Moon Child

Astrid. 26. Werewolf.Don't worry, I won't be here long.☽ ☽ ☽

[astridofthemoon]

Life as a drifter had more or less given Astrid tunnel vision. She didn’t care much about the goings on in the world around her. If things got too messy, she packed up and moved along to the next place to start it all over again. Her brain had been hard wired to care only about herself and her own well being after so many years on her own, so becoming a member of a pack had been something like a culture shock. There was a learning curve that she kept falling just to the outside of. Some of it had been innate like the bond between her and her alpha. The camaraderie between her and her other pack members, however, had been slow going. 

But this stuff with James felt urgent and she knew there was a lot more to the story than she’d gotten out of him. And while she knew it was not her business to meddle in, she couldn’t shake the feeling that her alpha might be in trouble. So, without allowing herself to question it too much, she set off to find Kelsie herself. 

She hadn’t been hard to track down and something quieted a little of the turmoil inside once she had eyes on her. She ignored that initial response to run from that feeling and squared her shoulders. “Did you know zombies like ice cream?” she asked by way of a greeting.

@kelsiewoods

[astridofthemoon]

armstrong-james·:

James’ nostrils flared slightly as he let out a heavy exhale. Her questions were simple, but their answers were so complicated. How could James answer without further entangling anyone in the web of lies that the Hamlin Group spun? That James aided in creating? He stiffened, almost defensively. Astrid’s question was well-meaning and he believed it came from a sense of loyalty to the pack. To the alpha. That made him feel both proud and guilty, that he could be the source of danger for Kelsie. That he had failed to protect her before and there was a very real possibility that he would fail again.

But this also meant Astrid cared. In the brief time he had known her, he hadn’t anticipated that sort of transition from her so quickly. Sure, months had passed. But for a wolf on their own, with all walls up? Kelsie must’ve been doing a great job at being alpha. 

“If I play my cards right, I’ll never have to go back,” James said, lowering his voice. “They said they wouldn’t touch anyone. They’re done doing their tests, all they care about is distribution now,” he explained, looking over his shoulder quickly. “If Kelsie is in danger, the Hamlin Group is not the thing she’s in danger of.”

Astrid’s eyebrows narrowed. His answers were wholly unsatisfying and did nothing but raise more questions. She was struck suddenly with the thought that there was so much more going on here than a cure and a return from the dead. So much more that Astrid didn’t know-- probably didn’t want to know. 

And yet. She leaned in a little closer a thrilling sense of danger crawling slowly along her spine, raising goosebumps in its wake. She knew better than to push, could see it in the stiffness of his entire being that she was poking too close to something that she had no business inserting herself in. And what was she to him anyway? Why would he care that she was concerned? He’d met her one time. Briefly. And she’d been an asshole. Imagine that.

So she took a different route, cocking her head a little. Though her words came out a little stiffly, a product of so many years of walls, there was still genuine care woven throughout the question. “Are you alright? Wanna... I don’t know? Get plastered or something?”

[pitterpattergoesmyheart]

[astridofthemoon]

And I have been there before In that place of desperate need I'm not ready to go back there To wait for someone else to leave

[astridofthemoon]

armstrong-james·:

James stiffened when she didn’t relax. What had he expected from her? James had barely known Astrid before he had been taken away, but he had wanted her in the pack. He could tell she was good, deep down. Rules and expectations would take her some time to adjust to, but she would fit in well. He based all he knew about her, really, on intuition. He sucked in a deep breath through his nostrils at her questions. They were uncomfortable, sure, but he had been coached on what to say and how to say it. That certainly didn’t mean he liked answering the way he was legally obligated to.

“The cure.” He responded simply, offering her a thin, tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s truly…a miracle.” He rolled his eyes softly as he looked away, his tone hard. “I’m just glad I’m back. I’m here now. I’m alive.”

Astrid nodded, understanding clearly that something else was lurking beneath his words. But she knew better than to push. She didn’t really know him, not really. She’d known him longer as the man in Kelsie’s memories than she had in person. That didn’t really change the fact that they’d had some sort of connection from the start. Or, they had, at least, to her. And she probably knew more than anyone what lugging around something she couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about did to a person, so she simply nodded again, her face drawn. Something about it was concerning, something niggled at the back of her head, urging her to pay attention. She took a small step forward, pitching her voice low in case there were any prying eyes or open ears nearby. “Are you in trouble?” A possessive sort of protectiveness stirred deep within her as she thought about her alpha’s safety (ignoring the fact that it seemed like a natural reflex). “Is Kelsie?”

