killian. And by the crews of several ships.

@ask-milahthepiratequeen is always encouraging me to take a break, sometimes even successfully. 

Although I’m not technically alive, so living is perhaps the wrong word.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

Alright. Why don’t you let me finish what I’m working on here without distraction because you can be very distracting and then let me take you out to dinner. Real dinner, not sandwiches in the office.

There is bound to be a real restaurant somewhere in town.

Oh? Oh!

I can– I can be not distracting.

But, um, is this a thing where changing into something else might be in order? Something that requires shoes that aren’t sensible?

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

God, you really are all work and no play, aren't you? It's been a rough time of it lately -- live a little!

This is hardly the first time I’ve been accused of that. Mostly by Milah. And by Killian. And by the crews of several ships.

@ask-milahthepiratequeen is always encouraging me to take a break, sometimes even successfully. 

Although I’m not technically alive, so living is perhaps the wrong word.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

I’ll take my victories where I can. And successfully getting you to take a break certainly counts as one.

But even when my devious ploys aren’t successful, I have fun with the attempts. And speaking of.

Liiiiaaaammmm. I went through this entire stack of things. You wanna take a break with me? Or do I get to distract you while you keep working? It’s a win-win for me either way!

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

Have you considered how Liam fits the pattern? I mean, Rumple, we all know how /that/ worked out. Killian, sure it was good for a while, but wow it was a mess after you were gone. And now Liam, he didn't move on to a better place because of you. It's starting to look like you may be the common denominator.

I--

You--

We--

He--

Yes. I have considered it.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

I don't think they're hand made anymore. But something tells me you don't have a lot of factory industry down in Underbrooke do you? Maybe Hades imported them. Do they all have a small imperfection in the sole that drives you crazy after a couple hours walking in them. Cause that sounds like something Hades would do... ~Jillian~

I kind of assume there must be factories. That’s what’s churning out all that smoke, right? @ask-milahthepiratequeen do you know what those factories actually make? We should probably look into that.

It’s not an imperfection in the sole that is the main problem. The left and right shoes are slightly different sizes. Nothing that can’t be fixed by padding the left shoe with a little newspaper. I heard a rumor that some people actually buy two pairs so they get the same size in both, but I don’t think that’s true. No one would buy a whole pain of shoes just to throw away. Right? 

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

You know, that is...perhaps something we should look into, isn’t it. Do you suppose it’s too much to hope for that they make sweets and cat greeting bandages and other such things?

I’ve heard that rumor, too. Wouldn’t it be better if they just sold them by the shoe? Or perhaps have a list of people with different sized feet? Unfortunately your feet are larger than mine, we couldn’t do this.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

I hate to break it to you, mate, but you're dead. I think the other shoe HAS dropped. I think the shoe STORE has dropped. Possibly the entire strip mall. ~xoxo Jillian.

(ref)

I have noticed I’m dead, thank you, Jillian.

And I’d certainly like to think that’s the other shoe. 

 Although I’m still getting used to the idea that people acquire their shoes from strip malls instead of from the little old cobbler who lived by the docks and made all the shoes for new navy recruits. I mean, I went into a shoe store once. There were near as many shoes in there as there are people in Underbrooke. It must have taken decades to make all of them. What do they do with all the extra shoes? 

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

I know that news must be shocking. If you hadn’t noticed, most people don’t live three centuries. Although, given Killian’s time in Neverland, being over three hundred is apparently no guarantee of being dead.

I know. The updated Underbrooke has its advantages. Refrigerators are one of the best things ever invented. But really, the clothing situation takes some getting used to.

I would suggest we take bets on whether or not he’s an adorable wrinkly old man the next time we see him, but I doubt that’s one either of us are willing to go against. I should have known something was amiss when I held my breath for three hours. I’d just figured I had an amazing lung capacity.

The refrigerator is indeed amazing. I am also fond of heaters when they work. Indoor plumbing? A miracle. And showers. Liam, the shower.

I do enjoy the variety but...there’s so much. I do admit that once I learned to use it, I’ve grown fond of the sewing machine I found.

