❤ Have they ever been in love? 💕 How easily do they fall in love?
@manichaeisms | meme ( accepting )
❤ Have they ever been in love?
She hasn’t been completely in love, no. Largely because she hasn’t let herself be after the train crash, and before the train crash she’d mostly been figuring out herself and who she is and wants to be, and she needed to know who she is before being able to really understand what it means to be in love.
I do think that she thought that she was in love with her first serious boyfriend, at least at the time they were together, she thought she was in love with him. She was seventeen when they started dating and they were together for two years, and Susan was sure that they were going to get married and live happily ever after. He wasn’t her first kiss by any means, but she did lose her virginity to him, and it was her longest and most serious relationship she’d had up to that point (and quite honestly, remains one of her longest relationships well after the train crash, since she dated much more casually for a while after they broke up, and then started serial dating after the train crash). Looking back on it, she realizes that she’d been in love with the idea of being in love, rather than actually being in love with him, if that makes sense.
At the time she definitely thought she was in love with him, especially since that was also a time when her relationship with her siblings was fracturing. She largely lost the support network she otherwise could have had in her brothers and sister, and relied very heavily on her boyfriend, even though that was hard for him since neither she nor her siblings were ever able to really articulate what they were fighting about. It wasn’t necessarily a cruel or ugly breakup, but Susan was still devastated by it (she thought she loved him, she thought they were going to get married and be together forever, and it also hurt a lot that it felt like a betrayal that he was leaving her during the period of time when she also pretty constantly felt betrayed and abandoned by her siblings). They didn’t get into any horrible fight, he just realized that he wasn’t infatuated with her the way he had been, his feelings had changed, and he also just couldn’t deal with how clingy Susan became by the end.
In hindsight though, Susan realizes that she hadn’t actually been in love with him and probably wouldn’t have been happy with him for the rest of her life, but she’s glad for what the relationship was while it lasted, and she generally has fond memories of him and of their time together.
💕 How easily do they fall in love?
I think that she doesn’t fall in love extremely easily, because love means a lot to her, and she isn’t going to give her heart away to just anyone. She’s a romantic at heart, though, and she loves the idea of love, and the idea of being in love. (Even though it also frightens her.) She is, however, charmed very easily, and can certainly become infatuated pretty easily. Actual love, though, takes longer for her, in part because she so deeply values the way that someone treats others, the way they interact with the world around them and the people around them, and Susan isn’t the sort of person who’s going to fall in love with someone before she’s seen a lot of them, and really knows them. Love is something deep and important and meaningful for her, and so it takes a lot for her to really fall in love, especially since she’s also afraid to let herself.