[kelsiewoods]

astridofthemoon‌:

Astrid nodded her head a little absently, her mind in the future, trying to imagine how much her life might change, how this ceremony or whatever it was might go. Talking about it was one thing, and even that made her feel squirmy, but actually going through with it would be another monster entirely. She wanted to believe she was with it enough to handle it, to be respectful and adult and just… normal, but she was pretty sure it was going to take every ounce of self control she had. She wouldn’t admit out loud that she was scared but she was fucking terrified. 

She focused instead on the way Kelsie’s hand curved over her protruding belly, her eyes flicking up to take in her small smile when her hand disappeared underneath the table. Astrid nodded again, taking in a deep breath, and glancing around the club. She looked back at Kelsie. “I’ll be on my best behavior,” she said in a voice that sounded a lot like she didn’t believe it to be possible. “I guess that settles it then.” She glanced around the club again, the shadows at the corners of her vision making her feel a little antsy again. “And sorry about…” She gestured around the place. “I won’t ask you to meet me here again.” She pushed out her chair a little, tossing a few bills onto the table. Her teeth were fighting to chatter, a mix of adrenaline and fear seeping into her veins, but she gnashed them together instead, jaw flexing against the strain. She smile tightly. “This weekend,” she repeated, mostly to herself as she stood. “See you soon, boss lady.”

Kelsie offered Astrid a smile.  She could tell that this wasn’t exactly easy for the woman.  It wasn’t easy for Kelsie either.  James should have been the one doing this.  Astrid would be the first wolf she admitted into the pack since becoming alpha and that alone was a lot for her to process.  It was the first step in accepting she was the alpha.  She was a leader now, one with a pack of werewolves depending on her for their strength.  Kelsie had to do this, no matter how wrong it felt to be stepping on James’ toes.  He was gone.  He would never come back.

“That’s all I can ask for,” she replied with a smile curling up her lips.  “Just try and get along with everyone and they’ll appreciate the effort.”  The pack was a delicate ecosystem and she didn’t want to upset the balance, but Astrid was a good fit.  She could feel it.  This would be good for both of them at the end of the day.  “It’s alright…I promise I was a little more fun at clubs before Baby Armstrong happened.” She smiled sadly and rose from her chair.  “This weekend.  I guess I’ll see you around.  If you need anything before the meeting, just call.”

[astridofthemoon]

goodsign-adam·:

Adam let out a tense, somewhat confused laugh. Part of him knew she was pulling his leg, her humor dry as ever. But Adam didn’t know the ins and outs of werewolf dynamics or politics. Whatever it was. With sirens and harpies, there wasn’t as much structure. You shared the same water? Establish boundaries and ground rules with each other. If you got along, maybe you’ll be friends. If not, well, find a new pond. “You know, I weirdly wouldn’t be surprised,” he said, letting an uneasy laugh escape his lips as he nodded a head at her. “Is it like a sorority? You can’t tell me what actually went down at initiation? I’ll respect it,” he said, raising his hands up like a surrender. He was lying though, pretending he wasn’t actually interested. He knew Kelsie was in the pack and had been with the former Alpha. Kelsie was his friend and sweet as a peach, he couldn’t exactly picture her going along with a blood oath or virgin sacrifice.

He watched as Astrid seemed to mull over her response to his question and he realized he was feeling anticipation. Eagerness? Nerves? Whatever it was, it told him that maybe he wanted her to stay. Their banter was easy and effortless, and no matter how hard they tried to do anything different, their paths kept converging. Adam wasn’t religious or even particularly spiritual, but he was starting to feel like it was a sign. Of what, he couldn’t put his finger on it. He attempted nonchalance as she spoke, eating another neon-orange dorito from the bag.