A machine. The sews. All you have to do is move the material.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

I hate to break it to you, mate, but you're dead. I think the other shoe HAS dropped. I think the shoe STORE has dropped. Possibly the entire strip mall. ~xoxo Jillian.

(ref)

I have noticed I’m dead, thank you, Jillian.

And I’d certainly like to think that’s the other shoe. 

 Although I’m still getting used to the idea that people acquire their shoes from strip malls instead of from the little old cobbler who lived by the docks and made all the shoes for new navy recruits. I mean, I went into a shoe store once. There were near as many shoes in there as there are people in Underbrooke. It must have taken decades to make all of them. What do they do with all the extra shoes? 

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

Wait a moment. Hold on. You mean to tell me...

We’re dead?! Liam, why have you never said anything to me!

All along, I thought I’ve merely been checking for my pulse at the wrong time. 

I still cannot get over the abundance of clothing in some of these stores. I mean, they aren’t even tailored! They’re just...how do I know what size I am supposed to be? I know my measurements, I don’t know sizes! And what, is one size supposed to magically conform to my measurements? Or is it ‘close enough’ and apparently that is supposed to be acceptable? I just end up buying ‘close enough’ and tailoring them myself.

I’m wondering if this all isn’t some sort of taunt. For what I’m not sure.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

Of course she misses Killian. And of course she kisses you senseless when you talk like a pirate. It's the closest she's ever going to get to kissing Killian again. We all know you're never going to live up to the epic love story that Killian had with Milah but at least she can still pretend...

I’m not a fool, malevolent shade. I know she misses Killian. And I know that what I have to offer is far less exciting than running away with a pirate. 

But I also know Milah. I know that our friendship means too much to her for her to simply take me as a replacement for what she cannot have. I know she deserves far more credit that you give her. Do not make the mistake of doing her that dishonor again in my hearing.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

I… Of course I know… I know you well enough. I’m just not used to any of this. I’m still learning not to expect the other shoe to drop when something amazing happens.

And of course I would do something badly just to make you smile. I knew I loved your smile far before I figured out that I’m in love.

Alright, good. I’ll...do my best to remind you. That there’s no shoe left to drop.

Oh! Oh, um. Thank you. Yes. I, ah, grew them myself. The teeth, I mean. I take care of them, you know. The best I can. So I’m glad you like them. In smiles.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

I have a suggestion for the uniform. It involves a zipper. Buttons are SO last century.

Ohhhhh. I second this suggestion. It means less things to sew back on in moments where a quick undressing is very much needed.

I, ah, of course mean when we’re running late for something and he needs to change clothes quickly. I would say for instances where he’s a liar, liar, pants on fire, but he’s not very good at that. (Because if your pants are on fire, you’d have to take them off in a hurry, right?)

What do you think, @asktheoriginalliam? Zippers, or shall I sew the buttons back on for you?

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

You do realize I managed just fine with buttons for years, right? We were often miles from shore, and from tailors, so we generally just sewed on our own buttons as the need arose. Which is did from time to time, putting in a full days work on deck. There are plenty of things on a ship to catch on a button.

We seldom had issues with fires, surrounded as we were by water, and there are few other causes requiring divesting oneself of clothing quite that quickly. 

Most things worth doing are worth taking your time.

But would you agree that there might be some causes that are worth the quick removal of clothing? An eternity of waiting you may be worth, but, well.

When it’s a quarter till six and there’s an important function we’re due at in fifteen minutes, a bit of button popping for an expedient wardrobe change might come in handy, yes?

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

I have a suggestion for the uniform. It involves a zipper. Buttons are SO last century.

Ohhhhh. I second this suggestion. It means less things to sew back on in moments where a quick undressing is very much needed.

I, ah, of course mean when we’re running late for something and he needs to change clothes quickly. I would say for instances where he’s a liar, liar, pants on fire, but he’s not very good at that. (Because if your pants are on fire, you’d have to take them off in a hurry, right?)

What do you think, @asktheoriginalliam? Zippers, or shall I sew the buttons back on for you?

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

Was it difficult to learn to be a sailor when you first left with Killian?

I’m simply glad video cameras had not yet been invented in those early days and woe that cat greeting bandages hadn’t been.

