The Fear of Falling Apart

Astra Lyra Esser twenty-four years old var sc_project=11066766; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="482d9b33"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[astraesser]

ncabrams:

Great. Now they were about to fight, Noah wanted to stay away from this but he also knew he couldn’t exactly just go along. This was serious, at least to her it was. “We can talk Astra, but why do we have to talk about this?” He motioned between them. “Yeah, so we’ve technically been dating a year, but come on it’s not even a real anniversary.” As soon as the words left his lips he regretted them. He swallowed and embraced for the out-lash she was about to have at him.

“Oh.” Astra rose her brows and held eye contact, doing everything in her power to build up a wall to not show that she was hurt by the comment. She paused, jaw clenched as she fumed for a moment. After just a second, she pushed herself up from the couch ready to simply go to her room, but as she walked she realized that she just couldn’t just walk away from this one. “You know what? Maybe you’re right. None of this is real.” She motioned between them as he did, her words laced with venom. “None of it counts- it means nothing. So tell me, what’s the point? What’s the point of any of this if that’s the case.”

[astraesser]

ncabrams:

Noah’s arms loosened around her. It was clear that he wasn’t going to get out of this conversation like he hoped. “Okay,” He groaned, a hint of annoyance carried in his tone but he did his best not to turn this into an argument right away. “If it’s important to you then we can talk about it, but I’m not sure what you want me to say.” He told her simply. “Plus,” He gave her a quick kiss then moved her off his lap. “You’re kind of killing the mood.”

Astra rose her brows and closed her eyes as she tried to contain herself from blowing up. It was like she could pinpoint the exact moment that her nerve was hit. “Well I’m so sorry that something that something that’s important to me kills your mood.” She muttered as she released a breath. “Is it really the worst thing in the world for us to actually talk about something? And this isn’t about what I want you to say. Maybe just start with talking to me.”

[astraesser]

ncabrams:

Noah smiled at the feeling of her lips on his neck, but the mood quickly changed when she pressed on about their relationship. “Make a thing out of what?” He pulled away for her to stop kissing his neck but then pulled her onto his lap. “Tonight?” He raised a brow, although he knew very well she wasn’t talking about making a thing out of tonight. “That’s what I’m trying to do.” Another smirk crossed his lips before kissing her. He’d try anything not to talk about their relationship right now. Noah wrapped his arms around her to press her body against his as he kissed her, hoping that she’d drop the subject for the night.

There was no resistance from her when Noah had pulled her onto his lap. In fact Astra even felt a smile turn her lips upwards as his lips pressed into hers. It wasn’t her intentions, and not part of the plan she had curated, but she seemed to be swept up in the current. She let out a little breath as he pulled her body against his as she pressed more into it. Okay, so her plan backfired a bit, but she was determined that this was salvageable. She reluctantly pulled her lips away from his and looked him over, her eyes serious, yet her lips still held the same smile they held since their kiss began. “Noah... I mean it. This is important to me. We can continue this soon after.”

[astraesser]

ncabrams:

Noah nodded, showing that he understood and that she was right. He won’t leave her to do all the planning but he never had to plan anything like this. Their dates, when they do have them, usually start off with one of them asking the other if they want to hang out or someone saying their parents are out of town. They’d go out to dinner and then just end up at either place, just like tonight. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “We already go to pretty nice restaurants.” He set his beer on the little table and started moving toward her. “Do we need to plan anything special? Why can’t we just do what we normally do, eat food that’s too expensive, come back to drink our parents alcohol, and…” He had a playful smirk on his lips he kissed her, leaving the rest of his sentence up to the imagination.

Astra grinned as he moved into her; smile holding through the kiss. She knew precisely what he was doing. And she hated how easily she complied and moved right along with it. Astra considered that maybe she needed to be stronger with him, but she already told herself that she would just inevitably push him away in the process. She forced herself to pull away, only enough to rest her forehead against his. “Noah,” she chuckled. Perhaps changing her tactic would be more successful. She moved her lips to press soft, smiling kisses on the side of his neck. “While I’m perfectly fine with the last bit of that...” Astra hummed. “Maybe we should make a thing out of this, you know?”

[astraesser]

ncabrams:

Noah listened to Astra as he took off his jacket and hanged it next to hers. “One year?” He said sounding more like a question than a statement. He almost didn’t believe that they had been dating for a year, and was about to question why they should celebrate. They weren’t ones to celebrate anniversaries, or at least they hadn’t been. One year can be seen as a pretty significant milestone and for a couple to start dating just more out of peer pressure than anything else, one year wasn’t something a ton of people expected. Noah walked to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge before taking a seat in the living room and relaxing. “I guess we should, huh? What do you wanna do?” He took a sip and sighed. He wasn’t exactly one to plan extravagant dates, romance wasn’t exactly his strong suit. “We do have all of Manhattan at our fingertips.”