“That’s good. I can count on more vending machine snacks, then?” he countered, quirking an eyebrow at her and smirking. He could tell he was getting too close. As exciting as it was, he didn’t really like how this felt: like he was a hunter and she was a rabbit; heart racing, waiting to flee. But he didn’t feel predatory towards her. Maybe that wasn’t the right analogy. He just wanted to know her. Be there to support her, protect her. They’d already fallen into that rhythm, so where was the trust? Astrid was hard to reach, and maybe that’s why Adam kept stretching. He shook that away and chuckled at her reply. “I knew you’d call me out on my whining about being single someday,” he said, pointing at her. “Some of us hate it, lone ranger. I know that might be a bit of a foreign concept to you,” he teased before sobering up a little. He wanted her to stay in town and see through whatever was haunting her. Overcome it, find stability. Isn’t that what everyone wanted, at their core? “Besides, now you’re in a pack. I’m sure there’s plenty of guys– or girls, I don’t jude– who, you know. Get it. The wolf thing.”

It was stupid, Astrid knew, to feel ashamed of having to admit to submitting to someone. She’d been on guard for so long that it was an innate need to protect herself at all costs. To submit was to die. To admit it was to admit weakness. It was hard to grasp the idea that there was possibility for a life outside of that. She didn’t know who she was without that part of herself that remained forever on guard, forever locked in fight or flight. She crossed her arms, closing up. “You have to bow your head lower than the alpha’s. You have to submit in front of the pack and either you’re acknowledged and accepted or chased out of the territory.” Her words were injected with false lightness, but she tried again, achieving something a bit more genuine, lighter. “Good for me that I’ve got an in with the alpha. But a lot less fun than blood oaths and sorority pillow fights.”

She lost herself in the easiness of the banter, shaking off the inadequacies and the feeling of weakness and shrugged a shoulder. “You’re a cheap date,” she said around another small mouthful of Sour Patch Kids. “My favorite kind.”

She wasn’t sure what she’d been waiting for, what she’d wanted him to say, but disappointment crawled through her veins like ice. She pushed. She pushed and pushed and pushed people away and then had the nerve to wonder why she’d never be able to turn around and find someone still standing there. It wasn’t that she loved being single, she just didn’t know how else to be. Getting real was what scared her most. Getting close to anything even resembling love again was also a type of submission. She liked to flirt with danger, but she didn’t like to knowingly put herself in the middle of it. She was nothing but a scared little girl at her core. As much as it shamed her to admit even to herself. His words felt like a dismissal, like an arrow pointing her away from him. At least that was something familiar. At least she understood rejection, carried it within like veins or bones. She wrapped herself up in it, settled deep within its cold icy grip. “Please,” she said, her voice sounding breezy, so much easier than the words actually felt to form. “I don’t even get the wolf thing. But it’s like you said: I’m the lone ranger. Why mess with a good thing, right?”

[astridofthemoon]

synfulxhalifax·:

“I was just  asking a question.” Who did this girl think she was? Did she not know who Syn was? Okay she had to stop getting ahead of herself but she really couldn’t help it either. She had been in this town for almost fifty years by now she knew how to work it to her advantage and she wasn’t going to stop doing it either. “Could have kept your mouth shut.”

Astrid didn’t bother a glance up, but jerked up one shoulder in a casual shrug. “I could have,” she said, finally meeting the eye of the woman in front of her. Looking at her now, she could feel some kind of force pulling her in, drawing her stare, and she’d been around the block long enough to recognize the signs: succubus. Her lip curled in a devilish smile. “But where would be the fun in that?”

[astridofthemoon]

armstrong-james·:

James’ gaze lifted from his ice cream to the brunette nearby. He couldn’t rely on heightened senses anymore, which was probably why he didn’t immediately recognize Astrid while focused on his food. His eyes widened slightly. Aside from Kelsie, this was the first person from the pack he had seen since he had returned. He gave her a tense, tight smile.

“Astrid. You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he replied, straightening up. The irony of his statement was not lost on him. He paused and cleared his throat awkwardly. He was glad she was in the pack now. He wished he could have acted as a guide for her, helped her find her path. But that would be Kelsie’s responsibility now. And Dianna’s and Nick’s. “Um, congrats on joining a pack. The pack, I mean.”

Astrid, her teeth still bared, didn’t straighten up until a beat after he did. She narrowed her eyes, alarm bells sounding off in her head, though she wasn’t sure if it had to do with him or the situation. “Aren’t I?” she countered. 

Honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure this encounter was even real. Maybe her symptoms had grown to full blown hallucinations. Maybe joining a pack had actually made everything worse. Obviously, she knew that was ridiculous, but it made about as much sense as standing before him now did. His congratulations set her off kilter a little. This was really James? This very human male standing before her was the same one that had meandered into her job that very first day of work. Well, mostly the same. “How?” she asked, and it was an umbrella of a question. How are you here? How are you human? Just... how?

[armstrong-james]

“Well…At least ice cream still tastes the same,” James mused quietly, taking a bite of his Neapolitan flavored dessert. At least now, he didn’t have to eat around the chocolate part. Maybe he was trying to find something positive amidst all the hell he had experienced the past four months. That hell wasn’t over, but at least it was more bearable. He could live like someone with rights again, see his friends, see his family. Eat ice cream. “I can’t remember the last time I had chocolate,” he said, tilting his head.

[astridofthemoon]

Lounging across a bench in the crisp March air, a voice drifted into Astrid’s subsconcious. Vague familiarity bit at her, drew her brows together as something like urgency shoved at her to sit up, to look around, to take stock of her surroundings. Actively listening now, she heard the same voice again. Her head snapped up and swiveled around, landing on a figure that tugged again at that sense of vague familiarity. She was sure that she should know him but she couldn’t quite recall...

And then it hit her all at once. James. She’d known him longer as a ghost, as the haunting shadows behind Kelsie’s eyes, than she’d ever known him in the flesh, but it was unmistakable. She stood, stalking closer as she shoved between him and whoever it was he’d been talking to. Her lips pulled back in a snarl thinly disguised as a tight smile, mistrust at his very human scent. “James?”

[synfulxhalifax]

Syn was starting to find this town to be boring, she missed being in her club but it was getting renovated right now. Plus with the whole news of the cure coming out, she actually had a regular come up to her and suggest she get it like she actually wanted to be a human. She never in the last hundred years had regretted being a Succubus and she wouldn’t in the next hundred more. She just didn’t get why humans thought that they would want to be one of them? 

“Honestly is there anything fun to do in this town?” Syn ask the person who was behind her in the coffee shop. She needed her caffeine as she was dealing with the final consultants for her club and if they messed anything up their heads would be on a platter.  

[astridofthemoon]

Astrid was grumpy. Which was to say... it was a normal day for the werewolf. Despite her reservations about joining a pack, her day to day hadn’t really changed. She wasn’t going to say things were good, but they certainly weren’t bleak. Although, if the line in the coffee shop didn’t start moving soon, that was certain to change. 

The question came from in front of her and she bristled. She casually surveyed her cuticles and didn’t bother to look up as she said with a shrug, “No one's stopping you from leaving.”

[linctavia]

I’ll be good, I’ll be good For all of the times, I never could

[astridofthemoon]

kelsiewoods·:

Kelsie was glad that Astrid seemed willing to do this.  She knew from personal experience that it wasn’t always easy to handle doing something so life-changing.  Kelsie had been terrified when she joined the pack, but look at her now.  No matter how hard it was, there was always room for growth and that was something she hoped Astrid understood.  “I’ll get the pack together.  All you’ll have to worry about is showing up.”

Her baby kicked her side and Kelsie rubbed at the spot with a slight smile.  “Hm…well, I don’t think so?  Dianna…she’s one of my betas, she can be a bit rough around the edges but I’m sure you can handle that.”  After all, Kelsie had talked Astrid’s admittance over with Dianna before making the offer.  “Just be respectful to the other members of the pack and everything should go perfectly.”

Astrid nodded her head a little absently, her mind in the future, trying to imagine how much her life might change, how this ceremony or whatever it was might go. Talking about it was one thing, and even that made her feel squirmy, but actually going through with it would be another monster entirely. She wanted to believe she was with it enough to handle it, to be respectful and adult and just... normal, but she was pretty sure it was going to take every ounce of self control she had. She wouldn’t admit out loud that she was scared but she was fucking terrified. 

She focused instead on the way Kelsie’s hand curved over her protruding belly, her eyes flicking up to take in her small smile when her hand disappeared underneath the table. Astrid nodded again, taking in a deep breath, and glancing around the club. She looked back at Kelsie. “I’ll be on my best behavior,” she said in a voice that sounded a lot like she didn’t believe it to be possible. “I guess that settles it then.” She glanced around the club again, the shadows at the corners of her vision making her feel a little antsy again. “And sorry about...” She gestured around the place. “I won’t ask you to meet me here again.” She pushed out her chair a little, tossing a few bills onto the table. Her teeth were fighting to chatter, a mix of adrenaline and fear seeping into her veins, but she gnashed them together instead, jaw flexing against the strain. She smile tightly. “This weekend,” she repeated, mostly to herself as she stood. “See you soon, boss lady.”

[astridofthemoon]

kelsiewoods·:

Kelsie wasn’t blind.  She could see in the way Astrid looked and moved that the idea of submission was not something she could easily handle.  Maybe it was Kelsie herself.  There were people in the pack who took issue when she became alpha.  They were all eventually silenced, but Kelsie was not a dominant personality.  She could lead and provide that comfort, but she was not the type who could easily dominate or threaten those who would otherwise hurt the pack.  Killing the man who hurt James was one thing.  Truthfully, Kelsie doubted she could go back to that headspace.  There were already three bodies to her name and she hoped she would never add a fourth.

“As soon as possible,” Kelsie told  her while rubbing the spot where her child was kicking.  “For your sake.  The sooner you’re in the pack officially the sooner the Lone Wolf Syndrome should ease up and eventually disappear.”  She knew that getting the whole pack together wasn’t always easy.  At the very least they’d need the betas all present.  “Let’s aim for this weekend?” she suggested.  “Worst case we can do it before the shift on the next full moon.  The pack always gathers out in the woods to drink, laugh, and have a good time before the shift starts anyway.”  Of course, Kelsie hadn’t attended those meetings in the last few months, but if that was the ideal time for Astrid to join the pack then she would make the trek out into the woods and get home before moonrise.

Astrid nodded almost absently as she absorbed the information. She tried to imagine herself amid a group of werewolves, joking, laughing, drinking, and she struggled to put herself there. She realized that she might not even know who she was without the anger. She’d left the idea of ever having a family again behind so long ago that it felt like nothing more than a dream. To be so close to it now... it scared her.

She tried not to let it show, though her fingers drummed anxiously against the table. The shadow people that lived at the corner of her vision grew larger, more corporeal as if reminding her that it was this or it was madness. She nodded again, blinking off the haze of her thoughts as she lifted her chin to look at Kelsie. “This weekend,” she repeated. She drummed her fingers a little faster. “I can do that. I’m not sure I’m cut out for the whole hanging out and drinking thing beforehand, but I’ll be there. Is there anything else important I need to know? I want to walk into this as prepared as I can be. I’m not good at being blindsided.”

[astridofthemoon]

goodsign-adam·:

He smiled, pleased and knowing at her response to his PTA comment. Her usual wit and snark were a sign that this was Astrid. She seemed even more in her own skin, more settled. Sure, she wasn’t vulnerable like she had been that night. Breaking down in his arms, then curled against his chest, it was a major change in his relationship with Astrid. It seemed like ages ago when he saved her from drowning in the lake, from when she helped him award school children for carving pumpkins. It was in this moment that Adam really realized just how much the two of them survived together and experienced. Yet, it took one night for that final wall to come down. He didn’t feel a sense of pride or accomplishment that Astrid let him into her apartment, into her world and the nightmare that had consumed her. He felt worried. He wanted to heal it, to protect her, but it didn’t seem like that was something he could do. It was a war within Astrid herself, and it was her battle of overcome.

“I’ll tell Mrs. Warner she better watch out, that you’re vying for that president seat,” he joked before popping another chip in his mouth. He smiled softly at her compliment. He was far from a superhero but she wasn’t wrong to point out this reoccurring theme of him coming to the rescue in their friendship. When she mentioned the pack, he perked slightly. Something about lone wolves, right? Adam was a siren which came with its own unique set of complications and conditions, but he knew a little about everyone and everything else. Lone wolf syndrome. That would explain Astrid’s breakdown. He nodded softly.

“Is it still the Armstrongs?” He asked curiously, trying not to pry or diagnose her. He sat up a little straighter, his elbows on his desk. If she joined a pack, that meant Astrid was going to stay in town, right? Maybe Shadow Falls was where she’d finally set roots. “Joining a pack, what’s that like? Anything crazy like a blood oath?” he teased, but his smile was tight. This felt like a big moment to him. Even with the absence of words, skirting around the things they’d experienced together, there was an intimacy between them. “So you’re going to stay in town, then.”

They were skirting around issues, offering half-truths and anecdotes and though his question drew from her its own little tight smile as she answered, “Yeah, the Armstrongs. And so many bloody initiations. Honestly, I don’t know why I waited so long. Macabre is definitely my scene.” The silence that followed his last words felt pregnant and asked so much more without having to utter a single word. She blinked up at him, captured his gaze in her own, intense and unwavering. It felt substantial. It felt like a moment. 

The loaded silence clung to the air, heavy and intimate. She dragged it into her lungs, exhaled it in short, shallow breaths. Did he want her to say yes? To tell him that she might make a home for herself yet? Did she want him to want that? She was not yet free from the Lone Wolf Syndrome. If she wanted to, she could acknowledge the shadows at the corners of her vision or the whispers she could hear if she strained to listen. Lumping whatever it was that lay unspoken between them on top of everything else felt like stacking weights atop a house of cards. One wrong move, and it’d all come tumbling down.

But then she thought about the way that he’d held her, the way he’d quieted the screaming noise inside her own mind, the way she’d slipped almost immediately into sleep. She didn’t want to want those things. She didn’t want to know what it felt like to have it because she would certainly find a way to destroy it. But joining a pack meant staying in one place and she knew, even if she didn’t want to believe it, that if she didn’t do this, she’d lose herself to it completely. She might never lose that desire to run away, though. Even now, just looking at him, she felt the familiar urge to flee. Instead, she shrugged, trying to play it cool, even if the time for that had long since passed. “For now.” Her words were light but she could still feel the intensity in her gaze. “I’ll live to play the reluctant damsel in distress another day. Besides, you made the whole Tinder thing sound like so much fun. I’d hate to feel like I’ve been missing out on something.”

[pastor-silasbahar]

Shadow Falls Incorrect Quotes – #2

@astridofthemoon @novathompson @kelsiewoods

[astridofthemoon]

goodsign-adam·:

The days seemed to be getting harder. Disappearances were at an all time high, papers were piling on his desk, and his increase in stress meant a decrease in self-care. Adam hadn’t been taking the time he usually needed to relax after work so the stress of working with kids with high needs was getting to him this week. Headaches, stomachaches…His stomach was in knots with worry. Maybe a good part of it had to do with his last encounter with Astrid. Seeing her eyes wild, her psyche fragile, the only thing he could think to do was hold her until she slept. They lay on that futon in each others arms, Adam petting her hair until her muscles relaxed even a little.

He was a nurturer by nature and something about Astrid called to him. He wanted her to be safe, to be okay. She put up a tough façade, and he didn’t doubt she could handle herself. But the world around them seemed to be on fire and seeing her struggle to put out the flames within her made him ache. He wanted to fix things for her. But that wasn’t something he could do. Not even with all the junk food in the world.

Fingers tapping on keys, he was writing up an incident report about a child with severe behavioral problems who bit a teacher’s aide when he was interrupted by the groan of the door and the clunking of boots. The interruption was followed with a mountain of junk food being poured on his desk and he didn’t even need to look up to know who it was. His shoulders instantly relaxed. She was okay. At least right now.

“You have no idea,” he said gratefully, smiling up at her and snagging the small bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. He popped the bag open and gestured to one of the chairs nearby. “Have a seat. You traveled far and wide to end up here,” he teased, his eyes falling to her visitor’s pass. This was the last place he would expect to see Astrid, but it wasn’t an unwelcome surprise by any means. “Which I guess leads me to ask: what’s with the surprise delivery? I’m not complaining but I’m pretty sure you’re not here to ask me about joining the PTA.” He said, popping a chip into his mouth. He had so many unanswered and unasked questions, but he knew with Astrid he couldn’t come in too hot. Their last shared moment was intimate and intimacy was not a word that existed in her comfort zone, from what he assumed. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t eventually pry, but he didn’t want to chase her off, either.

In true Adam fashion, he seemed to skirt the issue easily, accepting the mess that she was with irritating grace. She wasn’t even sure he was capable of being rattled at this point and that both served as a curiosity and a challenge. She watched his adept fingers as he plucked a bag of chips from the junk pile and remembered what it felt like to be touched by them, held by him. The safest she’d felt in such a long, lonely time.

Heat crept up the back of her neck and she turned to the empty chairs he pointed out to her to pull herself together. Pulling one up next to him, she hopped up onto the desk instead, propping up her boots in the chair and crossing her arms with a smirk as she looked down at him. She frowned when he asked about the purpose of her very-obviously-a-peace-offering-come-on-Adam junk food pile and shrugged. “Oh, come on. I scream PTA.” She held the smile for a beat and then sighed, stretching her arms up over her head and then leaning back on them, almost lounging across his desk now. 

