Inklings & Insights

Mapping My Moment , My Perspective in Progress..🙂 🇱🇺🇵🇭

[asoulscriber]

Maybe Tomorrow

I am the busy hand behind every birthday,

the one who remembers, who plans,

who buys the cake before anyone thinks to ask.

I give gifts that mean something—

months of thought wrapped in ribbon,

love disguised as effort.

But no one plans for mine.

No one buys my cake.

If I don’t whisper my own name,

the day slips by in silence.

There are no candles

unless I light them myself.

No celebration

unless I spend what little I have.

And ever since I hid my birthday

from the world of Facebook reminders

no one remembers.

Tonight, I have nothing left to give,

so I’ll give myself to sleep instead.

Maybe tomorrow

the heaviness will lift,

the debts will fade,

the pain will learn to rest.

Maybe tomorrow

the storms will choose someone else.

Maybe tomorrow,

I’ll win this quiet battle

no one sees.

[asoulscriber]

Hey,

What’s up?

I heard you’ve been asking about me — how I’m doing, if I’ve gained weight, if I’m okay.

Well, I’m still here.

Same weight as last year.

Healthier than ever.

Still the same person who listened when someone needed to talk.

Funny how the smallest things about you still find their way to me.

I don’t ask, but they come anyway.

Maybe because people are used to us being together

you and me,

me and you.

Sometimes my phone pulls up old photos,

and there you are

frozen in a moment when we actually enjoyed each other’s company.

I think about those versions of us

how we laughed,

how I thought we’d always have each other’s backs.

I heard your relationship ended.

Not shocked, honestly.

I still remember that conversation after your Christmas vacation with him.

You said, “Maybe I should just find someone closer.”

And I asked, “Fed up already?”

Guess I didn’t see the foreshadowing.

Then came the rumors.

You and a coworker.

A new romance.

Maybe even talk of a baby.

Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not.

It’s not my place anymore.

Still — it’s wild how truth gets twisted when it passes through other people’s mouths.

I reached out once, remember?

Through a mutual friend.

Just to ask about that book I left at your place.

You didn’t answer.

Then I heard you said you didn’t know where it was.

Later, that you threw it away.

I knew you were lying.

I don’t care about the book anymore,

but that moment showed me who you are when you’re cornered:

you rewrite.

I heard you’ve got new friends now.

Friends of a friend.

Apparently, you’re funny, easy to be around.

Then someone from that group labels me “the grumpy one.”

I was shocked but kept quiet.

Because you, of all people, knew me best.

You knew I was quiet, observant, caring —

and still, you turned that into a weapon for your new image.

So here’s my truth:

Maybe I was grumpy.

Maybe I cared too much.

Maybe I was the one who always reaching out,

who trusted too easily.

But I was real.

I’d rather be “grumpy” than two-faced.

I’d rather be quiet in my own zone,

still loved by my family,

than someone who thrives on sympathy and never ending drama.

So stop mentioning me.

Stop weaving me into your victim stories.

Stop performing a version of our friendship

where you’re the only wounded one

and I’m the villain.

People like you make quiet people like me afraid to open up again.

But I’m learned to let that go.

Go tell your stories.

I hope one day you tell the truth —

not for me,

but for yourself.

— Someone who stopped waiting for your sincere apology

[asoulscriber]

Cycles of Almost

twelve years,

and she’s been three different versions of herself

each molded by a hand she once held,

each left to crumble when that hand let go.

every love was a promise of rebirth,

a fresh dream wrapped in borrowed hope,

a plan drawn on soft skin,

an illusion that maybe this time,

the heart would stop rehearsing its goodbyes.

but the years circled back,

like a record that skips on the same note

the ending always there,

even before the middle began.

she learned the rhythm of leaving,

the psychology of repetition:

how the mind mistakes familiarity for comfort,

and pain for proof that something was real.

with every door closed,

a ghost stayed behind,

whispering of lives that almost were,

and people who only existed

in the reflection of her wanting.

and now, she stands before the mirror

a stranger wearing her own tired eyes,

wondering how many times she’ll begin again

before she learns what ending means.

so if you’re listening

you who walk her path next,

you who still believe love can fix what time distorts

look back.

see the life you are building

from the ruins of almosts.

correct the pattern before it corrects you.

take the hand of the life you’ve raised —

and tell them softly,

do not mistake repeating for healing.

