Me: Alright, Lucifer… This is your last chance to make your case to MC before the wedding. So, tell all the readers at home, why should they pick you over the rest of your brothers?
Lucifer: Put simply, they are not a fool. And I know that intimately. Their heart belonged to me the moment they embarked on this journey with us, and my heart to them. That should be reason enough to make the bond we share immortal.
Me: Eloquent!
Belphie: Pompous.
Satan: Trite.
Me: Hey, no heckling!
Me: Now, Mammon, it’s your turn! Why should you be the one to marry MC?
Mammon: Because I’m their first!
Me: Their first what?
Mammon: I’m their first everything, and if I ain’t, then whatever happened before don’t count. Ya hear?
Me: Well now I feel like we’re talking about something else entirely, but okay!
Me: Levi! Why should MC marry you?
Levi: *sits completely still with jaw locked tight cause he can’t handle the sudden pressure*
Levi: *mmhhmm*……!
Me: Oh shit, I forgot to give you the question in advance! One minute!!
*five-minute intermission so Levi can practice what to say*
Levi: *comes back clutching the mic as tight as possible*
Me: Satan! Tell us, why should you be the one to marry MC?
Satan: Ah! *pulls out a thick book in which he has written every single reason he can think of in painstaking detail*
Satan: *inhales*
Me: *sees the writing on the wall and snaps the book shut* Summarize in five words or less!
Satan: *glares* … They complete me.
Me: … damn, that was good…
Satan: I know.
Me: Asmo, you’re up!! Why should MC-
Asmo: -AS IF there could be any reason NOT to marry me!!
Asmo: *snatches microphone*
Asmo: I mean, look at me! That’s the first reason already!! Never mind my loveable charm, immense talent, how I brighten every room that I walk into, and the fact that I love, love, love them more than any other being on this whole godforsaken planet—no offense guys, but you have to agree, don’t you? They’re just so cute and-!
Me: *snatches back the mic*
Me: OKAY, moving on!
Me: Beel, why do you think you should get to marry MC?
Beel: *finishes the popcorn he’s chewing* Well…
Beel: To be honest, I don’t really mind if it isn’t me that they pick. I’m just happy that they’re going to be part of the family.
Beel: But if they do pick me, then I’ll make sure they feel treasured every day. Just like all my brothers will.
Me: … damnit Beel this is supposed to be competition, why are you so sweet—Don’t eat the mic!! Put it down!!
Me: Ugh! And finally, Belphie!… Uh…
Belphie: zzzzzzz….
Me: … Did we take too long?
Mammon: Yeah, we lost him while Levi was still thinkin’ up his answer.
Levi: Hey!!
Me: shit…
Belphie: …zzzZZz… MC….
Me: *glances at everyone, shrugs, then leans the mic closer to his face*
Belphie: ….zzz-is perfect… ZZzz… want to be… mine… forever…
Satan: …Well, that’s a little ominous…
Me: True… but have you guys ever noticed that he looks like a puppy when he curls up like that?? OH he just smiled!!
Lucifer: *facepalm* This is why your species tries to pet tigers…
Are you still alive? And If you are, what do you think about the Obey Me V3 announcement? 😭😭
Actually not dead, just burnt out beyond belief and taking care of myself for once (read as: be less chronically online, Jazzy lol)
And legit so excited for OM V3. Can hardly wait kind of excited, hell bursting at the seams kind of excited!! I love lifestyle tracker type things so this sounds like a dream come true to me.
I'm sorry if this most recent post worried you... 😅 I didn't mean it to seem like I'm in some kind of crisis. I'm... taking the (sorta kinda) end of the game (or at least it's updates) harder than I care to admit for a number of outside factors. But I. Am. Okay.
I will post a small personal update tomorrow when I'm more ready to be online. But I really, really wanted to post something to mark today just for myself. To prove I could do it. And I did. So I'm happy. 😊
*Mammon and Asmo want to go out to The Fall and they decide to bring MC and Satan along with. The festivities seem to be going well at first, until Asmo spies MC sitting at the bar, patting the back of a slumped over Satan. Confused, he goes to investigate*
Asmo: Uhm MC, hun? Is everything alright...?
*Satan appears to be crying with his cheek against the bar and MC looks... completely done with this situation*
MC: No. Satan's upset.
Asmo: What?? Why, what happened?!
MC: *groans a bit, rubbing their temples* A demon came by and asked for my number, but I told him that I have a boyfriend...
