“they just hang there.I hate ‘em”
At a time when many more people seem to be agreeing that same-sex attraction is likely a response a person is born with, the quote above from a physically healthy 22 year old Gay male is confusing to most Straight people and most Gay people alike. The object of this man’s hatred, the things that “ just hang there “, are his testicles. He could have expressed the same negative feelings about his penis or both organs. If general society is coming to accept that people sharing the same genitalia can also share actual emotional and physical interaction without legal and social limits, it has a right to assume that those same-sex genitals are appreciated by the two people possessing them.
But for a small group of males and females, both Gay and Straight, a dislike of their own sexual organs can dominate their lives. And it is definitely not those passing thoughts like “ I wish I were taller “ or “ I wish I were shorter “, that most persons have and eventually dismiss. An understandable assumption, but one that is incorrect, is that those who have this negative opinion of their genitals are trans-sexual in outlook, and that if the organs of the opposite sex could replace the organs they were born with, then this alienation would be resolved.
However the 22 year old male quoted above says he does not want to have a female’s genitals or a female’s body. He says he has a definite and positive concept of himself as male, yet still harbors a firm dislike or distaste or even embarrassment or disgust, about the human flesh and tissue between his legs. While this blog concentrates on Gay males, this rejection of the reproductive part of the anatomy is felt by Straight and Lesbian females and by Straight males.
Mental health practitioners often see this body-alienation mindset most recognizably in females that are diagnosed with anorexia. An anorexic female believes her body weight is more than what it should be, and she will take many actions to bring her weight to the level she perceives to be right. This belief is regardless if her current weight is appropriate to her body and regardless that a lesser weight may be injurious to her health. This concern is motivated by a perception that the appearance of the body is unacceptable in the mind of the person inhabiting it, and that relief can only be obtained when the person feels in her mind that the elimination of the “ deformity “ has been obtained.
That a healthy 22 year old male with anatomically acceptable genitalia would feel negatively toward it is a genuine and persistent problem to him, and probably one that he has had since adolescence or pre-adolescence. And in many instances where there is a belief in a person’s mind that a physical body part is “ wrong” or “ inappropriate “, the desire to correct this problem will be confronted with the reality that few if indeed any options are available. This is not plastic surgery for a less-than-perfect nose.
Genitalia has a broad impact on all aspects of human emotional and physical development. When so prominent a component of a person’s body is seen by that person as unattractive, or burdensome, yet the options to resolve the problem are realized to be almost non-existent, the offending body part seems even more unattractive and the concern to correct it is no longer a concern, but now an obsession. While masochistic and sadistic behavior among adults of all sexual orientations is practiced to achieve mental fantasies and physical satisfaction, the actions of persons with a dislike of their own genitals often takes the form of behaviors driven by a desire to punish or destroy the offending organ, and not to experience sexual gratification. This behavior has an agenda that is driven not only by the initial dislike of the genitals, but also by the frustrated feeling that nothing can be done to achieve needed relief.
Mental health practitioners can attempt to offer help by trying to determine the basis of a person’s alienation towards their genitals. But like many issues that originate in a particular person’s mind as an opinion or a view or a perception, this opinion, view or perception is very valid to that person. That this opinion, view or perception is not shared by a majority of other people does not lessen the belief in them. An anorexic female’s belief that she is not at the weight her mind tells her she should be often can not and will not abandon this belief even when her body eventually is unable to survive the diet imposed on it. This same thought process is at work in the mind of a male unhappy with his genital appearance.
The deep rooted dislike of the genitals borne by males who do not see mental-assistance-therapy as an option, inevitably leaves them feeling trapped. Indeed, the choices are so drastic or so unrealistic, that a large number of these men do nothing at all, much to their emotional and mental detriment. The submissive sexual behaviors many of these men exhibit from its origins in learned low-self esteem, are now often increased by the thought that the disliked sexual organ will always be there and therefore, as almost an angry response, should be subjected to abuse. Submission to another person has a great erotic appeal to those who feel this as part of their sexual makeup. But those who let their genital dislike control their submissive behavior have a heightened vulnerability to physical consequences.
Surgical removal of the unwanted organ would seem to be the logical remedy. But safe removal by a medical surgeon of a healthy organ is extremely difficult to obtain currently. Obviously, non-medically-safe removal can be found, even self-removal has been done, but the majority of males having genital-acceptance issues wisely realize the enormity of the physical dangers that acting on this can present if done outside of established medical protocols. Sadly, many men will substitute various sorts of relief to try to resolve this persistent dislike of their testicles or penis. It can be modifications like penis sub-incision, elastic banding of the penis or scrotum in attempts to destroy their functionality, submitting to abuse of the genitals by self or others, even imposing restrictive cages or locks on the genitals. The extreme forms that some of these attempts at relief and solution take, re-affirms the obsessional hold genital mal-acceptance can have.
The ultimate relief that these men rightly deserve to experience will come when mental health advocates and the medical community agree that safe and supervised surgical removal of the genitals, coupled with hormonal after-surgery treatment, is the right solution.
