killin' it!

[astrepur-a]

spectrcd

          “ dude, how long have i known you? of course i have your dumb ass all figured out, ” he scoffs, shaking his head in the direction of the screen. “ and i don’t know, it’s been a few weeks. things got hectic during the semester and i didn’t really have a lot of downtime. you know that. ” besides, he wasn’t going to risk his grades to go hang out with a bunch of people he didn’t even know – or like for that matter. there’s another slight scoff and a raise of his shoulders. “ i’m definitely not going anywhere tonight. i’m in my sweats and i don’t plan on leaving out of them. ” so unless he was going out to do something ‘fun’ in sweats, he wasn’t leaving at all.

          “ do you have me figured out though? ” he smirks, raising a brow. but he can’t help rolling his eyes at his friend. “ yeah, you barely have enough time to talk to me, ” he teases more. why did danny have to be so damn difficult sometimes? jackson fakes another yawn and waves him off. “ fine, be a bore. i’ve gotta catch some z’s though probably so have fun with your homework i guess. ” he hasn’t given up just yet though, formulating a new surprise. “ oh, and text me your address again? i’ve got something to mail out for you. ” 

[astrepur-a]

spectrcd‌

          “ i don’t know – you don’t like losing. and let’s be honest here, i’d kick your ass. ” there’s a shrug of his shoulder and a half laugh in the direction of his phone before he’s leaning back up, propping elbows on the desk. he’s never been great at sitting still for too long, and sitting and talking to jackson while wasn’t boring, wasn’t he;ping with the sitting still part either. “ i take advantage of being here plenty. but when you’re on a full load and a year younger than almost everyone in your classes, you kind of feel like you have a lot to live up to. ” sometimes he thought his professors were even harder on him than most of his peers just because they expected more out of him. “ i’m sitting here talking to you, so what do you think? ”

        “ you think you have me all figured out, don’t you? ” he smirks, raising a brow. he clicks his tongue at danny’s excuses, sitting up in his bed. “ oh please, when was the last time you actually went out -- and not just to study at someone’s place? side note -- you are definitely helping me in math when i have to drag myself through that crap again. ” he feigns his best yawn, reclining again. “ well don’t let me keep you up. it’s late here anyway. you should go do something fun before classes start again. that, and tell me all about it... you know, so i can live vicariously through you. ” never thought he’d be saying that.  

[astrepur-a]

spectrcd‌

          “ yeah, you do that, and i’ll kick your ass when i get there. ” brow raises toward the screen, and he’s one hundred percent serious about it too. “ and no hulking out allowed either. ” in all seriousness, the only reason he ever went back to california was to visit his parents, and he was pretty sure that as soon as they were ready to retire, they’d be going back to hawaii anyway. he sighs out, propping the phone up against the wall of the desk he was sitting at and sitting back in the chair, arms crossed over his chest. “ you know how long i’ve been here, don’t play dumb with me. ” eyes roll again, a common occurrence any time he was talking to jackson or in the general vicinity of him really. it wasn’t his fault that jackson was an ass about things that brought about the eye rolling from him.

         jackson scoffs, rolling his eyes. “ hulking out? ” he knows exactly what that is supposed to mean. “ oh come on -- would i really do that? ” like danny, the only reason he’d actually have to return to california would be to visit his parents -- parents that weren’t even biologically related to him. not that it made him care for them less, but his detachment to the entirety of beacon hills hardly made him want to go back. “ right, guess it’s hard to remember when you don’t ever take advantage of being in new york city. ” he teases, pursing his lips as an idea begins to brew. “ speaking of -- doing anything fun tonight? and if not, you should. ”

[astrepur-a]

spectrcd‌

          he’s pretty much rolling his eyes off to the side of the screen at this point. and he’s sure that jackson knows what choice to make for his own college experience, but all the way across the country seemed a little further than he’d figured the other was even looking. after all, he’d been talking up the new york area to him for awhile now, figuring maybe he’d sold him on the northeast at least. “ yeah, yeah, yeah – you do realize i’m a broke college student now, right? grabbing a flight to cali isn’t gonna be as easy as you think it is. and i’m sure as hell not sitting on a train for multiple days to get to your ass. ” or driving, because that’s even worse than sitting on a train. “ i’m actually just gonna kick your ass the next time we’re in the same state. because right now i’m thinking you deserve it. ” he’s allowed to be grumpy about this. jackson’s been living in another country up until now and when he decides it’s time to come back, it’s almost as far as he can get in the states.

        if he hadn’t been so determined to keep this prank going, he’d cave and tell danny. but the suspense, he’s convinced himself, is worth it. in actuality, he’d gotten into the same school that danny had been drooling over for months. not only that, but he’d accepted. “ whatever, i’ll buy you a plane ticket if you’re that much of a jerk. ” he laughs, biting his lip -- perhaps the worst part of this lie -- prank -- is that he’s already relocated. “ yeah, you try that. ” he smirks, leaning back on his bed. he’s been careful not to wander around his new york apartment and make obvious that their time difference recently got way smaller. that week he told danny he’d be on “vacation” with family? moving time. “ so when the hell are you moving to new york anyway? ”

[astrepur-a]

@spectrcd​ ; danny phantom

          “ california – again? ” he’d gotten out of there for a reason. away from all the shit that had been going on in beacon hills and across the country as soon as there was an out. and now jackson was telling him that he had decided to go to college back in california. “ seriously? you really want to go back west? ” sure, new york had been a big change for him, especially the weather, but he ended up loving it even more than he thought he would. it turned out the city life was definitely for him. he loved the easy commute to and from school that he ended up having. and being able to walk pretty much anywhere. plus, ya know, not almost dying every other month was a plus too. but now jackson was deciding to go to college back in california and it might as well be london again. sure, a slightly cheaper airfare, but still. “ well – if that’s what you want i guess, ” he says, cheeks puffing out slightly as he switches hands he’s holding the phone in. 