Astra moved to sit down next to him. She was a bit disappointed that he seemed fairly unphased by the accomplishment- their accomplishment. She knew that this wasn’t his forte, and hell, it wasn’t her’s either, but she at least knew that when she didn’t know the next step there were basic procedures to follow. “I mean, I can’t choose everything. You’ve got to participate in the plan making too.” She told him as she pulled her legs on the couch with her. “It’s not so much of an anniversary celebration if it’s just me making all plans and telling you where to be.” She knew that he wasn’t going to surprise her with anything, or give her a list of plans, that just wasn’t Noah. She did expect some kind of participation though. “What’s something nice that you want us to do?”

[astraesser]

Astra’s arms were still crossed over her body as she entered her home with Noah right behind her. She still hadn’t adjusted to the season change just yet. They had just finished up dinner, and headed back to her place. Her parents were out of town, and they relished the freedom and privacy that it could provide. “So,” she spoke up as she sat her purse down and took off her jacket. It was strange, but she actually kind of felt nervous about bringing attention to the topic. It actually started to feel like there was something substantial there between them now, despite all of Noah’s apparent commitment issues, and special a special date was getting closer for them. A year was a long time- especially for high schoolers, and Astra felt like it was not only something to be celebrated, but something that should be addressed between them. “One year is coming up,” she glanced to him for a moment, but looked back away as she put her jacket on the coat rack. “One year for us, that is. You think we should do something special to celebrate?”

@ncabrams

[astraesser]

khaiabadi:

“Oh, that’s fine. I’m working on an essay for my class, so we can just take occasional study breaks and chat, say, once an hour. What do you say to that?” Khai suggested cheerily. The girl was stunning, even to his oblivious self, and he really needed some friends. “You don’t have to say yes. We are strangers, after all. You’re under no obligation to make any sort of conversation with me.” he supplied, in case she found his easygoing attitude irritating and did not, in fact, want to talk to him.

Astra smiled and nodded her head. She appreciated the kindness when she actually came across a nice person in the city. “No, no. I like that a lot actually. It’d help keep me for getting too stressed.” She nodded her head. “I’m Astra, by the way.” She extended her hand with a polite smile.  “What kind of essay are you working on, if you don’t mind me asking?”

[astraesser]

khaiabadi:

Khai hurried into the crowded coffee shop by UNYC, dripping wet with rain and freezing his ass off. As he scanned the small space, he saw no empty seats except for one all the way in the back. Striding quickly towards it, he didn’t notice there was someone already sitting at the table until he was there. Unsure what to do, he gestured at the chair awkwardly. “Uh… is anyone sitting here?”

Astra looked up from her phone at the sound of a voice. “Oh, yes. Of course, have a seat,” she smiled and nodded her head as she waved him to sit. “I’m sorry I probably won’t be the best company. I’m attempting to send out mass emails from my phone since my laptop died.” 

[astraesser]

ay-bae-beau:

“Horrible since I can’t copy your notes anymore.” The boy laughed. “Hows being an utterly boring adult been?”

“Actually, it’s been constantly exciting.” She retorted back with a half smile. “You may want to try it sometime.”

[astraesser]

ay-bae-beau:

“Oh come the fuck on. Don’t act like you don’t wanna dance to 24K Magic. This song is my life.”

Astra furrowed her brows as she watched Beau dance along. “No, I’m all good actually.” Her and Beau had taken a couple business classes together just before she graduated. “How’s school going though?”

[astraesser]

lucy-littleton:

“If only the rest of society was as accepting. Something about an ambitious woman just scares everyone off.”

“Oh, I get that. And it’s the worst, and the most annoying damn thing.”

[elizabethgilies]

[astraesser]

cal-shaw:

“What can I say?” He leaned back, the subtle smirk always hinting on his lips when he talked to her. “I’m an overachiever.”

“That you are.” She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. “If you are good for anything, you are good at having enough fun for the both of us, and test my ever-withering patience.” 

[astraesser]

lucy-littleton:

“I’m kinda okay with that. It gives me more time to accomplish what I want to accomplish, as my own person and not as part of a couple.”

"That’s right. You do you, girl.”

[astraesser]

lucy-littleton:

“Exactly. Life is far too short, so I’m putting myself first. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. Oh, seriously. I’m starting to think that the kind of guy I want just doesn’t exist.”

“Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe being a single, strong heroine is the destiny.”

[astraesser]

cal-shaw:

“My potential?” Cal raised his brow in amusement. “Why don’t you just give my father a call. I’m sure the two of you could have a lovely chat about that.” The look she gave him was nothing new to him, and only kept the smile on his face. “Well one of us has to have the fun for you.”

Astra simply rolled her eyes and let out a little huff. She found him to be a constant irritant sometimes. “I think you have enough fun for more than just you and I.”

[astraesser]

cal-shaw:

“So I was right?” His lips pressed together in a satisfied smile. “The same reason you feel the need to lecture me about being a good boy.”

“I lecture you because I see the potential you have with the connections and networking your dad has.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked over to him. “I don’t point it out to poke fun.”