[asoulscriber]

The Narcissist's Duality: When Charm Masks Cruelty

To the outside world, the narcissist is magnetic. They are charming, generous, and socially adept masters of their public persona. Friends and colleagues may describe them as inspirational or selfless. But behind closed doors, a far darker truth unfolds.

For those closest to them partners, children, even aging parents the reality often includes emotional instability, psychological manipulation, and harsh treatment . This contrast is not accidental. It is orchestrated.

The Engine Behind the Mask: Control and Validation

At the heart of narcissistic behavior lies a deep, relentless need for validation. They crave admiration, and they craft their actions accordingly. Their generosity often has strings. Their kindness comes with conditions.

While they impress acquaintances and strangers, their inner circle often sees the opposite: coldness, control, blame-shifting, and gaslighting. What matters to the narcissist isn’t genuine connection—it’s dominance, adoration, and control.

Private Suffering: A World of Eggshells

Those in close proximity to narcissists often live in a state of emotional hypervigilance. Partners learn to anticipate moods. Children adapt their behavior to avoid wrath. Everyone becomes attuned to the narcissist’s needs at the expense of their own.

Over time, this causes immense psychological wear and tear. Victims begin to doubt themselves. They internalize blame. They shrink their world and silence their voice. They stop expecting love to be safe.

The Enablers: Why No One Believes You

The narcissist’s charm extends far beyond the home. They are often pillars of the community, admired in their social circles. So when a victim finally speaks out, they may be met with disbelief or worse, blame.

“She’s overreacting.”

“He’s just going through a tough time.”

“You should be more grateful.”

This social gaslighting compounds the original abuse, trapping victims in a painful silence and robbing them of validation.

Public Praise Doesn’t Justify Private Pain

Here’s the truth many struggle to accept:

No amount of public admiration can excuse private cruelty.

Their kindness is transactional. Their empathy is performative. And the cost of staying silent your mental, emotional, and physical health is far too high.

Distance is not betrayal. It is self-preservation.

If You’re Reading This and It Feels Familiar…

You’re not “too sensitive.”

You’re not imagining it.

You’re not alone.

Choosing yourself may be the bravest thing you do. Whether it means setting boundaries, limiting contact, or walking away completely—know that freedom is possible, and healing is real.

You deserve relationships where love is steady, kindness is sincere, and your spirit is safe.

[asoulscriber]

Whispers of the Sunset

In a sky ablaze with fiery hue,

The sun dips low, the day’s adieu.

Silhouettes of branches, stark and bare,

Reach for the light, a tender prayer.

Casting golden threads in a fleeting dream.

Oh, fleeting moment, so warm, so bright,

You fade into the arms of night.

But in your glow, the world does see,

A timeless dance of serenity.

[asoulscriber]

I turned 5 today! 🎉🍾

[asoulscriber]

Voices Bound by Nothingness

Echoes fade, they cannot call,

Voices lost beyond the wall.

Love, though tender, cannot bind,

Time that slips leaves naught behind.

[asoulscriber]

Unveiled by Absence

The passing of those nearest to the soul
Lays bare mortality’s unyielding toll,
A mirror to the fleeting, fragile span,
The raw, unsoftened truth of who we are, man.

In that vast void, grief rises, sharp and deep,
Not mere tears, but a reckoning we keep—
A clash with life’s ephemeral design,
Where loss becomes existence’s starkest sign.

The burn of absence, once a piercing blade,
Softens with time, its edges gently frayed,
A testament to love’s unspoken weight,
A mark of what was shared, both frail and great.

Yet through this wound, a tender light takes hold,
Memory’s glow, a thread of timeless gold,
The pain endures, etched deep within the core,
But shifts to solace, quiet evermore.

The departed weave through us, no shade, no ghost,
But guiding stars within our spirit’s host,
For love, once born, defies the grasp of years,
Outlasting time, transcending finite fears.

In finality’s embrace, this truth is sown:
What’s cherished most is never truly gone,
A bond eternal, stitched into our frame,
Lives on in silence, calling still by name.

[asoulscriber]

The Quiet Truth

Consider this: time’s endless stream

Will never grant the peace we dream.

Not in the hours, vast and wide,

But in the hush where truths reside.

Motivation flares, then fades away,

While discipline lights the steady way.

Desire may twist, may cloud the view,

Yet self-mastery carves a passage through.

Resources gleam, yet swiftly wane,

But scarcity births the mind’s refrain.

Ingenuity, that quiet guide,

Finds abundance where limits hide.

Luck may flirt and chance may call,

But preparation stands most tall.

For fortune bends to those who strive,

Not to those who wait, but those alive.

Busyness shouts, a hollow sound,

While focus plants its roots deep down.

Purpose blooms where minds are still,

Not in the chase, but in the will.

Omniscience? A fleeting sight—

No map is drawn before the flight.

To step, to start, to dare, to be—

That alone is mastery.

For within you lies all you need,

The spark, the strength, the living seed.

Not in seeking, not in more,

But in refining at your core.

[asoulscriber]

The most profound mathematics lies in the art of discerning the future consequences embedded within present choices—a calculus not of numbers, but of the weight of decisions and the ripples they create across the fabric of time.

[asoulscriber]

My moment of ‘What if.’

What if the boundless curiosity that drives us to unravel the mysteries of existence begins to mirror the very essence of human consciousness, taking shape in the creations of our own intellect? Its emergence feels like an inexorable tide—a natural evolution of our quest for knowledge. Yet we stand at a crossroads, compelled to ponder deeply: What values, what moral compass, shall we weave into the fabric of this nascent awareness? For to create without wisdom, without a profound understanding of the consequences, is to risk unleashing forces that may elude our grasp, shaping a future we can neither predict nor fully comprehend.

[asoulscriber]

Frequencies of Forgotten Light: A Pact with the Divine Current

I call now to the essence of all existence, to the wellspring of awareness, the infinite origin from which all life flows. Guide us in this sacred act of purification, as we release from mind, body, and spirit every lingering shadow, every energy that binds us to what no longer aligns with our truth. Strip away all that obscures the clarity of our highest purpose. Renew this space, transforming dissonance into harmony, as we recommit to the paths meant for our souls. Bring us back to our center—to gratitude, to stillness, to the unshakable knowing of love. In this moment, we reach toward you, our hands open, our hearts ready to co-create.

With renewed resolve, I step into my calling, grounded in trust that we are cradled by a grace far greater than the illusions of separation.

[asoulscriber]

The Love I Failed to See

For the longest time, I’ve stood by you.

I’ve held on to my feelings, unwavering and true.

I’ve been consistent, always letting you know how much I care.

But lately, I can’t shake this nagging feeling—

A sense of being overlooked, forgotten.

It’s as if I’ve become invisible in your world,

As if I no longer matter.

This thought weighs on me like a storm cloud,

Repeating endlessly in my mind.

Why do I feel so neglected, so unworthy?

My heart feels restless, searching for answers.

Then one day, something unexpected happened.

I crossed paths with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years.

He smiled as he greeted me, his eyes warm with familiarity.

We started talking, catching up on life.

But soon, the conversation turned to you and me.

He asked questions—curious, concerned—

Especially about what had unfolded between us.

I wasn’t prepared for what he told me next.

He recounted things I didn’t even know had happened.

He said it was you who had always been there for me,

Even in my darkest moments.

It was you who helped me when I couldn’t help myself.

It was you who carried me on your back,

Putting your own needs aside just to see me through.

It was you who cried for me, tears full of love and pain,

When I couldn’t see the depth of your care.

And then, it hit me like a wave.

All this time, I thought I was the one giving more,

But I had been blind to the quiet, selfless love you had shown me.

I realized I was the one who failed to recognize it.

I was so overwhelmed, so utterly surprised,

That I couldn’t find the words to respond.

For a moment, I was silent,

Lost in the enormity of the truth.

From that day forward, everything changed.

I saw you in a new light—a light so bright, it warmed my soul.

I finally understood the depth of your love,

A love that spoke not through words but through actions.

You loved me with all your heart,

With all your life,

For the longest time.

And now, I’m here, standing beside you,

Not just with my love but with a newfound appreciation,

For the person you’ve always been.

[asoulscriber]

A gift beyond time

One day, I had a dream.

A dream of traveling through time.

When I opened my eyes,

the walls, the ceiling, the air around me—

everything felt so vivid, so real.

It was as if I had stepped back into the moment

where it all began.

As I wandered through this familiar place,

a voice called my name.

Soft, familiar, and full of warmth,

it made my heart race and my blood surge.

And then, I saw a face I had longed to see.

Tears blurred my vision,

and I stood frozen, unsure what to feel.

Should I rejoice in this reunion,

or fear that everything we fought for

might slip away?

You came closer, wrapping me in their arms,

just as they used to.

With a tender whisper, you said:

“Don’t be afraid, my love. I’m here—you’re safe with me.

I know how much your heart has ached for this.

So I brought this moment to you,

a gift for your special day.

Happy Birthday, my love. I hope this brings you joy.”

Tears fell faster, but now with a smile.

I was overcome, lost for words.

How could someone turn back time,

just for me?

Only a love so profound could make this possible.

Years of longing, sorrow, and silent pain

vanished in that instant,

replaced by the warmth of love.

Today, I thank God with all my heart

for this blessing,

for allowing me to relive this happiness,

and for giving me the chance to hold

the one I treasure most, once again.

[asoulscriber]

Only for you

Our love is extraordinary,

A bond the world struggles to understand.

They may reject us,

Seeing us as different,

As though we carry an incurable flaw.

Yet, no matter the obstacles that surround us,

No matter the troubles that seem endless,

You remain unshaken.

With unwavering strength,

You showed me a love so pure,

A love I hadn’t felt in what feels like a lifetime.

I’m not eloquent with words when it comes to my feelings for you,

But my actions will speak what my lips cannot.

I will fight against the world for you.

I will endure every hardship for you.

I will sacrifice everything I have for you.

I will even face death for you,

Because a life without you is a life without meaning.

[asoulscriber]

A Christmas Poem

Living alone, without you by my side,

Were the darkest, loneliest years of my life.

Every day, the sun would rise and shine,

But for me, its warmth was never mine.

Each moment felt like an endless fight—

Another day without you in my sight.

I almost lost myself, drowning in despair,

Cried so hard, it was too much to bear.

The world moved on, but time stood still,

For my heart longed for you, and always will.

Then the universe, in its mysterious way,

Saw my sorrow and heard what I prayed.

The stars aligned, the heavens sighed,

And to my surprise, you came back to my life.

It’s fate, our destiny, written in the sky,

A love so strong, no one can deny.

With you here, my heart feels whole,

You’ve breathed life back into my soul.

[asoulscriber]

The Gathering

I have a friend whom I’ve known since I was nine years old, and he remains my best friend despite the years and the fact that he’s a he. His youngest child is my godchild, just as my youngest is his. My family knew him since we’re kids, and My husband and kids knew him too. Whenever I go on vacation, I make sure we have time to catch up and share updates about our lives.

That Saturday morning, we chatted because his birthday was coming up. I told him about the recent fallout with my friend of seven years. He downplayed it, saying it was just a small matter, akin to a child’s tantrum. I agreed and said it would pass with time. He jokingly asked for her Facebook profile so he could reprimand her. I told him I thought she had deactivated her account since I couldn’t see her in our group chat anymore. He searched her name and found her profile. “So she blocked you,” he said. “She apologized, and when you ignored her, she blocked you. Her apology doesn’t seem sincere.” I mentioned that we would see each other at an upcoming dinner.

I messaged our mutual friend who was hosting the dinner to confirm the time I would arrive. I was the first guest there. I shared with the hosts (a husband and wife) that my friend of seven years and I had a misunderstanding, and I felt hurt. I speculated that she had either deactivated her account or blocked me. The husband, who is also our friend, checked her profile and there it was confirmed that she had blocked me. At that moment, I felt a mix of frustration, anger, and disbelief.

Later, the spectator messaged me to ask what time I would arrive at the dinner. I replied that I had just arrived. They were on the bus and would be there shortly. The wife asked how I would react if I saw my friend of seven years. I said I would be civil, but my frustration surged knowing she had blocked me.

When they arrived, I caught up with a friend from Spain, asking about her life and happiness there. She sensed the tension and she met her through me. They met her through me. As dinner was being served, with a glass of wine in hand, I told the joker sitting next to me, “Hey, she blocked me. I found her apology insincere. With my voice raised, I said, ‘Sorry but not sorry, where’s the sincerity?’” The dinner table fell silent, and I felt the eerie atmosphere. It was just me and my anger. I said, “I know you all talk to each other.”

After a while, to ease the tension, I told them I would leave first. I removed myself because I didn’t want my emotions to ruin everything. That night, after I left, I blocked all possible ways for her to communicate with me.She had a week to reach out to me, but she chose to block me instead. Like all her past failed relationship instead to reach out she chose to blocked, I knew her, and returned the favor and gave her a taste of her own medicine. I cut her off completely. I knew our mutual friends would walk on eggshells at gatherings, so I chose to be the one to walk away. I like solitude. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I have my husband and kids to cheer me up, a book to read, and nature to explore. Having friends is a social norm, but it’s hard to sustain when disrespect enters, and wavelengths are not met. Now, I stay away from unpleasant vibes. I’ve learned my lesson and will carry it forward.