                                                           @astrepur 

        despite being a half-decent liar, keeping just one secret hasn’t been easy. “ i know, i know. ” he rolls his eyes, shrugging. truth be told, london hadn’t been all that he’d cracked it up to be either. danny was probably the only only one who knew that, too. college presented a perfect opportunity to escape the gloomy city across the pond -- and perhaps his only real motivation to actually get into a decent school in the states. which he had. he’d gotten into more than he’d expected, actually. including a few in california. but unbeknownst to danny, he wouldn’t be attending any of the west coast schools. “ not like i have a choice. of the schools i actually got into? UCSC is the best option. ” he grimaces and shrugs. but it’s just another lie -- he’d gotten into most of the schools he’d applied to, actually. and he didn’t choose one on the west coast. “ now you’ll just have to come visit me instead. ” really danny, it won’t be as much of a trip as you’re probably thinking. just a few minutes on the L-train actually.

[astrepur-a]

hi what if i came back to the tumblr life 

[astrepur-a]

yall are gr9 and gay and ilu :///

[astrepur-a]

reblogging this from my personal. it’s long but kinda just where i am after having been off of here for more than a month. my mental health is doing great. please take care of yourselves. love you all.

i know i hardly follow anyone on here, rarely get on this blog, etc. but i just want to get some words out. 

i’m working on this thing called self love. i haven’t been giving myself the happiness i deserve – because i haven’t thought that i deserved it. i don’t know the last time that i truly loved myself. not just spurts of self-confidence, and not just happiness. because i’ve been happy off and on. but being happy about life and happy about yourself are two completely different things.  part of this self love is being able to admit the truth to myself. i avoid the truth because the truth is hard. i struggle with making decisions for myself because i don’t know what i want – i don’t know what would make me happy because i don’t care enough about myself to find that out.  let me put it this way: self discovery leads to self love, and only by loving myself can i help to achieve my own, long-term goals. 

but i’ve never liked setting long-term goals because i don’t LET myself think that far ahead. yes, implying here that i’ve never assumed myself to make it “that far” because of suicidal thoughts. and that’s coming along with this whole package. yes i have depression, yes i have anxiety, but i still have the power to be who i want to be. it just makes it a little harder. (which, again, i avoid anything difficult, and therefore i avoid pushing past my own roadblocks.)

i’ve gone to pride meetings and been part of the LGBTQ community for years – but i don’t think i’ve ever felt proud. i’m constantly afraid – of life, of real emotion. but it’s time to stop that and start being open and honest with myself – and therefore PROUD of who i am. 

i might not be happy about where i am in my life right now, it might not be where i want, but i am the ONLY one who can change that – i just have to want it. and i do. i want to get out of this rut and stop thinking that i’m never going to get better. it’s going to be difficult, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to be worth it. so here’s a start. 

i’m a trans man. and coming out is going to be the most difficult thing in my life. time to practice what i preach though: if someone has a problem, even if it’s my own family, fuck them. this is who i am. and i might not be proud and love myself yet – but i will. this is step one. 

and next time i’m feeling like shit about myself, like that depression is taking hold again, like it’s not worth it, i’m going to re-read this post. i’m going to remind myself that i deserve that happiness. i deserve to make my own life better. and i alone can create that life for myself. it’s time to live up to the words on my blog: “it’s gonna be hella.” thanks for coming to my ted talk  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[astrepur-a]

hi my name’s kaleb and not being on tumblr has been rly fuckin good for my mental health tbh

i just wanna let you all know that i love u though. i will eventually get back to the point that i can be happy and be on tumblr -- but i can’t yet. i’m learning how to do that self-love thing. and it’s hard af. but it’s happening. you all deserve the most, AND SO DO I. so i’m sorry for my absence, but i gotta do me right now. 

so take care of yourselves. because you are all amazing, even if you don’t realize it yet. 

[astrepur-a]

😺 + luna or madge :)))

i’m drawing cats ok 

@samandiriel chasing nargles as usual~

[astrepur-a]

croianam replied to your post: �� !!!!!

is she a white/silver cat because she’s a ghost :)

well her last name does mean silver....

[astrepur-a]

😺 !!!!!

i’m drawing muses as cats ://

@croianam i was gonna ask you which muse but then i figured i’d better draw ally-cat  ;)))

[astrepur-a]

😺 Charlie???

i’m drawing muses as cats ://

@manichaeisms bc charlie makes niffins look so pretty

[astrepur-a]

@soulofsea

plot twist, annie is a dog.  but bonus because a dripping wet cat was too good to resist.

[astrepur-a]

😺

i’m drawing muses as cats :///

kady is that sleek grey-black stray who’s lowkey freaky but also highkey pretty ://@battlemagick

[astrepur-a]

send me a 😺 and i’ll draw your muse as a cat

[astrepur-a]

i’ve been on a bit of an unexpected hiatus and it’s been kind of great tbh, just pushing away from tumblr for a bit. so i might be back in a few days when i finish my HP reread. but i'm still not sure. i don’t have plans. and i’m cool with that right now. c: