mutuals do this
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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JVL

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Claire Keane
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@atinybitcompulsive
mutuals do this
the terror of being found by something seeking a frontier
I’ve always told myself that although I obsess over almost everything at least I don’t obsess over people. That isn’t true anymore. And it couldn’t be more painful.
I think I have covid (waiting for the test results). And my mind keeps telling me over and over that I am going to die. This is what I feared the most.
Drinking with ocd:
1. Extreme relief while drunk. Many bad thoughts finally go away and my mind gets so quiet it’s the best.
2. Days of overthinking the things I did or said low key wanting to erase myself from earth to get rid of the blame and thought spirals.
3. Wanting to feel relief again and drink more.
I’ve been struggling with something lately.
I’ve been repeating myself many times to other people. I tell the same stories without realizing it and reaffirm some details here and there. I noticed that they usually are things that bring me comfort, things that I want to keep in mind. It’s mostly about accomplishments. For exemple: telling people many times that I finished my research.
But it’s starting to worry me because it’s been happening way too much and I’m scared I sound a bit crazy to other people… specially to the ones who don’t know that I have ocd.
I was wondering if this has anything to do with my ocd at all (I think so) or if it’s something else.
Have any of you ever dealt with this? Knowing would help me a lot.
I went out today after a very long time without seeing anyone and I was so energetic I couldn’t stop talking. At the moment I felt great. I liked talking and sharing thoughts and going on about things and whatever. But then I got home and I was alone again and I felt SO EMBARRASSED about everything that I said and about how much I talked. Did I even let the other person talk as well? I can’t stop going through everything in my mind over and over again. I feel sick. Advices are welcome.