CHAOTIC ROOMMATE SENTENCE STARTERS
“Are you blind? That was clearly MY toothbrush.”
“I don’t care if you knocked your toothbrush into the trash, you’re not using mine.”
“If you don’t wash the dishes next time, you’re either getting drop kicked or kicked out. Whichever is easiest.”
“Keep your hands off my food or I’m taking them off for you.”
“The next time you play your stupid music that early, I’m going to powderize your bones.”
“SOME of us try to have consistent sleep schedules, [Name].”
“You can say you’re studying all you want, we both know you plan on getting high until three in the morning.”
“No, you can’t have a party tonight, are you kidding me?”
“I’ll handle the cooking since you somehow caught the water on fire last time.”
“What do you mean ‘this is normal’? No sane person keeps THAT many rubber ducks in their bathroom!”
“We have a test first thing in the morning, I didn’t sign up for you to be testing me TONIGHT.”
“Why were you screaming? …Did you see a spider or a mouse this time?”
“You are so lucky I tolerate you. Anyone else would’ve murdered you by now.”
“You’re just upset that my music is better than yours, nerd.”
“Oh come on! Friends share their food all the time!”
“Hey, so… I kinda maybe accidentally got food on your bed sheets? Please don’t be mad.”
“Wait, which one was your toothbrush again…? Because I might’ve used it.”
“I really don’t get why you’re upset about the bathroom ducks. They’re so friendly.”
“Not to be that guy, but I’m gonna throw a party tonight, so can you maybe be a loser somewhere else?”
“I’m sorry you had to find me blacked out in the bathtub last night.”
“Oh, this is your notebook? ..Should I not have drawn dicks on the empty pages then?”
“I get that you’re a neat freak, but the next time you move stuff around in my room, I’m going to deck you.”
“We’re friends, right? Cool, because I have a problem and I’m less stressed if you’re involved.”
“I just saw a spider on my bed and if you don’t handle it right now, I’m gonna permanently sleep in YOUR bed.”
“I can cook just fine! Sometimes I just have my off days!”
“Thanks for putting up with me, [Name]. You’re probably the only one who would.”