Fortunately I learn fast if I have a good teacher. And Killian...was a very good teacher.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

Maybe Milah will get you a new taco hat! (okay but please don't because it's a little silly looking... I mean... what?)

The thing about the hats is that they are about rank. You don’t simply buy one and wear one because you like the look. They have to be earned. The appropriate hat for an admiral was different that the one for a captain, which was different from one for a lieutenant. Any possible hat for me to wear now would have to be part of a uniform, and @ask-milahthepiratequeen and I have not yet discussed the appropriate uniform for the Underworld Navy.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

Rightful earning of head wear aside, I’m still going to tease you. Though to be fair to all hat wearers, I’ve never really been fond of wearing them as they tend to smoosh my curls.

Perhaps we could start discussions of naval uniforms during lunch. I admit, though, I’ve seen those hats before and I’d woe at the thought of your adorable ears being smooshed down.

[asktheoriginalliam-blog]

Do you ever miss the taco hat?

Occasionally. Although I know @ask-milahthepiratequeen would mock me heartily about it. That sounds like something she would call it, come to think of it.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

Very astute observation. I most heartily would. I teased your brother when I learned about his. It’s now tradition.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

So Liam doesn't like your krakens because of the subject matter. Is there anything you don't like to draw for similar reasons?

Um. Well. There’s certain things I don’t enjoy drawing for one reason or another. But sometimes I still find myself drawing them.

At least I’ve in drawing hands. And eyes… Whether they’re holding a heart before crushing it or…

Anyway. Perhaps it’s therapeutic? Maybe? Or perhaps I just like to torture myself.

I have…a lot of these drawings I’ve done over the centuries. I don’t look at them after I’m done and I certainly don’t show them to anyone.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

I didn’t mean to startle you. I can understand why you don’t keep them around. There are some things it is easier to pretend you’ve forgotten, even if the memories won’t leave.

Originally posted by once-upon-a-side-character

And of course a part of me wishes I could forget that look. But another part… it was the sharpest memory I had of him until recently.

Originally posted by dealingdreams

I had his face again when you drew it for me, but before that… when all I had of life was memories, I don’t know if I would have willingly forgotten a moment with Killian, however much it hurt.

Yes you did, punk. They’re still there. I know they are. Even if I don’t look at them, there’s still that lingering knowledge that all it would take is one little peek. But that’s what memories are, aren’t they, sketched or not.

Some days I wish I wanted to burn them. Others...I’ll even keep the memory of seeing my heart if it means I can keep the rest.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

So Liam doesn't like your krakens because of the subject matter. Is there anything you don't like to draw for similar reasons?

Um. Well. There’s certain things I don’t enjoy drawing for one reason or another. But sometimes I still find myself drawing them.

At least I’ve in drawing hands. And eyes… Whether they’re holding a heart before crushing it or…

Anyway. Perhaps it’s therapeutic? Maybe? Or perhaps I just like to torture myself.

I have…a lot of these drawings I’ve done over the centuries. I don’t look at them after I’m done and I certainly don’t show them to anyone.

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

asktheoriginalliam:

I… I didn’t know. I’ve never seen those drawings, not on the napkins in the bar, not even in your studio.

Originally posted by officerrogerss

And I haven’t forgotten dying either, Milah, nor have I forgotten the look in Killian’s eyes when I fell. Some memories are too sharp to fade, even after all this time.

Shittake mushrooms, Liam, you scared the carp out of me.

Where the waffle iron is that load bearing bell?

I...don’t keep them out. And it’s easier not to draw such things when one isn’t alone.

Do you sometimes wish you could? Forget that look?

[ask-milahthepiratequeen]

So Liam doesn't like your krakens because of the subject matter. Is there anything you don't like to draw for similar reasons?

Um. Well. There’s certain things I don’t enjoy drawing for one reason or another. But sometimes I still find myself drawing them.

At least I’ve in drawing hands. And eyes... Whether they’re holding a heart before crushing it or…

Anyway. Perhaps it’s therapeutic? Maybe? Or perhaps I just like to torture myself.

I have…a lot of these drawings I’ve done over the centuries. I don’t look at them after I’m done and I certainly don’t show them to anyone.