She shrugged and contemplated her words. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for everything, but the words wouldn’t form. She wanted to thank him for being there for her when she’d really needed someone, but those words made her feel nauseous. “I figured even super heroes have to eat. And if it’s not vending machine junk, is it really even worth it?” As if to prove her point, she reached for a small bag of Sour Patch Kids and tore into them. “Oh,” she said around a small mouthful of sour gummies, as if she was only remembering this bit of information now. “I just accepted Kelsie’s offer to join her pack. So there’s also that.”

[astridofthemoon]

kelsiewoods·:

Ever since Kelsie made the offer to Astrid she’d been anxiously waiting to hear if the woman would join the pack.  She knew James had been interested in adding her before fate had other plans.  In some ways Kelsie felt like helping Astrid was continuing James’ work and the things he wanted to do for the pack.  In other ways, it felt like something Kelsie could do to prove she was the alpha now.  Dianna had told her time and time again that she had to make this her own.  She had to take control and stop trying to do things the way James would want them done.  If she could help Astrid, it would be her first big step towards accomplishing that as an alpha.  It would be the first time she did something without Dianna or Nick hand holding her through the process.

So Astrid’s call had Kelsie excited.  She could do this.  She could help her.  They’d meet and talk it over, but Astrid would be part of the pack.  Then her symptoms of Lone Wolf Syndrome would ease.  Then the pack could maybe, just maybe, start feeling like Kelsie’s instead of James’.  Even though the idea of meeting at Saints and Sinners was not ideal in Kelsie’s condition, she still wanted to help.  If doing this there would help her, then Kelsie would do it.

Despite sticking out like a sore thumb, Kelsie focused on Astrid and tried to ignore the goings on of the club.  That didn’t matter.  When Astrid finally spoke, Kelsie made eye contact and gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile.  “It’s okay not to know this.  You should have seen me when James brought me in,” Kelsie mused, a hint of sadness forming in her chest as she thought about him.  “I was terrified…I was actually scared of James at first, if you can believe it.”

Shaking her head, Kelsie pushed those thoughts away.  “There isn’t any sort of initiation like that.  We won’t leave you in the woods or beat you up.  The first thing is the most important.  I’ll call a pack meeting, bring the whole group around to witness it and then you will have to come to me.  You’ll bow your head lower than mine, then I’ll acknowledge that you’ve given me your loyalty and submitted to the pack with me as your alpha.  Once I’ve acknowledged you, you’re in.  It’s pretty straight forward,” Kelsie explained.  “If I didn’t approve or acknowledge you, then the pack would chase you out of our territory but that’s not something you need to worry about.”  Since she had asked Astrid to join it was completely different than a stranger merely approaching the pack and trying to join.  Kelsie shifted slightly, her hand moving to her belly when she felt her child move.  “Then once you’re in, you’ll eventually need to get the pack tattoo on your arm.”

Despite having been a wolf now for nearly a decade, pack politics were still largely lost on her. She’d spent so long denying herself who she was now and it was coming back to bite her in the ass. The initiation thing had been a joke-- a weak one, admittedly-- but it hadn’t really done anything to calm her fraying nerves. Everything about her felt on edge, on alert, spent, and backed into a corner. 

It really didn’t help when Kelsie explained the actual process. Stubborn, prideful woman that she was, she really didn’t like the idea of bowing to anyone. Even Kelsie, who had gone out of her way so many times for a wretch like her that deserved none of it. 

But she knew that was fear talking. That was breaking down walls she’d fortified over eight years and it just wasn’t as simple as saying “yes”. Having to do it in front of a group of wolves made her hackles raise even more. She felt absolutely feral and she realized her fingers were gripping the edge of the table so hard that her knuckles had turned white. She pried them off with willpower alone and dropped them into her lap, swallowing. She could do this. She had to do this. 

Instead, she focused on the way Kelsie moved, watched her hand drop below her field of vision under the table. Something about her softened just a little at the sight and she nodded her head, not yet trusting her voice. She steeled herself, called upon every ounce of self control she possessed and swallowed. “Okay.” She nodded again. “Okay. When do we do it?”