Asmo: *blinks* Eh-?
Satan: *sniffles pathetically* I-I never even-*hic*-hadda chance...
Asmo: *purses his lips HARD to stiffle some laughter* O-oh, I see. But aren't you two...?
MC: Yes. He won't hear it!
Satan: *finally raises his head up dramatically* W-ell who iz it, then?? Who'z the dirtbag you're dating!?
MC: *looks so over his shit* Oh, he's really handsome, actually! Let me show you a picture!
*they pull out their phone and start tapping at it while Satan leans in to try and see what they’re doing. After a few seconds, they turn their phone to face him and show... their camera on the selfie lens, now pointed directly at him*
MC: It's you, dumbass! We've been dating for over a year!!
*Satan stares back at himself in their camera screen dumbly, before snatching it out of their hand and glaring down at his image with the heat of a thousand Hells*
*MC is in the Croytus Hall kitchen, trying their damnedest to keep from coughing their lungs out while carefully monitoring a pot of simmering soup. They hear the footfalls of their housemate, Solomon, as he comes up behind them*
Solomon: Oh MC~! I have everything ready. Thankfully, the Devildom still has TV these days, even if the shows are out of d-... da-....
*a hankerchief flies out of his pocket and quickly covers his nose*
Solomon: ACHOO!!
*the hankerchief does its thing before flying off behind him to go put itself in the laundry, swapping places with a fresh one that finds its way back to his pocket once again*
MC: *keeps their back to him* Bless you.
*Solomon comes up and slings his arms over their shoulders, leaning against them like he's a sagging backpack. His head rests alongside theirs*
Solomon: Is it still cooking?
*he reaches out to lift the lid on the pot but MC, already knowing better, swiftly smacks his mit back down*
MC: Don't touch.
Solomon: Oh! Right, I'm sorry. Forgot the rules for a second. I'm sure it smells good... not that either of us would know.
*he contently sways their bodies from side-to-side while MC clears their throat, grumbling dryily*
MC: Y-ou know, you could cure us at any time, right...?
Solomon: So could you, yet here we are! You're just playing hookie from the brothers right now, aren't you?
*the MC tries to groan, but ends up regretting it as it stresses their already aching throat. They cover their mouth with their elbow to catch their raspy coughs before responding*
MC: U-ugh! Okay, fine... You're right. How about you stop breaking my balls and pick what we're watching...?
Solomon: I already have. Beel told me about this wonderful cooking show the other day! I think we can start with that, then maybe move onto a few movies Leviathan recommended...
Solomon: I have the TV set and heated blankets on the couch. Plenty of water, a few boxes of tissues (mostly for me), your favorite sweater, a plush Asmo bought me-
MC: ...
Solomon: -and anything else we need, I'll have my wand in reach! I figured for dinner, we can order out. It's lovely that you're making us soup, but let's not push-
MC: Sol?
Solomon: -Hm?
*MC wiggles him back until they can turn themselves around and wrap their arms around his chest. They rest their head up against the soft fabric of one of his old sleep shirts snugly*
MC: .... Thank you.
*Solomon looks taken aback by their sudden tenderness, but doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around them further and lightly cage them to his chest*
Solomon: Of course, MC... You take care of so many people. You deserve a break.
*a comfortable silence spreads between them for a minute or so, before MC starts to feel Solomon's cheek rubbing against the top of their head like a smothering cat*
Solomon: Oh, my adorable apprentice, you're just so cute when you're sick~
MC: *snaps their eyes back open and glares at his words, but doesn't let go yet*
MC: Sooool....
Solomon: If I didn't know better, I would almost want to keep you like this...
MC: *snorts* Good luck. The brothers would kill you for it. *they drop their arms from his chest, but he doesn't let go*
MC: Sol?
Solomon: I'm sure they would try, but you wouldn't let something bad happen to your beloved teacher, would you MC?
MC: *rolls their eyes* You wouldn't need my help, anyway. Let go.
Solomon: *squeezes a little tighter* Uh-uh! That wasn't my question.
MC: Sol, I need to stir the soup.
Solomon: And I need to hear an answer.
MC: Solomon, I'm serious.
Solomon: Oh? What's this? I think I'm gonna... ahh...!
MC: Wait, what are you-?
Solomon: Ahhh...!
MC: Solomon, let go!
Solomon: AHHHH....!!
MC: OKAY OKAY, I WOULDN'T LET THEM HURT YOU! Don't you DARE sneeze in my hair!!
Solomon: AHHHH- Just kidding~
*he finally lets them go and they lightly slap his shoulder before turning back around in a huff*
MC: Get out of my kitchen!
Solomon: Then I'll meet you on the couch again?
MC: Only after the soup is done.
Solomon: Then we can cuddle?
MC: Not if you misbehave!
Solomon: What if I steal the blankets~?
MC: *rubs their pounding temples at their teacher's childish antics*
So. As something of a connoisseur of depictions of the 7 Deadly Sins in media, I was just mulling over FMAB and thought, “I don’t know if anyone as crossed this over with OM before, but that would actually be kinda fire though.”
Like, imagine each of the brothers with the destructive powers of their respective Homunculi.
~♡♡♡~
Lucifer coming off as the most normal at first, until MC catches how his shadow bends and curves to avoid harsh light. They swear they sometimes hear him chuckling in the dark corners of the House, but they never actually find him anything there when they check. Red eyes reveal themselves in unlit rooms and follow them through the halls, all the while they keep wondering how he always seems to know where they are whenever he's away…
Mammon hardening his skin to be tougher than diamond, then using it to reinforce his claws and smoothly cut a perfect circle into glass display case. Him letting himself get punched when things don’t matter, but instantly hardening his cheek to break the assailant's hand whenever he starts getting serious. Or literally using his body to protect MC from harm as their first man and loyal shield.
Leviathan having a MASSIVE aquatic beast form that he shoves into a normal sized body, making him feel even more distant to others. Using transformations to regularly make himself look like his favorite anime characters/idols since he can’t stand the thought of looking at his true form. Yet, he still has that conservation of mass going, so he can simultaneously look like a 12 year-old girl and kick a car down the street like a soccerball.
Satan using his gifted sight to become an absolute force of nature. Not just a mere brute, but a sophisticated and effective killing machine with the wit and reflexes to mow down entire armies before breaking a sweat. Never blinded by fury, but harnessing his rage behind every inescapable strike. Him silently vowing that any threat to MC or his family will barely get to finish a thought before he's cut them down with precision and grace.
Asmodeus mostly using his extending nails for glorious manicures, but not being afraid to pierce the heart or lungs of anyone he doesn’t much like. He hears an incubus talking shit from a few tables down and stabs a hole through the jerk's skull while never looking away from his milkshake. His fights with Mammon getting 1000 times more destructive as his razor sharp claws bounce off his brother's skin and dig into the walls and furniture. The only thing he hates about them are how long it takes to scrub the blood off his nails afterwards.
*silently contemplates the possibility of Beel ripping himself in half to reveal a nightmarish second “stomach” capable of sucking anything into a blood-filled pocket dimension of which there is no light, hope, or escape* … Okay, moving on.
And of course, for those unaware FMAB Sloth could run at like the speed of sound which was threatening because he was also a behemoth. However, Belphie probably weights 125 pounds when wet, so… I admittedly get a giggle at the idea of him giving Lucifer a speed-of-light drop kick from across the House. That is probably all he would use it for, too. Him just getting those horns out and going into ramming speed… What a menace
Bonus: Wonder what kind of alchemist Solomon would be?
🤔
*against all better judgment, someone invited Solomon to dinner and he managed to sneak his way into the kitchen with MC by distracting Mammon (the guard) with loose change. After the main meal has been plated and the brothers have taken their seats, he comes out carrying a tray of mini-sandwiches with a big ol'smile on his face*
Solomon, the human who ruins any dish he touches: Hold on, everyone! I made appetizers!
The Brothers: 😨
MC, the human who can make anything taste wonderful: I helped!
The Brothers: .....
Mammon: Family Meeting!!
*the brothers get up and huddle together in the corner, whispering*
Belphie: I'm not eating that.
Beel: But MC helped this time...
Lucifer: It could be edible.
Levi: They haven't made a bad meal, yet...
Satan: But is it worth the risk?
Mammon: How do we even tell'em if we don't wanna eat it?
Asmo: What if it makes them mad and they stop cooking for us all together...???
Brothers: .....
*after coming to a consensus to not upset MC by hurting Solomon's feelings, they go back to their seats where Solomon has already put one of his sandwiches on their plates*
Solomon: Go on, don't be shy!
*the brothers all eye each other and pick up the sandwiches in unison. A silent stare down occurs with no one wanting to go first until Mammon finally snaps and takes a bite. The others gasp and the room is silent*
Mammon: *looks straight ahead, frozen*
Levi: M-Mammon...?
Mammon: *does an experimental chew, then a couple more*
Asmo: What’s going on? Is it bad??
Mammon: *swallows... and takes a second bite, earning another collective gasp*
Lucifer: Mammon, say something!!
Mammon: It's... *feels tears welling up in his eyes*
Mammon: ... okay.
*the brothers stare down at their own sandwiches and each take their own bites. It is a perfectly average sandwich, mediocre even. Nothing special about aside from one thing: it's edible*
*cue seven grown demons finishing their plates while barely holding back tears of relief*
MC: See, Solomon? They love it!!
Solomon: *extremely proud of himself, probably marking this day on his calendar later*
I have long wanted to write a headcanon where high demons have lesser forms, so take a walk with me on this:
Imagine that the brothers are fighting with each other and one of them takes a serious hit, like, somebody's left hook got them right in the jaw and it was brutal. They fall to the ground, stone cold, and... just. Poof into a tiny little critter. Like a verison of their familiar. And they can't retake human form until they've rested and healed their wounds.
I'm doing that.
Lucifer becomes this fat-ass, little peacock. He's like one of those rotund Chocobo from the Final Fantasy universe, you just want to pick him up and squeeze him but he's slightly too heavy for that. His feathers are black, save for the tail which have black, red, blue, and green markings. If something makes him "Poof!" then he'll hide away in the Castle because he refuses to let his brothers ever see him in that state. MC can visit him, though, and he'll coo and get all fluffy whenever they pet his tummy.
Mammon turns into a three-eyed raven, but not fat like Luci. He basically becomes a bigger verison of one of his familiars, he's about the size of an eagle. For being the second strongest he gets "Poof!-ed" rather often because he gets caught up in so many fights. Most of the time, he's just a bystander then some stray shot hits him and suddenly he's squawking everybody's ear off! Hilariously, he's arguably smarter in this form so when he's stuck as a bird, his grades actually improve (if anyone can read his actual chicken scratch penmanship).
Levi becomes a snake. Duh. He has similar markings along his back to the colorful scales on his neck in his demon form. He isn't even the length of your average scarf, so MC can drape him behind their neck easily and he doesn't get in the way. He's absolutely MISERABLE like this, though, because he has no hands to play games with. He can get extra clingy to people if he's feeling cold, but MC has to invite him to share their body heat because he's too shy to signal what he wants.
As much as Satan would love to be a cat, he becomes a little unicorn (Sorry, I didn't make the lore). He's about the size of one of those miniature horses, but don't be fooled. He will snap your kneecaps and he's at perfect height to rear-kick his brothers right in the crotch. His coat is black but his tail, mane, and the underside of his horn are all his signature green. If he every gets "Poof!-ed!" he's big mad, so he'll spend the entire time trying to kick and spear his brothers so they have to suffer along with him. He's the cause of a lot of chain "Poof!-ings."
Asmo becomes the smallest, cutest scorpion you ever did see. Well, as cute as scorpions can be. His whole body becomes hot pink and he has the biggest widdle eyes (think those jumping spiders who wear raindrops on their heads type energy). He's also venomous as all hell, so his brothers HAVE to make sure that they continously call him "small, cute, and adorable" lest they suffer a week's worth of paralytic toxin. He can fit the palm of a hand and makes MC tie a little bow around his tail so he doesn't feel too bad about being under-dressed.
Beel, unfortunately, becomes a fly. A big fly (by fly standards), but a fly nonetheless. You wouldn't even know that it's him if he weren't traffic cone orange. Literally everyone panics when he gets "Poof!-ed" because it would only take some bozo with a swatter to put an end to the sweetest brother... Belphie never lets Beel out of his sight and even has a tiny leash so he can keep track of him if they have to go out. He's a lot easier to feed like this, but everyone has to resist that automatic urge to smack him away from their dinner plates.
Belphie ironically has the largest lesser form out of his brothers. He's a cow, more specifically a bull, but there's nothing special about him aside from the navy fur. He is a full grown bull and he loves to lord it over the others if they all get "Poof-ed!" at once. Also, good luck getting him to do ANYTHING in this form. He is a bull. If he does not want to move, he will not be moving. Not even Beel can carry him like this. He's the only brother who doesn't mind getting "Poof-ed!" all that much because of it.
theartofmadeline
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